He made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to be facebook-friends...

[lamaga]

We have been going out for 3 months. Things are going well.

I asked him about a month ago why he never answered my friend request on Facebook - and he said he doesn't want to be Facebook friends. He said it was stupid and Facebook 'makes things weird' or 'ruins things' and people shouldn't put so much emphasis on it. "I want to get to know you in real life", he said. I understand it, but at the same time I find it really weird that he is so very tenacious about this subject.We have 27 mutual friends on Facebook and the more we date, the longer gets that list, because we roam in the same circles.

It's not like he is not using Facebook, I see him browse his newsfeed quite frequently - he accepts everybody's request but me.

I thought perhaps he would change his mind once we get closer, but he still seems to not want to 'connect' online. I've sort of made peace with it, but it also really bugs me somehow.

 

Any thoughts?

[jrh1524]

I think he's right. I used to be on Facebook with my girlfriend. I was always getting jealous of pictures of her doing things with other people while I was out of town or stupid things people posted. It's a needless complication.

[hasaquestion]

We have been going out for 3 months. Things are going well.

I asked him about a month ago why he never answered my friend request on Facebook - and he said he doesn't want to be Facebook friends. He said it was stupid and Facebook 'makes things weird' or 'ruins things' and people shouldn't put so much emphasis on it. "I want to get to know you in real life", he said. I understand it, but at the same time I find it really weird that he is so very tenacious about this subject.We have 27 mutual friends on Facebook and the more we date, the longer gets that list, because we roam in the same circles.

It's not like he is not using Facebook, I see him browse his newsfeed quite frequently - he accepts everybody's request but me.

I thought perhaps he would change his mind once we get closer, but he still seems to not want to 'connect' online. I've sort of made peace with it, but it also really bugs me somehow.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Obviously there's something there he doesn't want you to see.

[NGC1300]

He's right.

 

 

Facebook creates needless drama.

[soccerrprp]

Any thoughts?

 

Yes, he doesn't want to put his NOW gf on his profile. Can you imagine the discomfort, embarrassment if things don't work out with you? You are not a certainty and you represent someone(thing) that is much more private to him. I completely understand what he's saying.

 

I have a FB account and don't visit it often. I finally put a SINGLE pic of my gf on there even though we are soon to engaged. A single pic. Is this a sign that I have little confidence in my relationship? No. It's b/c I don't mix my important personal life with the day to day goings-on that I may share with my family and "friends" online.

 

The reality is that the ONLY reason why I even added that single picture was to let everyone know that I was dating and b/c I was ready for people to "see" who she is. Now everyone who visits my page knows, what she looks like and that's it. Otherwise, we are reasonably private about out relationship and only the people who need to know are more aware of our relationship and not via social media.

[lamaga]

Obviously there's something there he doesn't want you to see.

 

 

Well, I saw his Facebook - as I said, we have 27 mutual friends and once I was at one of those friends' houses and I said, hey, you know what, I wanna see **'s Facebook. It's really not too much happening on it, a bunch of photos and his friends posting things, he barely posts things.. I doubt there is anything he is hiding, so I just wonder why we can't just be 'friends' on there.

[hasaquestion]

Well, I saw his Facebook - as I said, we have 27 mutual friends and once I was at one of those friends' houses and I said, hey, you know what, I wanna see **'s Facebook. It's really not too much happening on it, a bunch of photos and his friends posting things, he barely posts things.. I doubt there is anything he is hiding, so I just wonder why we can't just be 'friends' on there.

 

Well can you think of one reason you can't be friends? There isn't one. Occam's razor.

[lamaga]

Yes, he doesn't want to put his NOW gf on his profile. Can you imagine the discomfort, embarrassment if things don't work out with you? You are not a certainty and you represent someone(thing) that is much more private to him. I completely understand what he's saying.

 

I have a FB account and don't visit it often. I finally put a SINGLE pic of my gf on there even though we are soon to engaged. A single pic. Is this a sign that I have little confidence in my relationship? No. It's b/c I don't mix my important personal life with the day to day goings-on that I may share with my family and "friends" online.

 

The reality is that the ONLY reason why I even added that single picture was to let everyone know that I was dating and b/c I was ready for people to "see" who she is. Now everyone who visits my page knows, what she looks like and that's it. Otherwise, we are reasonably private about out relationship and only the people who need to know are more aware of our relationship and not via social media.

 

I like what you are saying and want to believe that this is how my boyfriend is thinking as well. I think for him it is also a very private thing, he doesn't go and flaunt that we are together. Sometimes I wonder if he is doing it out of personal belief or because he doesn't want people to know we are together.

Of course the second one doesn't make much sense, he has sent his parents photos of me, his close friends know me, he introduced me to everyone and he seemed very proud. So I really hope that he just doesn't want to make a big deal out of something he can't be 100% sure of... maybe his exgirlfriend and him were "in a relationship" on facbeook and it ended and it wasn't a good experience, or maybe she was making him a scene over stuff on his Facebook or something like that? that's another thing I was considering.

[soccerrprp]

Obviously there's something there he doesn't want you to see.

 

IF this is true, then you'll find out soon enough I imagine.

 

I am in a serious relationship with my gf. She doesn't have a social media account. I've given her my password so she can check anytime she likes. But that was my call. I wouldn't necessarily recommend that one do that, but for me, it was my way to show her that I don't have crap to hide.

[lamaga]

IF this is true, then you'll find out soon enough I imagine.

 

I am in a serious relationship with my gf. She doesn't have a social media account. I've given her my password so she can check anytime she likes. But that was my call. I wouldn't necessarily recommend that one do that, but for me, it was my way to show her that I don't have crap to hide.

 

I don't want to know anybody's password. He even wanted to give me the password to his computer once and I said, no, I don't want to know.

[soccerrprp]

I don't want to know anybody's password. He even wanted to give me the password to his computer once and I said, no, I don't want to know.

 

Oh, I'm not suggesting that for you. Just what I did for me, really.

[lamaga]

Oh, I'm not suggesting that for you. Just what I did for me, really.

 

Yeah but a lot of people do it. And I don't get why he would give me the password to his computer but not wanting to be Facebook friends... Just no balance there.

[mammasita]

IMO it's weird he doesn't want to be FB friends......if nothing's going on there, why the secrecy?

[lamaga]

IMO it's weird he doesn't want to be FB friends......if nothing's going on there, why the secrecy?

 

I said the same thing and he just kept being tenacious about not wanting it and I should accept it, then he changed the subject.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I wouldn't be in a relationship with somebody and not be facebook friends. That's just weird. It would make me wonder what he was hiding from me... or who he was hiding me from.

 

I don't add people I'm dating, until I know it's going somewhere and we've already spent a lot of time learning about one another. It's super boring getting to know somebody via facebook rather than in person... I want to learn all about their friends, their job, their holidays, their history, their favourite music etc. in person over a meal or a drink or snuggled up while making out. It's utterly creepy that in this day and age you can go to somebody's facebook profile, click on '2008' and see everything they were doing and saying during that time period, scour through photos and photos of them with an ex, ya know? I just find it bizarre.

 

But personally, once we have agreed to be together officially, I'm happy with adding one another because well... you're going to do it eventually. I can understand somebody not wanting their status as set in a relationship with me, I personally almost didn't want that this time around because I am sick of things going wrong, and feeling like an idiot showing all of my friends who my new boyfriend is and half a year later it's over and I have the added humiliation of changing my status again. But to not be on friends' lists? That all of his mates, acquaintances, workmates can be on? Meh. Something's super fishy.

 

Or maybe he's a super jealous type and doesn't personally want the access and temptation to your profile.

[Fondue]

FB is a source for drama. Deactivating ~6 months ago was one of the smartest things I've done in the past year. It makes life so much simpler.

[Tayken]

@OP.....guess what, if I knew who that guy is...I'll hand him $100 right now.

 

I mean why should he...what is so flippin' great about Farcebook?

[acrosstheuniverse]

FB is a source for drama. Deactivating ~6 months ago was one of the smartest things I've done in the past year. It makes life so much simpler.

 

Everyone says this but in seven years of having an account I've never had any drama through it. It is just a vehicle for drama, it doesn't create it. People who have problems due to facebook would almost certainly have those same problems in another arena, I think.

 

But good for you deactivating it if it's right for you! I quite like the idea of being off facebook as it is bizarre how it is now such a huge and omnipresent part of most of mine and my friends' lives. But at the same time it has so many benefits I keep it going. I think just sometimes I like to go off the grid for a while, but I can set my phone to airplane mode and there's an application that can block facebook on your laptop for a finite period of time, very useful during studying periods!

[Shaun-Dro]

Well, I saw his Facebook - as I said, we have 27 mutual friends and once I was at one of those friends' houses and I said, hey, you know what, I wanna see **'s Facebook. It's really not too much happening on it, a bunch of photos and his friends posting things, he barely posts things.. I doubt there is anything he is hiding, so I just wonder why we can't just be 'friends' on there.

 

 

This is what probably annoys him about you. You're taking Facebook at face value when you shouldn't. I once dated a girl off Facebook and it was really ridiculous to be perfectly honest.

 

 

She had all these sexy photos and showing off all over the site, partying it up so it seemed, but when we met and went out, she was actually shy and even reserved to an extent and didn't live as crazy a lifestyle she tried to lead people to believe. Since then, I was convinced Facebook was a sham.

 

 

If you don't want your relationship to become one, respect his wishes and leave the Facebook shenanigans. Be true to yourself and the relationship. Let Facebook rest in its own fantasy world.

[veggirl]

Well I wouldn't be okay with that. If there's nothing to hide, and being added is important to you, he should have no problem doing it. It would be one thing if he didn't add every Tom, Dick & Harry who requested him... I mean if his FB was best friends & family only, I could see waiting to see how serious the R is before adding you, but he sounds like one of those people who has 300 friends so nope, not cool.

 

Ask him when he WILL be okay with adding you.

[pickflicker]

We have been going out for 3 months. Things are going well.

I asked him about a month ago why he never answered my friend request on Facebook - and he said he doesn't want to be Facebook friends. He said it was stupid and Facebook 'makes things weird' or 'ruins things' and people shouldn't put so much emphasis on it. "I want to get to know you in real life", he said. I understand it, but at the same time I find it really weird that he is so very tenacious about this subject.We have 27 mutual friends on Facebook and the more we date, the longer gets that list, because we roam in the same circles.

It's not like he is not using Facebook, I see him browse his newsfeed quite frequently - he accepts everybody's request but me.

I thought perhaps he would change his mind once we get closer, but he still seems to not want to 'connect' online. I've sort of made peace with it, but it also really bugs me somehow.

 

Any thoughts?

 

His adamant approach is a little weird. Having said that, I wouldn't add someone unless they asked me. I wouldn't 'automatically' do it, I would need to be prompted, because my FB feed is so boring and I would be surprised that someone wanted to read it!!

[lamaga]

Well I wouldn't be okay with that. If there's nothing to hide, and being added is important to you, he should have no problem doing it. It would be one thing if he didn't add every Tom, Dick & Harry who requested him... I mean if his FB was best friends & family only, I could see waiting to see how serious the R is before adding you, but he sounds like one of those people who has 300 friends so nope, not cool.

 

Ask him when he WILL be okay with adding you.

 

Mh I remember when we had that talk about a month or two back, he really seemed as if it was never going to happen

[lamaga]

I wouldn't be in a relationship with somebody and not be facebook friends. That's just weird. It would make me wonder what he was hiding from me... or who he was hiding me from.

 

I don't add people I'm dating, until I know it's going somewhere and we've already spent a lot of time learning about one another. It's super boring getting to know somebody via facebook rather than in person... I want to learn all about their friends, their job, their holidays, their history, their favourite music etc. in person over a meal or a drink or snuggled up while making out. It's utterly creepy that in this day and age you can go to somebody's facebook profile, click on '2008' and see everything they were doing and saying during that time period, scour through photos and photos of them with an ex, ya know? I just find it bizarre.

 

But personally, once we have agreed to be together officially, I'm happy with adding one another because well... you're going to do it eventually. I can understand somebody not wanting their status as set in a relationship with me, I personally almost didn't want that this time around because I am sick of things going wrong, and feeling like an idiot showing all of my friends who my new boyfriend is and half a year later it's over and I have the added humiliation of changing my status again. But to not be on friends' lists? That all of his mates, acquaintances, workmates can be on? Meh. Something's super fishy.

 

Or maybe he's a super jealous type and doesn't personally want the access and temptation to your profile.

 

 

You are totally completely right with all you say, I think it is nice to get to know someone in real life without knowing their Facebook history. and this is exactly what he told me, so i can see a point there.

On the other hand, I was contemplating if it might be because HE is actually the one being jealous. He doesn't show jealousy ever, but sometimes he makes weird comments, f.e. i posted about this before, he always shuts me off when i just slightly mention an ex, or for example, a few days ago I had friends over for my bday party, and my ex-boyfriend's best friend also came, since he is one of my best friend's boyfriend and i am also friends with him still. so, my boyfriend asked how we know each other and my friend told the story "well, she was dating my best friend and we sort of all lived together for a while"... my boyfriend had this look on his face... this look he always has when i suspect jealousy emerging from deep inside of him...

he is actually shy, he says. and maybe sometimes insecure. he is very very good at not showing it, i must admit... and i think he is very good at hiding emotions... he is more of the macho type, so the shyness doesn't really show so vividly.

[Conners]

How old are you guys?

I got offended that my ex boyfriend took 6 months to change his relationship status. I knew he was lazy with FB so it didn't bug me too much.

 

But not even FB friends?? That's just strange - FB only causes dramas if he's up to something..it's almost saying like you're not even good enough to be his friend, let alone his GF.

 

I know people say he is right that it does cause drama but the fact he won't even accept you is a huge red flag for me.

 

I was hooking up with a guy once and I added him on FB - He never accepted me.. this was when FB was kinda new and myspace was still cool so I didn't really think much of it.. found out a few weeks later that he had a GF for four years.

 

How do you know he doesn't have another girl who he's doing the exact same thing with. FB is an easy way to get caught out.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't get Facebook drama. What do people mean? I never had any.

 

If you have nothing to hide, hide nothing. I wouldn't be comfortable in any relationship where there isn't total transparency. Even if he wants to keep his relationship status private, he can still add you as a friend.