cottom Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 My gf's 19, when she was a teenager she hung around with the wrong kind of kids, theyd go down the park and get drunk every school night (13-16ish) after that. Age 16 she started going clubbing with her friends where they would force her to smoke, the "go on have it, have it, just do it, f*** sake just smoke it with me" kind of pressure. With her friends being the way they are destroyed her education and she left school with no qualifications along with the girls she went round with. Her natural birth parents were alcoholics and drug addicts so she got taken away from them, so she has naturally got an inherited issue with alcohol where she can very easily get a drinking problem. She left school and the next day started work as an apprenticeship (on the up here) but her friends constantly convince her to go out drinking. She has a personality where she doesnt want to upset anyone so she says yes. At least once a week she goes to work still drunk, not good as a hairdresser and has now had so many warnings she is having to resign. Her friends sleep around with anything that moves so, even though she isnt that bad she has still done foreplay with a lot of people when drunk in parks and had one night stand when drunk aged 17/8. Shes got to the point now where her friends are forcing her to have drags of cigarettes while sober on work breaks etc and im not there to stop it and im just worried that this is the start of a problem. Summed up: Her friends force her to drink, destroyed her education, encourage her to sleep around and force her to smoke and ruining her career. Luckily she never touches drugs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 she might find them to be good fun - can you quote what she says about them and what you say back? Link to post Share on other sites
Dallers Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Just so you know if your aim is to completely remove this life that your girlfriend has with her mates and save her from complete destruction and try and help her rebuild her life with you, then you are fighting a losing battle. Your GF is mates with these people because that is who she is and only she can hit rock bottom and recover from it. (You may think she is not this person and maybe she isn't deep down but it is what she knows and enjoys and has become) It took me until I was 24 of being in that crew and trust me I hurt and got rid of many people like you who tried to help me and truly loved me throughout the 10 years I acted like this until 24. You will just end up getting hurt and her mates will turn on you if you try and prevent her doing what she does with these people sadly for you there is no good outcome here as you clearly like her because she is this bad girl character it adds to the chase. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 She is who she is. If you don't want that in your life I suggest you move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Yup, trying to change people doesn't work. You can't control other people's decisions or behavior. You're looking at your GF as a fixer-upper... she has potential if only she had different friends, different priorities, different behavior patterns, yada, yada. If only she were mostly different! Sorry bud. This is who she is––the thing that she's most likely to change in her life is you. I think you need to cut your losses and find some one whose values and priorities align with your own. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I sometimes peek at the facebook page of the first girl I had a major thing for and it's shocking how much she's changed. About 150 pounds heavier and she's always surrounded by friends who are all holding shots or vodka bottles. Wish I could blame it on them but it's really her fault. I don't know with your girl though. If she's wicked passive maybe you can wean her off the lousy friends. It will probably be a lifelong fight though so be prepared. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 She's still a teenager. You sound like one yourself, not that there's anything with being naive... You'll figure things out eventually. You cannot control who your parents are, your ethnicity, or which nationality you've been born into. The one thing you can control are who your friends are. People identify themselves through choosing who they associate with. You have it the other way around: She's into drinking, partying, sleeping around, and having fun. So she's chosen her friends who are into the same things. Are you into drinking, clubbing, sleeping around as well? If you aren't then it'll probably be a good idea to walk away because you cannot change her. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 no one forced her to do s.hit dude. if she is a pushover, that's on her not her friends. and btw she doesnt wanna upset ANYone so says yes to her friends activities knowing it will upset YOU. so i guess she is okay with upsetting at least one person. i think you're in denial about this chick. she's a mess and she is to blame for it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I have some bad news for you, they aren't forcing her to do it. She likes it whether admittedly or not. The sooner you understand that, the better. It seems there are some serious low self esteem issues involved with her. If you want to stay with her, they must be solved. Otherwise, she will likely sabotage the relationship at some point, even if it is great, because she feels she doesn't deserve to be happy. Don't end up being one of those guys. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 You blame everything/everyone for her actions but her. Everything you need to know is laid out like an open book for you to read. Easy stuff. The people one associates with reflects one's own character. She's young yet but not on a good path IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Drinks, smokes, no education, losing her job, bad parents crummy friends, easily influenced, does what everyone tell her to do. This is going to hurt, sorry 'bout that but you picked a dud and what's even more disturbing is your the one who described all these downers and....................you picked a dud. Want to have a miserable life? Want to have all these people over your house with her hanging out? Want to be looking over your shoulder all the time just wondering how she got influenced to do something stupid today? Tomorrow? Then you picked the right one. Come on man, what's wrong with you. There are plenty of good women out there and would make you happy without all the problems she has. Her problems will become your problems so maybe you should screw your thinking cap on real tight and get away from this train wreck because she will take you down with her. Your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
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