Jump to content

I'm in love with a video game addict!


SugaKayne

Recommended Posts

I have a problem that most will probably find a little odd but here goes. I've been with a wonderful man for the past 9 months and he seems to be what every woman is looking for. He's sensitive, cooks, likes to cuddle, and doesn't mind just laying in bed and talking. Sounds great huh? The problem is that he's addicted to this one particular video game. When I say addicted I mean that's all he wants to talk about, he has web-sites book marked for this game and the first thing he does when he wakes up is he runs to the computer and checks the message boards. The last thing he does before bed is run to the computer and check the message boards. If he's having a bad day of "gaming" his attitude is totally altered. I get ignored for hours at a time for this game (so far has been 6 hours today). I was gone for the weekend and expected a warm reception when I got home.........WRONG! He said to let him get his gaming out of the way and he'll be right up to spend time together, that was at 3PM and I'm still waiting. I have had numerous talks with him and I thought I was getting through but I don't seem to. We even tried setting a game schedule where he plays for 3 hrs a day and that's it. Isn't working.

 

I really miss the guy I fell in love with and the person he was before this game came out. I like video games too and tried to get into the game just to feel closer to him and it's not working. I'm starting to hate video games because of what has happened to our relationship. I really don't want to break up with him but I'm fresh out of ideas. Talking really doesn't help. What should i do?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac

I'm a gamer myself, so I suppose I'm obligated to chime in here. I love video games...LOVE them. But damn it, I love chicks more. ;) I couldn't imagine myself ignoring a woman over a game(unless it's an 12-person Capture The Flag match on "Halo" ;) ) , but I suppose your boyfriend is different. I applaud your efforts to try and work things out with him, and it's seems you've done quite a lot. Bravo.

 

You seem happy with your relationship aside from this, so I wouldn't advice dumping him either. The best advice I can give is to keep doing what you're doing. However, since you've been unsuccessful so far, maybe we can help you think up a better way to reach him?

 

You said you've had talks with him before. How did you go about it? What did you say? Details please.

 

Hope we can help.

 

-GM

 

PS: Out of curiousity, what game is this that he's playing?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I've tried explaining to him that it's just a game and that he's missing out on what's going on around him. He said that he has a tendency to "zone out" when he plays and totally loses track of time. I really think that if I just sat here and didn't say anything, he would play for 24 hours straight. Sometimes I wonder why he even wants a girlfriend because even though we live together, he just doesn't have time for me. It's one of those MMORPG games.

Link to post
Share on other sites

That same video game addict is also in love with you.

 

We've had some similar discussions in the past, and one viewpoint that always comes up is that while he's playing games, he's not out chasing beer and women (or cars :eek: ).

 

And that's all I'm going to add (being a video game addict myself I'm not exactly unbiased :) )

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree he's home playing video games instead of out there cheating or doing who knows what.?

 

Everyone needs a little escape. Something they can call their own and escape too. Video games are his. Thats why he 'zones out'.

 

If it's really bothering you talk to him and make plans to just have a little 'couple time'. Hide the x-box and games where he can't find them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Bloody mmorpg are addictive. I used to play Dark age of camelot and lost 6 months of my life! Never getting into one of those games again. Now I just play online shooters like Battlefield Vietnam. I can turn them them whenever I like.

Tell your boyfriend to sort his head out or you'll dump him. Im sure if you finished with him he'd be off it like a shot. ;) Least when i played mmorpg I was single.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

it's been a couple of days since I posted and things have NOT gotten better. :( I have totally run out of options. He says he's sorry for spending so much time playing yet he does it anyway. His apologies are meaningless now because he says it so much. I'm at the end of my rope and I'm tired of beating a dead horse. I've come to the conclusion that he doesn't care how this makes me feel and that our relationship means nothing to him. He played for about 7 hours today, not the 3 that he himself aggreed to. I'm so lonely at this point and that's sad because we live together. I guess the situation is hopeless because I've tried everything. :(

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well Im not sure what to tell you. I play alot of games and it is my main hobby. I moved away from most of my friends so the massive multiplayer online games have become more of a social event for me (kinda sad I know).

 

But I can tell you that without exception I am off the computer within three minutes of my girlfriend coming home or wanting to hang out. Time with her is so much more important that any video game yet created. I know that sounds funny but games in ten years will really cause problems mark my words.

 

There are alot of divorces and breakups solely due to this massive multiplayer online games like Evercrack, UO, COH, DAoC and Eve. And there are countless more coming to devour more peoples lives. These games can be so engrossing and addicting its really scary. In fact i have a friend who is getting his masters in sociology and is doing his thesis on the effect of these games now and their potential in the future.

 

One thing I can say is that the addictive quality is always worse in the beginning. Im not sure how long he has been playing this game but if its under two months you could try giving him a little time.

 

In my experience the excitement wears off within the first month of playing and then playing the game becomes much more occasional.

 

Hope this helps a little....And remember what the other people have said is also true you always know where his butt is glued.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks Limbo. He's been playing for about 8 months now. All but one month of our relationship. I just don't know what to do anymore. And yes, his butt is glued here but what's the point? most of the time I'm talking to the back of his head and most of the time he doesn't hear me. Like I said, I like video games too and I have never seen this type of addiction before. It's scary and I guess I feel sorry for him because this has erupted into an epidemic of some sort. It's almost like a new drug. It's nice to know that while you do play these types of game you know when enough is enough. Your gf is one lucky lady. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

your dating my ex,

 

seriously, my last long term relationship he played all the time, up to 3am.

I would be reading in the bedroom and when sleeping i heard the theme song to whatever game he was playing at the time.

 

I was tired of not having a life with him, so i started hanging out with my friends at the bar, doing stuff with out him. he stayed home and i went and did my own thing.

 

we seperated for other reasons, but i learned to live with a video game addict, and i enjoyed all the free ME time.

read lots of books, played on a beach volleyball team, learned taichi, ect..

 

only you can decide if this is tolerable for you in a relationship. everyone has their own needs.

 

 

btw,i once became addicted to a certain RPG for months after work & all night, till my eyes got buggy and I couldn't see anymore. I finished that game and never went back. it was fun though.

 

I like games too, i play them at the arcade now.

 

oh no, now i want to go online and find a game!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

He just woke up 5 or 10 minutes ago and guess where he is? Yep you guessed it! We're supposed to take my daughter to the park today, I wanna see if he changes his mind about going. And if he does go with us how long before he's rushing to get back home so he can play. He's more concerned about his online friends and how sad and disappointed they will be if he's not on with them. He's very well known on this game because he knows so much (too much) about it that people come to him and need his help doing something. It gives him a huge ego to be so important in a fantasy world where none of these people would know him if they passed him on the street. I'm in tears just typing this.

 

He has totally lost touch with reality and it's like he can't funtion in real life anymore. In real life he's not that popular and people aren't stepping over each other to seek his knowledge about anything. It's just him, me, and my daughter. I have friends and they think I should kick him to the curb because they don't think I'm getting treated like I should be and everytime they stop by he's playing the game, so that's what they think he does all day. I'm tired of lying to make him look better in their eyes. I'm always sticking up for him to my friends and family but they don't believe me anyway. When my mom askes if he playing his game I'll lie and say "No" and she'll be like "Yeah right!" Sometimes I wonder if he's met someone of the game too.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac

Agreed. Get this man an intervention or something.

 

These MMORPGs are crazy, man. I'm telling you...The Matrix is coming. ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think you should have to be placed second in his life, especially not to a videogame. :confused:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

well I haven't posted in a week or so because my internet was off. The good part about that was he couldn't play his game! We actually went away for the weekend to visit his dad in the country. I'd been nagging him to teach me to play poker but he was always busy with the game so he finally taught me how. We sat here for the last couple of evenings playing friendly poker and talking. I must say that I was shocked at his sweet attitude. It seemed like he didn't miss the game one bit. But of course, all good things come to an end. Or DSL is back on and of course he's back to his game. I'm not really worried today, it's tomorrow I'm worried about. He'll start making lame excuses to play longer, he'll whine about how he hasn't gotten to play all week and that he has leveling to catch up on. I feel like I'm in a vicious circle. I missed having internet but then again I didn't. I knew that not having it was gonna do my relationship some good. Having it back is kinda bittersweet. I wonder if we're gonna watch our favorite show "Family Guy" together tonight or is he gonna play right through it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

As a former MMORPG addict, I can honestly tell you that they'll make any excuse to continue playing. It's escapism of the worst kind. I lost my job and my residence at my parents' place to play the game. The worst I saw was my friend and his wife, though. He would sit on there from the time he got home from work to the time he went to bed. She would come in and give him a kiss goodnight or goodbye or whatever, but she was hardly ever there when she was awake. He took up Everquest, she took up church.

 

I don't think you going and finding something to do instead of spending time with him is really the solution you're looking for. Maybe you should start setting him an alarm or something. If he agreed to 3 hours yet "zones out", he may need something to jolt him back to reality. Because it doesn't seem like just talking to him is helping.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ouch, I sympathize as a gamer who at times been addicted to certain games (Diablo2). MMORPGs are the worst it seems. Perhaps try flashing him while he's staring at the screen? If he prefers pixelated boobies over real ones, he needs serious mental help. :) Hopefully you can help him realize no game is a substitute for real life.

 

 

 

(and yeah, if its the star wars one, thats just plain sad..horrible game)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I would say, leave him for a couple of weeks till he starts switching his brain on. I understand this feeling when you are addicted to a game. When I was younger I used to have fights with my brother over these things. It stopped when I became older. Video games became to complex to me, you have to invest time to read those huge manuals, time to get into this game and I´m just not willing to do this anymore. I don´t want to spend my time playing games, there are so many other things that I want to do. I feel it´s a waste of time. It doesn´t mean that I wouldn´t get hooked on a game, I know I would, I´m damn sure about it, the only way to avoid it, is to stay away from games. It´s probably like taking drugs, great feeling when you´re in, but afterwards you don´t really have memories you want to cherish. It´s like spending too much time in chatrooms (or forums :) ). This is not real life. People should go out and experience something. I definitely wouldn´t want to spend my time with a video game addict.

 

Actually, a couple of months ago, I got really hooked with one of these little games they have under Linux. They had it on the computer in our library, instead of focusing on my exam I started playing this game. I still was pretty good at the exam, but I really really had a problem not playing and studying for the exam. Once I passed my exam and didn´t spend time in the library anymore things were ok. I didn´t miss it. Your boyfriend probably has the same problem. Get him out and after a while he won´t miss it. In the end, this is not a physical addiction.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a gamer too... and I think it's really sad that he's ignoring ya that way...

 

Here's my suggestion... and I'm going to be blunt on this one so hang on yer chair.

 

There's one thing a gamer cannot live in a game and it's intercourse.

 

Come out the bathroom half naked or something, grab his joystick and show him that the world's best game still is intercourse... If he's not responding... well it's going to be a real sad day to humanity.

 

I honestly cannot understand why a guy would prefer a Fantasy World compared to the Reality of having a chick diggin' ya.

 

Hope that's gonna help babe :cool:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi there!

 

I can totally relate to what you're saying. My boyfriend (fiance actually!) is the SAME way. He is obsessed with this video game too! I hate it. It drives me insane. What I've tried is this, the next time he does it, just leave the house. Leave! Go shopping, go to a movie, go to the library, do something for yourself and MAKE him miss you. Don't call, don't answer the phone if he calls, make him chase you.

 

Let me know what you think.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

You might be on to something. since we live together and see each other everyday, he never gets a chance to miss me. I'll try it and let you know how it goes. Thanks for the suggestion. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

oh thank gawd, I'm not alone! I've been looking for other women with this problem! I love my boyfriend and we have 2 kids together...and he does stop playing for food and sex...but otherwise, he's addicted.

 

We've argues about the stupid game because he would rather spend tons of time playing it instead of getting outside and spending time with his family.

 

I tried making a deal with him, like to play it after the kids are in bed at least, but then he still playing the game til like one or two in the morning...everyday! Its insane! or so I thought....

 

I like my Xbox but only play it for a few hours a week...and I can take it or leave it. I think thats the scary part for me....he can't leave it.

 

The whole thing is pissing me off and I just wanted to add my two cents. I doubt it would get to the point where I would leave him because of it, but I definately have no problem doing family things without him and could see myself doing other things without him as well.

Link to post
Share on other sites

As a video gamer as well i would rather spend time with my girlfriend (if i had one at the moment) then spend my time in some fantasy world. So my advise to you is to either do as someone said above have intercourse with him or pull the plug on the Internet or get him to see a doctor because in my opinion that just isn't healthy to be playing for that long at a time!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...