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She suddenly stops calling, I don't get it...


gd1039

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I have been talking to this girl for a month now, we went out once and would talk on the phone a couple times a week. We were supposed to go out again but she got out of work late and I was dead tired from working all day. She suggested another day. That day comes and she cancelled because she had to go visit some family, but again suggested we get together when she is back. Fast forward to the day she comes home, she never calls me. I call her but the machine doesn't even pick up.

 

I wait a few days and called back, and still nothing. Now, yea it looks like I got blown off but I really don't get it. The other day when I was on the phone with her we talked for a long time and it was a blast, we both were cracking up. Then the day she had to go out of town we talked a short bit and again, fun conversation. I mean, why would she suggest another day and then just blow me off, that doesn't make much sense to me. I could see if I said "well maybe when you get back or blah blah blah" but it was HER that suggested the day.

 

So, Im not in a very pleasant mood right now. For one, I have no idea why this is happening. I didn't do anything to creep her out like tell her I am in love with her or that I have a shrine to her in my closet, so why just drop contact? I am especially frustrated because a while ago I met this girl who I got along with nicely, she gave me her email and I never heard from her. Then a few months ago I went out with this girl twice, I had a bad time the second date but I figured I would be nice and give her another chance because maybe one or both of us were just having an off day, but I try to call her and she never answers either.

 

I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep calling and look like a chump, I could email her, but that is worse than calling. And just show up at her house? Well I don't know about that one. Seriously though, what the hell is going on?

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First off man..don't beat yourself up about all of this. There is PLENTY of girls out there. But I know how you feel. The thing is don't call anymore...email that second girl but don't call the first one anymore. Chances are shes either not really serious about dating or possibly distracted by other things. If you call too much then that will freak her out. Shes got your number so let her call you if she wants to go out again.

With the second girl...email her and see whats up. You are in a nice position....you have many OPTIONS. Take advantage of that. Good luck man.

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She may be super busy..some people get so busy they get on overload and neglect people in their lives..it's not rigiht, but it happens...she knows you are interested...the ball is in her court...trust me, from a female, she won't let you get away if you guys really connected...she may have felt more of a friends connection....what's meant to be will be. Don't worry!

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whitedragon - I wasn't clear on the time frame of this all. The first two girls I mentioned I havent talked to in months and months and have no intentions of trying to get back in touch with them. This third girl I have known for around a month and is the one that I want to get back in touch with. We were supposed to go out a few days ago and I haven't heard boo from her.

 

snilijente - you bring up a good point. Maybe she did think it was a friend thing or maybe she has just been busy.

 

The thing that gets to me is that for whatever reason I dont have the best luck meeting girls. What I really don't get is why a lot of people that know me think I am awsome (not tooting my own horn) but then with girls I am interested in avoid me like the plague. I know it isn't because I chase after them and call them constantly or try getting them into bed as soon as I meet them because I don't do any of those things! I don't like girls that are heavy drinkers or into drugs, so being in college it is hard to find girls that fit this. So now I actually meet 3 girls that I am interested in (this was over the span of about 9 months) and I hit dead ends with all of them.

 

I do take it personally and I know I shouldn't but it is hard not too. I mean when the last 3 girls I meet all blow me off it sucks. There was even another girl I remember at school last year that I met at school that did the same thing after 2 weeks. I don't meet a ton of girls and my track record for being completely ignored is high lately.

 

So this is why I am in such a bad mood. I am tired of meeting these seemingly great girls and they getting blown off. I don't get why they just won't say "hey this isn't going to work out". Instead they let me rack my brains for a week over why isn't she calling back, is she busy, is she not interested, she gave a lot of signals she was interested and blah blah blah. It has pretty much come to the point where I won't tell my family or friends that I am going on a date or talking to a girl because something like this happens all too often and I look like a fool. I think there are 2 people that know I met this girl and none of them know I have been talking to her. The silver lining is that if she isn't going to talk to me anymore at least I don't have to look like a fool for getting blown off (again) infront of everyone.

 

I do like this current girl, she has a great personality, she is hilarious, smart, attractive, a blast to talk to and we are even into a lot of the same things. God forbid I have some good luck for once and it works out.

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hey gd1039, I feel your problems man. I too have the same if not identical problems as you have indicated to us all. I too hate the feeling of being left hanging by some of these girls but you know what?, dont feel down and out because they are not calling back. Consider that they should be fortunate enough to meet you. Make the world revolve around you. Dont feel down on your expense while they might not even think of you and are out having a good time. I think I recall you said you were in college? Hello? there is like 1000 + girls attending and you just started on 3. As snilljente and whitedragon indicated before, you already indicated where you want the relationship to go (whichever girl) and now it is on their court to either meet that expectation or straight up let you know its not headed that way. I considered what they doing to you playing games, getting your mind crazy about them and that is control. Unfortunately some girls are mean like that but gd, I have to stress, and it was learned from my own experience: do not ever, EVER sweat a girl even if you think you guys are destined. Your testosterone is playing with you. If they dont call back, drop them but keep them on the side. This will get them thinking about you. If they dont call after 2 weeks, there was nothing there to begin with so if you run to them, talk to them as if it was the first time you met them. If they are interested in you and you already made the first move, then see if they reciprocate the feeling. In basic terms, if they pull, pull harder. If you pull and they dont pull back, cut the cord. Best wishes on your relationships. I too know how it feels and I am getting to the point where I am going to not look (trying something new) and see what happens. Keep posting, I'll be checking here from time to time to see your progress. Be Good Brother

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It sounds like these girls--especially the current one--just see you as a friend. I'm guessing you're being too nice. I'm not saying be a jerk to them, or other girls, in the future, but it sounds like you need to be more aggressive. Also, don't call a couple times a week if you're first starting to date them. Call to ask them out, get off the phone, and then just wait until you see her in person. Also, if you call and she doesn't call back, then let it go. Don't keep calling. If a girl wants to get a hold of you, she will. Last, but certainly not least, DO NOT show up at a girl's house unannounced under any circumstances. No good can come from that.

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Ein - yea college would seem like a great place to meet girls, but it hasn't worked that way quite yet. I'm a junior and so far haven't done any clubs or stuff outside of classes, mainly because of working. I am planning on getting more involved this semester, mainly for academic and resume purposes, but hopefully it helps me socialize better too. You bring up some good points about just dropping them. I haven't called that girl again and I don't plan on it at this point.

 

tanbark - You may be right I am being a little too nice. I don't come off as a pushover agreeing with them on everything they say, but the more I think about it I should kick the "flirting level" up a step. I generally don't talk much on the phone with a girl that I recently met, and if I do it isn't for long. The time we were on the phone for a long time just kinda happened but the conversation was fun and flowing so I just let it go. I agree showing up unannounced is a bad idea. One of my friends suggested I do it, because hey you never know something could have happened (and now the place is surrounded by police tape etc). Sure, something like that could happen, but its unlikely. I too thought that would not be a smooth move and decided not to take his advice especially since his advice usually sucks.

 

School starts soon again, so maybe things will start looking up soon...

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