should i hookup with my best friends friend?

[bbcc1983]

so my dilemma is that i have recently fallen in like with a guy, John, who is probably all sorts of wrong for me. .. I say that because he is divorced, may or may not have a girlfriend and he has 2 kids. i am single. never married. no kids.

 

he is also friends with one of my best friends who is a male. so i met him recently and we really hit it off. our mutual friend, my best friend, has recently moved away for several months for business. he introduced us right before he left town. so now he is gone but before he left he made sure to mess with my head about John. So basically he let me know that John is allegedly a cheater.. "he cheated on his wife thats why they got divorced" so yeahhh strike one. then after he came onto me one night and my best friend was there and he made it a point after John left to tell me that he has a girlfriend (live in). i was a little bummed not gonna lie bc i like pretty much everything i know about the guy minus the cheating part and now the girlfriend part.

 

I have been to his house 3 times since my friend told me he has a girlfriend (i wanted to see for myself) and i have not seen any indicators that anyone besides him lives there. plus who invites another girl over when you have a girlfriend that lives with you? some guys are bold but i dont see this guy doing that especially when he flirts w and hits on me.

 

John has only mentioned being out with a girl 1 time when we were hanging out and he had nothing good to say. he basically left their date bc it was terrible. 1st and last time ive heard him say anything about anyone and that was several wks ago.

 

Fast forward to now-> we ended up making out one drunken night and i wanted to hook up but just felt bad in the back of my head that he might have someone that i just couldnt. God i wanted to and still do! its really bad i have a stupid crush on this guy and i think its reciprocal but i could be wrong.

 

the only other weird things ive picked up from him are the following:: he texts me a lot on saturday nights after 2 am. i do not like this. seems like hes out for 1 thing but he has done this every saturday for a month.

 

he likes to rub my legs and shoulders and make out- esp when drinking. who doesnt but i dont know if hes just doing it bc im there and willing or if he actual likes me.

 

he thinks im funny. he laughs a lot at my texts and sends smiley and winky emojis-- im a female and i dont send smileys. maybe it means nothing. im a female we over analyze and make up crap that doesnt even exist in our heads.

 

i guess i just need advice on how to proceed and let him know im interested and also find out if he has a flipping girlfriend. i havent known him very long so im not sure how to come about it. i also dont want my best friend to lose it if i end up hooking up with or dating this guy. i mean i dont care that much John is his friend too but something about the situation makes me think my friend is trying to throw him under the bus. or maybe hes really my best friend and is looking out for me. which is weird to me bc he's definitely a guys guy. score at all costs type of person.

 

my head hurts! lol any advice is appreciated!!

[Zahara]

So many red flags...and still barrelling forward. I am not sure why women have a tendency to do this.

 

If this is just for sex, then entertain his 2AM calls.

 

But if you're looking for more, a guy that has already put you in the 2AM bucket is only seeing you as sex. Guys that are interested in you don't go this route. They want to know about you, wine and dine you, plan activities with you, etc.

 

And emojis are emojis. It isn't some big revelation or sign.

[bbcc1983]

Yes the red flags are all there and im just an idiot. im trying to get out of a slump from a breakup and i wasnt looking for anyone. im ok being alone and not having sex regularly but this came out of left field. ive literally known him for a month and a cpl days. i guess i dont want to date the guy i mean i would if he didnt have so much going on. but i would totally be into hooking up with him. hes super hot and has an amazing body. hes also really weird and i like weird guys plus hes like a protector type figure and my last boyfriend i could have beaten up. loneliness makes us do crazy things.

 

he texts me during the day too but the saturday every saturday super late thing just stuck out to me as a pattern.

 

i am my own worst enemy. lol

[Zahara]

The worst mistakes are always the ones you make when trying to run away or escape the aftermath of a breakup.

 

As I said, if you can keep your emotions down and just treat it as a fun escapade, go ahead. But if you have to post on LS and analyse emojis, I don't think you're up for just hook-ups.

 

Super hot and amazing body is overrated. Superficial and most times, trouble. Protector type guy that cheated on his wife. So much for Protector Man.

 

Listen, if you are looking for relationship material type guys, then you have to change what you value in a person. If you want to have sex and just that, then enjoy his amazing body. Just don't brainwash yourself into thinking you can do the hookup when you probably know you may catch emotions. He doesn't sound like the kind that will be able to reciprocate.

 

PS: Of course he texts you everyday. He has to keep the momentum going. Then hopefully by Saturday you'll put out when he texts you at 2AM.

[bbcc1983]

OMG i love you! lol thank you for calling me out. i am a hot mess right now. still upset over a breakup. the truth is i am tricking myself ive never been a hookup type girl. ever. i want dates. to be wined and dined etc. i just need to forget about him and his hot body

[Zahara]

OMG i love you! lol thank you for calling me out. i am a hot mess right now. still upset over a breakup. the truth is i am tricking myself ive never been a hookup type girl. ever. i want dates. to be wined and dined etc. i just need to forget about him and his hot body

 

Best to deal with your "hot mess" without getting caught up with Bad Boy. You'll probably inherit even more "hot messes" if things go wrong.

 

If you know you want more, then take a break from guys and get to a better place. You'll have plenty of time then to seek what you want and also be in a better frame of mind emotionally to determine what you want and what you don't want.

[MrCastle]

Is your guy best friend gay? In a relationship? If no to both of those questions, he probably wants to bang you, hence "warning you" about John.

 

Bang John if

 

1.) he doesn't have a girlfriend

2.) you don't mind just being a fling for him

3.) you want to lose this friend of yours or at the very least dramatically change the dynamic of your relationship.

 

I would personally advise you not to be the girl that bangs a guy's friend. Nobody respects that girl.

[pteromom]

i dont want to date the guy i mean i would if he didnt have so much going on. but i would totally be into hooking up with him. hes super hot and has an amazing body.

 

No. You already admitted you are falling in "like" with him. So you already have feelings for him that are more than just sexual. It would be very unwise to sleep with him.

 

If you do, I predict you will end up in a very unhappy relationship with him which will end with much heartbreak on your end.

 

Casual sex is fine. But to have casual sex with a guy you have feelings for who you know is bad for you is a recipe for disaster.

[bbcc1983]

Is your guy best friend gay? In a relationship? If no to both of those questions, he probably wants to bang you, hence "warning you" about John.

 

Bang John if

 

1.) he doesn't have a girlfriend

2.) you don't mind just being a fling for him

3.) you want to lose this friend of yours or at the very least dramatically change the dynamic of your relationship.

 

I would personally advise you not to be the girl that bangs a guy's friend. Nobody respects that girl.

 

 

he's not gay lol . i think he does want to bang me though but it will never happen bc he used to date one of my really good friends.. plus as much as i love the guy i just wouldnt. i know him too well.

 

im going to try my damndest not to bang John. bad news.

 

on here i know it sounds like im gushing abt the guy but in real life i dont think he knows what im doing bc im really nice to him but i dont really flirt w him or act like im into him. we have only made out once and i stopped it and left. i wouldnt have done that sober and he initiated it. he's seen me out with a diff guy- who is just my friend but everyone says we look like a couple and since that night he's been a little different but still in contact.

[bbcc1983]

No. You already admitted you are falling in "like" with him. So you already have feelings for him that are more than just sexual. It would be very unwise to sleep with him.

 

If you do, I predict you will end up in a very unhappy relationship with him which will end with much heartbreak on your end.

 

Casual sex is fine. But to have casual sex with a guy you have feelings for who you know is bad for you is a recipe for disaster.

 

thanks for replying. im being irrational- i know. i know its all wrong. is it messed up to say i wish i would have just hooked up w him when he tried after us knowing each other a few days? i wouldnt know any of the information i do now and i wouldnt have liked him. facepalm.