Complex FWB case. Feeling strange.

[may_girl]

I started out with this guy, (let's call him B), 8 years ago when I was 14. He was 16. We were far too young to get involved seriously and we were only 'together' for one or two months, but I had this insane attachment to him for years after. He always looked out for me and wouldn't let me go/stop communicating. It wasn't until I found my next boyfriend that I was finally able to get over him.

 

Anyway I broke up with my new boyfriend in January this year, after being together for 4 years. B was still on the scene. He was a friend really - my feelings had gone completely for him and he was supportive during my break up. B and I didn't talk often but we were still in contact.

 

So, he asked to meet up with me whilst we are both home from college before he went back, so I went to see him. We agreed we would go out for drinks to have a catch up but time got lost with us and the night continued into the early hours. There was still a lot of chemistry and we got on really well with each other. There were many times in the night where he would try to hold my hand or move in for a cuddle. Anyway, toward the end of the night he leans in to kiss me. Shocked, I back away - but ultimately I gave in. I ended up going back to his and although we were unable to have sex, we made out very passionately and did most other intimate things until morning.

 

The next day before he took me home, we were planning on when we could see each other next and continue where we left off. I believe it took a fwb route - I made it clear to him that this was what it was and I told him not to fall for me. He told me he couldn't promise me that and continually held me or kissed me on the forehead, as though we were a couple. We currently live 4 hours away from one another, and being as my previous 4-year long distance relationship didn't work out, I vowed this thing with B was not going to be anything serious. I was forced to be a little cold with him to not lead him on in any way. The arranging to meet was left open - he wanted me to travel to visit him but work restrictions are stopping me.

 

Now, we are texting very minimally back and fourth. It is hard because I feel like my feelings are returning, as I am checking my phone fairly often to see if he has replied. I am in a dilemma because I really don't know how to deal with it; my head feels very thick with confusion and I have only recently began to reach indifference with my ex. I also am unsure how he feels- we both know relationship is definitely not on the cards but we really enjoy spending time with each other. That does not make it easier though.

 

How do I deal with this? Any advice?

[ja123]

It's sounds like you two have the potential for a relationship. He admitted he couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't have feelings. You seem to be developing feelings. You've already a long established friendship.

 

 

What's the problem?

 

 

Why isn't a relationship in the cards?

 

 

You also said you both know that ... did you ask him?

[may_girl]

We are living so far away from each other. Also we have a long established friendship but the road was very rocky. I was a very clingy ex to him as I was very young and we didn't get on with each other for a long time. Due to that my parents also really dislike him.

 

I don't know how he's truly feeling. He knows that I have my head set on this not being serious but I fear he is somebody who falls for people too easily and too quickly. I have known him to really like girls and move on from them within days. I am honestly not sure that I am any different.

 

I guess I feel I should keep my distance emotionally because of these things.

[GemmaUK]

I can't help but think that you believe this to be a bad thing and you want to back away.

You are doing so yet you still want his attention.

....more of it than you are getting even though you are saying no but it is bothering you that he is not being attentive enough so you're missing it.

 

You don't want a relationship but you do want the attention..in other words..

[liliana17]

You need to break this up. He will get feelings for you, actually he already has feelings for you. Tell him you do not like him and it is better to just stay friends because you don't want him to catch feelings. If he tells you he won't and blah blah its all to try and get with you as bf and gf. No matter what you say to make him not fall for you he will because you guys kiss and cuddle and stuff but usually fab just have sex for pleasure no lovey dovey stuff.