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Trouble dealing with one fact of girlfriends past


quickusername

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quickusername

backstory: My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months and everything is perfect and things are getting serious. As such it felt important to me to know details about her past so as to not be surprised by anything she's done in the future. Neither of us is the others first sexually so the i was prepared to hear pretty much everything under the sun. She's been with two guys before and i wasnt about to kid myself and think she hadnt done everything with them. My girlfriend has been very open with me and I have been relatively unfazed by almost everything she threw at me except one..thing. In both of her past relationships she almost always had sex without a condom due to the fact that she was on birth control. In my past i always used a condom except one time. Aside from the protection stand point not using a condom has kind of stood as a next level of intimacy (since its no barrier and feels different for a guy) that I have rarely experienced before her. In our relationship it was only recently that we began having sex regularly without a condom and its been something new to me. The information hit me like a rock and I am bothered for some reason far more now despite that I knew she had sex with these men. Im not angry at her for having done it to any degree but the pit in my stomach wont go away.

 

What can i do to come to terms with the truth? Have any of u had a similar experience? I know it shouldnt make a difference how she had sex or with whom or how often but for some reason the added detail has driven me insane and while i do my best to seem ok she can see how much it bothers me. Absolutely any advice would be helpful?

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quickusername
This is why you don't ask about someone's history.

 

As Cypher said "ignorance is bliss"...

 

I know and its not something ive done in the past but i rationalized into it just being for knowledges sake. (fictional example) just because i dont know about it doesnt mean she didnt have some threesome or something crazy. And since im so serious about her as ive never been before it seemed like I should know her history and i handled alll of it but this caught me completely by surprise

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Okay gee this is different from the usual "issues over girlfriend's past" threads. Sounds like you would have been less stressed over hearing she had done gangbangs in the past. lol

 

This would be a total non issue for me. (assuming the woman was not against abortion or at the age she was kind of desperate for kids) I thought you would be happy to go without a condom. You don't say that but I assume it. If its good enough for you why not her exes. Its not like she was treating them more special than you. Lots & lots of couples just rely on birth control pills.

I'm curious....

Do you think less of her for doing this...A. for you? B. for her past bfs?

Do you think bareback sex should only be for married/engaged couples?

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quickusername

in a way yes i had prepared myself to hear pretty much anything. not be happy about it but understand it and accept it. Its not that i think it should be for engaged/married couples and its not even really something ive ever given much thought to. Its mainly that through my own experiences i was never that comfortable with a person or felt that it was ok to do with regularity. even if it was a gf. It just was for saftey and I saw doing it without as something different.

 

so it was more her attitude towards it that surprised me because I thought its something that you build up to rather than start at and maintain. And of course i enjoy without and its not that why am i better its just more that she didnt tell me the way she normally does things even when i was concerned about using one constantly. I dont think less of her its just a completely different way of thinking about sex that i wasnt ready for

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Normally not using a condom would bother me more than however many partners had .. But if both were in long term exclusive relationships, it's a little different than just dating someone for a couple months and skipping on the condoms. It's about ability to recognize and respond to risk. But, I assume you both had a test before this so I guess it's not really an issue now.

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*phew!* thank goodness she didn't tell you about the sex with her brother or the threesome involving a lemur....

 

Really!?

 

Bud, there are far worse things in life..... to tell the truth, I have never had sex with anyone wearing a condom except my second BF, and I thought he was being weird, given I was on birth control.....

 

I'm 57 now, and still alive, whole and sane enough to tell the tale. And married too, btw, to an H who admits to having had over 100 sexual partners.

While I've had 6 in total.....

 

Like I give a damn...

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Unlike #s or positions, this is a health question that should have been explored BEFORE you two were intimate. Now all you can do is get an AIDS test, use condoms & get another one in 6 months. Even if you break up with her, you still have to get both tests. Hopefully she & her former partners were tested.

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I can't believe you guys went into THAT much detail. Ridiculous. Don't know what to tell you, when you mature a little you'll not even ask about stuff like this much less be bothered by it. I mean that is such a small thing....usually these threads involve at least something a bit more risque lol. Most people in committed Rs where the chick is on BC and they've been tested aren't using condoms. At least it wasn't ONS w/o condoms.

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Why do guys have to be soooo insecure about their gf's pasts? Especially if they had pasts themselves.

 

I just can't understand it. Maybe they subconsciosusly don't like a girl all that much and want to sabotage a relationship?

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