Ok Good Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I just met a great guy! We had a really really good first date which lasted about 10 hours with alot of making out. Now its been 2 days and I haven't heard from him... The thing is he told he'd have his kids this weekend but even so.. I figured he might at least text me. Am i being unreasonable in expecting that he should have made contact by now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ok Good Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 I guess it doesn't matter whether my expectations are unreasonable or not... I had expected that he would have contacted me by now Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I just met a great guy! We had a really really good first date which lasted about 10 hours with alot of making out. Now its been 2 days and I haven't heard from him... The thing is he told he'd have his kids this weekend but even so.. I figured he might at least text me. Am i being unreasonable in expecting that he should have made contact by now? And you had just one date? Yes, you are being unreasonable. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I just met a great guy! We had a really really good first date which lasted about 10 hours with alot of making out. Now its been 2 days and I haven't heard from him... The thing is he told he'd have his kids this weekend but even so.. I figured he might at least text me. Am i being unreasonable in expecting that he should have made contact by now? It's been 2 days. Take a breath. He'll call if he wants. Let him take the lead. In the meantime, line up a date with another candidate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ok Good Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 And you had just one date? Yes, you are being unreasonable. Sorry. no need to apologize, I really appreciate the feedback! thank you i just want to keep some clarity on what's happening Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ok Good Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 It's been 2 days. Take a breath. He'll call if he wants. Let him take the lead. In the meantime, line up a date with another candidate. this is a good idea, thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 Until you meet the kids, when dating a single parent you need to assume you will not hear from the person while they have the kids. The kids come first. Always. If you can't handle that truth, don't date single parents. After 1 date, if you get contact within 4 days you are ahead of the curve, no matter their parental status. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand Man Dan Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 this is a good idea, thanks! I disagree with multi dating. If you like him, see where it goes. Making out with him and then him later finding out that you are "dating around" will completely ice you if he's a self respecting guy. If a woman makes out with me, I take it that she really likes me, and naturally, nobody else. In my opinion, physical intimacy is a strong signal that you are into someone in the context of a "date" and I personally would be grossly turned off if you told me you were more or less playing the field. Link to post Share on other sites
Gottabestrong Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 We had a really really good first date which lasted about 10 hours with alot of making out. Now its been 2 days and I haven't heard from him... Am i being unreasonable in expecting that he should have made contact by now? No, even if he has his kids. Sending a text takes 30 seconds. I don't have kids, but I have 3 nephews and often have them with me for entire weekends or longer. Especially when they were very small they keep you on your toes 24/4. HOWEVER I still managed to send my boyfriend a few texts every day. If it is in the morning before they got up, at night after they went to bed, while I was cooking, while they were playing a game, etc. I think any guy, who is into you, should send you a short text after a date saying that he had a great time and looks forward to seeing you again. Going AWOL for a few days because he had his kids with him is not a valid excuse in my book. I understand if he won't send you 10 texts a day or talk on the phone with you for 20 minutes, especially if you have only been on one date. But one text within 24 hours after a date is not asking for too much in my book. Any single dads who want to chime in? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 No, even if he has his kids. Sending a text takes 30 seconds. I don't have kids, but I have 3 nephews and often have them with me for entire weekends or longer. Especially when they were very small they keep you on your toes 24/4. HOWEVER I still managed to send my boyfriend a few texts every day. If it is in the morning before they got up, at night after they went to bed, while I was cooking, while they were playing a game, etc. I think any guy, who is into you, should send you a short text after a date saying that he had a great time and looks forward to seeing you again. Going AWOL for a few days because he had his kids with him is not a valid excuse in my book. I understand if he won't send you 10 texts a day or talk on the phone with you for 20 minutes, especially if you have only been on one date. But one text within 24 hours after a date is not asking for too much in my book. Any single dads who want to chime in? This makes a lot of sense when you have a boyfriend or have been dating the guy for a few weeks/months. This happened after their first date. I think it's completely different... Link to post Share on other sites
Gottabestrong Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 After 1 date, if you get contact within 4 days you are ahead of the curve, no matter their parental status. Really? If I don't hear from a guy within 48 hours after a first date I assume he is not interested and if I hear from him after that I assume he was just bored or his first choice did not work out. Maybe I am lucky, but I usually receive a text the same evening or the next day in which the guy thanks me for the date, says he had a great time and asks if/when we can do it again. I thought that was just good manners. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gottabestrong Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 This makes a lot of sense when you have a boyfriend or have been dating the guy for a few weeks/months. This happened after their first date. I think it's completely different... Well, my first dates usually consist of a cup of coffee and last up to one hour. Theirs lasted 10 hours and included lots of making out. After a date like that I'd expect at least one text saying he had a great time and he wants to see me again. If I understood the OP correctly she has not heard from him since their 'great' first date. I assume he did not have his kids the day/night they went out. He could have at least texted her the same night or next day before he picked up his kids. Or that night after his kids went to bed. But to hear nothing would make me believe that he is not that interested in me and he did not think the date was as great as I did. Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 Well, my first dates usually consist of a cup of coffee and last up to one hour. Theirs lasted 10 hours and included lots of making out. After a date like that I'd expect at least one text saying he had a great time and he wants to see me again. If I understood the OP correctly she has not heard from him since their 'great' first date. I assume he did not have his kids the day/night they went out. He could have at least texted her the same night or next day before he picked up his kids. Or that night after his kids went to bed. But to hear nothing would make me believe that he is not that interested in me and he did not think the date was as great as I did. I see your point - but I just don't think it's worth freaking out over... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 relax.. don't over think this. He has his kids...he told you that. Go from there... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ok Good Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 No, even if he has his kids. Sending a text takes 30 seconds. I don't have kids, but I have 3 nephews and often have them with me for entire weekends or longer. Especially when they were very small they keep you on your toes 24/4. HOWEVER I still managed to send my boyfriend a few texts every day. If it is in the morning before they got up, at night after they went to bed, while I was cooking, while they were playing a game, etc. I think any guy, who is into you, should send you a short text after a date saying that he had a great time and looks forward to seeing you again. Going AWOL for a few days because he had his kids with him is not a valid excuse in my book. I understand if he won't send you 10 texts a day or talk on the phone with you for 20 minutes, especially if you have only been on one date. But one text within 24 hours after a date is not asking for too much in my book. this ^ was my belief too! but since I've never met someone with kids before I wasn't sure if I should just see his silence as him being busy.. Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 No, even if he has his kids. Sending a text takes 30 seconds. How long does it take a woman to send a text? Oh ya, I forgot, the man HAS to take the lead. Perhaps another opportunity lost to these bs sex roles/rules that have no place in a modern society. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ok Good Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 Well, my first dates usually consist of a cup of coffee and last up to one hour. Theirs lasted 10 hours and included lots of making out. After a date like that I'd expect at least one text saying he had a great time and he wants to see me again. If I understood the OP correctly she has not heard from him since their 'great' first date. I assume he did not have his kids the day/night they went out. He could have at least texted her the same night or next day before he picked up his kids. Or that night after his kids went to bed. But to hear nothing would make me believe that he is not that interested in me and he did not think the date was as great as I did. he texted me good night after he made sure I got home ok.. and while on the date he talked about getting together next week (no specific day or plan) given how good we got on with each other I would be so surprised that he didn't think it was great hanging out together! does that really happen?? I just don't like the silence and wonder is this what I should expect dating someone with kids or is this just that typical 'after the first date' manoeuvring some people do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ok Good Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 How long does it take a woman to send a text? Oh ya, I forgot, the man HAS to take the lead. Perhaps another opportunity lost to these bs sex roles/rules that have no place in a modern society. yeah, but the beauty of that silly rule, is that it is so helpful in gaining understanding on a guy's interest/intentions watching what a guy does is golden Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 How old are you? How old is he? It's normal to get excited after a great first date but you are already showing needy behavior. Again, to some degree that is normal but in all honestly you will not be able to handle dating a parent as your needs can not be number one. His kids are (and should be first). So what happens when you make plans for the weekend and he cancels last minute because of something with the kids. What happen's if the arrangement changes and he has the kids every weekend which will limit you to weekday dates? Are you prepared for a scenario in which you may date for months and months and never meet the kids or be included in that part of his life. I am certainly not against dating dads. Last 2 gents I dated had kids and it was never a problem or issue. I respected them and their responsibilities and had a life outside of them. I just enjoyed our time together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ok Good Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 How old are you? How old is he? It's normal to get excited after a great first date but you are already showing needy behavior. Again, to some degree that is normal but in all honestly you will not be able to handle dating a parent as your needs can not be number one. His kids are (and should be first). So what happens when you make plans for the weekend and he cancels last minute because of something with the kids. What happen's if the arrangement changes and he has the kids every weekend which will limit you to weekday dates? Are you prepared for a scenario in which you may date for months and months and never meet the kids or be included in that part of his life. I am certainly not against dating dads. Last 2 gents I dated had kids and it was never a problem or issue. I respected them and their responsibilities and had a life outside of them. I just enjoyed our time together. how is wondering why I haven't heard from him considered needy behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
Gottabestrong Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 he texted me good night after he made sure I got home ok.. and while on the date he talked about getting together next week (no specific day or plan) OK, so you have heard from him after the date. And he talked about seeing you again next week. All good signs. Do you know how long he will have his kids? If it is just over the weekend, then I would advise you to hang in there and wait to see if he contacts you tomorrow or on Tuesday at the latest. If they are going to be staying with him for a week or longer I would still advise you to wait a few days to see if you hear from him, but if not, you could send him a text wishing him a Happy New Year on Tuesday and see how he replies. I think it is important to hear SOMETHING after the first date within a short amount of time to let you know if he is interested, but after that it is okay if you don't hear from him for a few days. That changes after you have been dating for a month or longer, but I don't think it is necessary a sign of low interest if he goes a few days without contact after the first few dates. But that is just my opinion. Which you asked for, so I hope this helps. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 how is wondering why I haven't heard from him considered needy behavior? Because you already have an expectation with no grounds beyond a good time. Not bashing you at all. Its normal and you are excited BUT I think you need to be practical and realize things are not on a timeline. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ok Good Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 I think it is important to hear SOMETHING after the first date within a short amount of time to let you know if he is interested, but after that it is okay if you don't hear from him for a few days. That changes after you have been dating for a month or longer, but I don't think it is necessary a sign of low interest if he goes a few days without contact after the first few dates. But that is just my opinion. Which you asked for, so I hope this helps. Good luck! thank you! you answered my question well! i'm not freaking out or overthinking anything really we've just had the one date! i just wanted some clarification on whether my expectations for contact were legit.. Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I'm with Gottabestrong. I'm a single parent. My bf shares custody with his ex. Since our first date, whether he had the kids or not, it was not an inconvenience to send a quick text. If I haven't heard anything in 48hrs, I would assume the date was not as great for him as it was for me, but that's just me. But I also would not hesitate to shoot him a text as well just to say hello. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ok Good Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 Because you already have an expectation with no grounds beyond a good time. Not bashing you at all. Its normal and you are excited BUT I think you need to be practical and realize things are not on a timeline. ok, i understand better thanks! btw I LIKE timelines keeps everything predictable!! Link to post Share on other sites
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