dreaming4ever Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year now and we eventually plan to move in together and get married...but there's just one huge, glaring problem. I can't STAND his friends. And that's not just me being mean....they aren't very good people. His friends are basically 3 couples and 2 single people....I'll explain how bad it is... An example is my bf has told me that couple #1 of his friends...they're in their early twenties, engaged...yet the guy is an alcoholic and cheats regularly on his gf and verbally abuses her. She seems ok though but I feel HORRIBLE that she doesn't know her fiancee is an ASS who cheats. That's just ONE example...other things his friends do are cheat, steal, do drugs, sell drugs, backstab, get in fights on purpose...like HOW can I expect to be ok with us being friends with them when we're not like them AT ALL?? I've said this to my bf before but he just says he's been friends with them for a long time and they've helped him out when he's been down or had problems so he feels bad if he's not there for them or if he abandons them....so we visit them regularly and they visit him but I can't STAND it. Seriously, when we're sitting there talking to them I'm just thinking of all the bad things about them and wishing I wasn't there....grrrrr.....what do i do?? I can't spend the rest of my life with my bf continually visiting these horrible people. And it's not like we can hang out with MY friends more....considering I moved recently to be closer to my bf so my friends all live very far away and all we have left is HIS friends....grrrr.....any solutions?? Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Hrm... Alrighty, he has the right to choose who he likes, whether they are good people, or bad people. If you don't like them, make new friends of your own, and don't hang out with his friends. :-) I mean... no one is forcing you to like these people, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 I'd have to go along the same lines as YL. Can you try spending less time with his friends? Do you have to go with him every time he goes? Maybe if he finds he is always going over there without you he may be less inclined to go? I know my husband would hate not having me with him so he probably wouldn't go as much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreaming4ever Posted August 5, 2004 Author Share Posted August 5, 2004 I don't think that would work guys....his friends are COUPLES so he likes going with me or else he feels like the 5th wheel or something cuz before we dated he always felt weird around his friends a bit cuz he was the only one without a partner...so now that he DOES have one he likes to bring me so he feels better...get it?? But also cuz he loves me....you know....I dunno....it's hard to NOT hang out with them cuz he always wants me to go with him....hmm... One time a while ago I said to my boyfriend when he was telling me all these things about his friends "If they're so bad/dumb/crazy, why do you hang out with them??" and like I said he said because they've helped him out....but he was a little mad at me that I commented on his friends....yet HE tells me this person or that person of his friends are driving him nuts ALL THE TIME!! Sheesh! Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Well, it's not the worst thing ever, is it? My friends are also crazy sometimes and do really stupid thing, but god forbid my bf ever point it out. That's not his job. Don't force him to take sides between his friends and you. He does favors for you, right? Then hanging out with his friends is like you doing favors for him because you love him. (But don't ever make him feel like you are just doing him a favor.) It could be worse, he could have numerous FEMALE friends like my bf does. I hate it, but I know he doesn't cheat, so what can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Artifact Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 maybe he'll grow out of it? It's possible he will one day really see that they make you uncomfortable and he is only acting friendly out of obligation. I have had friends that one day I just said, these aren't my friends anymore. And making new friends is good too, maybe at work or school? Either way, good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreaming4ever Posted August 5, 2004 Author Share Posted August 5, 2004 Maybe when we move away like we want to....eventually....maybe then he'll drop his friends. They're just horrible. Like another example is that my bf was really conflicted awhile ago about his relationship with me and he went to a friend for advice and his friend told him he should just cheat on me with other woman like he does with his girlfriend....nice guy huh??? Of course my boyfriend isn't like that so he didn't take the advice...but still...do you even REALIZE how hard it is for me to look that friend in the eye now? Especially when he acts all friendly with me...I mean, how am I supposed to NOT think that he gave my bf that advice every time i see him? grrrrr.... And yes, HoldOn, I'm VERY glad my bf doesn't have a bunch of female friends around a lot....I mean I know he doesn't cheat but no thanks! I just don't get how my boyfriend is still friends with these people...he's nothing like them. He's smart, funny, makes good choices and these people are messed....it's weird. I DO go to things with him where his friends are somewhat regularly...and pretend to have fun even though I loathe every one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 have you thought about telling the assh*le that you know what he said? Maybe if he knew that you had found out about it, he'd back off a little bit. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 My bf friends are not mature at all..and they are in their late 30s. Everyone of them is missing a screw or two. I cannot believe that there are all like that. I tried to have a conversation with him about, and he feels like it reflects badly on him if his friends are not mature. So, I dropped it, though he does recognize how they are...but that is all he knows..and I think partially, he is like that too...so I guess it makes sense why they are his friends. My gfs are all great...smart, educated, mature even when they are younger. There is not comparison between our friends. At the same time, I would be very careful to bring anything up...in my opinion, guys care a lot about what their friends think..more than we care about what our gfs tell us. We have been together for a while, and I have made a couple of comments, and I have now refused to be around one of his friends because he is rude to me. My bf does not hang out with his friends much as they live out of town...maybe 4 times a year, so I can deal with it...except for that one... ..but I would say, I waited to make a big deal out of it until I felt that our relationship could survive whatever dumb comment his friends would make. be very careful about what you say about them...be smart about it...these are his friends...if someone told me I could not hang out with my gfs, I would not comply with that....cannot control who someone choses to spend time with. Link to post Share on other sites
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