Early Dating Stage Rules of Engagement

[lostinlove101]

I need some global advice here folks (i.e. a variety of opinions). I was talking with a friend, getting some dating advice and she INSISTS that any new guy I'm dating, must always ask you out (i.e. dinner, movie) that staying in means he wants to hook up only- because you're close to the bed, lol.

 

I think there are no true rules for dating, every relationship is different, and variety is key:sometimes you go out and sometimes you stay in and there aren't rules about how many times he asks you out to dinner before you're allowed to order in food, for example.

 

Secondly, what are your thoughts about sex on the first date? I've had relationships that lasted for 2 years and we slept together on the first date.

 

I guess the real issue is that it's easy when you're "in it" to wear rose colored glasses. Then again, when you ask a friend (who's been married for 20 years and been dating the same guy since she was 19) who's opinion differs from yours it's easy to think that all he wants is your body.

[Dallers]

For a start that any new guy must ask you out jingo jangle. I never ask the girl out. I only get a girl every now and then because she has to come on to me. This works for me because I want a confident woman and I am anti it should be all about the man thing.

 

A guy should want to go out, staying in is just lazy and shows that he has given up on making an effort.

 

Sex on a first date is called a one night stand, if you meet up again it is called a booty call. Or a discussion about what to do with the child that resulted from the one night stand.

 

It sounds as though you had a 2 year booty call. Very nice.

[d0nnivain]

You have to be true to yourself. If staying in & sex on the first date work for you then fine. If they don't, that's OK to.

 

I always wanted to go out for the initial meetings & I prefered to have sex after we established we were monogomous.

[veggirl]

No at home dates unless you are ready for sex.

 

Sex on a first date rarely leads to anything other than a sexually fueled "relationship". There are exceptions but I'd never count on being one of them.

 

A guy who really likes you will ask you out for more than just a movie at his place, at least early on.

[writergal]

Any "at home" dates prior to establishing that you two are exclusive, is just casual sex. If the guy invites you over to cook dinner at his place and watch a movie, that's code for booty call/casual sex, which is common knowledge in the dating world. I think it's more common among college-aged kids and 20-somethings. If a 30-something or older behaves that way, (esp. a man), that means he's a bachelor for life and sex is the only thing on his mind.

 

I think it's odd that you would question your married friend's advice when you clearly don't agree with her viewpoints to begin with. If you have a different set of dating rules for yourself, then why ask someone for advice, whose dating rules are completely different than yours? That's just setting yourself up for failure.

 

I don't think you need global advice. I think you need reassurance that what you believe -- based on your dating history -- is okay. None of us can validate that for you. All we can do is give you our opinions based on OUR own set of dating rules, which is based on our own dating history experience.

 

What is the real issue here? Have you met a guy that you want to have sex with/or have had sex with too soon, and now you are second guessing yourself? Otherwise, in your first post you come across a little defensive and like I said, that's because you went to a married person for dating advice whose views you already disagree with. She won't be able to help you unless you have the same set of dating values. All she can do is offer you her opinion. Plus she's married. She hasn't had to date a man in 20 years.