He has a choice - me or his career?

[princesspolly1]

I'll try to keep this as concise as I can! Long story short, in June I met a foreigner who was living and working in my city in Australia but only for four months. What started off as a fling turned into something much deeper. We fell madly in love and when he left in September for his home country in the UK, I was devastated.

 

We are both still in college. I have one year left and he has 2. Next year he has four months off college (his summer), and the plan was for him to come back to Australia again. I am planning on visiting him when he has 2-3 weeks off in January before then.

 

Anyway, spanner in the works - he's just been offered a four-month job at a major corporation in New York City starting June 2014, which his parents are pushing for. I think he should go, because it's an amazing opportunity that can't be missed for a girl who lives the way in Australia, but its breaking my heart knowing that if he takes this opportunity, our time together next year will be scarce. Unless of course I decide to go to NY and work there for a while too. That would, however, mean putting my grad school degree on hold.

 

Would it be selfish to ask him to come to Australia instead? I don't want to lose him, but if he chooses in NYC, I'm afraid I might. I'm so sad and I don't know what to do. My friends are telling me to move on, that it isn't worth the heartbreak. My heart only wants him though. Any advice would be invaluable to me at this point, I really don't know what to do . Thank you

[mammasita]

Don't ask him to choose. Support him in bettering himself. A good solid relationship will stand the test of time and distance.

 

Instead of thinking about asking him to choose and losing him, why don't you focus your energy on ways to strengthen your relationship and make it work??

[MissyM007]

You can't ask him to choose between you and his career as his career is experience that he hasn't got at this stage plus its his life and basically comes first. If you are both very close you will be ok. Distance only makes the heart grow fonder and you could surprise him with a visit!

[Agent Orange]

If you want to lose him the best way to do it is to ask him to choose. You could suggest he come closer to you but giving him an actual ultimatum will only end badly.

 

Distance is rough but with the right planning and compromise, it's doable.

[Ninjainpajamas]

No choice, his career hands down no questions asked....let him do what he needs to do without the added pressure. Plus there's going to be plenty of single women in NY, probably not the first or last time he'll have a fling. Don't overstate this relationship, if he thinks it's that great he'll make the effort...but best you let it be.

 

Of course I expect you to crack and do whatever you feel like doing.

[d0nnivain]

If you make him chose he's nuts if he choses you over the career. You're nuts if you try to force him because he will end up resenting you. You can't live on love. You have to have some financial stability.

 

 

Unfortunately some LDRs can't survive the distance.

[NTRDR]

If he chose you over his career you'd end up resenting him anyways, even if in your conscious mind you didn't realize it right away, maybe even think it's "sweet", you would lose respect for him in your subconscious would see he's less of a man.

[Sanman]

I have to agree with the others here. Career all the way. Even if you make him choose and he chooses you, how are you going to feel if you want to break up with him in the future. I am all for long distance relationships, but only if there is an end goal. At this stage, I think it would be better for both of you to remain friends and keep in contact. If you are still interested on each other in a couple of years, discuss finding a way to live near each other. If you aren't interested, you avoided making major life changes due to a short lived romance.

[FitChick]

Career first. How would you get a job in NY? Immigration is very difficult.