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Terrified of asking someone out


SweetCharity

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So I'm an attractive 24 year old waif girl wanting to ask a guy out. I'm absolutely terrified. We've flirted before through text (just once though) and flirt at work. All I want to text is, "Hey. Are you down to hang out tonight?" but I can't bring myself to send it. What's wrong me? Why am I so terrified? What do I do?

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Narcissistic Nobody

Old school rules is to wait for the guy to ask...but I'm not so that's the way it works anymore. However, depending on the level and quality of your current relationship...perhaps you are not comfortable just yet. Some guys misinterpret the "hang out" to mean something more. That's just my experience. Good luck with what you choose to do.

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Old school rules is to wait for the guy to ask...but I'm not so that's the way it works anymore. However, depending on the level and quality of your current relationship...perhaps you are not comfortable just yet. Some guys misinterpret the "hang out" to mean something more. That's just my experience. Good luck with what you choose to do.

 

Well that's true. When I had initially flirted with him he had invited me to stop by the bar he was at. He hasn't texted me since. And I do have nefarious plans when I say "hang out" so Idk. I'm afraid of being too bold.

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todreaminblue

i think the worst time to make a move is when you are terrified....from experience...in saying that if you didnt feel fear then it doesnt mean that much to you if he says no...or for that matter yes...take the risk....and deal with what happens when it happens.....deb

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I think you should text him. I asked the guy that interests me to go out seven days ago. He didn't answer (worst answer is no answer...) BUT i'm proud of myself and this made my life more spicy. Plus when you're an attractive woman it's so easy to find an interesting guy to hang out. If he doesn't want, ask other guys !

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I think you should text him. I asked the guy that interests me to go out seven days ago. He didn't answer (worst answer is no answer...) BUT i'm proud of myself and this made my life more spicy. Plus when you're an attractive woman it's so easy to find an interesting guy to hang out. If he doesn't want, ask other guys !

 

Lmao, that "spicy" bit made me laugh so hard. XD I agree that I'm most afraid of getting no answer but I feel like I really need to resolve this crush I have on him. It's getting pretty bad. I'm so hung up on him I'm passing up other guys! I guess that's why I'm terrified too.

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Im French and not fluent, so i guess some of the things i say can sound funny or even awkward :). I too wanted this guy so bad (you can read my thread), but now it will be easier for me to forget him than if i did nothing. You don't have to be afraid. Just live your life!

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todreaminblue
Lmao, that "spicy" bit made me laugh so hard. XD I agree that I'm most afraid of getting no answer but I feel like I really need to resolve this crush I have on him. It's getting pretty bad. I'm so hung up on him I'm passing up other guys! I guess that's why I'm terrified too.

 

i think i can say i haven't really ever been hung up on a guy.......till now and i don't like it at all, and i did kamikaze he said no.....once was enough now when i talk to him and i try and be a friend he naturally feels he has to tell me he doesnt like me over and over again, he doesnt have to repeat the no once was enough.....but he does anyway......when i am not even chasing...for this reason.....its best i dont see him or converse with him.as he is constantly making me feel really low..

 

 

 

...he makes specific references to other girls in my presence and comments that are directed my way.....to make it clear of his repulsion of me...it gets tiring and i really half th etime dotn know what to say or feel safe saying anything he might misconstrue...which f ucks with my mental illness..yep mentally ill...lol...arent i a catch

 

dont want to terrify you i am glad i know and i am sure your guy wont be the same as the one that i have feelings for......and i have no regrets about letting the guy i truly liked know.....now.....i am going to date guys who i like.,.....who i enjoy the company of.....and not ones i have strong feelings for, rarely happens anyway...ill let feelings develop over time ....... and just enjoy the process of getting to know someone....share some laughs.have some fun ....wade in the ocean together hopefully....smilin..i have actually had advice not to date.......but if i go backwards and stop....it will feel like another failure on my behalf....i have to keep going forward...and even though they dotn reckon i can insert boundaries at the moment i will try...i wish you luck ...do it for you will never know if you dont ...i think that not knowing is worse than no......deb

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Im French and not fluent, so i guess some of the things i say can sound funny or even awkward :). I too wanted this guy so bad (you can read my thread), but now it will be easier for me to forget him than if i did nothing. You don't have to be afraid. Just live your life!

 

Oh no! I didn't mean it like that. A lot of people use "spicy"! I thought it was adorable. lol. I'll definitely read your post and take your advice to heart.

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i think i can say i haven't really ever been hung up on a guy.......till now and i don't like it at all, and i did kamikaze he said no....

 

...i think that not knowing is worse than no......deb

 

Thanks for the advice. I think so too. And this guy you mentioned sounds like a jerk. If he doesn't work with you just ignore him!

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forgetmenot75

I wouldn't do that. If the guy is interested, he'll ask you out. Don't put yourself in that situation. You're terrified because you are going to jump without parachute.

Can't you wait for him to ask you out?

 

Can't you give him signals without being so direct?

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I wouldn't do that. If the guy is interested, he'll ask you out. Don't put yourself in that situation. You're terrified because you are going to jump without parachute.

Can't you wait for him to ask you out?

 

Can't you give him signals without being so direct?

 

Well it's a little hard to give him signals while I'm standing in one spot and he's off snooping. It's really difficult to talk to him for more than 10 seconds because we're both working. And he knows how I feel, just not to what extent.

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So I'm an attractive 24 year old waif girl wanting to ask a guy out. I'm absolutely terrified. We've flirted before through text (just once though) and flirt at work. All I want to text is, "Hey. Are you down to hang out tonight?" but I can't bring myself to send it. What's wrong me? Why am I so terrified? What do I do?

 

Isn't it his job to be terrified of asking you? He's one lucky guy if he's got YOU wanting to ask HIM out. All guys should be so lucky.

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forgetmenot75
Well it's a little hard to give him signals while I'm standing in one spot and he's off snooping. It's really difficult to talk to him for more than 10 seconds because we're both working. And he knows how I feel, just not to what extent.

Mover over. If he already knows what are you feeling to some extent and he has done nothing about it, you have your answer there.

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forgetmenot75
Isn't it his job to be terrified of asking you? He's one lucky guy if he's got YOU wanting to ask HIM out. All guys should be so lucky.

 

 

Are you a guy or a girl?

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forgetmenot75
Isn't it his job to be terrified of asking you? He's one lucky guy if he's got YOU wanting to ask HIM out. All guys should be so lucky.

 

"I'm 49... I've only been with two women my whole life, my ex wife and a girl I knew when I was 19, for one night" You clearly have no experience in dating. no guy likes to be chased.

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Are you a guy or a girl?

 

A guy.

 

I say that because it's the guys job to be asking out the chicks, but I'll admit, it's refreshing and lucky for him that she likes him enough to want to come forward. Most guys aren't that lucky.

 

BTW, is that you in the profile pic?

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"I'm 49... I've only been with two women my whole life, my ex wife and a girl I knew when I was 19, for one night" You clearly have no experience in dating. no guy likes to be chased.

 

You're right about the dating part, but I don't have to be dating to know what I would like. You can't speak for all guys. I do prefer to take the lead role, but I'm also perfectly comfortable if a woman lets me know how attracted to me she is if I'm attracted to her as well. Guys go to strip clubs and to prostitutes where they flag down customers on the street. What do you call that?

 

For the record, if that's you in the profile pic I would do the chasing. ;)

Edited by Vocals5
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Why don't you text him some more to see his interest level?

I mean communicate thru texts and get to know him and then ask him out...

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"I'm 49... I've only been with two women my whole life, my ex wife and a girl I knew when I was 19, for one night" You clearly have no experience in dating. no guy likes to be chased.

 

Also don't forget about dominatrix's. I personally don't like it, but there are guys who do. That's about as chased by a woman as you're going to get.

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When a girl chases me, I interpret it as desperation and easy sex.

 

That's about right, and I'm with ya on the chasing part, but how many of us dudes don't like easy sex with a hottie from time to time? If she wants to throw herself at me and screw my brains out I'm not about to stop her! :laugh:

Edited by Vocals5
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Mover over. If he already knows what are you feeling to some extent and he has done nothing about it, you have your answer there.

 

Sigh. I guess. It just feels unresolved for me.

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When a girl chases me, I interpret it as desperation and easy sex.

 

I like to do the chasing, but I'm a go-getter, alpha-ish. So that's just how I roll. If I don't ask the girl out, it's most likely because I'm not interested.

 

Some guys like to be chased though.

 

Well I am desperate to see him naked. I guess I should have been more clear in my intentions. I don't see any relationship coming out of this. I just want to get him out of my system, so to speak. He's a super alpha guy who was super aggressive that one time we texted. If you check out my other post, you can read the whole story. Now it would seem he's backed off a little from that one time. Frankly all I want is to hit it. Yes, some girls actually do that.

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Why don't you text him some more to see his interest level?

I mean communicate thru texts and get to know him and then ask him out...

 

I'm just scared he won't respond though he's given me no reason to think that. Texting is the worst thing to ever happen to a courtship. Ever.

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Why don't you text him some more to see his interest level?

I mean communicate thru texts and get to know him and then ask him out...

 

I also poked him on Facebook and he didn't poke back. I mean, seriously, how hard is it to poke a girl back?

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