tomtrq Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 I have been dating this Girl for about 7 weeks. Its been going great so far. Nothing has been rushed and we seem to have connected pretty well. We go out and have fun, she initiates our meet ups as much as me and seems to dedicate most of her prime weekend time to me. Its early days so i am trying not to analyse anything. From the second date in she said she didnt want a relationship because she "couldnt share her life with anyone right now" and that she has always been in couples. This was cool, i just said "no worries, we can just hang out and see where it goes". During the dates and hangouts since and we only seem to be getting closer (allot closer than I have ever been at this stage before). We were having a drunken chat last weekend, I said to her (to ease any worries) that if she wanted she could see other people and that it was not something I wanted to do but Its not my vibe to trap her into anything. She then said "yeah but you wouldnt like that". She then came out with it again (Unprovoked) that she didnt want a relationship and (it seemed like she had had a bad time with the guy before). The following morning we seemed even closer (without sounding too mushy) and as always we talked frankly. She started bringing up out of the blue that she gets hit on all the time by guys at work and she never knows what to do...I was like ok ...your asking the wrong person for advice here! Then she mentioned a previous time we were out with some freinds at a show, she said "oh i have never seen so many hot guys in one place it was amazing", I was like oh awesome and brushed the comment off. Before she left she then further commented saying that I didnt need to worry about her seeing other guys. I usually go by what a girl does less than what she says, and going on that alone It seems like we are in a good place. Up until now I have ignored the conflicting siganls and am just enjoying the time with her. However she throws up messages of us being exclusive now whilst hinting there is no future. I am happy to go with the vibe and just see what happens but at the same time I dont want to be that guy who is the place holder for another guy to swoop in who she does decide she wants a relationship with. If I push her into something (Which i dont want to do ) she will back off, If I do nothing I could be damning myself. I am not attached to her yet but the more we behave the way we have been in the last few weeks then its only a matter of time. I have allot of control over our time togther but she seems to hold the winning card....First time poster......Very Confused......help would be awesome?...... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Do you want to be her friend or her BF? You are right, she's giving you mixed messages & they are starting to hurt you. At this point if you want to be her BF, you have to tell her that. While she is entitled to want to opt out of a relationship, if you want one, you are entitled to express your opinion & your needs. If she still says that she doesn't want a relationship you have some choices to make. 1. You could just walk away but I don't think you are going to do that. 2. You could say, fine but tell her that you need to back off a bit because you are getting attached & her words hurt you so while you are happy to keep hanging out, you will be hanging out & calling less because you want more & she won't give it to you. This is one time where I think, you backing off might cause her to move forward but there is an equal chance that she will let you go. 3. You can continue to let her use you for companionship without getting what you want in return. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomtrq Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 I think I do want a relationship at some point down the line because when we do hang out its just easy, and thats something I really value (getting away from past mistakes). A mutual female friend who suggested that I make the move to start with, said she doesnt want to rush things and that she was also concerned about me loosing interest. Its completly baffling, I will have to draw the line at some point. I feel like i have had most of the power so far but things are starting to even out as they normally would as two people start to connect. I am not in the habbit of freaking out but the more pinned in i get the more i will just walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
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