Extremely Sexually Attracted but not Physically Attracted o.0

[domple]

Ok I have been seeing this girl for 2 months (im 32 and shes 27) we get along great and have been dating for just over 2 months. The truth is we met online and I never found her physically attractive (not bad looking either) but after some time I really started to like her and in fact love her.

 

Anyway I am at the precipice to break it off due to the looks as they are playing on my mind constantly but the one thing I can not work out for the life of me is the following

1. Whenever I see her I just want to kiss her, hold her hand, hold her

2. Not to be graphic but when I wake up next to her I just want to screw her brains out over and over again more than any other girl i've dated. I love having sex and seeing her body and move around.

 

Firstly there are genuine feelings there but my mind is almost yelling at me to break it off as we started pretty good and click on ever level more than any other girl ive met. I dont want to loose someone I am so compatible with yet but for some reason I just keep running to her when I see her just to hold her and kiss her.

[emva07]

hm, that's a toughy.

 

I mean if it's something you truly can't deal with then cut it off.

Once it's cut off you'll see if you can live without her or not, if a girl being hot outweighs all the good qualities of this one.

 

I mean I see it happen, people leave one person due to a certain quality but the next has something lacking in another department but that flaw is a better fit for them than the other. Does that make sense?

[Leigh 87]

Not all couples have the luxury of immediately being physically attracted to their future mate. Some people are not attractive to a wide enough range of people, that they go for personality and chemistry alone. People get by well this way^^

 

Personally, I am more comfortable seeking guys out, who are initially attracted to me. I may not always have that luxury but I am enjoying it while I still have my looks due to my age.

 

Here is the thing: the last three guys were not physically attractive to the VAST majority of women. They were overweight or just not attractive to most girls in general, yet TO ME , they DID become very attractive based on how I felt for them and our immediate chemistry.

 

You can acknowledge that a person is not physically attractive yet still have hot chemistry with them, actually; as long as you're not repulsed by them.

 

With the right person who you have chemistry with, you CAN truly grow to love the way they look...

 

I would cut it off, as my long term bf wasn't that attracted to me yet he was into me in other ways. I could tell he loved me for me, and he did think I was hot, but.. there was just something missing.

I could tell, initially, that yes I had a great body, but he wasn't all that comfortable with how I looked. In the end he did have flashes where he looked at me and thought I was pretty. I could tell he only really thought of me initially, when we were most loved up.

In the end it weighed heavily on me, that I thought there was just something missing with us. I believe looks and being physically attracted are PART of the raw components to falling in love.

 

 

The ability to love one for their looks and feel great about their looks due to having that much love for them, is key.

 

If you are uncomfortable about the way she looks, please end it. She deserves a guy who is totally at ease with the way she looks.

[TheGuard13]

Pretty much.

[KatZee]

Sooo... you love to touch her, kiss her, have sex with her, look at her body, watch her move... and you're NOT attracted to her?

 

I'm finding this hard to believe.

 

She may not be EXACTLY your type, she may not be a knock out runway model, but the fact of the matter is, YOU'RE attracted to her.

 

I was with one guy for a while and I was NOT attracted to him. The thought of holding his hand, kissing him and having sex with him REPULSED ME. In fact, I once said no to sex for 3 months straight because I just couldn't do it.

THIS is what lack of attraction looks like.

[crederer]

It sound slike you are attracted to her but are worried about what others think about her because she doesn't fit the hollywood image of "hot". Which is quite shallow...

 

I really don't see the problem in this case at all.

[mammasita]

I'm SO confused.

[JamesM]

I'm SO confused.

 

I was too.

 

But on the way home, I thought about it and an example of someone in my life came to my mind.

 

Yes, I am married.

 

There is a woman I worked with who I always felt sexually attracted to and yet when I looked at her, physically she did nothing. There was something that attracted me to her.

 

After a long analysis, I decided that her eyes and smile along with her calming yet mischievous personality is what turned me on. But when I looked at her, then I saw her objectively and her body shape and hair and the rest was not attractive to me.

 

So I can see how you can be sexually lusting for someone while still visually not being attracted to the same person. Weird but I see.

 

My comparison stops at the point where yours begins. You have a relationship with her. Honestly, you have to decide if her lack of physical attraction to you will one day be well, repulsive. The sexual attraction will come and go (pun intended) The physical attraction will always be there or not.

 

Personally, IMO, I would probably caution you against continuing a relationship with her unless you find her personality and attitude attractive enough to fill in for the lack of physical attraction.

[Skyraider829]

Is it just me or isn't sexual attraction essentially a subset of physical attraction?

[yessy21]

YOU my friend... are incredibly attracted to her.

 

You just stereotyped her looks and decided that if she doesn't look like a model then that's it.

 

But that's when people like me teach people like you something new.

 

1.) your body changes as you get older...personality and charm doesn't.

2.) you will never find someone that is perfect out there.

 

There just isn't no one perfect... guess what Miranda Kerr... takes a crap that probably stinks up the whole suite and Orlando probably ranks on her.

 

If you like everything about this girl don't ruin it because of something as petty as looks.. looks wont matter when your old as fudge doing the lean back in front of your recliner trying to grasp to your youth... while she makes your favorite salami sandwich.

 

Everything in life can be changed...

 

if shes overweight... make healthier choices and include her in activities.

if she has brown hair and you like blondes... buy her a salon coupon and mention that blonde is the new brown.

if she has burn marks or scars ... know that they are from the battle of life. and that science is advanced.

if she is blind... know that she can see in your heart and that's all she needs.

If she is missing limbs, make her new ones with hearfelt messages as tattoos.

If shes short buy her heels.

[Phantom888]

You definitely have chemistry. Are you vain to the extent you care how other people would perceive you two as a couple? I mean, if you are sexually attracted to her, you are PHYSICALLY attracted to her, even if she is not what society considers "attractive". Everyone has his/her preference. If you enjoy being with her, that's all that matters.

 

Don't let her go, or you will regret. This happened to me in college, and I still think back and kick myself.

[FitChick]

What is it you don't find physically attractive? You can change the outside a person but you can't change the inside. She has to be willing to change. She might if she knew she'd lose you.

[MalachiX]

It sound slike you are attracted to her but are worried about what others think about her because she doesn't fit the hollywood image of "hot".

 

THIS

 

If you see just want to kiss her when you see her that means you are FALLING FOR HER and are romantically attracted to her.

 

If you want to "screw her brains out" when you wake up next to her, that means you are physically attracted to her.

 

If those two things are there, then the only thing that must be missing is that you don't think she meets society's definition of being "attractive" which frankly shouldn't matter.

 

So, you can decide if you really care that much about what other people think and lose this person you seem very campatable with or you can shrug it off and just try to be happy.

 

That said, I actually think it's going to be a hard choice since clearly this bothers you enough that you're thinking of breaking up with her. It would suck if you stayed with her and this remained an issue for years.

[todreaminblue]

who is to say what attracts us to another......sometimes you might not be attracted to someone physically.....i wasnt with my ex..he was a body builder and intimidated me...a true clioud person with a massive back arms cheat and legs like tree trunks...because i am not really into huge muscles...intimidating...he was massive but he showed me his soft side through a close friendship he listened and understood me,he did charity work with disabled kids..... and i slowly fell in love with him and his heart......our sex life as off the charts.......when we eventually were together...it is possible to fall in love with the person first and then everything about them becomes endearing.....physically...found this recently...fell in love with a soft soul, and everything about him his smile his eyes his voice was endearing to me his height his looks....his heart was already visible.......so much so no one comes close......but what is..... shall be and he isnt for me......you should be with someone you feel strongly for...and if you cant be with that person be with someone who feels that way about you...thats my solution....cant be with the one you love, love the one you are with and grow to love them......if they love you, love them too

 

 

 

honestly i dont know if you actually arent attracted to her....maybe you are not listening to what your heartsi telling you...if you want to kiss her every time you "see" her that to me is you seeing her and loving what you see......i normally have inthe past dated guys i am not physcially attracted to at first......because i get to know them and then i fall for them and the qualities they posess rather than the way they look.i dotn give a crap what others think k....if i love soemone others opinions dont matter ..i do know when i fall for someone if i have truly fallen i dont find any other guy attractive unless they look like the person i have fallen for.....lol...which doesnt occur of course...do you find any other girsl are really attarctive to you?.so give this woman a chance because you are probably in love with her..... by the sounds it ...you are...best wishes.......deb

Edited October 16, 2013 by todreaminblue

[StanMusial]

This doesn't make any gd sense.

[emva07]

this does happen, I know it sounds strange but it happens.

 

Sometimes we find certain qualities soooo sexy that it outdoes the physical, I remember my music teacher used to say that a guy could be ugly as sin but if he could sing, she was in heaven.

 

Perfect example....Marc Anthony.....ugly but his voice makes him so damn sexy.

 

It's happened to me before. I have wanted a guy sooooo bad and thought "what is wrong with me???" sometimes all it took is a good scent.

 

What I find sexy is intelligence. The guy doesn't have to be a looker but if he has a brain on him, he is sexy to me.

 

Throw in a good compatible personality....that can get confusing and difficult.

 

Like in Shallow Hall.

Edited October 16, 2013 by emva07

[StanMusial]

this does happen, I know it sounds strange but it happens.

 

Sometimes we find certain qualities soooo sexy that it outdoes the physical, I remember my music teacher used to say that a guy could be ugly as sin but if he could sing, she was in heaven.

 

Perfect example....Marc Anthony.....ugly but his voice makes him so damn sexy.

 

It's happened to me before. I have wanted a guy sooooo bad and thought "what is wrong with me???" sometimes all it took is a good scent.

 

What I find sexy is intelligence. The guy doesn't have to be a looker but if he has a brain on him, he is sexy to me.

 

Throw in a good compatible personality....that can get confusing and difficult.

 

Like in Shallow Hall.

 

Yeah, but the physical attraction is there if you want to sex that person.

[xxoo]

Yeah, but the physical attraction is there if you want to sex that person.

 

I guess it depends on how you are wired. For me, his post isn't confusing at all. I've found men who were on the surface unattractive to be extremely sexy, if they have the personality traits that trigger my lust.

 

What I don't understand is breaking it off. You could meet a more beautiful woman and never find the same sexual chemistry.

[StanMusial]

I guess it depends on how you are wired. For me, his post isn't confusing at all. I've found men who were on the surface unattractive to be extremely sexy, if they have the personality traits that trigger my lust.

 

What I don't understand is breaking it off. You could meet a more beautiful woman and never find the same sexual chemistry.

 

I don't understand that part either.

[kendallk]

Only a guy would post this. Because women are valued first and foremost for their looks.

[RogerWallace111]

this does happen, I know it sounds strange but it happens.

 

Sometimes we find certain qualities soooo sexy that it outdoes the physical, I remember my music teacher used to say that a guy could be ugly as sin but if he could sing, she was in heaven.

 

Yep. OP's not crazy. I do think sexual/physical attraction are basically the same though, so the title might be better as "Extremely sexually attracted but don't actually find her aesthetically pleasing". Haven't felt that in a relationship thankfully, but I could say so about probably 30% of the women I watch pornos of. Wouldn't take a second glance on the street, but once the sexy style/personality are workin...

[emva07]

Only a guy would post this. Because women are valued first and foremost for their looks.

 

No.... Women do it too. I've had a few friend complain about this

[kendallk]

No.... Women do it too. I've had a few friend complain about this

 

Ive met very few women who place looks as number 1. They are exceptions. Doing this is the norm for men though.

 

I know lots of very pretty women with men that aren't attractive. The men have lots of qualities inside to make up for it. That doesn't happen the reverse way. Men only pick apart a woman's personality after he wants to **** her. Personality traits don't trump a lack of physical attractiveness when men pick women.

 

There are actually a ton of research studies that show that men on average place looks way higher on their priority list. Harvard did a study of 10,000 married couples that found men place looks in the top 3 for a WIFE while women do in the top 10 for a husband. Mind blowing

[mesmerized]

Something tells me you ARE attracted to her..She is just not a hottie according to society's standards and you don't feel proud to show her off. Am I right?

[MalachiX]

Only a guy would post this. Because women are valued first and foremost for their looks.

 

How's that war on men going for ya? Does it fill you with joy? Make for a loving and positive live? Or is your unrelenting animosity making you seem like a totally unlikable person and perhaps driving away positive individuals who might otherwise have wanted to be your friends or even date you?

 

All the anti-male hate you put out just feels like a total downer. I can imagine that there are a lot of really great guys out there who would never want to be around you because of all the animosity you seem to project towards their gender. It's a shame because your attitudes are probably keeping away the very guys you'd like to be with.