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Am I just a hook up to him or does he like me?


amlove89

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Bare with me, this is super long:

Over the summer I met a guy whom I was very attracted to, and it was clear he was attracted to me as well. The first night we hung out, it was in a group setting, we laughed and joked with each other. He even made small attempts to get next to me such as relocating his seat to be closer to me on the couch. He even sat extremely close to me to the point where out arms touched and there was more than enough room on the couch. Anywho I was feeling the vibe and needles to say so was he, later that night he asked if my friend and I wanted to stay to watch a movie and he named it "cuddle time". We did just that and even held hands while watching a scary movie. Around 4am My friend and I left the house, I was confused cus he didn't ask for my number. wasn't sure if he was too shy to do it in front of my friend so I let it slide. I ran into him the next day and my friend asked him if we could watch another movie. This is where he started to become sketchy; he said that he would text us as soon as he returned home. They exchanged numbers and within an hour my friend texted him but he didn't not reply, then I texted him and he replied back and said his roommate was using the tv and that we could do it another time.

Now that he had my number I assumed that he would use it. A few days went by, but he did not text at all! I got anxious and texted him anyways. We texted and flirted after that, but I was always the one initiating texts. The next weekend, a group of my friends along with his roommate and I went to a club. After we got back My friend and I went to his house along with the roommate. And there he was at home with a few of his friends. My friend and I stayed over and we all talked again, laughing and joking. Then this time everyone left and it was him and I there alone. I asked him what he thought of me, and he told me he was into me. Then we hooked up, but did not have sex. Later on the next week, he had promised to go out with my friends and I, then he reneged at the last minute. I got upset but didn't want to show it so I just didn't text him back. Two weeks had gone by and he did not text me at all. On a Friday night I went out, got drunk, and text him. We chatted, but he was at his brothers house which was an hour away and we did not hang out that night. Since he still never initiated any type of communication with me I decided to leave it alone for awhile, I felt like if he was into me why wasn't he initiating texts and trying to hang out with me. It made me feel rejected in a way. Then, a few weeks later I got drunk again and texted him again... We ended up hooking up, but this time it was different, a little more intimate. Before we hooked up I asked him why he did not try to get to know me. He proceeded to tell me about his ex and how she cheated on him and then he told me that he did not want to get feelings involved, and did not want to get attached. He told me that he was still into me and this time I told him I was into him too. After we hooked up (still no sex) I spent the night, not intentionally, and left early that morning.

I thought that things would change this time since a slightly opened up to me, but I still did not hear from him. I then text him a few days later and asked if he wanted to watch a movie in which he declined. I then felt like super rejected, so I again stopped talking to him for about month this time. The next time I saw was at a random party, he witnessed another guy giving me a lap dance, which was not planned at all! A few days later I texted him drunk again, needless to say I obviously really liked him and wanted to keep trying.

This time he asked me to come over, which was a pleasant surprise. I did go over and before anything happened I asked a few more questions since I couldn't get through to him by text. I told him he hurt my feelings when he told me that he didn't want to get feelings involved. He apologized and said that wasn't his intention. Then I asked if he even liked me still, he said he really liked me especially after the last time we had hooked up. Then he started asking me questions, randomly, about where I grew up and ect. I was surprised and I asked why he didn't do this before and he replied, "I don't want to sound like a loser but I was just trying to protect myself from getting hurt." We then talked about other nonsense and fell asleep. The next morning we hooked up again, but still no sex. I refused to have sex with him until he put in more effort.

When I went home I was happier then ever because he actually opened up to me and tried to get to know me more.

I ended up going on vacation for a week and did not text him, thinking he would reach out to me. No shocker that he didn't. That Friday when I returned, not drunk this time, I texted him and we had a conversation lasting for an hour an a half. While we were texting I was with another guy(friend) he drove me to taco bell and as we were walking back I had my arm on my guy friend and we were laughing loudly. I then saw him and he stared intently at us while he passed on his skateboard. I texted him back an hour later and he responded but then stopped talking to me. The next night I went out and again I texted him and asked if everything was ok, he said things were fine and I told him to text me when he got back to campus, but he did not. Usually he would text me back the next day explaining with an excuse as to why he did not text me back, but this time there was nothing at all! I was very upset at this point and frankly I was fed up with the whole relationship or whatever it was. A few days later I asked him why he did not text me back and he started to act like a total douche. I then told him I was wasting my time and ended the conversation.

That was the last time I texted him, it has been two months and he has not texted me at all. Within the last month we have seen each other multiple times around campus and he tried to say hi, but I am still pissed of so I just completely ignore him. Recently I went out and met another guy, we took pictures, I was kissing him on the cheek, and I posted it online thinking nothing of it. It seems though, the more I stick to my guns and ignore him the more he tries to get my attention. But he still has not texted me, so far he just stares at me and I try not to look back at him.

Im not sure what my I want to know, but I do know that I still like him. Im afraid that if I go back to being nice to him and showing him attention, he will then keep on being a douche. I feel like he is starting to come around now, but Im not sure if I should let it go or hold onto a hope that he might begin to show interest. Through all of this he has come across as a very immature boy who is out of touch with his feelings. Just not sure if he even liked me or if he just wanted to hook up.

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Okay reading this, I really think you are better off finding some new guy for your affections. This guy is half arsed. He likes you, when you hook up, and you hook up when you make the effort to instigate it. He could be wary after a bad breakup, but that also just maybe a bit of line to avoid any sort of commitment while hopefully getting some fun, though it seems like this is guy is not out strictly for the nookie. I suspect you got a good understanding of him with...."immature boy who is out of touch with his feelings"

 

If I was really into a girl I would not let a month of no contact go by.

As for him seeing you out laughing and hanging off another guy its pretty clear that upset him. Your post did not say if you explained the nature of this other 'friend' to him. Anyway that incident probably was for the best as it helped to kill off a lame relationship. Move on and be civil to him if you cross paths but dont burn a candle for him. Smart girl on the "but still no sex. I refused to have sex with him until he put in more effort".

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Ninjainpajamas

Look my child, do yourself a favor and listen to me and you'll save yourself a lot of "confusion" and make-believe "heartache"....make-believe because this not really a situation that is involving two people with real emotions, it's one person who is interested in one person and making all the effort and moves as if to convince the person to do something they don't clearly want to do.

 

So first of all...stop making excuses for him, you're just doing that to trick yourself into believing there some reason/issue that you of course can fix and get past to get this guy...get over it, because it's typical and a classic move of just about every other woman doing the same exact thing trying to "catch" a guy who is unavailable...it's a waste of your time and is only going to lead in heartache...unless your ego needs to be stroked by manipulating him into being with you for a short time at least...just say you "got him".

 

The guy is clearly clearly not responding to your advances and making any other moves to show interest....so..

 

what

in

the

hell

are

you

thinking?

 

If you can't get this "hint" through the brick in front of your head that prevents all logic from piercing through, then you're going to have a helluva rough time in life with men...why? because you're constantly going to go for guys who aren't that into you...and then what? once they do sleep with you, because most guys even will especially as they get older and a bit less sensitive and empathetic to your womanly sensitivities then they're just going to drop you and pull away and like a little puppy dog you'll be bouncing around following them everywhere, then trying to play this little head games to try and make them reciprocate and see if they are interested....are you serious?

 

I realize you are young, and a lot of things are hardly transparent to you but this is typical, realize that what you're doing is about you not men...because this behavior and mentality that you have now is going to get you into a lot of trouble...because my god, can you imagine the men who are going to take advantage of it eventually and then you're going to be "confused"? can you imagine the confusion when you play these little games and they just "magically" don't work....gee I wonder why...hmm maybe because you really can't change the interest of a guy....maybe because you really should listen to what they're saying...hmm wouldn't that be an idea?

 

At any rate...I fully believe you will listen to me about as much as an atheist at church, but in the end you'll learn the hard way....I mean hopefully you will learn...you'll probably be in your 30's...still partially confused but it'll start clicking little by little here and there when you realize that men have to really be into you....and chances are...along the way there will be a man or men really interested in you...and you will want nothing to do with them because they are available.

 

Isn't life grand?

 

So yes, that is an exaggeration (possibly) of what you may be in for in the future...so to prevent that (because IMO you're going way too far with this guy) learn some self-control, and let a guy reciprocate...and stop trying to "catch" them...otherwise...face the wrath, but hey...just like a kid riding a bicycle for the first time he probably wants to get on the damn thing straight down a steep hill and slam into a parked guy before it gets the thint that "that's not a great idea"...but let's do it again a few times to learn that lesson shall we! Some learn quick, others don't learn at all.

 

And next time make some paragraphs will ya.

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Okay reading this, I really think you are better off finding some new guy for your affections. This guy is half arsed. He likes you, when you hook up, and you hook up when you make the effort to instigate it. He could be wary after a bad breakup, but that also just maybe a bit of line to avoid any sort of commitment while hopefully getting some fun, though it seems like this is guy is not out strictly for the nookie. I suspect you got a good understanding of him with...."immature boy who is out of touch with his feelings"

 

If I was really into a girl I would not let a month of no contact go by.

As for him seeing you out laughing and hanging off another guy its pretty clear that upset him. Your post did not say if you explained the nature of this other 'friend' to him. Anyway that incident probably was for the best as it helped to kill off a lame relationship. Move on and be civil to him if you cross paths but dont burn a candle for him. Smart girl on the "but still no sex. I refused to have sex with him until he put in more effort".

 

Actually my friend was his friend as well. I know that upset him or made him jealous. But overall I think you are right. Although he try's to say hi to me even after I continue to ignore, it's still not enough to confirm that he legitimately liked/likes me. If anything he's probably hoping that I will text him so we can hook up again. I agree that the best thing is to move on from this. Thanks for the advice!

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Bare with me, this is super long:

Over the summer I met a guy whom I was very attracted to, and it was clear he was attracted to me as well. The first night we hung out, it was in a group setting, we laughed and joked with each other. He even made small attempts to get next to me such as relocating his seat to be closer to me on the couch. He even sat extremely close to me to the point where out arms touched and there was more than enough room on the couch.

 

Anywho I was feeling the vibe and needles to say so was he, later that night he asked if my friend and I wanted to stay to watch a movie and he named it "cuddle time". We did just that and even held hands while watching a scary movie. Around 4am My friend and I left the house, I was confused cus he didn't ask for my number. wasn't sure if he was too shy to do it in front of my friend so I let it slide. I ran into him the next day and my friend asked him if we could watch another movie. This is where he started to become sketchy; he said that he would text us as soon as he returned home. They exchanged numbers and within an hour my friend texted him but he didn't not reply, then I texted him and he replied back and said his roommate was using the tv and that we could do it another time.

 

Now that he had my number I assumed that he would use it. A few days went by, but he did not text at all! I got anxious and texted him anyways. We texted and flirted after that, but I was always the one initiating texts. The next weekend, a group of my friends along with his roommate and I went to a club. After we got back My friend and I went to his house along with the roommate. And there he was at home with a few of his friends. My friend and I stayed over and we all talked again, laughing and joking.

 

Then this time everyone left and it was him and I there alone. I asked him what he thought of me, and he told me he was into me. Then we hooked up, but did not have sex. Later on the next week, he had promised to go out with my friends and I, then he reneged at the last minute. I got upset but didn't want to show it so I just didn't text him back. Two weeks had gone by and he did not text me at all. On a Friday night I went out, got drunk, and text him. We chatted, but he was at his brothers house which was an hour away and we did not hang out that night. Since he still never initiated any type of communication with me I decided to leave it alone for awhile, I felt like if he was into me why wasn't he initiating texts and trying to hang out with me. It made me feel rejected in a way.

 

Then, a few weeks later I got drunk again and texted him again... We ended up hooking up, but this time it was different, a little more intimate. Before we hooked up I asked him why he did not try to get to know me. He proceeded to tell me about his ex and how she cheated on him and then he told me that he did not want to get feelings involved, and did not want to get attached. He told me that he was still into me and this time I told him I was into him too. After we hooked up (still no sex) I spent the night, not intentionally, and left early that morning.

 

 

I thought that things would change this time since a slightly opened up to me, but I still did not hear from him. I then text him a few days later and asked if he wanted to watch a movie in which he declined. I then felt like super rejected, so I again stopped talking to him for about month this time. The next time I saw was at a random party, he witnessed another guy giving me a lap dance, which was not planned at all! A few days later I texted him drunk again, needless to say I obviously really liked him and wanted to keep trying.

 

This time he asked me to come over, which was a pleasant surprise. I did go over and before anything happened I asked a few more questions since I couldn't get through to him by text. I told him he hurt my feelings when he told me that he didn't want to get feelings involved. He apologized and said that wasn't his intention. Then I asked if he even liked me still, he said he really liked me especially after the last time we had hooked up.

 

Then he started asking me questions, randomly, about where I grew up and ect. I was surprised and I asked why he didn't do this before and he replied, "I don't want to sound like a loser but I was just trying to protect myself from getting hurt." We then talked about other nonsense and fell asleep. The next morning we hooked up again, but still no sex. I refused to have sex with him until he put in more effort.

 

When I went home I was happier then ever because he actually opened up to me and tried to get to know me more.

I ended up going on vacation for a week and did not text him, thinking he would reach out to me. No shocker that he didn't. That Friday when I returned, not drunk this time, I texted him and we had a conversation lasting for an hour an a half. While we were texting I was with another guy(friend) he drove me to taco bell and as we were walking back I had my arm on my guy friend and we were laughing loudly. I then saw him and he stared intently at us while he passed on his skateboard. I texted him back an hour later and he responded but then stopped talking to me.

 

The next night I went out and again I texted him and asked if everything was ok, he said things were fine and I told him to text me when he got back to campus, but he did not. Usually he would text me back the next day explaining with an excuse as to why he did not text me back, but this time there was nothing at all! I was very upset at this point and frankly I was fed up with the whole relationship or whatever it was. A few days later I asked him why he did not text me back and he started to act like a total douche. I then told him I was wasting my time and ended the conversation.

 

That was the last time I texted him, it has been two months and he has not texted me at all. Within the last month we have seen each other multiple times around campus and he tried to say hi, but I am still pissed of so I just completely ignore him. Recently I went out and met another guy, we took pictures, I was kissing him on the cheek, and I posted it online thinking nothing of it. It seems though, the more I stick to my guns and ignore him the more he tries to get my attention. But he still has not texted me, so far he just stares at me and I try not to look back at him.

 

 

Im not sure what my I want to know, but I do know that I still like him. Im afraid that if I go back to being nice to him and showing him attention, he will then keep on being a douche. I feel like he is starting to come around now, but Im not sure if I should let it go or hold onto a hope that he might begin to show interest. Through all of this he has come across as a very immature boy who is out of touch with his feelings. Just not sure if he even liked me or if he just wanted to hook up.[/

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I promise I would have read the super long thread had you only put spaces in between your paragraphs.

I added spaces but could only post it as a reply. If youre still interested in reading its there in the comments!

Thanks

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I am still trying to work out what guys are into me, it is a long process for some women:lmao:

 

However, based on the evidence presented in your post, here are a few things that you SHOULD absolutely reference for the next guy you take an interest in:

 

- this guy never texted or called; you initiated MOST texts and calls.

A guy who is into you and who wants to get to know you better WILL initiate text and/or phone calls. Heck, there is even facebook for the particularly shy guys and girls if texting is too daunting:lmao:

 

- his actions did not align with his words; he told you he liked you when you ASKED him. He then showed NO evidence to support this.

He never TOLD you he liked you. He never TOLD you he wanted to spend more time getting to know you better.

ALL he gave you was: he told you he liked you WHEN YOU ASKED him.

 

A guy who is really feeling it with you WILL actually TELL you through his words and his actions, that he does indeed think you are damn well worth getting to know.

 

..........................

 

 

I worry quiet a lot about you to be honest; it is hard enough for me personally, to deal with men who DO act very much into me, but who fail to show actions beyond the initial calling and texting.

Even guys who DO act into you initially often will lose interest or realise it was a short lived lust driven attraction.

You will be in trouble if you do not even factor in whether a guy is into you initially, since even guys who DO show clear signs they are into you, change their minds often.

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I didn't read all of this, please use paragraphs and spacings.

 

Look into a man's eyes and ask him what he wants from you, this relationship. If he's a real, honest man, he should be able to look into your eyes and tell you what he wants and how he feels about you.

 

If he can't do that, he's probably just after one thing. That's 90% of men unfortunately, too scared to admit what they want, know what they want and find their place in the world.

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I added spaces but could only post it as a reply. If youre still interested in reading its there in the comments!

Thanks

 

Thanks. Spaces make life so much easier :)

 

You seem like a nice person and one who's willing to put herself out there. That said, this guy clearly only looks at you as a hook up. He's treated your terribly and you've still come back for more. We all make mistakes in romance but you can take charge and stop making this mistake. I'm sure you're worth a lot more than he's giving you.

 

I'm gonna hijack your thread for a moment and make another point that I hope doesn't come off as rude or sexist (that's not my intent). Every once in a while, someone who claims to be a "nice guy" will indicate frustration when they see a thread like this. Unfortunately, they'll often follow up their frustration with some misogynistic BS that reveals them to be anything but nice. There are a lot of entitled jerks out there who give men a bad name.

 

What I think some legitimately nice guys do find frustrating however is the fact that narcissistic behavior seems to get rewarded in a lot of cases and it can create an environment where genuine if shy people (both men and women) feel out of the game because that's not their thing. I may be projecting (and if I am I 100% apologize); but it seems like part of the reason you kept pursuing this guy OVER AND OVER despite him treating you terribly is that he didn't make himself available which perhaps added an element of excitement into the mix and made you want to pursue him more. I certainly can't say for sure but I wonder if you'd paid him nearly as much attention if he'd done the opposite and constantly made time for you rather than rejecting you.

 

Once again, I bring this up because I think it kinda create a nasty cycle where selfish people get rewarded for bad behavior even though they're hurting the people they date. It's also a shame because then people who are less successful in romance try to emulate this lousy attitude. I've lost track of how many times I've seen people on these boards (both genders) advising others to make un-attainable in the hopes of appearing more attractive to someone else.

 

You got burned by this guy but you sound pretty young so you've got a long life ahead of you. A good thing about this experience is that it might treat you to think differently about how you chose who to date and also about how much you value yourself. None of this is meant to sound harsh and I may be totally off-base but I think it's something to consider. You'll find a lot of nice people out there who are willing to treat you well. Don't overlook them in favor of jerks who seem like a "challenge."

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Thanks. Spaces make life so much easier :)

 

You seem like a nice person and one who's willing to put herself out there. That said, this guy clearly only looks at you as a hook up. He's treated your terribly and you've still come back for more. We all make mistakes in romance but you can take charge and stop making this mistake. I'm sure you're worth a lot more than he's giving you.

 

I'm gonna hijack your thread for a moment and make another point that I hope doesn't come off as rude or sexist (that's not my intent). Every once in a while, someone who claims to be a "nice guy" will indicate frustration when they see a thread like this. Unfortunately, they'll often follow up their frustration with some misogynistic BS that reveals them to be anything but nice. There are a lot of entitled jerks out there who give men a bad name.

 

What I think some legitimately nice guys do find frustrating however is the fact that narcissistic behavior seems to get rewarded in a lot of cases and it can create an environment where genuine if shy people (both men and women) feel out of the game because that's not their thing. I may be projecting (and if I am I 100% apologize); but it seems like part of the reason you kept pursuing this guy OVER AND OVER despite him treating you terribly is that he didn't make himself available which perhaps added an element of excitement into the mix and made you want to pursue him more. I certainly can't say for sure but I wonder if you'd paid him nearly as much attention if he'd done the opposite and constantly made time for you rather than rejecting you.

 

Once again, I bring this up because I think it kinda create a nasty cycle where selfish people get rewarded for bad behavior even though they're hurting the people they date. It's also a shame because then people who are less successful in romance try to emulate this lousy attitude. I've lost track of how many times I've seen people on these boards (both genders) advising others to make un-attainable in the hopes of appearing more attractive to someone else.

 

You got burned by this guy but you sound pretty young so you've got a long life ahead of you. A good thing about this experience is that it might treat you to think differently about how you chose who to date and also about how much you value yourself. None of this is meant to sound harsh and I may be totally off-base but I think it's something to consider. You'll find a lot of nice people out there who are willing to treat you well. Don't overlook them in favor of jerks who seem like a "challenge."

 

 

First off, I really appreciate your feedback! You are absolutely right, I normally am the one that gets chased and in this situation things escalated so quickly that I didn't even give him a chance to be the "hunter". I know it sounds like an immature game, but it is what it is. The sucky part is that after the initial excitement I did really start to like this boy. And YES I definitely got burned.

 

It has totally changed my perspective on dating. Since I have stopped talking to him I have met several guys that are pursuing me, and I have decided to give them a chance rather than immediately shutting them down.

 

Another reason why I got hooked on this boy is because before we got to know each other we were affectionate (I blame this on my lack of experience with men) even though we never had sex. Usually I don't give guys a chance to even get that close to me. This experience has definitely taught me a good lesson; it still hurts but I'll be fine.

 

It's been 2 1/2 months since I spoke to him, and now he seems to be wanting my attention (just something I've noticed).

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This guy is interested in getting into your pants- and that's about it. The brief moments that you interpreted as intimacy, are nothing more than frustrating, deliberately deceptive foreplay for him.

 

You're young, and you're naïve. I understand by how much time and effort you've spent writing this post that you want to believe something about this guy that simply isn't the case.

 

You want to interpret subtle nuances as complex explanations behind his reluctance to make any sort of commitment to you. Maybe you want to fool yourself into thinking he's "complicated". He's not complicated, he's glaringly transparent.

 

You initiate everything. He's not interested.

 

Hard pill to swallow, harsh words- but the truth nonetheless.

 

When a guy is truly interested in you- you won't feel doubt, and that's the way it should be.

 

You're young, so learn early to treat yourself as the prize... Don't ever consent to being an option.

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Wise words as usual from D-Lish.

 

This guy has one thing in mind. Stop throwing yourself at him and move on.

 

Find someone who is truly interested in you.

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