Is he a pervert ?

[AllGrownUp]

Hi all, I'm trying to figure out if the guy I'm dating is a Class A sicko or not.

I'm almost 27, he's a little over 35. We had been friends for several years before dating.

He had a contentious break up with his last girlfriend, but they seemd to have a fairly normal relationship.

Background on him: Educated, comes from 2 parent family, normal childhood, close happy family.

Very charismatic and genius level I.Q. (Not that this is good or bad just facts)

Type A, won't let anyone close to him win argument, very persuasive speaker.

I have considered him an interesting, very attractive friend and was happy to be dating him until recently.

All the time I've known him he's always behaved like a guy who really like very nubile looking, skinny youthful women.

Ive passed this off as something very normal-seeming.

Since he's always dated women his age, I didnt find his appreciation for young girls/women weird.

Until now.

 

He had made a joke (or so I thought) years ago about how cute his second cousin who was 12 at the time looked in bathing suit and how great her @ss was.

I totally took it as a joke, since his humor is sometimes dark.

But recently he mentioned that she wasn't at a family gathering that he went to and that he hasnt seen her in years and wonders how attractive she. I brought up the old joke he made and he told me that when she's legal age he could date her cause she's not a first cousin. Eww. But that he wouldnt because her parents would kill him.

 

After these remarks, I started to ferret more info subconciously to assuage my growing feelings that he's a bit disturbed about liking young girls.

I made him feel comfortable and he revealed to me how he misses a girl he used to talk to online when she was 15 ("but very mature" according to him - yeah right)

He said she would now be 18 very soon. I asked him what that meant and he said he was teasing.

No don't think he was teasing.

I then tried to clarify his feelings about young women.

Did he really think it's appropriate for a girl who is only 13-17 to have sex with a much older man ?

And he actually replied that when they get their period makes sense.

This statement sent me reeling and we got into the most heated discussion where he actually tried to convince me that girls are just as responsible as the older men who persue them. That almost all girls are wily little enticers.

 

And he tried to say that all men are universally attracted to any blooming girl over 12 or 13. And then as the kicker he added that if he got married and had kids he'd be afraid of being a horny-feeling old man around his teen daughter's friends.

(blech!) He then tried to tell me that his great grandmother was a child bride from Italy so that makes it reasonable.

 

After this revelation I checked out his pcs and saw what looked like and was labelled to be underage stuff. Tons of it.

When I confronted him on it he freaked out at me 'breaking his trust' and told me the pics were just from pop ups. (no way, they were neatly arranged in their own little folders and secret sub folders)

Since then he got rid of his computers and now keeps his new ones away from my prying eyes.

He acts like Im the bad guy and refuses to discuss his obsession with me at all. If he knew I was posting I think he would turn me into the next Jimmy Hoffa.

 

What should I do ? I have a very European family that thinks men are all sex crazed and attracted to women of all ages.

Theyre of no help in telling me what to do about this guy. They think he's the best and want me to marry him ( !) This really hurts my brain, because he is a good person in many ways, how can he be such an absolute disaster on this huge dealbreaking point ?

Please someone kick my butt and talk some sense into me one way or the other.

[Mr Spock]

Hey. If it were "OK" to find 12-15 year olds attractive Roman Polanski wouldn't have had to leave the U.S.....................

[deesgirl]

Why are you still with this man?

 

Yes, he is sick.

[Pyrannaste]

And he tried to say that all men are universally attracted to any blooming girl over 12 or 13.

 

Many generalizations suck, but this one is expecially disturbing. I can buy that all men are universally attracted to 20 years old models, but the majority of men would *not* regard a 14 years old girl as an object of desire. Most men would find the idea of having sex with a 14 years old sick.

 

This statement sent me reeling and we got into the most heated discussion where he actually tried to convince me that girls are just as responsible as the older men who persue them. That almost all girls are wily little enticers.

 

Enough to scare a woman to death and make her run like hell away from him.

 

I don't think he can be labeled as a pedophile, but he sounds like a sick pervert.

 

After this revelation I checked out his pcs and saw what looked like and was labelled to be underage stuff. Tons of it.

 

A lot of so called 'underage stuff' actually are pics of adult model who look like, and dress like, 16 years old.

But if the girls in the pics were actually underage, he owns some *illegal* material on those pcs of his.

 

And then as the kicker he added that if he got married and had kids he'd be afraid of being a horny-feeling old man around his teen daughter's friends.

 

Believe every word he said. Would you really want to end up married with a guy who'll perv on your teen daughter's friends? With a guy who has a *huge* problem and instead of acknowledging it he seeks excuses for it and tries to talk you into believing it is normal?

 

This guy is carrying around a big red flag and wearing it like a toga.

 

Please, as hard as it might be, leave this sicko before you make your life miseable. I hope you haven't been dating for a long time. Dump his ass before you end up posting on loveshack threads like "my fiancee is oogling my 12 years old niece".

 

What should I do ? I have a very European family that thinks men are all sex crazed and attracted to women of all ages.

Theyre of no help in telling me what to do about this guy. They think he's the best and want me to marry him ( !)

 

Just out of curiosity, where is your family from? Did you tell them *exactly* what he said about underage girls?

 

Btw, my great-grandmother was italian too, and even if I didn't know her personally she would have whipped my grandmother's skin off her back if she had dated a guy before she was 18.

He then tried to tell me that his great grandmother was a child bride from Italy so that makes it reasonable.

This is total bullsh*t.

1) it is likely he never met his great-grandmother.

2) has he ever wondered if his great-grandma was okay with it????

3) does a sentence like "my great-grandfather raped my great-grandmother....he got away with it because he agreed to marry her...they stayed married and he was a good husband, so it's okay if I rape my neighbor" make sense to you?

It's the same kind of logic.

[TreeHugger]

I vote for the Pedophile label, definetly pedophile! Sick man, Sick, Sick, Sick!

 

Run...don't look back...in fact I would anonymously notify law enforcement of his "preferences."

 

I am currently working on a case that involves a pedophile, and another who is a child rapist...scary thing is that they have said almost the exact same things this man has said to you!

 

This guy sounds like he would swing with his own daughter once she develops enough! ewww..........Run far away!!! I'm sure your European family would be seeking Jimmy Hoffa if he nailed his/your daughter (future tense).

[supermom]

Yes, he is very sick.

 

Chester the molester.

 

Take everyone's advise and don't stay with this man. He is not one to be trusted!

[moimeme]

That almost all girls are wily little enticers.

 

Right there is a GREAT BIG RED FLAG with great big red flashing lights and sirens going off. Which, by the way, is what this guy will see one of these days. If this guy hasn't got pedophile tendencies, I'm a blue whale.

 

I'm on the side of reporting him, too. You could save some poor young lady a lot of grief. Oh, and of course dump the creep.

[einahpets]

Hey. If it were "OK" to find 12-15 year olds attractive Roman Polanski wouldn't have had to leave the U.S.....................

i forgot about that. what is the story again? he is one person who has definatly had an interesting life.

 

 

I'm on the side of reporting him, too.

me too!!!!

 

 

run, run, run!!! do you really think that if he was left alone with a child and had the opportunity to take action, that he wouldn't? the fact that you even need to ask yourself these Qs mean your relationship is in big trouble. child porn is illegal, turn his ass in!!!!

[Mr Spock]

After his wife was murdered by the manson family, maybe 10 years?

 

He fed a 13 year old girl booze and pills and had sex with her at Jack Nicholson's house. She then told her mother, who called the cops.

 

Hint. If you have to tell your date not to tell their parents, it's probably illegal.

 

And I wouldn't exactly classify him as a "pedophile", there is a word for people who are attracted to pre and young teens-can't remember, but pedophelia is I think termed for younger than the types he finds to be "willy teasers"

[moimeme]

True enough. Pedophilia is about attraction to prepubescent kids. I keep forgetting that kids of 13-15 have usually passed puberty and then some.

[Pyrannaste]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

And I wouldn't exactly classify him as a "pedophile", there is a word for people who are attracted to pre and young teens-can't remember, but pedophelia is I think termed for younger than the types he finds to be "willy teasers"

 

I believe the word is "hebophile", but I don't think that using the right term matters much.

A perv by any other name would smell as fishy.