Alexanda Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 So I recently met this guy that I like. He is 35, has his own business that's successful, he's funny, intelligent, nice, ambitious, has a sense of humor, and keeps me laughing/smiling. So I found out he has 7 kids (2 live with him) and I'm like wow. My friends think its a bad idea if me and this guy end up dating. Right now we are just getting to know each other, but last night he said he can see us being more than friends and he told me what he likes about me. He told me he has a vasectomy because he doesn't want any more kids. He has two sets of twins and he said after the last set that he got his vasectomy. I'm 28 and I don't think I want kids though. I'm trying not judge him because he has so many kids. I have never dated a man with kids before. Should he number of kids he has be a factor in whether or not I date him? I do like him and do what to be in a relationship with him. I don't know what to do. Advice please? Link to post Share on other sites
fanine Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 From how many mothers are his kids and what is his relationship history with any of them? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexanda Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 I just know with woman he has two kids and that is his ex wife. He has an ex fiancée but I don't know if he has kids with her or not. Then there is one other woman and I don't know his relationship with her. He did tell me has only been in 2 serious long term relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) I'm 28 and I don't think I want kids though. I'm trying not judge him because he has so many kids. I have never dated a man with kids before. Kids define lifestyle. The demands they put on one's time, finances and order of priorities are real. They also change the way a person views life and the world. Parents learn how to give without expecting anything in return other than to see the family thrive. So there are significant tradeoffs. A man with seven kids is probably going to live outside of himself, but he will also be spending a lot of time and money on them. If you're not inclined to share in the joy and fulfillment he gets from nurturing kids, and in your case kids that aren't yours, there is a good chance you'll end up resenting the fact that you aren't his only priority. If your vision of a nice relationship is a lot of alone time spent on couples-only activities, you may not be happy making the compromises. A lot of parents prefer to date other parents because they understand how it is and don't tend to be competitive for time and attention. Given that you don't want kids, I think you'd have to be amazingly giving and selfless to be happy dating a guy with seven kids. I'd say it's improbable but not impossible. Only you can answer that question, and you might not be able to without the benefit of experience. Perhaps this is that opportunity. Edited September 4, 2013 by salparadise Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 I smell red flag... SEVEN kids at 35 means he is going to have a lot on his plate for the next twenty years. How will you feel often being second or third after the kids? You said you didn't want them, but they could - by extension - become a huge part of your life (as well as the women who birthed these babies) if the relationship went the distance. If this is not a lifestyle you could embrace, then get out now. Link to post Share on other sites
fanine Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 I just know with woman he has two kids and that is his ex wife. He has an ex fiancée but I don't know if he has kids with her or not. Then there is one other woman and I don't know his relationship with her. He did tell me has only been in 2 serious long term relationships. With seven kids I would find out more if I were you regarding the details. That is a big amount of kids - if only 2 with his ex wife then who has he had the five others with? Does he support them? If so that will be expensive. Is he in regular contact with them? Do the mothers of these kids hold any grudges against him or have a good relationship with him? If you are going to take this on, you need to know all these kind of things. It might tell you more about the man you are involved with as well and his experience with women. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 Your 28 why would you take on a 35 year old with so much baggage? Just because he has a successful business? At this point he's probably making minimum wage with SEVEN kids. Then you don't even know how many baby mothers, that is very naive. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 There are lots of guys who don't spend much time at all with their kids. Especially if they aren't seeing the mother anymore. I think everyone's rushing to assume he's gonna be involved with them on some significant level. I bet if he's been so busy making kids he's likely to choose a weekend with Alexanda over tot time at the amusement park. Also if he runs his own business and makes decent money then the financial hit shouldn't be so bad. I think in most states there are set maximum percentages no matter how many kids you have. Just make sure to make him wear a condom or you take the pill, since a vasectomy isn't 100% and you don't even know for sure if he's telling the truth about that. Your piece of the child support pie will be very small if you end up getting pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
fanine Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 There are lots of guys who don't spend much time at all with their kids. Especially if they aren't seeing the mother anymore. I think everyone's rushing to assume he's gonna be involved with them on some significant level. I bet if he's been so busy making kids he's likely to choose a weekend with Alexanda over tot time at the amusement park. Also if he runs his own business and makes decent money then the financial hit shouldn't be so bad. I think in most states there are set maximum percentages no matter how many kids you have. Just make sure to make him wear a condom or you take the pill, since a vasectomy isn't 100% and you don't even know for sure if he's telling the truth about that. Your piece of the child support pie will be very small if you end up getting pregnant. Isn't the issue more his relationship background? If he has 7 kids but she only knows his ex wife is the mother of two of them? It would concern me and I would want to know what position he left these other mothers in, what their attitudes to him are, were any conceived when he was married etc? I would also be concerned if he didn't seem concerned about his kids..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexanda Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 Thanks everyone! Yeah I won't be talking to him anymore. Yeah 7 kids is a lot and that does bother me. Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 7 kids at 35????? That is one busy man. with a very busy penis. Food for though...... if hes only had two serious relationships and has 3 different parenting partners... get that man checked.......... before you let anything near your ...lady parts. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 Kids always bring drama. If they were in college and older, it would be less of a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
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