Amethystic Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Alright, LS-ers, time to summon your inner Judith Martin (Miss Manners) I need etiquette advice on a situation that probably comes up regularly enough in multidating. It's no big deal, but I'll provide some detail so it makes sense. Background: Back in April, I started dating a guy I met through friends, guy A. We really hit it off, and I thought we'd sail into the sunset together. Alas, it was not to be. Now, we have friendship that can be described as "mildly complicated." We have loads in common and enjoy each other's company. There's definitely sexual tension, even if the potential for anything significant is nil (it's been four months and we don't seem to be heading in that direction, plus he waffles whenever I bring up exclusivity = nopesville). We go out for dinner/drinks from time to time, we flirt, we sext. We make out and get grabby on dates (we haven't had sex because of reasons). We enjoy each other's company. But he knows I see other people, and he does also. The quandary: Fast forward to now. I've been dating a new hottie, guy B. It's too early for exclusivity, but things look promising. Yesterday, guy B and I spent the day at the beach and took pictures together. He's going to upload the pics to his Facebook, and I want to do the same. But I'm wondering if this would be in poor taste, since I'm friends with guy A on Facebook, and yanno, we have this blurry... "flirtlationship" going on. I know I could do the "limit audience" thing, but we have mutual friends and he still could see... and then I'd just look shady for hiding the pics from him. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 I'd skip the photo, personally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 You do not ow him anything, but if you're anything like me, I tend to put others feelings before my own. I know of a guy who does not want to be with me of recent (who would still want to be with me, only I fhucked things up with him) yet I know he would prob get a little annoyed if I posted pictures of me and a new guy on facebook. I would refrain from posting pictures. I like to live my life in such a way, that dictates other peoples feelings normally come before my own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amethystic Posted August 18, 2013 Author Share Posted August 18, 2013 I like to live my life in such a way, that dictates other peoples feelings normally come before my own. I can be like that too. I don't want to be tacky or hurt his feelings on the off chance he's more into me than he lets on. In fact, he's likely to be upset, because he strikes me as the type who only values what's just out of his reach. At the same time, he did pretty much "fwb-zone" me by pulling back, and that was disappointing initially, but now I don't really care. The little red gal on my shoulder is saying "f*ck his feelings, those pics are awesome" Link to post Share on other sites
RicanJ Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Yes skip the pic! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 I can be like that too. I don't want to be tacky or hurt his feelings on the off chance he's more into me than he lets on. In fact, he's likely to be upset, because he strikes me as the type who only values what's just out of his reach. At the same time, he did pretty much "fwb-zone" me by pulling back, and that was disappointing initially, but now I don't really care. The little red gal on my shoulder is saying "f*ck his feelings, those pics are awesome" Do you think living your life in a way that protects the feelings of someone who's rejected you and prevents you from being yourself and living an authentic life makes much sense? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulJazzBlues Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Personally, I wouldn't put photos of a guy I just started dating on FB, whether there was another man in the picture or not. It can get just so messy so quickly Also, why do you care what person A thinks? I'm not convinced you're that into person B if you are worrying about person B. I think you are trying to get person A jealous. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Ugh, I would not put pics of new guys on FB regardless of multidating. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 What's the point of posting them on facecrack? To show off? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 If you love him, stop flirting with other guys and show your photos of your lover to your friends if that is what you both wish. Sorry to be so direct. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Thoughts? Cut off Person A since he isn't interested in you and date person B. Quit game playing. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 If the guy uploads the photos and tags you, the photos will show up on your page. Just tell guy A that this is what happened. That way you can make him jealous or stick it to him or whatever you're trying to do and yet disavow responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
SantistaUSA Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 I'm sure guy A will be upset, but that is because he might lose a FWB girl. In his eyes, you are not good enough for him to have a serious romantic relationship, so why worry about his feelings? If you are really into guy B, forget A and be happy! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Alright, LS-ers, time to summon your inner Judith Martin (Miss Manners) I need etiquette advice on a situation that probably comes up regularly enough in multidating. It's no big deal, but I'll provide some detail so it makes sense. Background: Back in April, I started dating a guy I met through friends, guy A. We really hit it off, and I thought we'd sail into the sunset together. Alas, it was not to be. Now, we have friendship that can be described as "mildly complicated." We have loads in common and enjoy each other's company. There's definitely sexual tension, even if the potential for anything significant is nil (it's been four months and we don't seem to be heading in that direction, plus he waffles whenever I bring up exclusivity = nopesville). We go out for dinner/drinks from time to time, we flirt, we sext. We make out and get grabby on dates (we haven't had sex because of reasons). We enjoy each other's company. But he knows I see other people, and he does also. The quandary: Fast forward to now. I've been dating a new hottie, guy B. It's too early for exclusivity, but things look promising. Yesterday, guy B and I spent the day at the beach and took pictures together. He's going to upload the pics to his Facebook, and I want to do the same. But I'm wondering if this would be in poor taste, since I'm friends with guy A on Facebook, and yanno, we have this blurry... "flirtlationship" going on. I know I could do the "limit audience" thing, but we have mutual friends and he still could see... and then I'd just look shady for hiding the pics from him. Thoughts? Thoughts? Disclaimer: I HATE Facebook. Don't upload any photos of a new Hottie you just met, just spent the day on the beach with, etc. And I would ask your Hottie to not do the same...ask yourself "Why?" Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Does guy B know how into guy A that you are? Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 LOL...why young people consider Facebook some kind of official relationship "validation" tool is simply beyond me. It's lame Facebook, not the world news. Put up whatever you want. I don't get the point in pussyfooting around to protect the feelings of some guy who has no romantic interest in you, anyway. Sheesh. Seems to have turned into a "life" validation tool, not just relationship validation. I always assume the "friends" who don't post much or often are leading the most interesting lives as they are busy living and not posting on Facebook 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Why worry about a man who doesn't want you anyway? What a waste of time he is! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Ugh, I would not put pics of new guys on FB regardless of multidating. This. The only girls who get in facebook pics with me are exclusive girlfriends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amethystic Posted August 19, 2013 Author Share Posted August 19, 2013 It wasn't until after we became official that I posted anything on fb with my dude. But we've agreed not to change our "status." If heaven forbid things don't work out then I don't need the whole world to know. Stop dating men who string you along. Focus on dude B. I didn't ask for an opinion on whether or not I should stop dating guy A, that's my decision, and quite frankly, none of your f*cking business. The question was about uploading the photos to Facebook/etiquette - the extra detail was to outline why it was a concern in the first place, not as solicitation for self righteous unsolicited "advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 I can be like that too. I don't want to be tacky or hurt his feelings on the off chance he's more into me than he lets on. In fact, he's likely to be upset, because he strikes me as the type who only values what's just out of his reach. At the same time, he did pretty much "fwb-zone" me by pulling back, and that was disappointing initially, but now I don't really care. The little red gal on my shoulder is saying "f*ck his feelings, those pics are awesome" I think you care a bit too much about Guy A and a bit too little about Guy B. You want to put these pics up to create a jealousy plotline. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amethystic Posted August 19, 2013 Author Share Posted August 19, 2013 I think you care a bit too much about Guy A and a bit too little about Guy B. You want to put these pics up to create a jealousy plotline. Wow... Wrong on all counts, especially about trying to make the guy jealous. I'm here asking if it'll even matter, because I really don't want to hurt his feelings. They're just great pictures and I want to share them with friends/family is all. Have you stopped to think about how frequently you assume the worst of others? Why not give me the benefit of the doubt? Why is it so easy to jump to the most negative conclusion? That must be a miserable way to live. Link to post Share on other sites
SantistaUSA Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 I didn't ask for an opinion on whether or not I should stop dating guy A, that's my decision, and quite frankly, none of your f*cking business. The question was about uploading the photos to Facebook/etiquette - the extra detail was to outline why it was a concern in the first place, not as solicitation for self righteous unsolicited "advice. Calm down, she answered your question but also added what she would do. If it none of anyone's business why post it on a forum? Looks like you want more with guy A, but he doesn't want to be serious with you and since you already stated that he knows that you are seeing other people and vice versa what's the big deal of posting pics with a guy on FB? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 Alright, LS-ers, time to summon your inner Judith Martin (Miss Manners) I need etiquette advice on a situation that probably comes up regularly enough in multidating. It's no big deal, but I'll provide some detail so it makes sense. Background: Back in April, I started dating a guy I met through friends, guy A. We really hit it off, and I thought we'd sail into the sunset together. Alas, it was not to be. Now, we have friendship that can be described as "mildly complicated." We have loads in common and enjoy each other's company. There's definitely sexual tension, even if the potential for anything significant is nil (it's been four months and we don't seem to be heading in that direction, plus he waffles whenever I bring up exclusivity = nopesville). We go out for dinner/drinks from time to time, we flirt, we sext. We make out and get grabby on dates (we haven't had sex because of reasons). We enjoy each other's company. But he knows I see other people, and he does also. The quandary: Fast forward to now. I've been dating a new hottie, guy B. It's too early for exclusivity, but things look promising. Yesterday, guy B and I spent the day at the beach and took pictures together. He's going to upload the pics to his Facebook, and I want to do the same. But I'm wondering if this would be in poor taste, since I'm friends with guy A on Facebook, and yanno, we have this blurry... "flirtlationship" going on. I know I could do the "limit audience" thing, but we have mutual friends and he still could see... and then I'd just look shady for hiding the pics from him. Thoughts? It is your facebook, post them if you want. Look, don't waste your time with someone who complicates things. Dating is so less complicated than we make it out to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 Wow... Wrong on all counts, especially about trying to make the guy jealous. I'm here asking if it'll even matter, because I really don't want to hurt his feelings. They're just great pictures and I want to share them with friends/family is all. Have you stopped to think about how frequently you assume the worst of others? Why not give me the benefit of the doubt? Why is it so easy to jump to the most negative conclusion? That must be a miserable way to live. Interesting how you are trying to turn this on tbf just because she cut through your BS. People post photos on facebook to show off and to project a certain image. You are trying to impress on person A that you don't need him because you have found someone else. Guess what, person A doesn't care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amethystic Posted August 19, 2013 Author Share Posted August 19, 2013 Looks like you want more with guy A Wow... you really suck at reading comprehension. Either that, or an alarming number of people on this site like to make suck a** and incredibly negatively biased attempts at psychoanalyzing. No, re-read what I posted. I'm much more interested in guy B. I find him more attractive, we're more compatible, and we actually have romantic potential. But I'm a multi-dater, and guy B and I aren't exclusive yet. In fact, I'm dating other guys besides guy A, and the only reason he's the only person who's relevant in the facebook situation is because he's the only guy I'm dating who I'm facebook friends with (he found me, I don't just add people). I'm aware that this "fling" with guy A doesn't have any potential - I don't care. Just because most women here are frothing at the mouth to get married and pop out babbies doesn't mean that it's EVERYONE'S objective. Some people just enjoy dating for the f*cking sake of dating! If I'm having fun and don't have any expectations (which I don't), it isn't a waste of my time. All I asked for was advice on whether or not posting photos of myself with the new guy would be a faux pas. I'm perfectly capable of managing my romantic life. Women aren't stupid, fluffy headed creatures who fall in love and want to get knocked up by every dick that swings their way. The misogyny on this board is unreal. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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