Blindcause Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 I'm currently living with roommates. When I first moved in I hit it off great with one of the girls and we became close, hanging out as much as possible. Eventually sexual tension started to develop between us and after a night of drinking and smoking we jumped into bed. The kissing was intense and lustful and I fingered her. However, when she started to undress me, I couldn't maintain an erection even as she tried to give me a HJ. She looked really let down and she stopped me and told me we should be friends. This has never happened to me but I'm assuming I had whiskey dick. I picked up my things and went back to my room. Things are now intensely awkward now mostly due to her. I try to be mature, talk to her and hang out as friends but shes suddenly gone cold. According to her we are still cool but its just not the same. I'm not embarrassed about my performance considering the circumstances of that night. Still, I really miss her friendship and I'm sad that shes so cold to me now and completely upbeat with the other housemates. Is there anything I can do to save this? tl;dr: Hooked up with roommate, couldn't get it up. Awkwardness ensues Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 Welcome to the forum. She had a moment of clarity in the whiskey d-ck interim that you should realize also. You really want to move into a new place and start banging one of your roommates off the bat? Can you not see all the ways this can go very, very wrong? Think man, think! It's not about the limpdick. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blindcause Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 yea you're right but temptation can be hard to resist especially when you care about someone. I did speak to her afterward and asked her how she felt and if we're friends. She said we were but her behavior says otherwise. I don't understand how things can be weird for her when we didn't have sex. I personally don't feel weird and can speak to her fine but she's so cold it makes me feel bad. Is it a lost cause at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blindcause Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 I'm in my 23 and I've had many roommates since I left home. My housing situation is temporary and ill be out in a few weeks and moving into my new apartment which is 10 hours away. I want her friendship and am not looking for sex or a relationship. We became such good friends i hate to end it on a sour note. I really regret how I got swept up in the moment and feel like a real fool. One of my other roommate is equally a fool I guess because he's using this opportunity to try win her over (Bastard). I'm having a hard time remaining cordial at this point but I guess there won't be much resolution. Link to post Share on other sites
white Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 10 hours? Goddamn you Americans even do moving big, always with these massive moves. I've spent my whole life living within a half hour circle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tamin Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 She may not want you to even think that you guys will have that possibility ever again and wants to make that clear. She may feel that if she goes back to her normal self that you'll assume you guys can pick up where you left off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blindcause Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 (edited) I can see why she could think that but if she knows I'm leaving very soon why bother shutting me down especially when i was so upfront with her about wanting to keep our friendship, after we hooked up. I mean we'll probably never see each other again:mad:...at least in real life haha. How should I handle this when we have to cross paths every morning and night? edit: also for reference she is 19 YO and I am 23 YO. Edited August 16, 2013 by Blindcause Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 By saying "We should just be friends", she can pretend she didn't get rejected/let down in the bedroom. Seems like she might have interpreted you not being able to get it up as you not being attracted to her. That's what the cold shoulder is about. Not the most mature response, really. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blindcause Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 If she was having self-esteem issues regarding my *ahem* inactivity, what could I possibly say to her that I haven't already. I pointedly asked her the next day if I offended her and I also reassured her that I really care about her. nevertheless, shes been brushing off my attempts to salvage our relationship ie. making excuses when I ask her to hang out, putting physical objects between us when do hangout (pillow, stuffed animal), and never initiating contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blindcause Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 (edited) I will say though that typing out these responses, reading all this great advice, and personally reflecting on this issue has made me realize that what we had, died as soon as our lips touched and maybe I was in denial about whether I could change what happened between us: the answer is I can't. We opened a pandoras box . This wasn't the first time I had feelings for a female roommate but its the first time I acted on it and the first time I connected so strongly with someone I just met. I feel sad, angry and conflicted but I guess I just gotta deal and let these feelings pass and move on as soon as my lease ends, as there wasn't really much to begin with, especially considering our living arrangement. Its kind of funny to think about how significant the impact of relationships can feel in the moments they occur. However at the end of the day its just a drop in the ocean and in reality the chances that someone new will impact your life are just as good. "If its meant to be it will be" Edited August 16, 2013 by Blindcause 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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