Mads3131 Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 SO about a month ago this really amazing guy started messaging me on facebook. He is going to be a junior at the same college i am going to be a freshman at, and our families know each other. He wanted to know if i wanted to hang out some time and it ended up being a date and we kissed at the end and held hands. Right afterwards he had to go on a trip (out of the country) for a week but he still emailed me and asked how i was doing and set up a time to hang out again. As soon as he came back we hung out again, it was a date and we just made out and and he held my hand and hugged me and we talked and there was never an awkward moment. Finally we hung out a week later at his place and watched a movie and he kissed me again. The next week he started acting distant so i asked him what he was thinking. I told him i liked hanging out with him and wanted to see if I had the right idea. OK HERE IS WHERE I CAN:T FIGURE OUT WHAT HE IS THINKING: he plays football and the season is right about to start. I am also playing a sport in college and we really conected with this. ANyways, football is like the most important thing to him right now- once the season starts he gets really busy (he plays division 1). Ok, now it is even more confusing, my dad has a lot of influence on the athletics program and sees the guy all the time. EVERYONE says he is a really nice guy, and truly don;t think he was using me for sex. So the guy finally explained to me that he is just really busy with football and school starting and doesnt have time for really anything else. Do you think this is an excuse or do you think he has feelings for me but truly can;t start a relationship right now and got out before he hurt me more? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mads3131 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 by the way after the third date he said he still wanted to hang out!! Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 I'm sorry, I don't have time for anything else is usually code for "I'm just not that into you". It doesn't mean he's not a good guy, it just means he's just not that into you. I'd move on, don't badger him. If you give him space he might come around, if you chase him it won't do any good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mads3131 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 yeah its just confusing because he seemed to be really really into me on the three dates. He was the one who always kissed me and also said he wanted to keep hanging out...why would that suddenly change in like a period of 5 days? Link to post Share on other sites
New User Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 yeah its just confusing because he seemed to be really really into me on the three dates. He was the one who always kissed me and also said he wanted to keep hanging out...why would that suddenly change in like a period of 5 days? I could see a division I athlete getting distracted around the start of the season. I'd agree with the previous poster overall though. Whatever the reason for him dialing it back, you'd probably best do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
TB Rhine Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 yeah its just confusing because he seemed to be really really into me on the three dates. Guys will ALWAYS be into you on the first few dates - except the ones who aren't, and watch out, 'cause you REALLY won't be able to resist those! Ahem; anyway, I see a few possibilities here. Maybe he was expecting sex within the first few dates, and when that didn't develop he started focusing his energies elsewhere. Maybe he got a 'commitment' vibe from you and that scared him off. Maybe it suddenly occurred to him that dating the daughter of the guy who could hold his athletic and academic futures in the palm of his hand wasn't necessarily a good idea (and if so, I'd say he waited a little too long to bail out, in that case). You may never know. DO know, however, that if you go forward with him at this point, he's basically given himself plausible deniability when it comes to any assumption of being in a relationship with you; i.e., if you guys hit it and you're all like, "I thought we were getting serious," he can always fall back and say, "Hey babe - I told you I wasn't ready for that." So tread lightly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mads3131 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 Thanks guys, so if I back off and let him have his space during the season, do you think we might have a chance later after the season ends? We really had a great connection so to me it was just weird that things changed so suddenly. Maybe I freaked him out a bit with the commitment vibe, I totally didn't mean that though. If I give him his time and space do you think he will come around? Its not like he unfriended me on facebook and he still follows me on twitter so he probably still wants to see what im up to? (haha remember im in college when I say this!! ) Link to post Share on other sites
New User Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Thanks guys, so if I back off and let him have his space during the season, do you think we might have a chance later after the season ends? We really had a great connection so to me it was just weird that things changed so suddenly. Maybe I freaked him out a bit with the commitment vibe, I totally didn't mean that though. If I give him his time and space do you think he will come around? Its not like he unfriended me on facebook and he still follows me on twitter so he probably still wants to see what im up to? (haha remember im in college when I say this!! ) There's always a chance- no way I would try to quantify it from my armchair view of the situation though. My comment about him being distracted because of the season is based on how one of my college friends who was on the football team acted during the season- especially the early part of it. We didn't see too much of him during that time of year, and even when we did see him his head seemed to be in a different room. That wasn't even a Division I school, and I imagine that dynamic would be much stronger at a D-I school. That said, this is only one possible reason. I'd suggest mirroring his interest in you. Whatever you do, don't get really needy or clingy. There's no guarantee that he'll come back around no matter what you do, but if you get needy and clingy he will very likely lose interest. Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mads3131 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Share Posted August 15, 2013 Yeah he seemed to really truly be into me and things were moving pretty quickly. I mean after the first date he messaged me from out of the country and then texted me right when he got home and said he had been thinking about me. Everyone says he is a nice guy, but I hear ow he is really committed to football. Is there the possibility it was just bad timing and he felt he needed to back off before things got more than he could handle with the season and school about to start. He told me he just didn;t have time for much else. I asked him to talk to me in person but he didnt even respond, he took the cowardly way out of things But i will just let it go and maybe he will come back around once the seaosn ends. I mean if he was truly into me and wasn;t just playing me, would he suddenly lose all feelings for me in a period of a few days? Link to post Share on other sites
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