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Divorced men don't want any more children?


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Hi everyone

 

I am new to the forum. I joined because I have been browsing the forum for awhile and have been reading alot of great topics.

 

I have been single for a few yrs and I was not dating for a few yrs. Decided to start dating again.

 

I am in my mid 20's but i am attracted to older men between 35-45 is my ideal. Mainly because I find men in my age-group are not mature enough and have little respect and manners.

 

The problem I am finding is that all the older men are divorced and all of them are stating they do not want any more children.

 

Why is this? I thought people who have children always talk about how great it is to have a child and how having a child is the best thing that has happened but then they don't want anymore which doesn't make sense. if children are so great and the best thing that ever happened in your life then wouldn't you want more?

 

I guess i am frustrated because I like and prefer older men. (35-45) but all the older men i meet are mostly divorced which i don't mind they are divorce but most of them state they don't want any more children which is a dealbreaker to me.

 

Can any divorced men on this forum please give me an insight. Why is this?

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Well as a woman in the age range you're talking about, I wouldn't want any more kids. That stage of my life is over.

 

Kids may be great, but it's hard work, and your life is no longer your own for the next 20-ish years. Once they finally fly the nest, you get that freedom back. You can go back to doing all the fun, selfish things you haven't been able to do since your 20s.

 

Even if you meet someone whose kids are younger, say 9 or 10, they're still out of the baby years. The first five years are incredibly tough, and anyone who's out of those years will tell you - going back and doing it all again is something they'd have to think long and hard about. And the older the kids get, the more you just don't want to do it all again.

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keepontruckin

OP, those divorced men are probably still paying child support for their first round of kids. Something tells me they don't want round two:laugh:

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OP, those divorced men are probably still paying child support for their first round of kids. Something tells me they don't want round two:laugh:

 

This is my stance.

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danlightbulb

Im 33, divorced and my kids are 6 and 4 and if I met a woman who I could see a future with then I'd be happy to have more kids. I believe kids keep you young at heart.

 

My main worry would be another break up. I couldnt handle having 2 sets of kids which I only see at weekends.

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Unless he's one of those Anthony Quinn types who wants a 1 year old and a 70 year old child, what's in it for him. He probably supports his first family, maybe including the ex-wife, now he adds you and his second wave of kids to the equation. Why, he's already been there and done that.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Off-topic stereotype redacted
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@crude, thanks for stereotyping.

 

 

I own my own business, work the hours i want and i chose to only work 3-4 days per week from home and earn over $100k per yr. I don't need a man to take care of me financially. I am currently living in a $500 per week apartment. It's got 2 bedrooms and i am living here by myself with no help. The rent is all paid for by me. Not my parents or no man.

 

I can afford to be a single mother without a mans help as I already have the spare bedroom as I am already living in a 2 bedroom home by myself and earning 6 figures and work from home. Infact i have strong beliefs that when you get married that finances should be kept separate because I am not that type of woman that relies on a man.

 

I really really really hate women who rely on men financially which is why i am very aware to never rely on men financially even if i was married. I would still pay for 1/2 of everything. Please do not even ask me about the stupid one sided laws we have. Men have to pay alimony. OMG that law makes my blood boil cos i hate how society makes women needy like we need a man for money. wah wah wah.

 

Btw i don't care if the guy is poor. I would be happy to financially support my man. Infact I kind of like taking on the role of the breadwinner.

Edited by 007
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@crude, thanks for stereotyping.

 

 

I own my own business, work the hours i want and i chose to only work 3-4 days per week from home and earn over $100k per yr. I don't need a man to take care of me financially. I am currently living in a $500 per week apartment. It's got 2 bedrooms and i am living here by myself with no help. The rent is all paid for by me. Not my parents or no man.

 

I can afford to be a single mother without a mans help as I already have the spare bedroom as I am already living in a 2 bedroom home by myself and earning 6 figures and work from home. Infact i have strong beliefs that when you get married that finances should be kept separate because I am not that type of woman that relies on a man.

 

I really really really hate women who rely on men financially which is why i am very aware to never rely on men financially even if i was married. I would still pay for 1/2 of everything. Please do not even ask me about the stupid one sided laws we have. Men have to pay alimony. OMG that law makes my blood boil cos i hate how society makes women needy like we need a man for money. wah wah wah.

 

Btw i don't care if the guy is poor. I would be happy to financially support my man. Infact I kind of like taking on the role of the breadwinner.

 

Good for you! Seriously, this attitude will attract quality men.

 

As for me, I will be 41 the end of this month. I have a young son 3 1/2 and not looking for any more children. My g/f is late 30's and has an older son (she got married young). She does not want any more children either. But regardless of her in my life, I decided this year to have a vasectomy. At this point in my life I am very content and in a place where I do not want to have a baby. Also for me, my dad had me at 50 years old and passed away when I was 24. In my opinion, babies are for younger people. :) I do not want to have a baby at 45 years old. Yes children are amazingly joyful and beautiful. My son has changed me, blessed and enriched my life.

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You got daddy issues or something? Whats the matter with a man your own age that has the same life goals as you do i.e. having a child? Age is just a number. And the fact that you say you enjoy being the breadwinner and taking care of your man... thats a red flag right there- something is up. You say you are in your 20's... specifically, what is it, because 23 is a lot different than 28 when you want a 35-45 year old.

 

I can't go on with this thread until I find what you like about older guys so much.

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@crude, thanks for stereotyping.

 

 

I own my own business, work the hours i want and i chose to only work 3-4 days per week from home and earn over $100k per yr. I don't need a man to take care of me financially.

 

Btw i don't care if the guy is poor. I would be happy to financially support my man. Infact I kind of like taking on the role of the breadwinner.

 

Well that changes everything. You're not like most women who say they want an older man. If that's the case, then I'm sure there are men who only have 1 or 2 children from a previous marriage who'd like more, and men who regret not spending enough time with their first family who vowed to do it better the next time if they ever got the chance. That and the fact you're not a golddigger makes it much easier to find a man like you want, and from your stated attitude, deserve.

ps I love how Jethro thinks you're nuts because you want to take care of a man. Men are so used to women being users and mooches that they can't get their pussy whipped heads around the idea of a woman who actually wants to contribute financially. :laugh:

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You're not like most women who say they want an older man..

 

OR, more likely, you have absolutely no clue what you're talking about and are spewing BS that does not describe most women who want an older man at all - but you cannot see that through persistent confirmation bias.

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A lot of divorced men in their 30s, like me, would love to have more children. Not in their mid-40s though, as that is a little old to be changing diapers. Frankly I think you should date men who have never had children before, so you two can start a new journey together. It's really hard on the relationship if you are not at the same experience level as your partner when it comes to parenting and life in general.

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@crude, thanks for stereotyping.

 

 

I own my own business, work the hours i want and i chose to only work 3-4 days per week from home and earn over $100k per yr. I don't need a man to take care of me financially. I am currently living in a $500 per week apartment. It's got 2 bedrooms and i am living here by myself with no help. The rent is all paid for by me. Not my parents or no man.

 

I can afford to be a single mother without a mans help as I already have the spare bedroom as I am already living in a 2 bedroom home by myself and earning 6 figures and work from home. Infact i have strong beliefs that when you get married that finances should be kept separate because I am not that type of woman that relies on a man.

 

I really really really hate women who rely on men financially which is why i am very aware to never rely on men financially even if i was married. I would still pay for 1/2 of everything. Please do not even ask me about the stupid one sided laws we have. Men have to pay alimony. OMG that law makes my blood boil cos i hate how society makes women needy like we need a man for money. wah wah wah.

 

Btw i don't care if the guy is poor. I would be happy to financially support my man. Infact I kind of like taking on the role of the breadwinner.

 

Feminist in the making....

 

There was nothing "wrong" with your first post but this one... wow

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@crude, thanks for stereotyping.

 

 

I own my own business, work the hours i want and i chose to only work 3-4 days per week from home and earn over $100k per yr. I don't need a man to take care of me financially. I am currently living in a $500 per week apartment. It's got 2 bedrooms and i am living here by myself with no help. The rent is all paid for by me. Not my parents or no man.

 

I can afford to be a single mother without a mans help as I already have the spare bedroom as I am already living in a 2 bedroom home by myself and earning 6 figures and work from home. Infact i have strong beliefs that when you get married that finances should be kept separate because I am not that type of woman that relies on a man.

 

I really really really hate women who rely on men financially which is why i am very aware to never rely on men financially even if i was married. I would still pay for 1/2 of everything. Please do not even ask me about the stupid one sided laws we have. Men have to pay alimony. OMG that law makes my blood boil cos i hate how society makes women needy like we need a man for money. wah wah wah.

 

Btw i don't care if the guy is poor. I would be happy to financially support my man. Infact I kind of like taking on the role of the breadwinner.

 

Wow, the idealism of youth. You "hate" women who rely on men financially. And this affects you how? In most traditional marriages, ie ones where the wife stays home with the kids, it's been decided between them that this is what will happen. Lots of men prefer that the kids have mum at home in the early years, or that she works part time at most. So as a couple they agree that she will stay at home mostly in those early years.

 

But you "hate" them for that, right?

 

And some older couples, they agree that she will always be a housewife. And she remains so for 30 years, and then they get divorced. She has no earning potential, for at least a few years. She has however supported him as his career flourished, provided a home base - as they agreed she would - but now she should get nothing?

 

And I suppose now you'll say that well, yes, there are exceptions. But you didn't say that at first did you.

 

< also a career woman who has also always worked. But I recognise that couples decide their approach differently sometimes.

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The problem I am finding is that all the older men are divorced and all of them are stating they do not want any more children.

 

Why is this? I thought people who have children always talk about how great it is to have a child and how having a child is the best thing that has happened but then they don't want anymore which doesn't make sense. if children are so great and the best thing that ever happened in your life then wouldn't you want more?

 

Most people regret having kids. It's politically incorrect to say so. I've had divorced men confess to me that if they had it to do all over again they never would have had kids because they became nothing but a checkbook to their ex-wife.

 

People want to maintain the Myth of Motherhood as being the same as sainthood. Makes me laugh. :laugh:

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If someone really wants kids, it seems very selfish not to adopt since there are millions of kids all over the world who would like a home. I guess it's an ego thing.

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Im 33, divorced and my kids are 6 and 4 and if I met a woman who I could see a future with then I'd be happy to have more kids. I believe kids keep you young at heart.

 

My main worry would be another break up. I couldnt handle having 2 sets of kids which I only see at weekends.

 

 

 

Your post made me laugh because I just thought how young the 40 year olds felt when they asked their 8 year old kid to program their VCR clock :D

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danlightbulb
Most people regret having kids. It's politically incorrect to say so.

 

Nice generalisation. I wouldn't give up my kids for anything. Any adult person who has kids and regrets it is simply selfish and immature. There ya go another generalisation.

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Why is this? I thought people who have children always talk about how great it is to have a child and how having a child is the best thing that has happened but then they don't want anymore which doesn't make sense. if children are so great and the best thing that ever happened in your life then wouldn't you want more?

 

 

This is true but that doesn't mean you just keep having them all willy nilly because it's great! I'm 39 and divorced and the two kids I have are in fact the best and that is good enough for me. Why would i add more when I have 2 great ones that I can spoil and i dont have to change their diapers?

 

I'm also dating a 26 yr old and she is well aware that i won't be (and can't) have anymore children. Life is good!

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Nice generalisation. I wouldn't give up my kids for anything. Any adult person who has kids and regrets it is simply selfish and immature. There ya go another generalisation.

 

Yes I love how she speaks of "Most people" who are probably men trying to get in her panties

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It is such an individual thing. I know my current bf thought he wanted another kid with me (his kids are grown, I have kids of my own that are not grown) when we first start talking and he is in the age range that you're talking about. Now he's had some issues with his older kids and changed his mind. LOL

 

However, I have a great guy friend that just had his first baby at 41 so...

 

Again, individual thing.

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Most people regret having kids. It's politically incorrect to say so. I've had divorced men confess to me that if they had it to do all over again they never would have had kids because they became nothing but a checkbook to their ex-wife.

 

People want to maintain the Myth of Motherhood as being the same as sainthood. Makes me laugh. :laugh:

 

Do you have kids? You speak as someone that doesn't have the slightest clue about parenting and kids.

 

My kids are one of the few things that I do NOT regret about my life. I would give up anything before them and would use my last breath fighting for them.

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Do you have kids? You speak as someone that doesn't have the slightest clue about parenting and kids.

 

Au contraire. I probably have more experience than you did before you got pregnant. It's because of my experience taking care of children that I knew I never wanted them. Romantic fantasies shattered by reality. Same with a friend who is a nursery school teacher. After two years of teaching she got her tubes tied. :laugh: Why do you think fewer and fewer people have or want kids these days? The message is getting out.

 

It's a dirty job so I'm glad you are the one doing it. Thanks!

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Most men in their 40's do not want to start all over. can you blame them? Who wants a baby at 40+? You might find some men in their mid 30's that want kids but over 40 is tough. I had my last at 36 and I'm done but then I'm female so my bio clock has pretty much decided that for me. That could be a deal breaker in a relationship. If you want kids make it clear early on and see If the guy is open to it.

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