bobmarley Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Hey guys, I don't know if you remember me, but I'm a woman in my mid-20s, who "boomeranged" and moved back in with my parents after college while I'm in the process of finding a job and saving for a place of my own. The problem is, my boyfriend, who is the same age, has done the same thing. We live about a two minute walk from one another, which is ideal for dating, but living with parents and siblings makes sex, or any kind of sexual activity a virtual impossibility. I wonder if anyone has any advice or tips that may help us...we are in love and want to express it (as often as possible), but simply don't have the money to move in together at this point in time. Help please? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 No sex in the parents house ever. Even if you're married. But my daughter is 17, so... Even still, I know she likes to spend time with her bf at our house and give them appropriate space for their age. Meaning I'm in the house. Don't his or your parents go out, away, like that? Ah...I just don't see them saying yes, by all means. No help whatsoever. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Can't you discuss it with your mother? Mine could. You're a grown up. Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 The woods. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemonlegs Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Be quiet? Sucks, but yeah. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I'm in the same boat, except I'm a man, and I didn't "boomerang", I just stayed here the whole time, even through college. And I share a room with my brother. A pretty small room too. I figure I won't date until I move out. Whenever that is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Nearly impossible, and something that I think you'll always be looking over your shoulder. Either some parents won't agree with it, or the others won't care but could accidentally walk in on you. Bottom line, there is no way to be 100% yourself when your parents are in the house. My parents went away at times, and that's when girls would come over. Other than that, no. When I moved out, then it wasn't awkward anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobmarley Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 Can't you discuss it with your mother? Mine could. You're a grown up. My mother almost never goes away for more than an hour at a time. My father would be willing to give us privacy, but my mom always has to supervise us when we are at my house. His parents go away, but we hang out with his brother and sister almost every time we are at his house. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobmarley Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 Can't you discuss it with your mother? Mine could. You're a grown up. My mother will convince me that having sex with him will cause him to disqualify me as a life partner. She has some messed up views on sex and relationships, and I don't like to talk to her about my relationship, because I'm in therapy trying to undo a lot of the awful things she's said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobmarley Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 Be quiet? Sucks, but yeah. But where?! He's not allowed in my bedroom, we aren't allowed out of common spaces, and I'm not allowed to be with him unsupervised. I think we need to venture out of the house. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobmarley Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 The woods. How do you keep from getting caught out there? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 If your using two kinds of birth control....I can't imagine why your mom has such an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobmarley Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 What would you guys think about car sex? Is that a good alternative? At least until one of us moves out/we get a place together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobmarley Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 If your using two kinds of birth control....I can't imagine why your mom has such an issue. I'm on the pill and we use condoms!!!! And it's because she wants me to get married and she thinks women are devalued by experiencing anything sexual, and that all men want to marry virgins, and even if he has known me biblically himself, he'll think I'm "used" and worthless and he'll cast me aside. So she tries to keep me from even kissing him, so I'm "worth" more. Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 ^Oh man... The woods should work fine, just go somewhere secluded. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Whoa! OK, well its possible she has some bad experience in her past and feels the need to protect you. Either way, there is no dealing with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I'd do some pet sitting. Maybe even late night babysitting. House sitting. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 You guys don't have any friends or sympathetic younger family with a spare bedroom? If not, maybe broaden your social lives. In the meantime, take up camping, lots and lots of camping. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Why do you think drive-in movies were so popular? There are only a few hundred left in the country so start doing some research. Can't you go away for a weekend and stay in a motel at a touristy place? Tell your mother you will have separate rooms. Or pretend you will be going with a girlfriend. If she has a boyfriend, the two guys could meet you two girls there later. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 But where?! He's not allowed in my bedroom, we aren't allowed out of common spaces, and I'm not allowed to be with him unsupervised. I think we need to venture out of the house. ?? I was going to say get a hotel room for the night, or go on a weekend trip together... but I guess scratch that. How are you in your mid-20s yet you're not allowed to be with him unsupervised? What do they think you are? 13? You need to get your a.ss in gear. Get a job, and move out of that house. This, coupled with you saying your mother has said some pretty damaging stuff only leads me to believe this is a toxic environment for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobmarley Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 I'd do some pet sitting. Maybe even late night babysitting. House sitting. The only people we regularly socialize with pets are one another hahaha. We've both got some little cousins we can babysit, but they definitely have the communication skills/nosiness to catch us and tell. I'd be too paranoid to do it after they go to bed...but that may be worth a try. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobmarley Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 If you can't afford to live on your own you shouldn't be having sex. The last thing somebody in your position needs is getting pregnant and having a kid. Its called personal responsibility. I feel like this is a little unfair...if I really needed to live on my own and get a job and support a family I could, but I'm taking the time to wait for a great job and really start a career. I don't think that makes me lacking in the personal responsibility department. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobmarley Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 (edited) ?? I was going to say get a hotel room for the night, or go on a weekend trip together... but I guess scratch that. How are you in your mid-20s yet you're not allowed to be with him unsupervised? What do they think you are? 13? You need to get your a.ss in gear. Get a job, and move out of that house. This, coupled with you saying your mother has said some pretty damaging stuff only leads me to believe this is a toxic environment for you. I mean, I'm trying to start a career, I don't want just any job just to have one, I really want a job I can see myself in for at least the next couple years, I've only been job hunting for a week or so, I literally JUST moved back home 10 days ago. And it's just my mother's view of sex that leads her to supervise me. She knows I've been intimate before, she refuses to accept it though. Also, she didn't mind us going on vacation together, but I went with his whole family, so that may have been a factor. We can probably get away with a hotel room for the day...probably not the whole night though. Edited August 13, 2013 by bobmarley Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobmarley Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 You guys don't have any friends or sympathetic younger family with a spare bedroom? If not, maybe broaden your social lives. In the meantime, take up camping, lots and lots of camping. We have some very sympathetic friends, but they also have roommates...times are hard. But I thought about camping. Camping sounds good. Until it gets cold as balls in the winter time, but hopefully by then we will have figured something out. Link to post Share on other sites
brains and brawn Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 this is a easy question for me cause ive been living with a parent for years, here is a list of where you can do the hanky panky: 1. motel or hotel 2. car 3. somewhere dark , like the beach at nite 4. friends house 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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