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Guys on internet dating sites while in committed relationships


sally1530

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Why? Why? Why? would any guy think this is okay to do to someone you love? I dont care if you didnt cross the emotional or physical line with any of the girls or not. Its wrong! Its disrespectful to the one you love and takes energy from that relationship. Its not harmless, it killed my wedding. We no longer talk to each other, hes mad I found out and thinks its easier to start fresh with someone else who will be okay with it.

 

What? What kind of man is this? Tell me?

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more like a selfish jerk! I mean he wanted to marry me? Why did he think this was okay to do during our entire 14 month relationship and if I wouldnt have caught him , through our marriage?

 

Guys , do you think this kind of behavior to your girlfriend, fiance or wife is okay?

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Originally posted by sally1530

Guys , do you think this kind of behavior to your girlfriend, fiance or wife is okay?

A'course not.

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sweetadeline

Interesting to hear that I'm not the only one! I was dating a guy for slightly over 3 months (MUCH less time than you, Sally, but still). I couldn't help but notice, whenever I borrowed his laptop to check my e-mail, that he'd recently visited match.com or yahoo personals. I just kept telling myself that it was *his* computer, and none of *my* business. . .but in retrospect, that behavior was a giant ol' waving flag that would have caught on fire if it had been any redder.

 

I think you're lucky to be out of that one, Sally. I mean, he didn't even apologize for hurting your feelings--just blamed you for not being able to deal with it. WTF???

 

Anyway, based on these sorts of experiences, I'm no longer sure that Internet dating is a good thing. I think it enhances a dating-as-shopping mentality that already exists among many people.

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Originally posted by sally1530

What? What kind of man is this? Tell me?

 

A man that, most likely, did not think the relationship was really all that much of a committment :(

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I do believe he was in this realationship for selfish reasons. Is anyone out there who are in the same boat?

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Sally - please see my post "Coping - The Infamous Why" I was a victim of a married one and I honestly didn't know he was married and 6 months later the wife calls. SURPRISE

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Why? Why? Why? would any guy think this is okay to do to someone you love? I dont care if you didnt cross the emotional or physical line with any of the girls or not. Its wrong! Its disrespectful to the one you love and takes energy from that relationship. Its not harmless, it killed my wedding. We no longer talk to each other, hes mad I found out and thinks its easier to start fresh with someone else who will be okay with it.

 

Look on the bright side, Sally: at least you found out BEFORE you got married.

 

The kind of guy who does that is, well, the kind of guy who wasn't ready for a commitment. Someone else may be okay with it -- someone dumb or naive, with a much lower sense of self-worth.

 

You, on the other hand, will somehow find a way to grow from this experience, and you will eventually find a relationship that's rewarding.

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Guys , do you think this kind of behavior to your girlfriend, fiance or wife is okay?

 

Wife? No, it's not okay.

 

Fiance? No, it's not okay.

 

Girlfriend? It depends, but in most cases, no. Before I get crucified for saying that, let me explain. Okay, so you're dating some girl for several months and you're not sure about where your relationship is headed. You still check a personal ad from time to time if someone else interests you. Then you find someone who does. Or you meet someone at a party! It happens all the time and many people (myself included) wouldn't necessarily consider that cheating; it's more like discovering someone you like better, I suppose. Now, I hasten to add that the person needs to make a choice and decide who's going to be the girl. I don't condone giving people the impression that they are a girlfriend when they know damn well that's not what they think at all. Also, a person should be careful about the kinds of patterns they fall into: serial dating can make a person commitment phobic, and it may also scare some good prospects off if they start to wonder about your dating history. Always consider the consequences of your actions.

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He had his profile and picture up at lavalife the entire relationship looking for intimate encounters....(sex) and on his profile it said he was available and single. This was the 10 months we dated exclusive and 4 months we were engaged.... he said he wanted naked pictures from these girls and never crossed the emotional or physical line with them... Its really hard to believe all this but I saw it with my own eyes and it came from his mouth... it was amasing someone could be that selfish and look you in the eyes and say I love you each day and night... what a jerk... how can he live with himself? Yuck!!!!! It makes me sick.

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Sally

 

I'm with you woman - I told this person when we first started correspondied that if I found out he lied about being single and his wife called me that I was going to give her every bit of information that she ever needed - not out of jealousy but because there was no reason for him to lie and he assured me that I would not incur any problems. He met my family, I met his, we traveled together I received a ring in contemplation of marriage pending my divorce and still he didn't tell me the truth. His wife called me about a month ago and as promised I gave her everything she needed - photos, letters, text messages everything. I told her I wasn't trying to hurt her that I had no idea that he was married and that I was not a home wrecker but that she could do with this information what she wanted and I his response THE GENIUS his response Ladies and Gentlemen was "I'm Speechless" - WOW and that was it and that is all I have heard from him since May.

 

Take into consideration that I spoke to this man a total of 19,000 cellular minutes (336 hours) per his wife in the last 4 months and this is what caused her to call me.

 

AMAZING!!!

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Wow, im sorry to hear that you had to go through that. Some men are slime....and well if that woman really wants him after all that then she really has low self esteem and you can do much better than that jerk. You deserve better and will find it.

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I'm glad I found someone to talk to. Here's my deal. I'm 21/f and my boyfriend of almost **4**years is 24. We've lived together for almost 3 years I guess now. So get this. We have sex maybe once a month. He tells me that his 'sexual peak' is over.. and that it was from 16-21.. and he just doesn't have the drive. NOW. Here comes the harsh part. I find porn in our computer ALL the time. He downloads it everyday .. I found all these looked at yahoo girl profiles that are pretty much porn. Links to 'watch my webcam's' and all that. And when I confronted him about his "low sex drive yet high internet porn drive' he told me that it's easier to do it by hand than to actually deal with me. Now... I have a pretty damn high sex drive and he KNOWS that i'll do it whenever whereever. SO. What do you people think I should do? Seriously.. it makse me feel 'cheated' ebcause to have him with all these other girls on the internet.. when I'm in the other room sleeping or watching tv.

 

Anyone have ideas? I even offered to do whatever with him.. dress up.. anything he wanted.. stil.. no sex :(:eek:

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Seashimmer, You might want to try a new post on this subject, or add to some of the other ones on internet porn and relationships.

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Men who play around are looking for sex and attention. Not because they aren't getting it at home, but because no amount of either is ever enough for them. They are empty and vacant in heart. Your wasting your time trying to get love or committment from them.

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I dont care if you didnt cross the emotional or physical line with any of the girls or not. Its wrong!

 

I totally agree.

My bf browses the profiles at match.com(which alone actually can upset me sometimes), but he has NOT his own profile on the internet and he never contacted any of those girls. If he really has not a profile on, no girl is going to contact him either.

While I think that browsing dating sites could be somewhat acceptable if it is just for fun/curiosity/having a laugh, getting in contact with girls is NOT. Even for "harmless" talk. (which is not really harmless IMO)

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Well its been 2 months to the day the wedding was called off, its been really hard on me, but getting past the wedding date of may 22nd and the honeymoon time has helped. I am dating a christian man now , who is a teacher and is wanting a serious relationship. He is so much more than my ex-fiance was, maybe not by looks but looks are very decieving. He and I have been dating for 3 weeks now and everything is going well. I have hopes that this will work for the best! I now know I would have been settling for my ex by marrying him and we would have been divorced with a year. I am thankful now that things worked out this way, just wish he didnt have to be such an royal selfish *ss. But now I have hope that there are honest , good people who want that same things as I do. So thanks so much everyone for all your support. I has really made me heal faster and get back my self esteem.

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  • 4 weeks later...
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Its been almost 3 months since our cancellation of the wedding... its been very hard for me.. but Im dating people now and getting on with my life... he thinks I have a boyfriend...which I dont...if he really wanted to know how I really felt about things he would call me or see me... he has no feelings for me anymore and is detached completely from me since day one of the breakup...

 

I do miss the good times with him , but the bad times have outweighed the good ones. I wish I could go back in time to when we first started going out... it was sooooo nice.. but then I know he was just on his best behavior and that wasnt the real person he was.

 

The fact that he still cant admit he had "the intent to cheat" makes me wonder how I feel in love with someone like this?> I will never contact him again... period... nothing I can say or do now could change what he has done to me and us. I thought he might have regretted his decisions... but obviously not....

 

So now im single and beginning to rebuild the life I had before him and dating again...

 

Was I wrong about over reacting about the internet profile and emails he was sending to 3 different girls a month before we were to get married? I feel horrible that I had to snoop to find out the truth but he wouldnt have ever told me what he was doing and the red flags were all over the place...

 

Any advice?

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I met a man online dating a nd dated him for six months. Six months before I found out he still slept with the mother of his three girls. He had the three girls with him. His ex g/f lived about 45 mins away. He refused to marry her. He said he never loved her. But there was a real codependent thing there. Very sick. I can only imagine what his girls are going to grow up thinking. His ex came over on Sundays for family time, yeah, and I was there most other days. Of course I dumped him hard. Not to mention he is a politician. Go figure.

 

kalie

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Scorpion1691

OK, Ladies a male reply. Woman are up there within 4 percent of males when it come to the same antics.I admit I went to personals not for a relationship but to have discussion. make no excuse for the other male counter part, they may infact maybe looking. I have a wife 5 kids worked 24 years at one job and 22 years doing a second job . Mostly to make ends meet and fill my wifes purse void. She has had a crush on a wrestling coach for atleast 9 years and about 3 years ago she went to for the gusto. I found out. I was blamed for her actions. Her friends were my friends . I found out they all new about this fling, so I went to an outside source to talk. I don't care for bars. I like coaching my kids in soccer and wrestling, I take them camoing , on regular trips. So it's not like I am avoiding or away all the time. I love making love not just sex, Not to say theres nothing wrong with sex, I just feel there is a difference. I think my wife is very sexy , she dresses nice and I tell her this. I write on the mirrors in the morning telling her so. I leave cards on the bed when I leave in the morning at times. She does not discuss personal things, So Yes I went to the personal page on the interenet so I can have good conversations not sexual relation. After all this wind , what does this have to do with the origin. I am married.

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I just cant believe after 3 months of being broken up and the cancellation of our wedding that he still cant admit he did anything wrong... and he is not sorry for it.... I mean really?

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its been almost 3 weeks since his last email and it was a long nasty gram.... hes so mad at me... and hates me... the only thing I did was invade his privacy, which I was sorry 1000 times over... and will never do it again.. but im not the one that had the ad up and email pictures and gals... Im not the one who cancelled the wedding... he is where is he because of his actions and decisions.... not me. I would think he would be really happy with out me... he says he is... but he is very mad at me all the same.. maybe he has to hate me in order to justify that hes a good person... what do you all think?

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Scorpion1691

Sally sorry you went through this. I never even considered anoth woman while I was married until my wife did what she did. and yes I have have been on line just for conversation

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