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Attracted to a younger male colleague


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This is a bit of a panicky worried post..

I want to begin by saying that I'm European, not American, so have some slack on the cultural differences maybe.

 

This guy is 8 years younger, 18 years old and we both work as summer temps at the same job, but not in the same team. I have never in my life been attracted to a younger guy, I have never been ignorantly-attracted to a blonde guy and.. he don't look perfect in any way but I adore him. He is nice and helpful to me and cute. Recently I was put in his team and he needed my help so we worked together one afternoon, and I couldn't help but smile like crazy, he smiled a lot too and we had some pretty intense eye contact. He told me what it was like when he started at this job and asked questions and then he kept repeating "perfect!" at whatever i was doing, i got a feeling he was nervous, so was i.

The next morning he greeted me good morning in the hallway with a large smile. The same day I befriended him on facebook... and now, I just feel odd and a bit like a perv to be honest, he's not like I was when I was 18 or 20 (i was immature) however and he has a ton of friends on facebook.

I hope I will get to work with him again some time, cos I find it hard to talk to him with colleagues around.. I guess he too inexperienced/shy to do anything more than smile and greet me now and then, so its up to me and I really am clueless at how to think and act. Today I just avoided eye contact with him, scared someone would notice.

:love::lmao: hjelp.

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Hes legal, go have fun. Dont expect much maturity or for it to become a relationship.

 

Its a possibility, but slim.

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How though

 

 

If you're interested in spending some time with him, then ask him out exactly the way a man asks a woman out. Forget the dumb relationship books and sexist bs and see if the two of you can be good for each other. There's nothing to lose.

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^Agree.

 

OP, simply ask him if he wants to do something after work one day. Just go get coffee and take a walk through a nearby park. The fact that you ask him to hang out will give him the picture.

 

Just say "hey, you wanna get a some ice coffee and maybe stroll through the park after work? Its nice out and I didnt wanna do that by myself". He should get the picture, but then you still arent tipping your hand too much.

 

Then you guys can evaluate each other further outside of work and see if you click.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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OK, thanks for the advice. "things happened".. I reached out to him on facebook instead, and he has been really friendly on there, but at work he has shied away from me. I asked him, on FB, if he wanted to hang out with me some time and he said absolutely. On top of it he has a much older male coworker friend there who contacted me on facebook, I have no idea why as I've never spoken to him in real life, I'm surprised he could recognize me at all. He made some small talk, but it was enough to make me uncomfortable because as soon as he stopped the young guy I fancy wrote to me too. At work I see them two together, and it makes it impossible for me to talk to him, I kinda feel like they're talking and laughing behind my back though they haven't been weird with me, maybe I'm paranoid or something but it's become impossible to talk to him at work anyway, even good mornings as I never see him in the mornings either. I feel kinda down about it all anyway

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ScreamingTrees

Perhaps the young guy doesn't know what to do, and the older co-worker's taken him under his wing, so to say? Who knows, don't beat yourself up over it, it's no biggie unless you make it that way.

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If you're going to pursue him then be mature enough to stand up for your decision. You shouldn't have to hide and avoid it.

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but what am i supposed to do next ?! isnt it a two way street ..

I cant talk to him at lunch cos theres too many people around simply, he doesnt make himself available and on facebook he's stopped communicating and poking so. I feel so old too :( I feel like he gave me the weirdo stamp just cos I told him his friend had contacted me.

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speak?! no no.... we cant even look at eachother. Well, I took the graceful way out of deleting him from my friends list, I only ever use facebook when Im fancying someone cos I am so shy.

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Work has turned into torment :lmao: I didn't expect this. I can't eat in the same room anymore, seeing him and hearing him makes me feel sooo low because I don't really trust him either. Everytime I'm there they're talking about him, or how single everyone is in my team, and stuff that makes me feel worried. I always sit so we won't be looking at eachother. I met him in the hallway alone today, he said hi but I couldn't muster any hi I just tried to smile a bit. I'm wondering why he hasn't been curious as to why I poked him on facebook in the first place, why he stopped poking, and why he's never even asked how old I am?? :( I guess I've forgotten what its like to be 18, or disinterested. I want to call in sick for the first time in 4 years there.

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OK, thanks for the advice. "things happened".. I reached out to him on facebook instead, and he has been really friendly on there, but at work he has shied away from me. I asked him, on FB, if he wanted to hang out with me some time and he said absolutely. On top of it he has a much older male coworker friend there who contacted me on facebook, I have no idea why as I've never spoken to him in real life, I'm surprised he could recognize me at all. He made some small talk, but it was enough to make me uncomfortable because as soon as he stopped the young guy I fancy wrote to me too. At work I see them two together, and it makes it impossible for me to talk to him, I kinda feel like they're talking and laughing behind my back though they haven't been weird with me, maybe I'm paranoid or something but it's become impossible to talk to him at work anyway, even good mornings as I never see him in the mornings either. I feel kinda down about it all anyway

Put on your big girl pants, pull the young guy aside, and ask him to hang out.

 

Im sure the older guy is trying to cockblock him to get to you right now. Dont let him cramp the young dudes game.

 

Go get who you want. Stop the facebook crap and listen to my last post. Ask him to hang out in person. Again, just pull him away from the other guy...say "Hey can I talk to you for a minute?" And then ask him to get a cup of coffee after work and take a walk. Chances are he has NO IDEA you are into him. Guys his age are always taught older women would never be interested in them, so wed be oblivious to it whenever an older women does show interest.

Edited by kaylan
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well for one thing the older guy is 35 and has a steady girlfriend. and where to get such courage when i feel so down near him?! i wish! thanks tho

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If you dont know how to find courage, then we cant help you. You have nothing to lose by taking a plunge.

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I can guarantee you if you ask him out he'll say yes. All young guys want to experience an older woman, even if it's not by much. You're not like some weird old lady, only a few years older than him.

 

I want to live vicariously through this lucky young man. I hope this story ends in the sex section.

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thanks MrCastle but...i am super pathetic!! for the first time in WEEKS, he took the same bus as I.. damnit, I approached slowly..he was alone there on the bench.. giving me a mischiveous grin, wondering if I dare go near him there... I could see what he was thinking, following my every step. I went and stood next to him, he said Hi, I said hi. i stood there for 5 mins without saying ANYTHING else..then i got tired of standing so i sat next to him..... not saying anything then either. he let me get on the bus first and he got off in the city, jumping down next to me like some sort of 18 year old without saying bye... is everything my fault or what, at least i could sit on the same bench, thats an improvement.

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thanks MrCastle but...i am super pathetic!! for the first time in WEEKS, he took the same bus as I.. damnit, I approached slowly..he was alone there on the bench.. giving me a mischiveous grin, wondering if I dare go near him there... I could see what he was thinking, following my every step. I went and stood next to him, he said Hi, I said hi. i stood there for 5 mins without saying ANYTHING else..then i got tired of standing so i sat next to him..... not saying anything then either. he let me get on the bus first and he got off in the city, jumping down next to me like some sort of 18 year old without saying bye... is everything my fault or what, at least i could sit on the same bench, thats an improvement.

 

Why are you so nervous about this situation? Are you always like this when it comes to men you are attracted to or is it because his age makes it seem taboo?

 

You just have to make a move. Again, trust me, he wants it as bad as you do. No younger man will turn down a chance with an older woman. If you ask him out he will accept. If you want to hook up with him he will accept.

 

The clock is ticking on the summer, you need to make a move if you want to have a summer fling with this guy.

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ye i know... i guess the problem is that im not capable of having any flings. i got a worrysome past, i been single for over 2 years tho i get a lot of attention from dudes. but his age makes it seem like i could do it i dunno? also, he has such a large mouth im not sure i trust him.. complex huh.. i dont like myself a lot either. sorry to bother anyone with this :/

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ye i know... i guess the problem is that im not capable of having any flings. i got a worrysome past, i been single for over 2 years tho i get a lot of attention from dudes. but his age makes it seem like i could do it i dunno? also, he has such a large mouth im not sure i trust him.. complex huh.. i dont like myself a lot either. sorry to bother anyone with this :/

 

Don't put yourself down.

 

Let me ask you this, has he shown any signs of interest at all? Do you get the feeling he is attracted to you as well? Or are you just going after him because you like him, regardless of whether or not he's giving you the signs?

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OP, you gotta stop being weird and just go after this dude. Or do you want to miss out while he chases another girl?

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forgetmenot75

Hi there :)

 

I think he's not interested. I think he's making fun of you and your feelings.

You should try to forget about him. You have some red flags there, and you opted to ignore them all!

He stopped poking you on Facebook, he's told his older friend about you, you noticed they both were laughing (!!!), he doesn't talk to you, it is obvious he knows your feelings!!

He wants to have fun around, and I honestly don't think you can handle all this tension. I'd suggest to stop losing your time, I don't think he's into you. :(

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Thanks for all replies

I don't think I've ever seem them laughing - Smiling, looking yeah.

I honestly doubt any girl will chase after him, he has some visual flaws that are hard to ignore.

When I poked him on facebook he initiated conversation twice, the last time he ignored poking back and just wrote to me instead, asking me stuff but as his friend was talking at the same time I was getting nervy thinking they were at work at the same time (turned out they were not) so I wanted to ask him why the other guy was talking to me really, but I just told him that he was talking to me. I deleted him on there because it seemed to just make things awkward at work, before that he would give me warm genuine smiles at work. He seeks eye contact at work still.

But that silence at the bus stop was enough to speak on its own I guess. Sigh I seen this too many times before, I should know better

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You can't keep letting this eat at you. Find out once and for all whether he likes you or whether you find this guy worth pursuing. Either go after it or end it. You can't keep stressing about nothing. Make a move.

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forgetmenot75

No, don't go after him! You'll get hurt. He's not into you. If he really want something, he'd be clear. He's playing and you know it.

Men are straightforward when they like a woman.

He's just not interested, he enjoys playing with you though.

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^I dont agree. Hes a 18 yr old. He probably just doesnt know how to go about showing interest in an older woman.

 

As I said earlier, most younger men assume older women dont want anything to do with them. So OP would have to make her interest obvious for him to do anything.

 

No sane 18 yr old would simply toy with an attractive 20-something female, and make fun of her behind her back. You dont seem to know anything about guys that age. Hes simply naive and not that experienced yet.

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