The past is in the past argument with sexual history in dating.

[SJC2008]

Why is "The past is in the past" a common argument when it comes to sexual history?? What if I was an ex con? Hey the past is the past right and none of your business! What if I was a recovering drug addict? The past is in the past right? "Oh but that's different those are crimes". You're right but why is my past your business??

 

Most of the women in the waiting thread used weak arguments like 'So if she put out on the first date with one guy she has to do it forever now?' Lol no, that's not the point. And 'She doesn't owe him anything' The point is that she was dating a couple men (It's in the OP for those who said she never said whe was multi dating) and slept with one of them and held out on the other. Basically, sewing her wild oats with one guy while acting like an agnel with the other "relationship material" guy.

 

My point is that I don't need a number or a checklist of all the things you've done but in an intimate relationship, TRUE intimacy involves getting to know someone, good AND bad. Alluding to CarrieT again she hit the nail on the head. 'I'd like to wait for a change and not rush into something'. My point is if you had a wild streak be honest about it, you don't have to go into specifices. Men and women hide themselves from their partners and we wonder why relationships fail at the rate they do and why the divorce rate is so high. So, why is "The past is the past" a common argument with sexual history when it comes to dating? Opinions on why, why not, how much, how little to divulge welcomed. If I need to clarify anything in the thread please let me know so we're all on the same page.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Why is "The past is in the past" a common argument when it comes to sexual history?? What if I was an ex con? Hey the past is the past right and none of your business! What if I was a recovering drug addict? The past is in the past right? "Oh but that's different those are crimes". You're right but why is my past your business??

 

Most of the women in the waiting thread used weak arguments like 'So if she put out on the first date with one guy she has to do it forever now?' Lol no, that's not the point. And 'She doesn't owe him anything' The point is that she was dating a couple men (It's in the OP for those who said she never said whe was multi dating) and slept with one of them and held out on the other. Basically, sewing her wild oats with one guy while acting like an agnel with the other "relationship material" guy.

 

My point is that I don't need a number or a checklist of all the things you've done but in an intimate relationship, TRUE intimacy involves getting to know someone, good AND bad. Alluding to CarrieT again she hit the nail on the head. 'I'd like to wait for a change and not rush into something'. My point is if you had a wild streak be honest about it, you don't have to go into specifices. Men and women hide themselves from their partners and we wonder why relationships fail at the rate they do and why the divorce rate is so high. So, why is "The past is the past" a common argument with sexual history when it comes to dating? Opinions on why, why not, how much, how little to divulge welcomed. If I need to clarify anything in the thread please let me know so we're all on the same page.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can't be serious...

Here's an idea, don't date women who don't tell you. "People that mind don't matter and people that matter don't mind."

 

 

 

 

She wouldn't want to be with you if you card so much about her past anyways.

Sexual past doesn't hurt anyone, it has no influence on someone's ability to be in a relationship, and how many people I have ****ed is frankly NOBODY'S business but my own. I'm clean and safe, if that isn't enough then I could care less.

Not to mention ****ing isn't breaking the law.

[Star Gazer]

"People that mind don't matter and people that matter don't mind."

 

Aww, that Dr. Seuss was a smart dude.

[mesmerized]

You can't be serious...

Here's an idea, don't date women who don't tell you. "People that mind don't matter and people that matter don't mind."

 

 

 

 

She wouldn't want to be with you if you card so much about her past anyways.

Sexual past doesn't hurt anyone, it has no influence on someone's ability to be in a relationship, and how many people I have ****ed is frankly NOBODY'S business but my own. I'm clean and safe, if that isn't enough then I could care less.

Not to mention ****ing isn't breaking the law.

 

Insecurity dear, insecurity...

 

What's actually important for me is that the guy never cheated and had at least some standards in who he ****ed. If he went around having sex with married women, very unattractive or ghetto women...then I'd think twice about it. Otherwise I think it just shows immaturity and insecurity to make a big deal out of one's sexual past.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Aww, that Dr. Seuss was a smart dude.

 

 

 

 

 

I've been waiting for he opportunity to use it. Those opportunities are popping up more and more! Haha

[USMCHokie]

So, why is "The past is the past" a common argument with sexual history when it comes to dating?

 

Perception may not be reality, but perception is real. Judgments will inevitably be cast, so the "past is the past" argument a simply a tool used attempting to negate or dodge such social judgments.

 

Going back to one of your examples, imagine at a job interview:

 

Interviewer: "So, it looks like you have a prior felony conviction here..."

 

Applicant: "Yea, well, the past is the past."

 

Interviewer: "By golly, you're right! You're hired, friend! :)"

 

 

Unfortunately, real life doesn't work that way. So rather than bring up the past, they simply avoid the topic altogether with the blanket statement, "the past is the past."

[Jbum5]

I can see how "the past is the past" is an argument that can be made by somebody who feels like they have something they'd rather put away because they are afraid of judgment.

 

I can also see how someone whose been conducting their life within appropriate limits may actually have a past that doesn't affect the present and/or future.

 

The OP's argument is likely pointing at the former, where the past might actually affect the present and/or future depending on who is making the judgment and for what cause.

[SJC2008]

Insecurity dear, insecurity...

 

What's actually important for me is that the guy never cheated and had at least some standards in who he ****ed. If he went around having sex with married women, very unattractive or ghetto women...then I'd think twice about it. Otherwise I think it just shows immaturity and insecurity to make a big deal out of one's sexual past.

 

If that's his sexual past why should you judge him on it?

[Woggle]

If that's his sexual past why should you judge him on it?

 

Yeah. Stop slut shaming him. See I can play that game too.

[Star Gazer]

If that's his sexual past why should you judge him on it?

 

I think you're confusing issues.

 

We all evaluate potential partners based on how they got to where they are now.

 

What you're talking about (the other thread) is a guy being butt hurt because he didn't get what she dished out in the past. He feels short-changed. He feels he deserves it, because she gave it to other guy(s).

 

Totally different than looking at someone's past and questioning whether, based on that behavior - and whether they've changed/grown from it - you're compatible.

[mesmerized]

If that's his sexual past why should you judge him on it?

 

These are the things that I think might affect our future together. Obviously I still look at it on a case by case basis. As another poster said, sex is a fun act that if done safely is highly pleasurable, harmless and even good for your health! Why would I judge a man or a woman who decided to live his life and enjoy one of the best things life has to offer??? If I do, it just means I'm jealous or insecure. However, him cheating or lying or any other immoral action just to get sex is not acceptable because it hurts other people.

 

Is this really that hard to get?

[Woggle]

I think you're confusing issues.

 

We all evaluate potential partners based on how they got to where they are now.

 

What you're talking about (the other thread) is a guy being butt hurt because he didn't get what she dished out in the past. He feels short-changed. He feels he deserves it, because she gave it to other guy(s).

 

Totally different than looking at someone's past and questioning whether, based on that behavior - and whether they've changed/grown from it - you're compatible.

 

You are completely missing the point. What it goes to a guy is that she doesn't consider him attractive enough to have sex with soon but she considers some douchebag to be attractive enough. It is a man's way of avoiding being the nice guy who doesn't make her hot which happens quite often.

[USMCHokie]

You are completely missing the point. What it goes to a guy is that she doesn't consider him attractive enough to have sex with soon but she considers some douchebag to be attractive enough. It is a man's way of avoiding being the nice guy who doesn't make her hot which happens quite often.

 

Or perhaps she views and uses sex as a tool for personal gain (e.g., popularity at school)...?

[Woggle]

Or perhaps she views and uses sex as a tool for personal gain (e.g., popularity at school)...?

 

That is even worse. I don't care about a woman's number or any of that but if I were single and I was expected to take crumbs while the previous guy got a full meal I am out of there.

[SJC2008]

I think you're confusing issues.

 

We all evaluate potential partners based on how they got to where they are now.

 

What you're talking about (the other thread) is a guy being butt hurt because he didn't get what she dished out in the past. He feels short-changed. He feels he deserves it, because she gave it to other guy(s).

 

Totally different than looking at someone's past and questioning whether, based on that behavior - and whether they've changed/grown from it - you're compatible.

 

I'm not talking about him getting but hurt. I'm talking about the multiple 'The past is in the past' arguments so I decided to make a thread about why this statment made when it comes to ones sexual past.

 

Based on the logic you displayed in the "making me wait for sex, but not the guys before me" thread, since you have spent money on women before, you're obligated to spend it on them now.

 

There are two sides to a coin:

By that logic, if a woman has had sex on the first date with someone, she's supposed to have sex with every man from that point forward?

 

She can't learn from her mistakes?.

 

Just becuase I slept with a married woman once doesn't mean I'm going to do it again. Please give me a chance and not deal break me over this. I'm ready to commit and I promise I'll never cheat. Can't I learn from my mistakes?? The past is in the past.

Edited July 7, 2013 by SJC2008

[Star Gazer]

You are completely missing the point. What it goes to a guy is that she doesn't consider him attractive enough to have sex with soon but she considers some douchebag to be attractive enough. It is a man's way of avoiding being the nice guy who doesn't make her hot which happens quite often.

 

So, my current man of a man of a sex godly man should be jealous of the pimple faced kid I awkwardly screwed in highschool?

[miss_jaclynrae]

Or perhaps she views and uses sex as a tool for personal gain (e.g., popularity at school)...?

 

That is even worse. I don't care about a woman's number or any of that but if I were single and I was expected to take crumbs while the previous guy got a full meal I am out of there.

 

 

 

 

 

Whaaaaaa? Is what a GIRL in hs does relevant here? Gain popularity through sex? Are we taking about grown ups or 17 years olds?

 

 

 

 

Take crumbs? I don't follow. Like if a chick gave some schmo a bj after meeting him and you only got a kiss? Who the eff cares. Relationships move at different speeds depending on who you are with. People are constantly changing, yet ones we "feed" one man a "meal" that means we have I feed every guy one from there on out too?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm lost on your logic.

[Woggle]

So, my current man of a man of a sex godly man should be jealous of the pimple faced kid I awkwardly screwed in highschool?

 

There is a statute of limitations but if she had sex with some player right before we started dating but then makes me wait I would wonder if she were really attracted to me.

[SJC2008]

So, my current man of a man of a sex godly man should be jealous of the pimple faced kid I awkwardly screwed in highschool?

 

Yeah he'd probably be pissed for buying Clearasil and getting rid of his zits in HS.

[miss_jaclynrae]

There is a statute of limitations but if she had sex with some player right before we started dating but then makes me wait I would wonder if she were really attracted to me.

 

 

 

Your logic is undeniable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is this going to turn into a "women only like bad boys" thread?

Seriously, just because you aren't getting laid, doesn't mean nice guys aren't.

I know, I'm the one who's slept with them.

[Star Gazer]

There is a statute of limitations but if she had sex with some player right before we started dating but then makes me wait I would wonder if she were really attracted to me.

 

This just blows my mind.

 

If a guy I was dating had sex with some female player right before we started dating, I'd be thinking, "He probably feels burned by her, skittish, wants to make sure I'm not the same way." Or even, "He respects me, didn't respect her [the hoochie]."

 

Why you jump to the NEGATIVE conclusion, "She's not into me enough!" is just...sad.

[USMCHokie]

Whaaaaaa? Is what a GIRL in hs does relevant here? Gain popularity through sex? Are we taking about grown ups or 17 years olds?

 

We are all a product of our past experiences, especially during our formative childhood years. If someone develops early in their life a penchant or even a mere appreciation for the benefits of providing sex, they may tend to fall back on those experiences later on in life.

 

We are learning creatures, after all.

[Star Gazer]

Yeah he'd probably be pissed for buying Clearasil and getting rid of his zits in HS.

 

...what????

[Star Gazer]

We are all a product of our past experiences, especially during our formative childhood years. If someone develops early in their life a penchant or even a mere appreciation for the benefits of providing sex, they may tend to fall back on those experiences later on in life.

 

We are learning creatures, after all.

 

I'm recognizing that the only men having the sort of judgmental attitude about women are those who were historically unsuccessful and/or rejected by women.

 

Noted.

[Woggle]

Your logic is undeniable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is this going to turn into a "women only like bad boys" thread?

Seriously, just because you aren't getting laid, doesn't mean nice guys aren't.

I know, I'm the one who's slept with them.

 

I don't mean to start this kind of argument but if the person before you gets the star treatment while you get crumbs then yes that is a reason to worry. If your man's ex got the full gentleman treatment while you were lucky to get a card on your birthday would you not wonder what was wrong?