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disappointed in this guy


dumpedandsore

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dumpedandsore

I thought we are hitting it off, knew him from an online dating website. Coincidentally, we happened to work in the same industry and could have maintained contact for professional networking purposes.

 

I initiated to request for his picture after about 5 days of online correspondence . After seeing my picture, I never heard from him again

 

I'm aggrieved and deeply affected that I can't even sleep. I didn't expect that he will cut off all contacts after seeing my pics as at least we could have kept on friendly contact working in the same industry

 

I'm feeling ugly , sad, angry and hurted. Now I'm feeling upset over how I look

 

What should I do and why guys are like that??

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I thought we are hitting it off, knew him from an online dating website. Coincidentally, we happened to work in the same industry and could have maintained contact for professional networking purposes.

 

I initiated to request for his picture after about 5 days of online correspondence . After seeing my picture, I never heard from him again

 

I'm aggrieved and deeply affected that I can't even sleep. I didn't expect that he will cut off all contacts after seeing my pics as at least we could have kept on friendly contact working in the same industry

 

I'm feeling ugly , sad, angry and hurted. Now I'm feeling upset over how I look

 

What should I do and why guys are like that??

 

sorry to hear that, i am sure lots of other guys wil find u sexy and attractive, u r probably just not his type. i am attracted to certain men for example fat older guys and often reject men with handsome pics. just depends on the individual.

 

dont take it personally hunn

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sillyanswer

What should I do and why guys are like that??

 

A stranger you've never met and have only corresponded with for less than a week doesn't seem to like how you look? That really shouldn't be something to worry about for more than about 5 minutes!

 

Why are guys like that? Well, it's because we don't find every girl attractive, and on a dating site we'd like to find one who we do find attractive.

 

What could you do? Firstly stop worrying about it. Secondly, put your photo on your profile rather than keeping in reserve to send later. That way if someone doesn't like your photo you'll never hear from them in the first place and never know why, whereas with your method of sending the photo later you discover that they don't like how you look and you now know that that isn't a nice feeling.

 

Chin up!

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dumpedandsore

I m projecting my inferiority on him

It makes me really hurted and depressed

This has not happened once but many times

Im not attractive not either ugly, just perhaps plain and plump ,

im very disappointed , it seems because of my looks, i have been hitting walls after a record of 8 years using online dating

 

i HAVE tried to improve my looks by going for lasik, skin treatment, wearing nice dress and make up..but still....

 

i am angry with myself for the way i look.

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HoneyBadgerDontCare
I m projecting my inferiority on him

It makes me really hurted and depressed

This has not happened once but many times

Im not attractive not either ugly, just perhaps plain and plump ,

im very disappointed , it seems because of my looks, i have been hitting walls after a record of 8 years using online dating

 

i HAVE tried to improve my looks by going for lasik, skin treatment, wearing nice dress and make up..but still....

 

i am angry with myself for the way i look.

 

Life isn't fair.

 

Just try dating less attractive people.

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sillyanswer

i am angry with myself for the way i look.

 

Then do something about it!

 

Anger isn't very attractive, either.

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dumpedandsore

i tried

 

when i was only about 135 pounds, i did not get the results either

burning my skin with chemical peeling and eyes with lasik..applying makeup and dressing nicely..still doesnt get me anywhere

 

i have tried..

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SweetLikeCinnamon
At least 20 pounds, yes.

 

I wouldn't listen to this guy. Your weight is not that much above the healthy range for your height.

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I'm fatter than you, still feel pretty good about my looks and didn't experience rejection over this because I post my picture online and I let men message me first!! Obviously, only men who like how I look will message me, so there is no rejection. Your weight is absolutely fine. If you want to lose, you can do it, but you are not obese or anything, lots of men prefer a woman wearing size 8 or 10 clothing. You need to put your picture on the profile and let men message you first! Men have their type and there is someone for everyone.

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HoneyBadgerDontCare
i tried

 

when i was only about 135 pounds, i did not get the results either

burning my skin with chemical peeling and eyes with lasik..applying makeup and dressing nicely..still doesnt get me anywhere

 

i have tried..

 

Maybe it's not your weight then. Maybe it's your looks.

 

Sorry, but like I said before, try dating less attractive people.

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im 5'7, about 147 pounds..do i need to?

trying to no avail

 

I'm 5'5 and 132 pounds... I am in no way overweight or plump... you being 2 inches taller and 14 pounds heavier? You don't sound like a hippo...

 

I agree that you should put your picture on the dating site this way only guys who are interested will contact you.

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Maybe it's not your weight then. Maybe it's your looks.

 

Sorry, but like I said before, try dating less attractive people.

 

Sorry, I disagree. It's not "try dating less attractive people". Is "let men who like YOU message you first and post a picture". Then you date as attractive or not attractive men as those who choose you are. Of course you don't have to answer to everyone if you don't like them. I don't think I'm a supermodel, but never experienced rejection over the looks for this very reason.

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HoneyBadgerDontCare
Sorry, I disagree. It's not "try dating less attractive people". Is "let men who like YOU message you first and post a picture". Then you date as attractive or not attractive men as those who choose you are. Of course you don't have to answer to everyone if you don't like them. I don't think I'm a supermodel, but never experienced rejection over the looks for this very reason.

 

In OP's posts, she states that she's been having trouble for a long time with this. So it's reasonable to assume that she resorted to her current strategy due to past failure with other methods.

 

Assuming she already tried this method (which is likely since it's the most obvious one) and knowing that women WILL get messages on OLD regardless of what they look like, it is logical to assume that she's trying to date men that have better options than her.

 

Thus, she should attempt to date less attractive men that have less options....or find a creative way to attract more attractive men.

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Maleficent
I thought we are hitting it off, knew him from an online dating website. Coincidentally, we happened to work in the same industry and could have maintained contact for professional networking purposes.

 

I initiated to request for his picture after about 5 days of online correspondence . After seeing my picture, I never heard from him again

 

I'm aggrieved and deeply affected that I can't even sleep. I didn't expect that he will cut off all contacts after seeing my pics as at least we could have kept on friendly contact working in the same industry

 

I'm feeling ugly , sad, angry and hurted. Now I'm feeling upset over how I look

 

What should I do and why guys are like that??

 

I know how you feel. But really - would you want to date someone like that?

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In OP's posts, she states that she's been having trouble for a long time with this. So it's reasonable to assume that she resorted to her current strategy due to past failure with other methods.

 

Assuming she already tried this method (which is likely since it's the most obvious one) and knowing that women WILL get messages on OLD regardless of what they look like, it is logical to assume that she's trying to date men that have better options than her.

 

Thus, she should attempt to date less attractive men that have less options....or find a creative way to attract more attractive men.

 

Well, duh, if she doesn't post a picture, how can she not attract men who are NOT attracted to her???? She said she's sending the picture AFTER they talk. It's not about the men's options or lack thereof, if they are attractive or not, it's about their type. I had very attractive men message me, even hot ones, because they like Christina Aguilera type and I have that kind of body...sort of. Others will think I'm fat, so they won't message me. She is somebody's type. She needs to let them see her BEFORE they talk.

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Hate to be so direct you mentioned skin treatments and lasik. Do you have any sort of "deformity"? (Sorry to use that word, it is all I can think of)

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Calvin's wagon

Hi!

 

I'm sorry to hear what has happened!

 

1. I would firstly recommend you read the following thread ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/397884-i-don-t-think-men-will-ever-approach-me ), because I think it has many common points with what we're talking about in this thread.

 

I like what the original poster of the thread (BustedUpInside) said:

"I think it is important to remind myself that my opinion is really the most important one and if I think I look pretty good, then that's how I look (perception is reality). It is just nice to get a perspective other than "try and be hotter" because I have never really wanted to conform to society's ideals and I like your approach more. I don't need to be beautiful to everybody, I just need to be beautiful to the right person."

 

So I really encourage you to read that thread.

 

///

 

2. Also, I agree with others about putting up a photo on your profile. I did that, and it saved me a lot of time&energy&emotions. If a girl doesn't like my looks & that is an immediate dealbreaker for her, than I'd rather not talk to her at all, only to be later ignored or rejected due to my looks.

 

///

 

3. Also, I'd encourage you to be more proactive in real-life to meet people (like we talked about in the above thread). There may be a lot of guys that would be intersted in you and in which you'd be interested, and who aren't using OLD.

 

///

 

4. Like many other good posters have said, it's all about different tastes. Even though some men won't like your looks, there will still be a lot of men who will find you very attractive! The same with men-women, men-men, women-women etc.

 

You just have to continue looking, not fear rejection etc., and you'll find someone great for you and for whom you'll be great!

 

5. May I ask, do you generally feel self-conscious about how you look etc.? Or in general how low self-esteem/self-confidence? Or was this more of an isolated event?

 

6. For what it's worth, I think your weight and height are really attractive, and many girls that I dated and was attracted to were around 147 pounds (well, 66 kilos) or higher! I just found them really sexy, including the curves and everything.

 

Hope to hear from you soon, but most of all, I hope you will never again let anyone make you feel ugly, hurt or upset over how you look, or that you'll never lose sleep over it again! To the right persons (I think there's more than just one right person for each of us) for you, you will look beautiful both on the inside and outside, and as for the others, who cares for them!

 

P.S.: Off topic: Really liked your Simpson avatar, Lisa has always been my favourite character! Do you know of any good Simpson avatar generators?

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dumpedandsore
Hi!

 

I'm sorry to hear what has happened!

 

1. I would firstly recommend you read the following thread ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/397884-i-don-t-think-men-will-ever-approach-me ), because I think it has many common points with what we're talking about in this thread.

 

I like what the original poster of the thread (BustedUpInside) said:

"I think it is important to remind myself that my opinion is really the most important one and if I think I look pretty good, then that's how I look (perception is reality). It is just nice to get a perspective other than "try and be hotter" because I have never really wanted to conform to society's ideals and I like your approach more. I don't need to be beautiful to everybody, I just need to be beautiful to the right person."

 

So I really encourage you to read that thread.

 

///

 

2. Also, I agree with others about putting up a photo on your profile. I did that, and it saved me a lot of time&energy&emotions. If a girl doesn't like my looks & that is an immediate dealbreaker for her, than I'd rather not talk to her at all, only to be later ignored or rejected due to my looks.

 

///

 

3. Also, I'd encourage you to be more proactive in real-life to meet people (like we talked about in the above thread). There may be a lot of guys that would be intersted in you and in which you'd be interested, and who aren't using OLD.

 

///

 

4. Like many other good posters have said, it's all about different tastes. Even though some men won't like your looks, there will still be a lot of men who will find you very attractive! The same with men-women, men-men, women-women etc.

 

You just have to continue looking, not fear rejection etc., and you'll find someone great for you and for whom you'll be great!

 

5. May I ask, do you generally feel self-conscious about how you look etc.? Or in general how low self-esteem/self-confidence? Or was this more of an isolated event?

 

6. For what it's worth, I think your weight and height are really attractive, and many girls that I dated and was attracted to were around 147 pounds (well, 66 kilos) or higher! I just found them really sexy, including the curves and everything.

 

Hope to hear from you soon, but most of all, I hope you will never again let anyone make you feel ugly, hurt or upset over how you look, or that you'll never lose sleep over it again! To the right persons (I think there's more than just one right person for each of us) for you, you will look beautiful both on the inside and outside, and as for the others, who cares for them!

 

P.S.: Off topic: Really liked your Simpson avatar, Lisa has always been my favourite character! Do you know of any good Simpson avatar generators?

 

 

Thanks for your advice

 

I generally feel self-conscious about myself. I have varied opinions on my looks - most guys would think that Im less attractive while some ladies feel that Im attractive, eligible and slim. I think the guys' opinions are far more realistic and truthful. It's not an isolated event, I have a few cases of guys dropping me off after seeing my pictures

 

Real-life, I have single male colleagues but think I am not their type and vice versa...

 

Life's tough in the dating aspect and I do get upset about it..

 

I do not have a Simpsons avatar generator.

 

It's nice to hear assuring words from you. Here wishing you a great day ahead :bunny:

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ScreamingTrees

Well, Dumped.. I feel the same way, honestly. I'm in the same boat, as if I were to put up a photo, I'd get absolutely NO replies online, of that I'm sure. And if I was to show them a photo AFTER we'd hit it off, they'd quickly break off all contact with me as well. :laugh: I don't know what to tell you, I've tried a lot of things myself. You're not alone, though, even if that doesn't count for jack ****.

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daisybuchanan55

Dumped, I'll tell you one thing: in the words of Cher Horowitz (yes, "Clueless" reference!) what you most need to make over is your soul!!!

 

Your attitude is absolutely horrible and that's the first thing that needs to change. I understand what happened is very painful and upsetting but your username tells me your feeling bad and not looking your best may be coming from something going on inside...something that was brewing WAY before this incident. If you were feeling your best mentally, this rejection would not have affected you as it has. You would be thinking "SCREW HIM! Next!!!" Because when you feel great about yourself, one person's opinion rolls off your back.

 

If you can afford it, I would consider getting a counselor or therapist to work with you on self-esteem issues. I'm serious. The most attractive thing anyone can have is a positive outlook on life and a smile. When you smile and are happy, you will naturally attract people--men and women! Everyone likes being around happy people. If you think this might be a chemical imbalance and you might be clinically depressed or have anxiety issues, see a psychologist and do not feel ashamed of going on medication. I am on anxiety drugs and they saved my life.

 

Once you start feeling better about yourself, you may find yourself more motivated to get out there and participate in life--and these online dating sites you use will just be an add-on to all the dates you'll be getting in real life. You might want to work out more (not that you need to lose weight, don't listen to these jerks saying you need to), take more walks, do more activities, etc.

 

You may find yourself wanting to wake up earlier and make a healthy breakfast or take a nice relaxing walk to get a coffee. Just starting your day like this can make the rest of it that much more pleasant!

 

As far as things you can do RIGHT NOW to make yourself look better, let me offer these suggestions as someone who went from ugly duckling (I went through a WICKED adolescence, and not in a good way!!!) to someone men consider attractive:

 

1. Like I said before, get into a routine of working out. It's NOT ABOUT losing weight. It's about feeling energetic and healthy and enthusiastic.

 

2. Get a tan if you're pale. It's worth investing money in a Mystic Tan spray tanning membership. Get one once a week. Make it a part of your routine.

 

3. Ask someone who looks awesome where she gets her hair cut/colored. If your hair is shorter than shoulder length, grow it longer. Then go and get it cut by someone who works at a cool salon and LET HER tell you what to do with it cut/color wise. The right cut and color can make your face come alive!

 

4. Get your brows professionally shaped at a makeup counter.

 

5. Go to a makeup counter (If you like natural looks, go for Bobbi Brown; if you are more adventurous, go for MAC) and have them give you day/night makeup looks and teach you how to do it yourself.

 

6. Start shopping (if you can afford it of course) with a personal shopper at Nordstrom or another high quality department store. Buy a few really nice staple pieces. Read fashion magazines and blogs to get an idea of what's in style. At your height and weight, you should be EXCITED to get dressed in the morning. Many women would kill for your bod!! And don't be afraid to show it off. Pick your favorite/best asset and work it, girl!

 

7. WEAR HEELS!!!!! You will look and feel sexier in an instant!

 

These are some simple solutions that will have you feeling better in a week or less. The real work must be done internally.

 

I cannot agree more with the posters who suggested posting your picture on your dating site. This is just a must-do thing. Like everyone has said, everyone, men and women, have types. You just weren't this guy's type. I think I'm very attractive but I am pretty confident a guy who is into sexy Latinas with big booties would not find me, a skinny blonde girl with no ass or boobs, remotely sexy. It's just the way the world goes round.

 

Really though, you need need to get some self-confidence before you even worry about dating. Even if you attract a man (because you ARE gorgeous, I guarantee it) tomorrow, the relationship will have challenges from the beginning because you aren't feeling "whole."

 

Good luck, girl. I know things feel hopeless and impossible now, but think of all the people in this world who overcome even tougher obstacles every day. You are capable of more than you think and you WILL find love--but no matter what, you need to love YOU first and foremost.

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At least 20 pounds, yes.

 

 

That's really a crappy thing to say to someone who is already feeling low. She doesn't need to lose 20 lbs, or alter her appearance to find a boyfriend.

 

To the OP - go ahead and post pictures on your dating profile, that way, guys can see what you look like right off the bat. Unfortunately, men are extremely visual and if they aren't instantly attracted to you from a cruddy online dating site pic, they won't bother to even pursue you at all.

 

However, there IS someone out there who will be attracted to you - because I do believe there is someone for everyone. Just be patient, and don't let one jerk bring you down. Don't give him that much power over you.

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Please put photos on your profile so this doesn't happen again. Don't worry - you WILL get responses.. Make sure you are smiling and having fun in the pics! Smiling and attitude is so important! good luck to you..

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