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! Girlfriend wants to risk everything for her dog.


Iseenamandie

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Iseenamandie

About a year ago, she moved from ohio to southern california to be with me. I have my own apartment near newport beach/costa mesa and I'm very lucky because $1025 a month is the cheapest rent you can ever find here. I'm 26, she's 18. She left her dog behind with her best friend. Since she has moved here, she has gotten a good job, and I also have a pretty good job. Both of our jobs are so close to home that its amazing. We also bought a good car because we were able to put our money together.

 

Now comes the problem. Her best friend has come to visit a few times and she wants to move in with us. My girlfriend also wants her to move in with us. I finally agreed with her moving in because we would save money. Problem is, my girlfriend wants to have her dog also and my apartments doesn't accept dogs. Neither does any apartment near the beach or remotely as close to our jobs (our jobs are near the beach). If they do accept dogs, they charge atleast 1400 to 1600 a month for rent and we can NOT afford that even if we split the rent in three ways. On top of that, the dog is a pitbull/shepard mix so most places won't accept him anyway.

 

Another fact is that right now, I can afford to pay the rent by myself if my girlfriend and I broke up and she decides to go back home, or if she looses her job. If we move into a more expensive place and break up, I'm screwed. I have no family here and my family is poor. Her family has a lot of money so she has nothing to worry about.

 

The only way that we can afford a place that accepts her dog is if we move to a less desirable neighborhood wich would be far from our jobs. I don't want to risk not making it to work, and I don't want to live in a less desirable neighborhood, especially for a dog.

 

I already agreed on the bestfriend moving in, so I can't take that back. But I really don't want to move to a whole other location and make life harder just for a dog. I didn't even want the friend moving in at first but I agreed because it would save us a lot of money, and my girlfriend would be happy since she has no friends here.

 

Another thing, my credit is bad. The only way I have the place I do now is because my parents left it for me when they moved out of state. If I move out, ill never be able to find another place in this location.

 

Well sorry this was so long. Thanks a lot if you read it. And please if you have any advice, help me out. Have a good day and thanks again.

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HokeyReligions

I'm a dog person. Hubby and I picked up two strays on our wedding night. Weve been rescuing dogs together for 30 years. We bougt a house for the yard so we could rescue more dogs. Better find out now wbere her priorities are. She could end up resenting you if she's forced to give up her dog. I wish I could take him. I adore Pit's and have one Pit and o e GS right now. Not that long ago we had 7 but they have all passed. All of old age except one eho had cancer.

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Iseenamandie
I'm a dog person. Hubby and I picked up two strays on our wedding night. Weve been rescuing dogs together for 30 years. We bougt a house for the yard so we could rescue more dogs. Better find out now wbere her priorities are. She could end up resenting you if she's forced to give up her dog. I wish I could take him. I adore Pit's and have one Pit and o e GS right now. Not that long ago we had 7 but they have all passed. All of old age except one eho had cancer.

 

Thanks so much for the reply. Its great that you guys are rescuers. My girlfriend also rescued her dog. She found it locked in someone's yard who never fed it and it was soon to die. So she rehabilitated it and I'm sure that gave her a lot of attachment to it. I thought about her resenting me also and I really don't want that. If I could buy a house like youguys did, I would a.s.a.p.

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That's what happens when you date someone who is immature. She was jailbait when you first started dating. Having a dog is the least of your worries. Having her best friend move in will ensure it will always be "two against one" in any dispute. I'm sure you can do better.

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Eddie Edirol

Bottom line is you will wind up giving her an ultimatum. You or the dog. Do you really need to say yes to her friend moving in just because your gf doesnt want to try to make new friends? if you cant take the dog and your gf doesnt want to say no to her friend, you will wind up separating. just expect her to say no.

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Iseenamandie
That's what happens when you date someone who is immature. She was jailbait when you first started dating. Having a dog is the least of your worries. Having her best friend move in will ensure it will always be "two against one" in any dispute. I'm sure you can do better.

 

Hate to say it but you're right. I mean in all other areas she's seemed mature. As far as working and being independant. But this dog thing is something I don't think she's mature enough to deal with. The worst thing about it is I don't think she realizes how good we have it right now and how good we are living. Damn. You're right. What do I do now that we have already been living together for a year? Send her back home? Its kind of hard because we have a pretty good relationship other than these dumb problems

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Iseenamandie
Bottom line is you will wind up giving her an ultimatum. You or the dog. Do you really need to say yes to her friend moving in just because your gf doesnt want to try to make new friends? if you cant take the dog and your gf doesnt want to say no to her friend, you will wind up separating. just expect her to say no.

 

Uggh. This is pretty damn stressful. I mean everything would be so perfect right now if she would just realize how good we are living and be happy. And you're right, I have to give up privacy and change our whole way of living just because she doesn't want to make new friends.

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Iseenamandie
gee. they can work it out. your injecting drama where there's none.

 

Oh ok thanks for responding. I'd really like to know your prospective on this. Can something good come out of this? If so, what can I do for it to happen?

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Star Gazer
About a year ago, she moved from ohio to southern california to be with me. I have my own apartment near newport beach/costa mesa and I'm very lucky because $1025 a month is the cheapest rent you can ever find here.

 

Neither does any apartment near the beach or remotely as close to our jobs (our jobs are near the beach). If they do accept dogs, they charge atleast 1400 to 1600 a month for rent and we can NOT afford that even if we split the rent in three ways.

 

Another fact is that right now, I can afford to pay the rent by myself if my girlfriend and I broke up and she decides to go back home, or if she looses her job.

 

If you can afford $1025 alone, and are splitting that now, you most certainly can afford $1600 split three ways. Further, live in Irvine or HB.

 

She "risked everything" in leaving home and moving across the country to be with you. The least you can do is take a small risk of taking on a place you wouldn't be able to afford *if* she moved home. You could get a roommate if she did.

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Uggh. This is pretty damn stressful. I mean everything would be so perfect right now if she would just realize how good we are living and be happy. And you're right, I have to give up privacy and change our whole way of living just because she doesn't want to make new friends.

 

Why don't you stay in your current apartment and she and her friend can get a place that accepts dogs?

 

You probably immediately thought "Uh no" to that, but consider it. It doesn't have to be a negative thing if she moves out. You'd just be giving her room to be 18 and make stupid decisions on her own. She's barely an adult. Let her grow up a bit more before you try to do the whole cohabitation thing. Everyone needs to experience living on their own.

 

Honestly, she's probably going to want to experience that at some point. It's better for her to do it now rather than eight years from now when she's 26 and has been living with you and only you for her entire adult life.

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Almond_Joy

Yeah op your post confuses me. How can you afford 1025 alone but not 1600 split three ways?

 

I can see how commuting to work may become problematic for you if there's only one car between the two of you. If you do move maybe one of you can look into carpooling or public transport? Public transport would save you even more money.

 

I get that the dog doesn't mean much to you...and I live in SoCal so I am aware that your living situation as far as rent cost is darn good. But....I mean if she's an animal person her dog means a lot to her. It's not immature, the bond between a dog and owner is really something special. Me and my bf would be heartbroken if we couldn't have our little guy around. I wouldn't be surprised if she's been feeling guilty and missing her dog this whole time and has just been keeping quiet about it because she thought you'd react this way. It is a headache to find a place that accepts pets but it's worth the effort to have the animals you love in your life.

 

Also, if you're not confident enough in the relationship to think it can survive a move and a roommate then stay where you are. If you still feel this way 6 months from now you two may want to see if the relationship's really going anywhere. And getting a place with bad credit isn't impossible, especially if you have a good tenant history with previous landlords. Your security deposit may be a bit higher, but people will still rent to you if you're a good tenant.

 

 

I think the best you can do is tell your gf that even though you would like to save money, you don't really want to change the living situation right now. If she pushes about the dog and friend, and you want to move this relationship forward right now, then start looking for places that take dogs. If you stay with her you would eventually have to factor in the dog anyway.....

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Almond_Joy
Why don't you stay in your current apartment and she and her friend can get a place that accepts dogs?

 

You probably immediately thought "Uh no" to that, but consider it. It doesn't have to be a negative thing if she moves out. You'd just be giving her room to be 18 and make stupid decisions on her own. She's barely an adult. Let her grow up a bit more before you try to do the whole cohabitation thing. Everyone needs to experience living on their own.

 

Honestly, she's probably going to want to experience that at some point. It's better for her to do it now rather than eight years from now when she's 26 and has been living with you and only you for her entire adult life.

 

 

O man this is way better advice than what I gave lol. Seriously yes. I forgot the age difference between you two. The next 5 - 7 years are probably going to be a bit turbulent - she has to come into her own as an adult and she's probably going to want to do alot of things and go through phases that you've outgrown. Living with just her friend would give her the space to do that with someone she trusts and that is going through the same.

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CptSaveAho
If you can afford $1025 alone, and are splitting that now, you most certainly can afford $1600 split three ways. Further, live in Irvine or HB.

 

She "risked everything" in leaving home and moving across the country to be with you. The least you can do is take a small risk of taking on a place you wouldn't be able to afford *if* she moved home. You could get a roommate if she did.

 

 

 

shes 18 years old... everyone and their mom and even 99% of LS knows this relationship isnt going the distance... she didnt risk **** moving in with a guy thats paying her rent and can afford to live on his own

 

"Risk" it LOL I knew at 18 years old that any relationship I was in wasnt going the distance

 

OP... you know what you can afford on your own... always maintain that... if someone comes along and wants to join you... let them... but if you cant go above your honest means of self living... like you said before what if the relationship ends and you get a more expensive place, you are screwed...

 

Stay at your current price range and level of comfort for yourself... if you bend on this, she will eventually break you... its better that you lay this down now and she leave on this if shes going to leave (shes not going to by the way... she will stay because you stood up to her and respect you more... 100% guaranteed)

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Iseenamandie
If you can afford $1025 alone, and are splitting that now, you most certainly can afford $1600 split three ways. Further, live in Irvine or HB.

 

She "risked everything" in leaving home and moving across the country to be with you. The least you can do is take a small risk of taking on a place you wouldn't be able to afford *if* she moved home. You could get a roommate if she did.

 

Well we techically aren't splitting the current rent now. I pay 686 and she pays 343. Plus expenses. I make about 1500 a month and she makes about 1100. Yeah I do understand that she risked everything to come here, but I feel like she didn't do it for something bad. I brung a lot to the table. Long story short, she's in a better living situation then she was before. Plus, she will be ok nomatter what happens because her family will get her a ticket back home and take care of her if something went wrong. I on the other hand am on my own. But I will consider it because I do want to be with her.

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Star Gazer
Well we techically aren't splitting the current rent now. I pay 686 and she pays 343. Plus expenses. I make about 1500 a month and she makes about 1100. Yeah I do understand that she risked everything to come here, but I feel like she didn't do it for something bad. I brung a lot to the table. Long story short, she's in a better living situation then she was before. Plus, she will be ok nomatter what happens because her family will get her a ticket back home and take care of her if something went wrong. I on the other hand am on my own. But I will consider it because I do want to be with her.

 

Aren't you supposed to earn 3x the rent? Who co-signed for you?

 

In any event, I second the advice of letting her get her own place and you taking over the one you're in now.

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Iseenamandie

 

shes 18 years old... everyone and their mom and even 99% of LS knows this relationship isnt going the distance... she didnt risk **** moving in with a guy thats paying her rent and can afford to live on his own

 

"Risk" it LOL I knew at 18 years old that any relationship I was in wasnt going the distance

 

OP... you know what you can afford on your own... always maintain that... if someone comes along and wants to join you... let them... but if you cant go above your honest means of self living... like you said before what if the relationship ends and you get a more expensive place, you are screwed...

 

Stay at your current price range and level of comfort for yourself... if you bend on this, she will eventually break you... its better that you lay this down now and she leave on this if shes going to leave (shes not going to by the way... she will stay because you stood up to her and respect you more... 100% guaranteed)

 

Yeah thanks a lot for that. What you said is exactly what's in my mind. I really appreciate that.

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Iseenamandie
Why don't you stay in your current apartment and she and her friend can get a place that accepts dogs?

 

You probably immediately thought "Uh no" to that, but consider it. It doesn't have to be a negative thing if she moves out. You'd just be giving her room to be 18 and make stupid decisions on her own. She's barely an adult. Let her grow up a bit more before you try to do the whole cohabitation thing. Everyone needs to experience living on their own.

 

Honestly, she's probably going to want to experience that at some point. It's better for her to do it now rather than eight years from now when she's 26 and has been living with you and only you for her entire adult life.

 

YES I actually am all for that! I mentioned that to her today! But she says she doesn't want to do it. She sayd she wants to be with me and I'm guessing sje ment live with me. But I'm going to keep entertaining that idea to her. I also was thinking about just letting them two try to find all of us a place even though I know they're not going to find one we can afford. Maybe then they will realize on their own that its not that easy.

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Yeah thanks a lot for that. What you said is exactly what's in my mind. I really appreciate that.

 

...Really?

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Iseenamandie
...Really?

 

Yeah definitely. I don't want to risk being screwed if something goes wrong. At the same time I don't want to be a dick and not take her feelings into consideration

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Iseenamandie
Aren't you supposed to earn 3x the rent? Who co-signed for you?

 

In any event, I second the advice of letting her get her own place and you taking over the one you're in now.

 

Well my parents lived in this apartment before. I had moved back with my parents to get back on my feet, and a month later they both lost their jobs. So they decided to move out of state and I didn't want to. I then went job hustling and got lucky enough to find a job that would get me by and allow me to keep the place.

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YES I actually am all for that! I mentioned that to her today! But she says she doesn't want to do it. She sayd she wants to be with me and I'm guessing sje ment live with me.

 

You should ask her what she meant by that rather than guessing at what she meant. :)

 

Reassure her that it's not a breakup or anything like that, that you'll still be a couple and still go on dates and spend one or two nights a week with each other, you just won't be living together until you each have jobs that pay enough for you two to live in an ideal house/apartment in an ideal neighborhood.

 

Do either of you have plans to go to school?

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Iseenamandie
You should ask her what she meant by that rather than guessing at what she meant. :)

 

Reassure her that it's not a breakup or anything like that, that you'll still be a couple and still go on dates and spend one or two nights a week with each other, you just won't be living together until you each have jobs that pay enough for you two to live in an ideal house/apartment in an ideal neighborhood.

 

Do either of you have plans to go to school?

 

Thanks a lot for that. I will strees that to her definitely. Yeah I know that I plan on going back to school, but I can't afford it now. Thats why I was agreeing with the friend moving in so that I could afford it. But the dog thing killed that idea. Either way though, I'm planning on getting back in school somehow. I also have a pretty good job where there can be an advancement or raise for me. As far as her, I always talk about her going back to school, she agrees with it, but she never really talks about school right now. So I have a feeling she's probably not planning on going back this minute. Thanks for the advice though

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I'm a dog person. Hubby and I picked up two strays on our wedding night. Weve been rescuing dogs together for 30 years. We bougt a house for the yard so we could rescue more dogs. Better find out now wbere her priorities are. She could end up resenting you if she's forced to give up her dog. I wish I could take him. I adore Pit's and have one Pit and o e GS right now. Not that long ago we had 7 but they have all passed. All of old age except one eho had cancer.

 

 

 

I WANT TO rescue dogs too!! That is my life long dream!

 

I am a dog person and I do not even like other animals much! Just dogs.

 

That is just so nice that you and your husband do that.

 

I do not want children so that should help me afford the added expenses of taking in abandoned dogs.

 

ANYWAY - sorry to thread jack!

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An 18 year-old girlfriend who is moving in her best friend and her dog... You'll be playing daddy soon enough anyways. She is a kid

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sillyanswer

Well sorry this was so long. Thanks a lot if you read it. And please if you have any advice, help me out. Have a good day and thanks again.

 

So what does your gf think should happen? Is she happy with the idea of moving to a worse area or further away from work in order to accommodate the dog?

 

This isn't just your problem to solve... it's hers too.

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