Charley Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Hey there, i'm 18 years old and leaving school soon. my boyfriend (who is 16) and i are very much in love, and usually he is very loving, kind, etc. We have talked for a while of moving in together when we leave, but as the time gets closer i feel more and more apprehensive. Neither of us have jobs (although we do plan to get them when we leave) and his financial situation is not really stable (i.e he lives with his grandparents and does not speak to his mum) however he cannot stay with them forever, because they are old and stuff. I however come from a comfortable background, big house, luxuries, basically i'm a little spoilt . However if we did move in together i would not ask my mum for any money or help. i would feel too bad. i think she would be sad at the tought of me moving out even though she has her husband so i wouldnt be leaving her alone... Anyways another thing is that my boyfriend and i argue quite a lot, and very heatedly. Also i am scared that we (ok, he) will get bored of me if we live together. and what do we do then? just, live in a flat for the rest of our lives? the end? He says we will have to move soon if i say we can live together, because he wants to be out of his grandparent's way by september. But i just don't know what to say. I think it would be fun, but only until the novely wore off.. Does anyone have any experiences of moving in with a partner and is it good or bad? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Moving in with someone isn't about having "fun". Do you both have steady jobs with a regular income? Can you afford first and last months rent? Then there's utilities to pay & often desposits to pay just to have those utilities hooked up in the first place. If you're arguing "heatedly" now wait until rent falls due or the phone gets cut off. Personally I think 16 is too young for him to be moving out on his own, but I can see that for some people there may not be an option, but don't feel that you have to respond to his deadline. And how long have you two been going out? He's only 16 so I can't imagine you've been going out with each other for very long, certainly not long enough to be making this kind of decision. Don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsSandman Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 i suggest that if you move in together that you get a job FIRST.its very expensive to live in a decent apartment with utilities, food, personal toiletries and school.i personally suggest you don't.have you talked to your parents or his parents about this? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 You're wondering, there's your answer! And tell your boyfriend to be man enough to be looking for a reasonable solution, not to do whatever cames in handier (which happens to be twisting your hand into this)! I'll spare you the speech of commitment, meaning sacrifice and compromise involving living with someone! Link to post Share on other sites
Al Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 I think it would be a bad move to move in together. Moving in and having a place of your own is a big responsibility. Trust me, I'm doing it right now. I dated my high school boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and after high school, I think when I was 20, we decided to move in together. We lasted another year and a half and things were great between us before we moved in together or so we thought. You don't realize how much work a place is or how many issues you have to compromise on when you live together. It's definitely not all fun and games. It's more like budgeting and responsibility. My current boyfriend and I live together right now after dating for a year and we definitely have our ups and downs. He unexpectedly got laid off this past winter and I had to take care of all the bills on my own. This created a big problem between us for quite awhile. We now work two jobs to keep up financially and have moved into a different, cheaper apartment. Now don't get me wrong, there are good times but it's nothing like living with your parents. So I would say that if you are already having doubts that maybe it's not such a good idea and if your boyfriend wants to move out by some set deadline, maybe he should try finding a place on his own instead of with you. But that's just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charley Posted May 15, 2004 Author Share Posted May 15, 2004 i know it will be a big responsibility. we have been together a year and a half. Its just wierd. I can't imagine that that's it- we move in, we work, we get a better place, work more, get a better place... Won't we get bored of each other? i'm convinced that this will be the case even though we see each other every day and stuff. Any other comments? Any positive ones??! thanks for the feed back Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 15, 2004 Share Posted May 15, 2004 You started going out with this guy when he was 14 years old and a year and a half later you're considering moving in with him and your only concern is that "we'll get bored with each other". I highly doubt you're going to get many positive comments (by which I take to mean that what you're looking for is someone to tell you that it's OK to go ahead with this crazy idea). Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 15, 2004 Share Posted May 15, 2004 Won't we get bored of each other? i'm convinced that this will be the case even though we see each other every day and stuff. If you aren't excited and thrilled about moving in with someone, don't do it. He has no job and is only 16 - he has to finish high school so he won't be able to work enough to pay his way during the school year. It is not at all easy to live with someone and it you two already have a bunch of issues. Help him find some friends that he can be roommates with, or help him find a room in a shared house. There are plenty of different living arrangements available that won't cost tons of money, will give him some company, and will ease the pressure on you. Link to post Share on other sites
abbyroadme Posted May 15, 2004 Share Posted May 15, 2004 Ok, the guy is 16? Moving out on his own......that's weird. Do you have enough foundation that you can survive on your own? Weigh the plus and minus then decide on it. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charley Posted May 17, 2004 Author Share Posted May 17, 2004 well in the uk loads of people move out when they are young. I know he's only 16 but he is on the year before he has to leave anyway andhe will be 17 in a few weeks. i know that doesnt change it. I am excited at the thought of living with him, and he was thrown out of his home by his mother who is very mentally unstable and no one wants him to move back there. However he is so sweet and kind and loving that sometimes i think it would be good to live together. I just heard that moving in makes everything worse and i dont want that to happen to us thanks for all your feedback Link to post Share on other sites
LILUIL Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Originally posted by Charley However he is so sweet and kind and loving that sometimes i think it would be good to live together. I just heard that moving in makes everything worse and i dont want that to happen to us Even very matured adults moving in together can have problems, so it's not just age and status that plays a part. Seeing each other every day WILL make you very 'familiar' to each other and that can be bad if not handled properly. Familiarity and personal space, personal time, housework, quite a lot of issues other than just bored of the person's face, honestly. Make him understand that even if you decide not to move in at this stage, it does not mean you are less committed.... Moving in together does not anymore commitment than saying you are committed from your rooftop in the hot sun. Yeah the perks of staying on your own will be there, but the responsibility is huge. Think about this carefully, plan together with him, sit down and talk about the different areas of responsibility. Surely, when you do decide to move out, you wanna leave your parents home in a good note, and have them feel proud and have trust that you are matured, independent and capable of taking care of yourself. You will need back up savings for repairs and such. Link to post Share on other sites
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