troubledwaters Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 i fell in love with a colleagues' best friend and keep it to myself for many months before letting it out. i sent the guy anonymous confessions and said that i was sincerely interested but shy (i had to think hard coz its a big risk). in the months that i kept quiet, when we'd all go out in a group i used to cold shoulder him coz i was scared he'd find out. I knew i had strong feelings for him. because he was a colleagues best friend made it harder for me to admit my feelings. he eventually found out i was the 'secret admirer' and asked me to go steady with him. we have been going out for a few months now.... we seldom see each other, we never talk on the phone, when i call he picks up when he feels like it, we've slept together, we hardly have communication with each other. i try not to call him more than 3 times a week (if he picks up 1/3 of the calls i'd be so lucky). sometimes we'd sms back and forth and then usually he suddenly stops. there has been weeks when after he misses my calls, he'd only contact me 5 days later with crappy excuse. i am genuinely in love with this guy, although i do feel uneasy because work relationships are involved (his friend). his friend always calls him (almost everyday) and they'd talk and laugh on the phone and sometimes whispers gossips about 'our' relationship. i feel really sick when that happens, coz he's ignoring me and i have to hear his friend ask questions bout us on the phone. now he's ignoring me for the past week. i feel so lost. Note : when we do go out on dates, i know he gives me his full attention. and we'd talk non stop. but the gaps between dates! ugh! is he toying with me? is he a player? What do you make of his moves? does he have commitment problems? is he using me? he asked me for a relationship... did i make the biggest joke of myself by making the first move admitting my feelings. i'm trying not to call him, waiting for him to initiate for once, is this right? i dont know what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 is he toying with me? No, you usually treat toys better than that. is he a player? he is a jerk. What do you make of his moves? That he knows you are putting up with all his behaviour so he's having it his way because he knows that you will be there for him anyway. does he have commitment problems? I don't know but if he is in love with you his idea of love is a bit weird. is he using me? he asked me for a relationship... Then he'd better treat you as you should treat people whom you asked a relationship. did i make the biggest joke of myself by making the first move admitting my feelings. Nothing wrong with that, but anonymous connfessions look stupid when you are older than 13. i'm trying not to call him, waiting for him to initiate for once, is this right? This is good. Be strong and don't call him. When he calls, be nice. Keep not calling him until he does. When he does not return one of your text messages, you don't send him more. He disappears for a week? Get a date with someone else. A guy, or a girlfriend. He does not pick up your calls? You say you are busy next time he asks to meet you. The other option: you let him know you are sick of this bull****, that you are not his lapdog, that you like guys who call, return your calls, act nice, does not disappears for days and he either is changing her behaviour or you say goodbye. No matter how much in love you feel, if you allow him to treat you like this you will doom yourself to be miserable forever. Link to post Share on other sites
BK Girl Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 I totally agree...this guy sounds like he is taking you for granted and possibly just toying with you. It's too bad since you sound really into him, but why waste all that energy on someone if they are not going to reciprocate it? My suggestion is to not always be available for him whenever he decides he has time to call or hang out with you. Go out with friends or find new activities to get involved in. I know it's easier said than done, but eventually you'll find someone who is worthy of your affections and is considerate enough to treat you like a proper girlfriend. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author troubledwaters Posted May 14, 2004 Author Share Posted May 14, 2004 now i find myself envying his friend who introduced us. he call my bf and gets attention all the time while i am being chucked aside till he's free or up to it or whatever. and worst of all to sit and imagine they both could be in on this to see how cute i can turn out. i know these two for more than 2 years and i feel i can trust them. im also thinking, say maybe he has not left me, but when he asks to go out the next time, im not sure how to open the topic to ask "what kinda relationship are we in?" i wanna know his expectations out of this relationship but is it too soon. can i ask for more time together, more calls and more involvment in his life like, if he's gonna be overseas for 5 days he should tell me.... isnt that what a relationship should comprise. i dont wanna turn out too bitchy and demanding or appear needy or weak. tell me if you agree that a person's eyes cannot lie, his seems genuine. maybe im just blinded by "lurve". i dunno! help needed, pls. tq. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 you are not in love with this hole. you have a huge crush on him and are in love with the fact that you are his "girl friend". i am sure everytime you see him ya'll sleep together...and that is more than likely all he was looking for. stop calling, and wipe him off the list. he is a user and you do not deserve a man that will treat you badly. Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 You havent actually told him you feel uncomfortable with his silences? How long have you been dating? 3 months? dont wanna turn out too bitchy and demanding or appear needy or weak You can communicate this without sounding like any of the above. you will only appear needy and weak if you compromise yourself and what you want from a relationship JUST to be with him. Decide what the dealbreaker is, explain what you want, and if he cant deliver, walk away. Its unfair to completely dismiss him based on non-communicated frustrations, but its bad manners to not return your calls. He may think this is what keeps you keen, he may think hes playing 'The System' keeping you on your toes, i had this trick pulled on me and i pointed out it was pushing me away not keeping me keen. Then i walked away as that sort of thing is my dealbreaker. I have no idea whats going on in his head, but its not making you happy, and thats the bottom line. Tell him what would make you happy and you will be able to make that decision based on all the facts, not on your expectations. BB Link to post Share on other sites
Anonymous 15 Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 I'm all about simplicity so here's my opinion: dump the guy, find another one that treats you better. Problem solved! Longer answer: Realize that a majority of guys would be a lot better, then dump the guy. Problem solved! Link to post Share on other sites
Author troubledwaters Posted May 15, 2004 Author Share Posted May 15, 2004 Originally posted by BigBelm Its unfair to completely dismiss him based on non-communicated frustrations, but its bad manners to not return your calls. BB That's true. It's more than 10 days since we last spoke or met up. I called earlier. He didnt answer. I text him to see if he is free to meet up. He's not replying.... or maybe not replying yet. It's so frustrating. I really want to talk bout this with him but I dont even know where he is. Sigh! Does all love hurt? Really wishing hard hed at least text back. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 15, 2004 Share Posted May 15, 2004 Does all love hurt? Nothing you have described remotely resembles love. He won't have the decency to return your calls or messages - even if only to say he's too busy to get back to you until later. Heck, this isn't even friendship! Require more of men you fall for. If you settle for crumbs you're tossed, that's all you'll ever get. Link to post Share on other sites
Author troubledwaters Posted May 16, 2004 Author Share Posted May 16, 2004 I am not sure if I am the dumper or dumpee..... my thread continues in http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t39033/ Thanks to all who replied. Really appreciate your opinions at a time like this. Link to post Share on other sites
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