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Four months of OLD-summary


BluEyeL

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I plan to delete my match account next Monday. The reason is that I cannot focus at work (I have a job that requires mental focus), or on my friends, or on my son, or on anything else, OLD takes too much emotional bandwidth and attention. I was happier before doing this. Also, I think I belong in a different century, it seems that the expectations with OLD is that one has sex very quickly. I'm 41yo, had a very active sex life with my ex-husband up until the end (and a bit after :))) but he is the only man I ever slept with. Not about to start jumping from bed to bed, not used with how casual things are nowadays and I cannot meet these expectations of OLD men. Might come back in the Fall, or when I feel ready again. Even if I don't have a relationship out of it, I'd say it was a positive experience, especially for me, who practically never dated (my ex and I dated for 5 yrs before marriage, but I don't think that really counts, I just sort of opened my eyes into that relationship and didn't think much). In summary, I had these major encounters (won't mention all of them just those that stand out in a good or bad way).

 

1. First date in January with someone I thought I was extremely compatible with. He messaged a bit after the date, but dissapeared for two months, only to come back on March focused on sex. Been on a very very nice second date, 5h long, basically fell for him. Third date coffee date at my place suggested by him with promise of no sex. I'm naive so I said if he behaves ok, denied sex, never heard from him. After I reinitiated contact casually, he came up with the idea of staying friends and doing things together (but not sure he'll follow through with that). I fell for this one pretty hard, harder than I imagined, because of the compatibility in conversation, background, values, plus although not great looking, my type physically overall. Still pining for him in a way.

 

2. 6 weeks texting relationship with a man. Midway through I met him. He was pathologically shy, couldn't make eye contact and was hyperventilating in my presence. I continued to text, had a soft spot for him, but it degenerated into sexting and I ended it because in the end there was no other talk other than sex.

 

3. Two dates with a guy I really liked liked, he was very touchy, at the end of the second date he suggested sex next time (not directly, jokingly), I said "no no", jokingly also, but maybe only half :)). Never heard from him again.

 

4. One date with a guy from Pakistan. I was attracted to him, he was a bit shy. Took a long time to ask me out. Messaged after the date. Two weeks later, still texting every now and then, but not sure what he wants, didn't ask me out again. Kept suggesting that I let him know when I come in his town (50 miles away), but I told him I can't do that now, too casual. Think this one is the same, wants something as easy for him as possible, keeps poking around, but doesn't really want to be involved with dates and all.

 

5. Texting 3 wks with a guy who travels for a month and told me he loved me before we met. Stopped answering. This morning he texted me "I guess you don't wanna talk to me anymore, bye bye"

 

6. Got stood up for one date.

 

7. Friday had a date with a seemingly normal, nice guy, normal looking, not repulsive or anything, wasn't attracted but wanted to give a chance and possibly develop attraction. Asked me out on Sunday for the following weekend (not specific, maybe we can do something next weekend). I said yes, and suggested a walk, followed by ice cream. Now it's Tu, he didn't reply. I guess a walk was not the best idea:laugh:

 

8. Several others I didn't mention, didn't stand out either way, still in contact with another one, intelligent, but really not physically attracted to him.

 

So, I think it is possible to find a real partner online, but I think it would take around 2-3 years of searching and going on dates maybe weekly, plus the emails that never pan out, hopes high, then low, maybe falling for some, getting hurt. I can't pull this off continuously, it is exhausting. Maybe will find someone another way, or just stay single. I was already married a long time, finished having kids, don't need money....lost motivation. But glad I did it, I was way to sheltered before this, now I know more about the world and about people in general. Will continue to read here and who knows, maybe I'll be up for it again in a few months.

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I have a lot of stories similar to yours. I did OLD, off and on, for SEVEN years. Most of the losers that I met are still on there, and I browse for amusement ( and I suppose a bit of self-validation). Don't laugh, as I have pooh-poohed the seeming importance the "young folk" here place on Facebook, but that is exactly where I met my match. I wish you luck, and remember not to take the freaks, or yourself for that matter, too seriously!

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Thanks. Glad you found your match, that's nice :) I'll go to singles events every now and then, but much less intensive, maybe once every other month or so. But in general, kinda give up on finding the match, unless he falls from the sky somehow and is willing to court me as much as necessary :laugh:

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And Seven years!! Wow!

 

Actually I deleted my account today, why wait.

 

Yep, seven. Coincidentally, my man had been alone for seven years. Not so much as a date or an attempt to date! That was shockingly refreshing.

 

 

I will say OLD did one thing for me. My first date was with a guy who later admitted the depth of his attraction but explained why he held back. He told me I was way too fresh off my divorce, and advised that I take two years (minimum) and find MYSELF! A wise man he was/is, and we still talk.

 

 

 

You never know, maybe when you least expect it, he WILL fall out of that clear blue sky. We're getting married in three weeks (after I swore I'd never go there again, but that's another thread. ;) )

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1. First date in January with someone I thought I was extremely compatible with. He messaged a bit after the date, but dissapeared for two months, only to come back on March focused on sex. Been on a very very nice second date, 5h long, basically fell for him. Third date coffee date at my place suggested by him with promise of no sex. I'm naive so I said if he behaves ok, denied sex, never heard from him. After I reinitiated contact casually, he came up with the idea of staying friends and doing things together (but not sure he'll follow through with that). I fell for this one pretty hard, harder than I imagined, because of the compatibility in conversation, background, values, plus although not great looking, my type physically overall. Still pining for him in a way.

 

I think this one may come back once he's had his fill of mindless sex. He will crave more than just a physical connection. Meanwhile, keep dating and living your life.

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4 months and you're out.. oh well....

 

When I was single it would take 3-4 months to weed through all the trash, game players, married women and hookers that exist on OLD, I had many relationships born from OLD and the best one so far is my wife.. I met her on Match and our son just turned 5..

 

You have to figure out where to spend your time on OLD in order to figure out how to weed out the trash...

 

Since you already deleted your profile I say pick it back up in a month and try again..

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4 months and you're out.. oh well....

 

When I was single it would take 3-4 months to weed through all the trash, game players, married women and hookers that exist on OLD, I had many relationships born from OLD and the best one so far is my wife.. I met her on Match and our son just turned 5..

 

You have to figure out where to spend your time on OLD in order to figure out how to weed out the trash...

 

Since you already deleted your profile I say pick it back up in a month and try again..

 

Good for you! Glad to hear success stories! Maybe a break will suffice, and I'll pick it up again later.

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Blu - thank you! I second that recommendation to get back on the site periodically, just because, well, you never know, someone worthy may pop up.

 

I had at least two guys try to connect with me toward the end of my "run", for lack of a better word, without either realizing we had actually gone out about five years prior! I got to date #2 with one of them, and for reasons still unclear, he got really pi$$ed off in the middle of the date and left. We were in a pool hall and had just ordered food and another round of beer. I had just racked a new game as well. He probably left me in a good position to pick someone else up; I had two full beers and three plates of appetizers. I played pool against myself, drank the beers and packed doggie bags out of what food I couldn't finish. Five years later, I reminded him of that second date. His reply "I'm sorry, please tell me I at least paid the check?" (Which he had, on his way out the door). As if erratic, rude behavior was acceptable, as long as he didn't stick me with the check. Oh well, live and learn!

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That story is funny! :)) You seem to have taken it quite well at the time :)

 

I'm sure I'll be back on the site a little later, but I was too intense for my own good and started to feel like in a dating marathon, so I guess I'll focus a bit on work and relax more for a little bit, then when I feel more ready and have more time to waste, I'll go back. I'm not saying these people I met are bad. I think a few of them are decent. I didn't really have horrific dates.

 

The guy I went out with on Friday, who asked me out again generically for "next weekend", texted yesterday in reply to my last email on match *(told him I'm closing the account, he can text if he wants) saying texting is OK, but he doesn't like long texting conversations. I said that's fine, I don't like that either. Still not sure if we are going out this Saturday or not. Isn't that annoying? I'd say it's low interest from him. He has taken it pretty slow and during the date on Friday mentioned how I'm cool, bc when he didn't reply to me for several days, I didn't get mad like other women did. Honestly, I didn't notice he didn't reply, because I wasn't into him :)) But now it's a bit annoying not knowing what to plan for Saturday.

Edited by BluEyeL
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Four months on OLD for most guys...

 

"I sent out hundreds of emails and winks, not one date."

 

OR

 

"I sent out loads of emails to local women whom I found attractive, barely a reply and not one date. However, I had some very heavy-set poor single moms who live several hours away email me."

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Four months on OLD for most guys...

 

"I sent out hundreds of emails and winks, not one date."

 

OR

 

"I sent out loads of emails to local women whom I found attractive, barely a reply and not one date. However, I had some very heavy-set poor single moms who live several hours away email me."

 

That's because everyone wants to date up. I don't know who those guys are and who are they messaging, maybe they should go lower in their attractiveness bracket? Maybe not to very overweight women, but surely they aim too high.

 

I know that the No 1 guy on my list above is not terribly good looking, is seriously balding, is 49 and looks more like 52, not terribly fit a bit of a belly (but not obese either) and he seems to have no problem getting women from what he told me. But he is indeed tall and has blue eyes. I mean, you have to know your value on the market. I, for sure, don't go for the six pack super hot men, in fact I avoid them like the plague:laugh: (not that they were lining up at my door:laugh:) All the same, men having difficulties getting dates should go lower than the long legged blue eyed blondes size 2:))

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You seem like a down to earth women who doesn't have over the moon expectations. The problem is that there are too few genuine people online. Most women complain that the men only want sex and most men complain that they can't get a date from a woman online who he knows he could get a date with IRL. So where's the disconnect comming from?

 

IME women who use OLD fall into roughly 3 categories: 1) Uber picky 2) Rebounding 3)Genuine (most rare, you seem to fit into this category). If I had to guess at men from what I've read it would be 1) Only wants sex 2) Can't meet women IRL. 3) Genuine (most rare again).

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Thanks! So it is normal that it is rare/difficult to find that rare genuine man for a rare, genuine woman :) I only allow myself only one complete turn off physically, and that is obesity. Height, hair....not allowed to complain lol I have preferences, but know I can't get all I want.

 

I feel much happier today, since I closed that account it's like I feel free again. But I know I'll pick it up later, my horoscope (can't believe I said that lol) says I'll find love in June. So might be a good idea to pick it up again around May 15 if I'm up to it :))

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My experience with OLD is that it isn't the most healthful way to meet people.

 

Things tend to happen either not at all, or very quickly. Two people meet, and either (a) there is no second date due to one person not feeling "chemistry", or (b) they embark on this intense insta-relationship, which usually fizzles out (or crashes and burns) when one person gets sick of the other, but which sometimes actually becomes a LTR. You'll usually either be sleeping with the person by the end of the second date or you won't see them again after the first date.

 

There isn't a lot of giving things a chance, getting to know someone. There are too many options and not enough time for that. Often a "good" first date isn't enough to get a second, there often has to be fireworks and butterflies.

 

However, if done right it can land you a consistent stream of dates, which is worth something.

Edited by Imajerk17
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That's because everyone wants to date up. I don't know who those guys are and who are they messaging, maybe they should go lower in their attractiveness bracket? Maybe not to very overweight women, but surely they aim too high.

 

I know that the No 1 guy on my list above is not terribly good looking, is seriously balding, is 49 and looks more like 52, not terribly fit a bit of a belly (but not obese either) and he seems to have no problem getting women from what he told me. But he is indeed tall and has blue eyes. I mean, you have to know your value on the market. I, for sure, don't go for the six pack super hot men, in fact I avoid them like the plague:laugh: (not that they were lining up at my door:laugh:) All the same, men having difficulties getting dates should go lower than the long legged blue eyed blondes size 2:))

 

I'm sorry. I was just being sarcastic. :D

 

I agree you are a down-to-earth person and in all honesty your reasons to get offline are solid and realistic.

 

My response was more joking about experiences of myself and others out there. I did OLD two times in my life, and I consider myself someone who stays in shape and dressed well. I sent loads of emails to women ranging in looks, but I stayed away from single moms, women who lived too far, and/or obese women.

 

My issue with the single moms and the long distance women was mainly in that I wanted a woman who didn't have hindrances to dating. I didn't want to have to constantly schedule and work hard to get some time with the female. Pretty much any single mom I've known has always faced the problem of getting free time. The distant women too. Even I felt driving more than 30-45 min is too much (meaning I'd rather be single than drive long distance).

 

As for obesity, I simply am not into large women. It doesn't mean I wanted some model or athlete, but I didn't want a woman who looked like a "before" shot for Weight Watchers. I mentioned once before that when I was in OLD it seemed like there was no happy medium. I'd see women who were huge or women in great shape.

 

ANYWAY...I'm not bitter, but I was simply tossing a little friendly sarcasm based on OLD posts I see from men here. ;)

 

 

On a "YIKES!" note, I did have two occasions where single women who lived 4+ hours away, unemployed, large, and had several kids messaged me. I politely declined...but inside I was saying "YIKES!" to myself.

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I'm sorry. I was just being sarcastic. :D

 

I agree you are a down-to-earth person and in all honesty your reasons to get offline are solid and realistic.

 

My response was more joking about experiences of myself and others out there. I did OLD two times in my life, and I consider myself someone who stays in shape and dressed well. I sent loads of emails to women ranging in looks, but I stayed away from single moms, women who lived too far, and/or obese women.

 

My issue with the single moms and the long distance women was mainly in that I wanted a woman who didn't have hindrances to dating. I didn't want to have to constantly schedule and work hard to get some time with the female. Pretty much any single mom I've known has always faced the problem of getting free time. The distant women too. Even I felt driving more than 30-45 min is too much (meaning I'd rather be single than drive long distance).

 

As for obesity, I simply am not into large women. It doesn't mean I wanted some model or athlete, but I didn't want a woman who looked like a "before" shot for Weight Watchers. I mentioned once before that when I was in OLD it seemed like there was no happy medium. I'd see women who were huge or women in great shape.

 

ANYWAY...I'm not bitter, but I was simply tossing a little friendly sarcasm based on OLD posts I see from men here. ;)

 

 

On a "YIKES!" note, I did have two occasions where single women who lived 4+ hours away, unemployed, large, and had several kids messaged me. I politely declined...but inside I was saying "YIKES!" to myself.

 

I guess you have the right to have your own criteria. I understand you are not into large girls, I'm not skinny and do not demand super fit guys, but have the same issue with super large guys, so that part I understand. And the other criteria, it's up to you what you want to put up with and what not. Good luck dating via whatever methods you choose :)

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outsidethebox

BluEyeL, you're one of the friendliest conversationalist posters I've seen. I can't imagine much difficulty for you to have your choice of dates.

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BluEyeL, you're one of the friendliest conversationalist posters I've seen. I can't imagine much difficulty for you to have your choice of dates.

Thanks for saying that :)

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I guess you have the right to have your own criteria. I understand you are not into large girls, I'm not skinny and do not demand super fit guys, but have the same issue with super large guys, so that part I understand. And the other criteria, it's up to you what you want to put up with and what not. Good luck dating via whatever methods you choose :)

 

I got lucky. I got off OLD, got out of dating in general (MGTOW) and focused on me for a few years.

 

Ended up meeting the woman I'm going to marry in June through a friend. It's why I tell many guys who fail continually to go their own way for a bit, back burner dating, and focus on themselves for a while. I tell them to become a man they would want to be, and the women will notice.

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Congratulations and all the best to you looking ahead! :) Great that it worked out that way, so much more natural than OLD. Just dating, almost blind dating, leaves no time to develop normal relationships naturally like in real life situations.

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So on Friday, I'll have a friend of a friend come to my house to look at my floors and subsequently help me by laying tile (I'll pay him of course). He is a Professor like me, single, a few years older than me, understood wouldn't like anything more than to find someone, he's not a construction worker, just likes to do house remodeling. My friends kept wanting to set me up with him, but I kept rejecting the idea. I'll take a second look at him, maybe he was too shy first time I saw him, at that time I thought he had the personality of a cold fish, but maybe this time he'll say something. :)

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BluEyeL, you're one of the friendliest conversationalist posters I've seen. I can't imagine much difficulty for you to have your choice of dates.

 

What this man said! Be yourself, take your time.

 

 

Did I mention my man has six brothers? ;)

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