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Sagittarius Woman vs. Piscean Man (Is this Love?)


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I hope to find new friends on this website who will be able to give me some sound advice coz I really feel so alone right now and I don't know what to do anymore.

 

We knew each other for more than a year before we started dating. I initiated the contact... I wrote to him anonymously coz I was really attracted to his personality and wanted to know if we would make a good match.

 

A month after the anonymous mails he asked me to be in a relationship with him. And we have been dating for the last couple of months.

 

I am so confused right now coz I sat down to analyze how our relationship is going but I have no clue. I think I've tried to be myself and show him who I really am. I dont want to put a timer on him to show me how he feels but I just have a hard time coping with what's going on.... the silence, the wonderful dates and then he goes missing again for 10 days or so.

 

I gave him a love letter two weeks ago that I have been keeping and his reaction was hard to read. He was quiet and he smiled a lot but other than that he didnt question its contents or asked me anything at all.

 

The other day, he was sad for cancelling a holiday with me that we have planned months ahead for and he was scared that I would be mad. He said that we have a weird relationship and to some extend I have to agree because we dont talk on the phone or even sms much and we hardly go on dates. We have only been on maybe 10 dates in the last 3 months... all wonderfully dreamy ones.

 

So, he was upset about the cancellation of the trip and I blurted out that I love him no matter what. He has been quiet for the last 10 days. He didnt reply, I dont mind coz I cant expect him to love me back if he doesn't.... time will tell....

 

The deal is this, when he goes quiet on me, I take it that he's busy and wait patiently for him to call me back. Once, it took 20 days for him to call me back. Maybe, I should not jump to conclusions but I do feel that he does not care.

 

I have been silently in love with him for half a year before he even knew. Now that he knows, we have been going out for 4 months or so. Confused coz I dont feel the relationship is real coz we dont really do the things normal couples do, like talking on the phone.

 

For the astrology savvy, this is a sagittarian woman aching for her piscean man. Sigh!!! :)

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When I confessed to him all I had in mind was a quote that I found very true....

 

The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.....

 

Is it my fault to have ever made the first move that now I am taken advantage of?

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bluechocolate

Sounds to me like this guy is not ready for a serious relationship of the kind you're looking for. You harboured feelings for him for a year and he didn't know, sending him anonymous emails, then writing him love letters - now he thinks you're moving way too fast way too soon.

 

As far as he's concerned you've been dating casually for 4 months, very casually by the sounds of it. 20 days without contact? That reduces your 4 months quite considerably. Many people would be concerned about someone professing such undying love so quickly into the dating process.

 

I think you need to let this one go for the time being. Back off and let me take the initiative and don't wait for him to do that.

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We've both been through a lot of pain but I guess we take our past experiences differently.

 

He's cautious, that much I know and I am too.

 

I made most of the moves all this while, so if I lay back now will he think I'm playing hard to get and get turned off?

 

I think he's a wonderful guy who deserves so much more and more than what he gives himself credit for.... I do't know how to put it to him properly that I am serious about working things out with him and unlike the people of his past, have no intentions of hurting him.

 

I love him dearly, more than I can say..... Sigh!

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bluechocolate

Go with what you know, not what you feel.

 

Long silences between dates, cancelling your vacation plans (I bet he did this after the love letter?), only 10 dates in 3 months, no reaction from him to your love letter, him telling you that the two of you have a weird relationship, 20 days to call you back.....

 

Step outside yourself for a moment and ask, "What do these things tell you?".

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Should I make him come out, sit in front of me, open up my cards one by one and see what he has to say?

 

I just missed one of his calls {long awaited but I was unprepared to take the call, just let it pass :) }

 

I want to get to the bottom of this fast coz it's really chewing on my nerves.

 

Advice appreciated.

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You found the courage to confess your feelings to him; use that same courage to communicate with him. Definitely ask him what he thinks about it all.

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Thanks moimeme and bluechocolate. Appreciate your views a lot, and there's lots of truth in what you have both said.

 

Latest update, he wants to meet up, probably gonna start by apologizing profusely bout cancelling the holiday and that he didnt mean for me to waste my annual leave like that bla bla bla.

 

I have to choices, the first is to be a darling and listen to him, I believe he was busy at work and he could have had a terrible week himself. After all he was in town all the while. If it goes this way should i be understanding?

 

Second, pour my heart out and and let him see how much he hurt me... Knowing myself that could end up with me questioning a lot on what the heck is going on with him all these months and what the **** he really wants from me.

 

Maybe a third option could be that I force myself to keep my handphone off till monday. Seeing a text message will make me realise how much I really miss him and its hard to resist replying.

 

Its hard to decide if I should watch how far this goes, chill some more or should i just come clean and make him cough out some replies.

 

4 months in relationship, coming to total of 2 years soon of knowing him, in between silently loving him and yet so clueless right now.

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" I can see the pain living in your eyes,

And I know how hard you try,

You deserve to have so much more,

 

I can feel you heart and I symphatize,

And I'll never critize,

All you ever meant to my life

 

I don't wanna let you down,

I don't wanna lead you on,

I don't wanna hold you back,

From where you might belong"

 

- From Air Supply's song 'Goodbye'

 

Feel like singing this song to him but just till this part. The second verse onwards is for breaking up.... sigh!

 

Every word of that would probably come out of my heart. I've told him a lot and how do I find out what he wants? Ask? Dont Ask! Ask? Dont Ask!

 

What should I do, its the wee hours of the morning and I'm driving myself crazy...... HELP!!!!

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What will drive you crazier - living in uncertainty or knowing for sure? Some people prefer uncertainty because they can then remain in a gauzy dream and that can be fun. Others are no good at all at anticipation and/or delayed gratification and so being in a state of uncertainty drives them nutso. Only you know how you really feel about this.

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living in uncertainty drives me insane coz i cant stop my mind from running wild with possibilities-good and bad and its painful.... yeouwch!

 

New idea : the next time i see him, if it comes, i CASUALLY ask him, hey can i see other people? and see what he answers.....

 

good or bad idea?

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You mean bluff him? Do you really want to see other people or are you just wondering if he'll be jealous? If so, don't do it. Things like that usually backfire spectacularly on people. People have even broken up with people to get a reaction - only to find out that it did exactly the opposite of what they hoped!

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Go to a bookstore and buy "Why men love bitches", NOW!!! You're waaaay too nice to this guy. That book will open your eyes - it's very easy to read, you'll swallow it within one evening.

 

As for this guy, if i were you, i'd take 20 days to call back next time he calls. Or else I'd have a 'talk' - either we're together and having a real r/s (not a 'weird r/s'), or we're going our separate ways. But that's just me.

 

-yes

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I just came back from tea with some friends. One of my gf challenges me to the same thing 'yes' said earlier.....

 

The pack is on and I'm gonna stand tough and not answer any of his calls or sms till end of this month. That will be like the whole of may goes by without any contact on our part.

 

The whole reason I'm gonna do this is to see if he will call back.

 

I want to see if he will chase after me for once. It's gonna be so hard. I'm gonna do this and if he doesnt persevere im changing all my contact numbers and moving on.

 

I've had it with men putting my life on hold. I feel so frustrated and angry inside for letting this happen to me. Kinda really regret that I ever fell for him (so hard too) and ever confessing and even now I kinda have a gut feeling that he would probably make less than 5 attempts and give up.

 

OMG! How do I pull through this?! SH*T!!!!!

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Well, you quit playing games. You don't change the rules without telling the other person. If you two have fallen into the habit of you making most of the contact, he figures that's how it is. He won't understand why you're cutting him off. He may even think you've lost interest. People always assume that the target of their game will understand what's going on, pick up the (extremely vague) hints, and change their behaviour. It almost never happens.

 

Have a conversation. Speak to each other. Discuss expectations. He may have a totally different view of dating than do you. He may be taking it much more casually than are you. Have you ever asked why he doesn't contact you more often? Unless you've told him, how can he know this bothers you? You said you don't call him for up to 20 days sometimes so he probably figures you're happy that way.

 

It's craziness playing games and second-guessing someone and you can drive yourself nutso. Say what you mean. If you miss him, tell him you haven't heard from him and you miss him. Right now he's thinking that you love him the way he's behaving to you - how does he know you want changes?

 

Communicate.

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Today I feel down all over again because of something that means a lot to me,

 

I'm so old and can you believe I still keep a 'Dear Diary' like a little girl? :) It's my all time companion and a habit the will never die.

 

I started a journal the first day I started liking him and today I am writing on the last page. I feel kinda eerie and sad because it's symbolism means so much to me.... the closing of a chapter in my life and the opening of a new one filled with uncertainty and emptiness all over again.

 

I feel like he has left me. Disappearing 10 full days since last friday and we're both on leave together (by his request) and we didnt talk or see each other once. Aside from the call from him i accidentally missed (he didnt call back) and he sent only one sms to say we'd meet yesterday but that didnt happen either. He didnt even contact me to say it's off. Only thing I had plans yesterday and didnt wait, so I did go on with my own plans.

 

I think this thread should be shifted to the Break Up and coping section.

 

I'm so sad!!!! I regret ever laying eyes on him. I can feel tears in my eyes as i'm typing this. :(

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I've lost count of the places I've seen recommendations that people keep journals. It's good for you. I'm sporadic about doing it but I have all of mine and I'm glad I have them.

 

Kat is right. You have to quit trying to mind-read. Call this person and ask why he's saying you'll get together and then not even cancelling. For all you know, something could have happened to him to make him miss the meeting. Since you didn't check up on him, he could be thinking 'I could be dead in a ditch and she obviously doesn't care since she didn't even call'.

 

Quit being such a chicken. Get on the phone and tell him you want to get things sorted out and find out where you stand. He may even like a woman who doesn't wait passively for him to decide what he wants to do. But you will never know until you ask!!!

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My man used to come over, or we would go out somewhere and then he would just have to run away for a day or two.

 

This right royally pissed me off. But from reading your posts it seems to be normal.

 

Maybe he doesn't call because he just needs 'him time'. Don't worry, three years down the track my man gets all clingy when I come back from being out :)

 

It is cute. We went from him having to leave me to have him time to him getting all excited like a little puppy dog when I come home :)

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Originally posted by moimeme Call this person and ask why he's saying you'll get together and then not even cancelling. For all you know, something could have happened to him to make him miss the meeting. Since you didn't check up on him, he could be thinking 'I could be dead in a ditch and she obviously doesn't care since she didn't even call'.

 

I'm thinking he doesn't care about me the way I care about him and I've tried calling but he just won't pick up. Maximum I'll dial one more time in the same day and that's it..... i sit swallow my feelings. Sigh!

 

It's so difficult for me coz I initiated all this but making the moves first and now I just have myself to blame. I have no heart to move on. I don't want anyone else in this world. I just want him. It's even harder to have his best friend talking bout him to me like everything is going along fine. I usually dont say anything to our mutual friends coz i'd rather keep it between me and him.

 

Day 12........ Sigh!

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this is f**c*ing painful. im feeling so depressed. i cant find the guts to call him coz every time i'd think of how he would miss my calls and never call me back.

 

i thought he was sincere. His eyes didnt look like they were lying. They looked genuine.

 

I cant accept the fact that its not meant to be. ive got so much on my head right now.... cant think anymore.

aaarrrgghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

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Dude ring him

 

Not knowing is worse than knowing.

 

Call him! he could simply be shy, he could think YOU want him to not call, he could be scared of rejection.

 

RING :)

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That's the whole problem kat. I did call last week... a few times with intervals in between and he didnt pick up or call back. is he avoiding me. I dont even know if our relationship is off.... no clues... except that im being ignored and neglected.

 

have i been dumped? first he cancels the holiday, then now he wont pick up the call. im imagining all kinds of bad posibilities. is he seeing someone else?

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Well YOU are the one putting meaning to the fact he didn't pick up. YOU are making them mean something. Maybe he genuinely wasn't home? Maybe HE is doing the same thing as you are, making up things in his head?

 

Have you left a message? Have you tried to call again?

 

I mean if what you say is true and he has 'dumped you' then what on earth could you possible do that gets you in a worse position than you are now?

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I miss him soooooo much. what the hell is going on? I really dont have the courage to call and find out. If he does not pick up i will surely feel the stab. Groan.

 

I don't even wanna ask his friends anything (our mutual friends i mean)

 

I'm torn in between i wanna know so badly and hell i dont wanna know at all. Just wish he'll call soon.

 

Brave as I was before.... now Im really feeling torn and sad. Im losing appetite to eat.

 

It would feel so sick if say 2 months go by and i realise that he never meant anything he said to me and that he was not sincere. i cried so much last night before i went to bed.

 

when he said that our r/s was weird, should i have caught on that that's a hint for something he doesnt want. why couldnt he just say what's wrong instead of leaving me hanging here not knowing if i should love or hate him.

 

:(

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