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her being uncomfortable is starting to make me feel uncomfortable


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Hi everyone. Right, I have been dating this woman for about 2 months now after meeting on a dating website and things are going quite well. We have plenty in common - even play lots of guitar n stuff with her. However, she won't let me hold her hand, hug her or kiss her (and when I try I get physically pushed away). It is even getting to the stage where she doesn't like me looking at her now and I'm starting to get uncomfortable around her. It was my birthday the other day and I did kind of expect (possibly wrongly) at least a hug or a peck on the cheek but only a "happy birthday" was offered with some presents. I know I'm maybe maybe expecting a little too much possibly and have spoken to her re this and she says she the reason she seems "distant" is because she needs to feel 100 percent comfortable with the person. And when I go round hers, I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable in her own home but I can't just sit there and stare at the tele without even looking at her in case she literally pushes me away again ... Or should I? Please help!

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Does she know you're actually dating, and not just friends?

Because this is what it sounds like to me.

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Some girls\ guys are not comfortable with their bodies or with others touching their bodies .....They need time and more confidence ...Give it time, if you really care about this girl, give her time and be patient. If you only care about physical stuff, by all means, leave her and never look back, because such matters take time.

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I don't really know what to tell you.

It seems really awkward to me that she doesn't want any affection at all, especially in the early stages of dating. And now you can't even look at her without her getting funny about it?

I think she has some real issues here, that won't go away quickly.

How much do you like her? Is it worth this potentially not changing for a while? I mean, it sounds like you just hang out as less than friends.

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she is multi-dating and possibly close to exclusivity with another guy? She doesn't want to cheat on him, but still see where it could go with you?

 

what's her history? previous ltr's? sexual abuse?

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ExpatInItaly

Does she already have a boyfriend you don't know about? Honestly, that's the first thing that springs to mind...

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I don't know, I suppose its possible as we met on a dating site that she is seeing someone else - maybe I should go back online to see the last time she was active? She also works long hours and does invite me over on her days off so it would be pretty hard to fit 2 guys in...

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I'm with Lani and Mint. Does she know that you're "dating?" If she is multi-dating she may be getting a feel of her options and not allowing for physical contact until she's decided. Another ugly possibility is that she is more into whomever else she is seeing and that she's already physical with him.

 

Another possibility is that she is not really into you. All conjecture.

 

But, for me, the thing that stands out the most is the lack of affection after 2-months. Question. You say 2-months. How many times have you two actually been together?

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todreaminblue
Hi everyone. Right, I have been dating this woman for about 2 months now after meeting on a dating website and things are going quite well. We have plenty in common - even play lots of guitar n stuff with her. However, she won't let me hold her hand, hug her or kiss her (and when I try I get physically pushed away). It is even getting to the stage where she doesn't like me looking at her now and I'm starting to get uncomfortable around her. It was my birthday the other day and I did kind of expect (possibly wrongly) at least a hug or a peck on the cheek but only a "happy birthday" was offered with some presents. I know I'm maybe maybe expecting a little too much possibly and have spoken to her re this and she says she the reason she seems "distant" is because she needs to feel 100 percent comfortable with the person. And when I go round hers, I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable in her own home but I can't just sit there and stare at the tele without even looking at her in case she literally pushes me away again ... Or should I? Please help!

 

 

Must be awkward....for you both.......i think you need to have a talk with ehr, looking at her and getting your head bitten off doesnt sound like a good start .....even worse its two months in....see how serious she is about dating you.....because it isnt right not to be able to look at her.......what it sounds like is that instead of developing intimacy, it is in reverse mode.....talk to her be open and honest about how you feel...what is her history that might affect intimacy that you know of..deb

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Thanks soccer for your thoughts (and everyone else) as i said before, as she only has limited time off work, it would be pretty hard for her to fit "2" guys in for several hours at a time...

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any thoughts re my other 2 questions, i.e. did she have previous ltr's (how did intimacy develop in those relationships?), or a history of sexual abuse -> intimacy issues?

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we see each other 3 or 4 times a week and this has been the case for 2 months

 

okay...so, are you making it clear that you want a "romantic" relationship? of course you are, right?

 

my concern here is that she is TOO comfortable with you, but in a "friendship" way.

 

BUT, but, the she could be someone who has commitment issues and have dove into relationships too quickly and been burned. She may be taking the time to see if you are the real deal. I don't know you, but I hope you are. :)

 

1. Talk to her about this and let her know that you are interested in a romantic relationship

2. If #1 goes well and you're really into this girl, be patient. She could have serious trust issues

 

How old are you two?

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thx soccer, well im 30 and she is 24 . and when i spoke to her about it, she said she needs to feel 100% comfortable before she is intimate - but surely, after 2 months, on my birthday, is it ridiculous that i hoped for a hug or something??

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thx soccer, well im 30 and she is 24 . and when i spoke to her about it, she said she needs to feel 100% comfortable before she is intimate - but surely, after 2 months, on my birthday, is it ridiculous that i hoped for a hug or something??

 

No, you are not unreasonable about a hug or peck for this occasion.

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she has a few photos taken from her phone of me (one from our first date) so as she has asked for more, i assume she likes the look of me

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Personally, I'd get another woman, if I were you. I'd want an affectionate woman. This sounds like a totally weird situation, and it's early days so you have little investment which, if you did, might make it worth working through.

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She sounds like she has mental issues. I get taking it slowly but she can't hug you after 2 months? Sorry that's not slow that's jacked up. I'd just move on.

 

I mean seriously imagine how sex will be with a girl who won't even hug you. lol good luck with that, sounds like its years down the road if it takes more than 2 mos to get a hug from her.

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thx, i thought the same thing too but at the moment sex isnt an issue. i should add tho, when i was getting a glass from her cupboard, i clocked about 6 or 7 prescription boxes from the chemist. i didnt see what they were (nor should i) so prob best not to assume anything

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