LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

her being uncomfortable is starting to make me feel uncomfortable


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree6Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 3rd April 2013, 3:27 AM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 51
her being uncomfortable is starting to make me feel uncomfortable

Hi everyone. Right, I have been dating this woman for about 2 months now after meeting on a dating website and things are going quite well. We have plenty in common - even play lots of guitar n stuff with her. However, she won't let me hold her hand, hug her or kiss her (and when I try I get physically pushed away). It is even getting to the stage where she doesn't like me looking at her now and I'm starting to get uncomfortable around her. It was my birthday the other day and I did kind of expect (possibly wrongly) at least a hug or a peck on the cheek but only a "happy birthday" was offered with some presents. I know I'm maybe maybe expecting a little too much possibly and have spoken to her re this and she says she the reason she seems "distant" is because she needs to feel 100 percent comfortable with the person. And when I go round hers, I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable in her own home but I can't just sit there and stare at the tele without even looking at her in case she literally pushes me away again ... Or should I? Please help!
jusjus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 3:34 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Lani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Your dreams...
Posts: 5,293
Does she know you're actually dating, and not just friends?
Because this is what it sounds like to me.
Lani is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 4:13 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 51
Hi, thanks for taking the time to read - yes she is fully aware we are dating
jusjus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 4:17 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Lani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Your dreams...
Posts: 5,293
How old are you both?
Lani is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 4:24 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 51
I'm 30 she is 24
jusjus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 4:26 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Noproblem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 2,219
Some girls\ guys are not comfortable with their bodies or with others touching their bodies .....They need time and more confidence ...Give it time, if you really care about this girl, give her time and be patient. If you only care about physical stuff, by all means, leave her and never look back, because such matters take time.
Noproblem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 4:28 AM   #7
Established Member
 
Lani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Your dreams...
Posts: 5,293
I don't really know what to tell you.
It seems really awkward to me that she doesn't want any affection at all, especially in the early stages of dating. And now you can't even look at her without her getting funny about it?
I think she has some real issues here, that won't go away quickly.
How much do you like her? Is it worth this potentially not changing for a while? I mean, it sounds like you just hang out as less than friends.
Lani is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 4:37 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Mint Sauce's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet confused
Posts: 469
she is multi-dating and possibly close to exclusivity with another guy? She doesn't want to cheat on him, but still see where it could go with you?

what's her history? previous ltr's? sexual abuse?
__________________
There are 2 kinds of people: those that can extrapolate from limited data.
Mint Sauce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 4:41 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 12,293
Does she already have a boyfriend you don't know about? Honestly, that's the first thing that springs to mind...
ExpatInItaly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 4:56 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 51
I don't know, I suppose its possible as we met on a dating site that she is seeing someone else - maybe I should go back online to see the last time she was active? She also works long hours and does invite me over on her days off so it would be pretty hard to fit 2 guys in...
jusjus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 5:13 AM   #11
Established Member
 
soccerrprp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Beautiful, but too rainy NW, USA
Posts: 4,575
I'm with Lani and Mint. Does she know that you're "dating?" If she is multi-dating she may be getting a feel of her options and not allowing for physical contact until she's decided. Another ugly possibility is that she is more into whomever else she is seeing and that she's already physical with him.

Another possibility is that she is not really into you. All conjecture.

But, for me, the thing that stands out the most is the lack of affection after 2-months. Question. You say 2-months. How many times have you two actually been together?
soccerrprp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 5:39 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 51
we see each other 3 or 4 times a week and this has been the case for 2 months
jusjus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 5:45 AM   #13
Established Member
 
todreaminblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: down under
Posts: 14,826
Quote:
Originally Posted by jusjus View Post
Hi everyone. Right, I have been dating this woman for about 2 months now after meeting on a dating website and things are going quite well. We have plenty in common - even play lots of guitar n stuff with her. However, she won't let me hold her hand, hug her or kiss her (and when I try I get physically pushed away). It is even getting to the stage where she doesn't like me looking at her now and I'm starting to get uncomfortable around her. It was my birthday the other day and I did kind of expect (possibly wrongly) at least a hug or a peck on the cheek but only a "happy birthday" was offered with some presents. I know I'm maybe maybe expecting a little too much possibly and have spoken to her re this and she says she the reason she seems "distant" is because she needs to feel 100 percent comfortable with the person. And when I go round hers, I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable in her own home but I can't just sit there and stare at the tele without even looking at her in case she literally pushes me away again ... Or should I? Please help!

Must be awkward....for you both.......i think you need to have a talk with ehr, looking at her and getting your head bitten off doesnt sound like a good start .....even worse its two months in....see how serious she is about dating you.....because it isnt right not to be able to look at her.......what it sounds like is that instead of developing intimacy, it is in reverse mode.....talk to her be open and honest about how you feel...what is her history that might affect intimacy that you know of..deb
todreaminblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 5:47 AM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 51
Thanks soccer for your thoughts (and everyone else) as i said before, as she only has limited time off work, it would be pretty hard for her to fit "2" guys in for several hours at a time...
jusjus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2013, 5:57 AM   #15
Established Member
 
Mint Sauce's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet confused
Posts: 469
any thoughts re my other 2 questions, i.e. did she have previous ltr's (how did intimacy develop in those relationships?), or a history of sexual abuse -> intimacy issues?
Mint Sauce is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Would you feel uncomfortable with a woman who looks like a teenager?? MyPoutine Dating 36 1st December 2012 3:53 PM
The guy I'm dating says that I make him feel uncomfortable EyeAlone Dating 12 28th September 2010 6:19 AM
Okay, so now I'm starting to go out more but finding it really really uncomfortable. Ross PK Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 0 30th March 2009 12:11 PM
I really do trust her, but i can't help but feel uncomfortable.... fbstud83 Dating 4 16th April 2004 6:58 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 8:33 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.