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Do Mentally Strong Men have success with Mentally Damaged Women?


jcrew11

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It might be just me, but I seem to meet/date women who are "Mentally insecure or have been damaged by past relationships" and are looking for a White Knight to save them.

 

I think Men who are successful, confident, strong, and mentally secure will always have success meeting women, because many women are "Mentally insecure" and want a Man who can take care of them and solve her problems.

 

Women are definitely more "emotional" and by reading posts on this forum, many women have been Damaged by Men who have cheated or dumped them.

 

I know that relationships/couples are about "2 people growing together" but I'm tired of meeting women who are "mentally damaged" and carrying their weight and trying to solve their problems, while also having to deal with my own problems. I know its a lot to ask, but it seems like the single men and women out there who are "mentally strong and successful" are very few and difficult to find.

 

I've come to realize and expect that the women out there are "Mentally weak" and its up to guy to do the heavy lifting and become her White Knight Savior. Of course, most Men know this, but I bought into the whole Feminist philosophy and expected women to have their stuff together. I suppose that is why the PUA stuff works, because a Man who can take charge and captivate a 'mentally weak' women will always get laid.

 

Do the Men and Women here agree that its always up to the Guy to be "Mentally Strong" to handle "Emotionally Damaged" Women?

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Bengal Tiger

Definitely not! No on can "save" someone from their own mind/experiences/emotions/etc. An individual needs to be mentally and emotionally strong first before even looking for someone.

 

I've been with one who was mentally unstable while I was just lonely and insecure and wanted a girlfriend. She dragged me down really bad. Biggest regreat of my life.

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trying to solve their problems, while also having to deal with my own problems.
If you have problems of your own, doesn't this make you also mentally damaged?

 

Also, why must you solve their problems? Most women aren't interested in men solving their problems. They look to partners and friends to listen.

 

This is key to understanding the nature of most women and key to why more men commit suicide than women. Women bleed out their stress through social support and men hold it all in, where some eventually blow their brains out with shotguns.

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In my experience,

 

Damaged Men seek Damaged Women, and vice-versa. They 'get' each other. Especially if a guy is raised with a great relationship with his mother but she had alot of issues going on in her life and he wanted to help but couldn't as a kid... Those men are especially inclined to seek Damaged Women.

 

Worst part is, once that damaged woman is fixed, their desire for that relationship dies down and they seek another woman to 'fix'. It's a never-ending cycle

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If you have problems of your own, doesn't this make you also mentally damaged?

 

Maybe you're right. I had always thought I could be "mentally tough" but I'm just faking it and looking for a "mentally strong girl" to save me as well.

 

I think I have to accept the fact that I have "mental weaknesses" and accept the "mental weakness" of the women I date. But this then makes me worry that the relationship would never work, or that the "mutual mental insecuriities" will eventually tear down the relationship.

 

I meet a few women who were taking Depression Medicine, and its more common and widespread now, and accepted. I think back then, I was scared of dealing with any girl who went to a Shrink.

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In my experience,

 

Damaged Men seek Damaged Women, and vice-versa. They 'get' each other. Especially if a guy is raised with a great relationship with his mother but she had alot of issues going on in her life and he wanted to help but couldn't as a kid... Those men are especially inclined to seek Damaged Women.

 

Worst part is, once that damaged woman is fixed, their desire for that relationship dies down and they seek another woman to 'fix'. It's a never-ending cycle

 

I met a girl, who really played up the weak female in distress angle. Granted she only had a part-time job and didn't have any money. But it got to be irritating that she really played the victim and tried to get a Guy to help her and use him for money or running errands. Some girls "play the helpless victim card" to attempt to gain attraction; but in this case, she over-did it and it got to be annoying and I saw it as a personality flaw.

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chucksagent

jcrew11 - You just blew my mind. As I type this, I have to wonder if I have a split personality and I posted under the guise jcrew11. Lol.

 

Because I too have noticed this about my dating experience!!!

 

And to make you feel a LITTLE better....

 

1) We are ALL emotionally damaged...haha EVERYBODY...

2) My mom was VERY strong, so that def isn't it.

3) The FIRST serious girlfriend had the GREATEST legs I've ever seen in my life, which was the ONLY reason I asked her out. I barely knew her and it was the first night I met her. AND, the next TWO girls asked me out, LOL. So IMPOSSIBLE for me being the one subconsciously "picking" them.

 

Common Themes For Them:

 

All 3 VERY sexy.

All 3 thin.

1 Had a boob job.

1 Had epic legs.

1 Had epic face.

All 3 were "daddy's girls"

All 3 were emotionally damaged (1st and 2nd from parents/insecurities and 3rd from her previous marriage/abusive ex husband {verbally not physically})

 

Common Themes for Me:

 

I am VERY successful

I am easy going

I make people feel VERY comfortable (or so I am told)

I am the life of the party (or so I am told)

I am NOT great looking (average at best)

I'm told I am quite funny and charming

 

So, as you said, maybe it's because we are successful and can handle difficult situations, who knows. But I have NEVER dated a strong, independent, successful woman with NO baggage (or apparent baggage).

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Maybe you're right. I had always thought I could be "mentally tough" but I'm just faking it and looking for a "mentally strong girl" to save me as well.

 

I think I have to accept the fact that I have "mental weaknesses" and accept the "mental weakness" of the women I date. But this then makes me worry that the relationship would never work, or that the "mutual mental insecuriities" will eventually tear down the relationship.

Everyone is insecure to some extent. The simplest way to view it is that everyone including yourself, is human and there's no such thing as perfection in humans. Instead of zeroing in on flaws, learn to balance pros and cons. But most importantly, apply this lesson to yourself, learning more about what makes you tick. In understanding yourself and what triggers you to project or defend, it will help you understand others and possibly become a little more tolerant.

 

I meet a few women who were taking Depression Medicine, and its more common and widespread now, and accepted. I think back then, I was scared of dealing with any girl who went to a Shrink.
In this, you have to be careful. How long have they been on depression medication and to what extent does their depression or other issues, impact on relationships. Be very cautious of anyone with Cluster B personality disorders. They're crazy making.
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Why not go for mentally strong women? Being a knight in shining armor usually does not work.

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Ruby Slippers

Though I'm not "mentally damaged", I had a difficult upbringing, and I usually date men who have better relationships with their families, had a better upbringing, etc. I don't ever expect a guy to "save" me. All I want him to do is be curious about my formative experiences, listen, refrain from judging me for the hard things I've been through, and support me as I work on strengthening myself. My best partners have done that.

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I disagree. I think "mentally weak" women are easy targets for any man and are probably preyed upon by weak ones. I think it also depends on how you define mentally weak as well.

I have dated girls before that were on meds or therapy and I always bailed. I lost patience with what I saw as deficiencies of character.

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Only an unhealthy man would ever want to be "Captain Save A Ho".

 

As far as thinking you will have a happy ending with a "damaged" women... Go spend some time in the Break Up forum. These "Captain Save A Ho" men allow these "damaged" women to put them through a living hell, lied too, cheated on, go back to the abuser, find another abuser, drama, pain, misery, heartache, etc. We are talking 9th level of hell type stuff here.

 

To answer your question and cut through all the BS...

 

Hurt People, hurt people.

Why so bitter? Is this an emotionally healthy attitude?
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It might be just me, but I seem to meet/date women who are "Mentally insecure or have been damaged by past relationships" and are looking for a White Knight to save them.

 

They likely 'stand out' more. That's what I've noticed over the decades. IMO, regardless of what 'stands out', we always have choices. What I learned to do was accept that there were aspects of their 'out' which were/are attractive and make choices based on overall perception of health. That path was a change from the prior 'benefit of the doubt' path which prioritized the attractive aspects over the overall health and compatibility.

 

Something to remember, at least IME, is that, as a 'white knight' (your analysis of their perspective), we're interchangeable with any other man. When our purpose has been served, we are dismissed. Eyes open, look forward, accept the real. Good luck.

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As has been pointed out, everyone is damaged.

 

I tend to see pretty much everyone as "mentally weak" to some degree of other. Because I recognize the complexities of life and that human beings are flawed.

 

I also tend to see damaged people as more interesting. Usually because they are, at least to me.

 

What matters is not finding people without flaws, but finding people who don't let their flaws and damages make them incapable of having healthy relationships and lives.

 

What happens with damaged men and women is not just that they "get" each other...it's that, because they themselves have had ****ty experiences, they're not terrified of such things in other people, and they are able to go deeper into who a person is. In other words, they WANT to get each other. They don't need to pretend people are perfect, because they know they aren't, so they tend to delve deeper. This isn't across the board, obviously, but I have seen this time and time again.

 

EVERYONE has issues. Everyone. Some people are just unable to open up to certain types of people, and some people prefer to open up to certain types of people.

 

Myself, I've been through a lot of crap. Some moderately sheltered types might consider me "damaged". I can instantly recognize when a man or woman has some serious abuse, neglect, etc going on in their life, because I have been there myself. And I am not afraid to get into that, because I see it for what it is: Just one more thing to deal with in life. One of my mother's favorite sayings was "All God's chilluns got problems".

 

The "White Knight" syndrome is dangerous, and a serious waste of time, because no matter what you do, you cannot change someone else, or alter their behavior. They have to make a choice to do so themselves. And while you can help them to do so, they ultimately have the power over themselves.

Edited by TheGuard13
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todreaminblue
It might be just me, but I seem to meet/date women who are "Mentally insecure or have been damaged by past relationships" and are looking for a White Knight to save them.

 

I think Men who are successful, confident, strong, and mentally secure will always have success meeting women, because many women are "Mentally insecure" and want a Man who can take care of them and solve her problems.

 

Women are definitely more "emotional" and by reading posts on this forum, many women have been Damaged by Men who have cheated or dumped them.

 

I know that relationships/couples are about "2 people growing together" but I'm tired of meeting women who are "mentally damaged" and carrying their weight and trying to solve their problems, while also having to deal with my own problems. I know its a lot to ask, but it seems like the single men and women out there who are "mentally strong and successful" are very few and difficult to find.

 

I've come to realize and expect that the women out there are "Mentally weak" and its up to guy to do the heavy lifting and become her White Knight Savior. Of course, most Men know this, but I bought into the whole Feminist philosophy and expected women to have their stuff together. I suppose that is why the PUA stuff works, because a Man who can take charge and captivate a 'mentally weak' women will always get laid.

 

Do the Men and Women here agree that its always up to the Guy to be "Mentally Strong" to handle "Emotionally Damaged" Women?

 

 

i think with today being the day that it is, its harder to meet people who have dated and who arent damaged, divorce rates , broken families, break ups, and just plain sad things going on...how can people not be damaged people just have to watch the news and have a heart to get damaged......damaged people and this is an overlooked fact.....are stronger than you think they are, they are survivors......fragility in people is a positive........its humbling to accept your fragility for one..it gives perspective on how minute you are ..

 

 

do you know the fragile ant can carry up to or over fifty times its own body weight....but it takes one foot to crush that ant.....people are the same, they have the capacity to carry more than their body weight in damage but continue on carrying..then they also have the capacity to be crushed severely and injured just as easily as the next person would be...i am talking about people with heart and fragility.........they dont need saving they already saved themselves..probably many times..they need someone to listen at the end of the day , to not make judgments on who has sustained more damage from simply living life, and to simply love and enjoy the time spent together.......damage needs love not help......best wishes....deb

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I'm bitter
Yes.

 

All because it's not fair that I made good choices, I have a job, didn't date losers, didn't let people abuse me, took care of myself, acquired wealth, didn't sleep around, surrounded myself with quality people who love me, never did drugs, rarely drink, don't have kids out of wedlock, work hard, planned for the future, etc?

 

Why would I ever agree / sign up for that?

If this is true, why are you bitter?
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i think with today being the day that it is, its harder to meet people who have dated and who arent damaged, divorce rates , broken families, break ups, and just plain sad things going on...how can people not be damaged people just have to watch the news and have a heart to get damaged......damaged people and this is an overlooked fact.....are stronger than you think they are, they are survivors......fragility in people is a positive........its humbling to accept your fragility for one..it gives perspective on how minute you are ..

 

 

do you know the fragile ant can carry up to or over fifty times its own body weight....but it takes one foot to crush that ant.....people are the same, they have the capacity to carry more than their body weight in damage but continue on carrying..then they also have the capacity to be crushed severely and injured just as easily as the next person would be...i am talking about people with heart and fragility.........they dont need saving they already saved themselves..probably many times..they need someone to listen at the end of the day , to not make judgments on who has sustained more damage from simply living life, and to simply love and enjoy the time spent together.......damage needs love not help......best wishes....deb

 

Exactly, we are fed this Feminist Bullcrap, and most women are damaged fragile flowers who need to be gently taken care of by men. I think everyone has insecurities, but we as a society have become dependent on Therapy and Big Pharma for drugs to keep us happy. Maybe a lot of women need the Pills. But I think Men are expected to be strong and mentally strong; and we're suppose to expecte women to be weak physical creatures who can't succeed without a strong man to help her.

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I disagree. I think "mentally weak" women are easy targets for any man and are probably preyed upon by weak ones. I think it also depends on how you define mentally weak as well.

I have dated girls before that were on meds or therapy and I always bailed. I lost patience with what I saw as deficiencies of character.

 

I always looked up to the strong, successful feminist women; but I've discovered that they too are insecure and looking to find an equally confident good-looking successful guy. These alpha women who have it all don't want to deal with a weak-minded insecure guy as a boyfriend.

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If this is true, why are you bitter?
livedandlearned, just answer my question. If you're emotionally healthy and have done all the right things in life including dating non-losers, why is your view so bitter and harsh? Aren't you happy with your good choices and fortune in being with emotionally healthy individuals?

 

No one is required to date anyone.

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It might be just me, but I seem to meet/date women who are "Mentally insecure or have been damaged by past relationships" and are looking for a White Knight to save them.

 

I think Men who are successful, confident, strong, and mentally secure will always have success meeting women, because many women are "Mentally insecure" and want a Man who can take care of them and solve her problems.

 

Women are definitely more "emotional" and by reading posts on this forum, many women have been Damaged by Men who have cheated or dumped them.

 

I know that relationships/couples are about "2 people growing together" but I'm tired of meeting women who are "mentally damaged" and carrying their weight and trying to solve their problems, while also having to deal with my own problems. I know its a lot to ask, but it seems like the single men and women out there who are "mentally strong and successful" are very few and difficult to find.

 

I've come to realize and expect that the women out there are "Mentally weak" and its up to guy to do the heavy lifting and become her White Knight Savior. Of course, most Men know this, but I bought into the whole Feminist philosophy and expected women to have their stuff together. I suppose that is why the PUA stuff works, because a Man who can take charge and captivate a 'mentally weak' women will always get laid.

 

Do the Men and Women here agree that its always up to the Guy to be "Mentally Strong" to handle "Emotionally Damaged" Women?

 

In quite a few instances they do but not always.

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Well, I'm not sure what you mean by "mentally damaged", but I once worked with an older guy who admitted to me that he was turned on by the idea of having kinky sex with women who don't have all the smarts God gave them...

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mortensorchid

You sound like a woman who is trying to justify her going for Bad Boys. The undercurrant of the statements you (and they) make are "I'm going to change him/her for the better". Guess what? It doesn't happen that way, and the good party gets taken for a ride.

 

I've been with my share of Bad Boys past, as well as the Mentally Damaged (aka Crazy People). I'm done with them. True, you don't know a person at first, but once they show their true colors then you have to make a decission. THe Bad Boys usually dump you when they get tired of you, the Crazy People are simply crazy. Both will do their own kind of damage.

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I disagree. I think "mentally weak" women are easy targets for any man and are probably preyed upon by weak ones. I think it also depends on how you define mentally weak as well.

I have dated girls before that were on meds or therapy and I always bailed. I lost patience with what I saw as deficiencies of character.

 

I agree with you. I think they get preyed upon when they are younger (which exacerbates their situation), but when they get older, wise up a little on men and have trouble keeping their life/job/finances together they seek out nice white knight good provider type guys. Seems like most of the people I know on ADs/Anti anxiety meds/therapy are still on them for years. They help but they don't really set the person back to normality.

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I am not bitter and I have not intention to date any woman who is mentally damaged... as it was pointed before here... hurt people hurt people..
I'm not suggesting he necessarily does. But I am suggesting that the OP view people as people, instead of damaged or not, especially since he's admitted to wanting someone stronger than him, to offset his own insecurities.

 

If you notice in my first post to jcrew, there was a distinction made between women with similar insecurities as jcrew and women who have Cluster B disorders. It would be hypocritical for jcrew to bash on women with insecurities when he has them too.

 

I just took liveandlearned to task for his bitterness (which he admitted to being) and then turning around and purporting that he's made all the right choices in life and dated the right people. In doing so, it begs the question why he's so bitter towards women he doesn't purportedly date or have congress with. A very strange reaction.

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