Jump to content

What the hell is wrong with her?


jasonmarz

Recommended Posts

Please bare with me as I explain my situation and how it all started….Ireally need some feedback and it would be highly appreciated so, thank you in advance.

 

 

So, 4 months ago I had met this girl through a friend at an event… it was more of an introduction then anything…I didn’t make anything out of it…that sameweek she added me to Facebook and then to BBM…I don’t like typing to much so Iasked her out for a coffee and her response was “I’m not looking for arelationship or date, or any of that sort of thing. I’m trying to focus on myself” So I was like what the… anyways she ended up coming out….

 

I assumed she didn’t want relationship but she must be willing to fool around…so we went out first day and just talked not much happened…So to test it I asked her out again and this time I took her out to dinner…I try to make a move and let’ssay it didn’t work as I wanted it to I can tell she was trying to make sure I don’t make a move..

 

So we talked a bit more and went out again nothing happened… I give her that space this time so, rather focusing on her looks I tried to learn more about her..I was impressed on how she looks at things … Christmas came around and I got her a gift nothing big…. I made her a basket with few things that I thought she might like… and she loved it… but at the same time she said it was “too much”so again I felt like she’s pushing me away… so I decided to give her space…

 

week after I got in contact with her to see how she would respond and she said “it feels like I haven’t talked to you in ages” so I took it as a good sign… we talked a lil more… and then again I asked her to come out and she did… we did go watch few shows and ended up for dinner…I tried hinting her and again and made a little advance to see how she responds and she said “I don’t do anything unless I’m in a relationship with the guy”….so now I’m confused at the sametime I’m actually starting to develop feelings for her…. So I set down with her few days later to talk to her about how I felt… I actually started to like her and I found her fun to be around at the same time she’s beautiful and a good person…

 

so rather than being a wuss and backing away I looked her in the eyes and told her how I felt…. Her response was…

 

I know I been pushing you away, I’m just not ready for a relationship, I just want to be friends I’ve had a bad past I need to focus on myself but you’re an amazing guy and I can tell you have a good heart you’re the most amazing guy I’ve ever met next to my dad was her response… She also talked about her EX and she feels that this is a cycle which pissed me off I felt like she was comparing me

(I found out that she was with her ex for over 2 years and he would basically beat on her.. it was an abusive relationship)but that was like 3 years ago…

 

she’s had another bf after and they didn’t last.. at the end she also said that she doesn’t feel any chemistry… Next day she tried talking to me and she said how she was like crying all night and I told her I will talk to her when I’m ready…its been over 2 weeks… I don’t know what to do exactly… how the hell can there be any chemistry if she keeps talkin about the ex and pushes me away on purpose? …

 

What to do, any feedback and or comments?

Edited by jasonmarz
Link to post
Share on other sites
KraftDinner

Sounds like a very clear case of the friend zone.

 

Not sure where the confusion is coming in. Her past relationships are irrelevant.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Dude she told you she didn't want a relationship. She was up front with you about it. She's obviously been through a lot. You can either be her friend and stop pushing and respect her feelings. You can also move on if you can't handle being just friends.

Edited by Soxfaninfl
  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I know she doesn't at this time and I do understand that. I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced anything like this. I've been friend zoned before but this just feels different... to much emotions... not sure what is what exactly. If her ex is irrelevant why in the hell would she bring him up.

 

I guess what I'm trying to get peoples opinion and experience to see if this has happened to them before and to see if its worth sticking around for. If its just a friend zone thing then I rather move on however if its the whole ex and past and timing I don't mind talking to her. But she's making it very unclear to many things in one shot.

Link to post
Share on other sites
mortensorchid

Whatever the situation, she's not interested enough in you. She said at the beginning she did not want a relationship, she meant with you. It's harsh, I know, but that's how it is. Don't keep up with this or she'll bruise your ego some more.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Alright. Thank you guy's for the opinion. It's not harsh at all...im not offended its life... I just didn't understand why she was saying bunch of different things then crying about it and I mean actually crying when I told her ill talk to her when I'm ready. I can't say we are "close" friends so that she can cry about it that's the most part that really confused me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You have to listen to what people say. When you like someone, any niceness or whatever word you want to use will be magnified ten fold as a sign that they like you. The last woman I dated clearly said she wanted to date around as she was out of a long R and didn't know what she wanted. Well she was plenty available for someone who wanted to date around and she showed plenty of interest and initiated contact. So when you do the actions matches words test it didn't match up. I don't want a relationship + plenty available, lots of contact = I need a fill in to help me forget about my ex.

Edited by SJC2008
punctuation
Link to post
Share on other sites
Please bare with me as I explain my situation and how it all started….Ireally need some feedback and it would be highly appreciated so, thank you in advance.

 

 

So, 4 months ago I had met this girl through a friend at an event… it was more of an introduction then anything…I didn’t make anything out of it…that sameweek she added me to Facebook and then to BBM…I don’t like typing to much so Iasked her out for a coffee and her response was “I’m not looking for arelationship or date, or any of that sort of thing. I’m trying to focus on myself” So I was like what the… anyways she ended up coming out….

 

I assumed she didn’t want relationship but she must be willing to fool around…so we went out first day and just talked not much happened…So to test it I asked her out again and this time I took her out to dinner…I try to make a move and let’ssay it didn’t work as I wanted it to I can tell she was trying to make sure I don’t make a move..

 

So we talked a bit more and went out again nothing happened… I give her that space this time so, rather focusing on her looks I tried to learn more about her..I was impressed on how she looks at things … Christmas came around and I got her a gift nothing big…. I made her a basket with few things that I thought she might like… and she loved it… but at the same time she said it was “too much”so again I felt like she’s pushing me away… so I decided to give her space…

 

week after I got in contact with her to see how she would respond and she said “it feels like I haven’t talked to you in ages” so I took it as a good sign… we talked a lil more… and then again I asked her to come out and she did… we did go watch few shows and ended up for dinner…I tried hinting her and again and made a little advance to see how she responds and she said “I don’t do anything unless I’m in a relationship with the guy”….so now I’m confused at the sametime I’m actually starting to develop feelings for her…. So I set down with her few days later to talk to her about how I felt… I actually started to like her and I found her fun to be around at the same time she’s beautiful and a good person…

 

so rather than being a wuss and backing away I looked her in the eyes and told her how I felt…. Her response was…

 

I know I been pushing you away, I’m just not ready for a relationship, I just want to be friends I’ve had a bad past I need to focus on myself but you’re an amazing guy and I can tell you have a good heart you’re the most amazing guy I’ve ever met next to my dad was her response… She also talked about her EX and she feels that this is a cycle which pissed me off I felt like she was comparing me

(I found out that she was with her ex for over 2 years and he would basically beat on her.. it was an abusive relationship)but that was like 3 years ago…

 

she’s had another bf after and they didn’t last.. at the end she also said that she doesn’t feel any chemistry… Next day she tried talking to me and she said how she was like crying all night and I told her I will talk to her when I’m ready…its been over 2 weeks… I don’t know what to do exactly… how the hell can there be any chemistry if she keeps talkin about the ex and pushes me away on purpose? …

 

What to do, any feedback and or comments?

 

Ok, that was a loooooooooooooong story.

 

To sum it up, you really like this girl... she's not really into you but thinks you're a decent guy and doesn't want to flat out tell you to get lost.

 

End of the day, she doesn't see you as her boyfriend, why waste time on this? Meet another girl.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

That's exactly what I feel....She shows all the interest...but when it comes to me making a move on her she pulls back...she's also talked about how she has her "guard up" and things like "I'm focusing on myself" "not emotionally ready" those are all signs that led me to believe that she is not fully over her past...and the fact she brought up her past few times...

 

but then outta no where she threw that whole "I don't feel chemistry" thing in there outta no where...so that threw me off a bit... She's a very sweet girl and I'm just debating now if I should still stick around and or just to end it.... She tried talking to me last week but I told her not to message me and I was going to message her when I'm ready and she started crying like wtf...

 

woman... :confused:

Link to post
Share on other sites
I know she doesn't at this time and I do understand that. I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced anything like this. I've been friend zoned before but this just feels different... to much emotions... not sure what is what exactly. If her ex is irrelevant why in the hell would she bring him up.

 

I guess what I'm trying to get peoples opinion and experience to see if this has happened to them before and to see if its worth sticking around for. If its just a friend zone thing then I rather move on however if its the whole ex and past and timing I don't mind talking to her. But she's making it very unclear to many things in one shot.

 

The emotion is on YOUR end.

If she has pain from a previous relationship, she's probably enjoying the company and attention but again, she's making it very clear she doesn't see you as her boyfriend.

 

I'd really stop pushing it or you'll push her even further away, best thing you can do is leave it.

 

If she REALLY has any feeling, she'll get back in touch herself.

 

Forcing it will do nothing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks I'm not pushing her at all....Haven't even talked to her since... just wanted to make a post on here to get peoples feedback...I got a lot of mixed feedbacks from friends most stated she is baggage and not to waste ur time... while others saying she's confused as **** give her time and just be there just don't get to friendly...

The emotion is on YOUR end.

If she has pain from a previous relationship, she's probably enjoying the company and attention but again, she's making it very clear she doesn't see you as her boyfriend.

 

I'd really stop pushing it or you'll push her even further away, best thing you can do is leave it.

 

If she REALLY has any feeling, she'll get back in touch herself.

 

Forcing it will do nothing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
That's exactly what I feel....She shows all the interest...but when it comes to me making a move on her she pulls back...she's also talked about how she has her "guard up" and things like "I'm focusing on myself" "not emotionally ready" those are all signs that led me to believe that she is not fully over her past...and the fact she brought up her past few times...

 

but then outta no where she threw that whole "I don't feel chemistry" thing in there outta no where...so that threw me off a bit... She's a very sweet girl and I'm just debating now if I should still stick around and or just to end it.... She tried talking to me last week but I told her not to message me and I was going to message her when I'm ready and she started crying like wtf...

 

woman... :confused:

 

Well it sounds like she told you flat out she didn't want a relationship with you.

When you didn't get the hint she had to be more blunt and be more honest about it.

 

It's easy to read into things more when you really want to believe she is interested but it sounds like from the start she just wasn't.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I fully understand that part....I think your missing the key point... Has a girl ever told you she's not looking for any relationship before even going out with you or even properly meeting you? ... I haven't ... so I assumed she said that because she just wanted to fool around... So I'm trying to make sense if its only "me" she's not ready for or she's not emotionally ready for anyone ...

 

I have been turned down before but that was way after few dates... I have yet to hear a girl say I'm not ready for a relationship without even going out with her the first time....she is the one that made the effort of getting my contact info not me.. so yah.

 

Well it sounds like she told you flat out she didn't want a relationship with

When you didn't get the hint she had to be more blunt and be more honest about it.

 

It's easy to read into things more when you really want to believe she is interested but it sounds like from the start she just wasn't.

Edited by jasonmarz
Link to post
Share on other sites
ChatroomHero

She has been very clear that she likes you as a friend and nothing more. What would she have to do to convince you of that, beat you with a bat?

 

You liking her makes you try to rationalize her rejections as somehow a good sign. If she told you she hated you, you would ask, "She said she hates her EX too but they were together for 2 years, does that mean she wants a 2 year relationship with me too?!"

 

Honestly ask yourself what a woman that thought you were a decent guy would say to completely reject you. She's not going to flake on you, stop responding to texts, call you a creep, say you are ugly...she is going to say exactly what she said, she feels no chemistry and does not want a relationship with you.

 

If you think the only end is her saying, "I don't want you to stick your penis in my vagina, ever" you'll be disappointed.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I fully understand that part....I think your missing the key point... Has a girl ever told you she's not looking for any relationship before even going out with you or even properly meeting you? ... I haven't ... so I assumed she said that because she just wanted to fool around... So I'm trying to make sense if its only "me" she's not ready for or she's not emotionally ready for anyone ...

 

I have been turned down before but that was way after few dates... I have yet to hear a girl say I'm not ready for a relationship without even going out with her the first time....she is the one that made the effort of getting my contact info not me.. so yah.

 

Yes they have. And if they tell you they are not interested, they are not interested.

Just because you met up, it wasn't a date. She doesnt want a date.

 

You're reading way too much into this. She was pretty clear.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks guys.... Maybe Iam... her fault anyways... she shouldn't have bought me a valentine gift... that was the trigger... woman.. never understand them!.. I have never ever bought a valentine gift to a friend before.. not even HER.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ChatroomHero
Thanks guys.... Maybe Iam... her fault anyways... she shouldn't have bought me a valentine gift... that was the trigger... woman.. never understand them!.. I have never ever bought a valentine gift to a friend before.. not even HER.

 

That's a bit of a mixed signal from her, I agree and can sympathize with your position. I get in the same situations but now I think I have become more of a pessimist with age.

 

I do the funny math:

 

20 signs she is interested

+2 times she bought me a drink

+1 small personal gift she bought me

-10 times she rejected my advances

-1 time she flaked

+2 times she initiated a "date" like hangout

-----------

=Irrelevant

 

Sum total is I am no further with her and no more clear on her interest than say, 6 weeks ago. Sometimes to get clarity you just have to step back and look at the big picture and ignore the details.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

She payed for dinner

she baked me food for Xmas

she's bought me a valentine gift.

 

lol.... why go through all that if not your really not interested?

so confusing.... I really think she's not fully recovered from her abusive past.. the fact she brought up her ex few times kind worries me on top of that she has been to counselling for it... I treated her good and with respect probably scared her away because she's use to that ... its "different" lol she use to the ass whippin' or she just doesn't want a relationship with anyone like she stated period because she wants to focus on her school... oh she had to leave school cuz of her ex due to what happened..

 

not planning to go after her anyways....

Link to post
Share on other sites
Dragonfruit

Crying? Really? Oh boy, drama queen. "I need to focus on me" is psychobabble that means she's not interested. Bringing up old boyfriend emotional trauma is more of the same, like "I am clearly so distraught I cannot date you," because she isn't interested. "I need to focus on school" doesn't make any sense when she has time to go out on "undates" with you. She does not sound like such a fragile broken creature but more a piece of work who is playing games with you to keep herself amused and pump up her ego until someone comes along who she wants. I would move on to someone who simply says "yes" when you ask them out. You sound like you have enough snap that you do not need to waste your time babysitting this fruit loop. She probably abused her old boyfriend. Good luck.

Edited by Dragonfruit
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Ha. Didn't bother...she tried talking to me but I gave her the ill msg you soon.....not really interested in play cat and mouse....

 

Surprised no girls has replied to this to see view their opinion.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Dragonfruit
....

 

Surprised no girls has replied to this to see view their opinion.

 

Dragonfruit answered you. ?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

LOL didn't want to judge by the name. Thank you for your advice, very helpful. Today I get another message from her, I decided to respond....she responded back saying "I thought you would never talk to me" I miss your postivity ...

Dragonfruit answered you. ?
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Dragonfruit
LOL didn't want to judge by the name. Thank you for your advice, very helpful. Today I get another message from her, I decided to respond....she responded back saying "I thought you would never talk to me" I miss your postivity ...

 

Oh my. Our girl likes drama, lol!

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...