gqpolitico Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I recently, in the last week, met a person on an on-line app. I did a search for someone who would meet the physical traits I would potentially look for in a partner. The app is geared towards the bear and chub community so people on there understand that there are, indeed, bears (hairy guys) and chubs (fat guys) on there. I am the latter. I take care of myself, carry myself with poise, etc. Then I saw him, like a shining beacon, the type of guy that was so gorgeous I couldn't peel my eyes away! I did notice, in fair disclosure, that his profile said he was into bears and muscle bears as well as long term relationships. I figured what the hell, it was worth a shot. He's 25 and a graduate student according to his profile - I'm 31 and just accepted a job in his city where I am moving soon. We started chatting and he checked out my profile. It clearly shows my height and weight as well as my standing as a Chub. In fact, we chatted about it before we really even got started talking. We started talking and found we really hit it off - like a lot. We decided to schedule a time to talk on the phone the next day and literally talked for two hours, losing track of the time. The next day we spoke again at length. Both times we learned about each other, our backgrounds - our similar philosophies and passions to the point we even began finishing each other's sentences. In 15 years of dating I have NEVER met anyone I share this sort of synergy with. He felt the same way. We decided we would DEFINITELY be going on a date when I go there this weekend to look for an apartment. He offered to help me look for a place and help me unpack. Then last night happened. We were chatting and he told me he needed to tell me something that had been bothering him a little bit. It wasn't a big deal, but he wanted to talk to me on the telephone. So we talked on the phone and he repeated to me that he found guys with beards and hairy chests the most attractive - but that he didn't mean that to discourage me - that he thought I was attractive and he didn't want to miss out on having the chance to date me because he had never found anyone like me ever before. We connect so incredibly well. Back story - His parents are extremely strict and he only came out of the closet earlier this year. He dated one guy that matched his type completely but they had little in common. The relationship ended in a month. So he confided in me that he was very concerned that while he knows I am the right choice for him for what he wants out of his life that he is very concerned that he is not mature enough to make the correct decision and not be able to overlook his "type". We had a long, philosophical conversation about future selves and past selves and he felt confident that he really wanted to date me - even without me telling him he should or trying to make a case for myself - I was more concerned with him coming to his best conclusion, as I would rather he just be happy. Since that, though, he's been somewhat distant and aloof. We talked on the phone a couple times today but it's been pretty brief - not sure if he's legit busy or just putting me off. I told him today that I was sorry he was facing this sort of dillemma on top of everything else he was facing with his friends and family and that I really wish I could also be what he truly wants physically as well. He called me and told me that I shouldn't wish that, that I should just be what I am - that he doesn't want to start his new relationship off with asking me to change myself. - he actually used the relationship word. I'm so fricking confused right now and don't have any clue what to do. My mind processed all this by experiencing a dream just as I was about to wake up from a nap tonight of a medaly of Surfin' Bird starring Gene Shalit. >.< I think I'm on overload. For now I'm going to take a step back. PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I GO CRAZY. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gqpolitico Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I could really use advice. There are people on here, but no one is really responding. Link to post Share on other sites
charlietheginger Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Yea.... Try meeting him in person and see how it goes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gqpolitico Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Charlie, Thanks so much for your reply. I appreciate it very much. I plan on meeting him - I just am not sure what he could be possibly even dealing with - like why the sudden shift in his demeanor towards me after he brought that up? I'm so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gqpolitico Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Bump - guys I really can use all the advice I can get here. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I concur with Charlie. I think you just have to meet him in person to see if he is attracted to you or not. He seems to like you on an emotional level, but is giving you fair warning that he may not be attracted to you. Because he likes you, he's worried about hurting your feelings. He doesn't seem to want to be shallow or superficial about it, but knows what he is normally attracted to, and knows that he is a little immature about it. He's warning you. You really have nothing to lose by meeting him. Just meet him soon. I mean, you've only known him a week. How long has he been "distant and aloof"? A day? Maybe he's just busy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 No harm in meeting. You never know what exactly may evolve in the long run. Might end up being friends only, but who knows. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author gqpolitico Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I concur with Charlie. I think you just have to meet him in person to see if he is attracted to you or not. He seems to like you on an emotional level, but is giving you fair warning that he may not be attracted to you. Because he likes you, he's worried about hurting your feelings. He doesn't seem to want to be shallow or superficial about it, but knows what he is normally attracted to, and knows that he is a little immature about it. He's warning you. You really have nothing to lose by meeting him. Just meet him soon. I mean, you've only known him a week. How long has he been "distant and aloof"? A day? Maybe he's just busy. It isn't the length of time he's been distant or aloof - it's a sudden shift that occurred immediately following that conversation. That's what has me shocked. I will be meeting him in the next couple weekends when I go out there to go apartment hunting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gqpolitico Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 No harm in meeting. You never know what exactly may evolve in the long run. Might end up being friends only, but who knows. Good luck! Friends are better than not even knowing this guy - but I feel like seeing him be with someone else would just suck since we have so much in common. =P Link to post Share on other sites
Author gqpolitico Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Is there a way to talk about this without feeling like I'm pushing him away or putting pressure on him or should I just leave it alone till we meet? Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I guess just hope that your in person chemistry overcomes his preference for a "type". tbh he sounds a bit obsessed with his "type"...I mean we all have physical types, like I prefer brown hair and brown eyes on a guy, but he sounds rather hellbent on his type, which is kinda weird. My bf is blonde/blue eyed and it never crossed my mind to tell him I typically like brown hair/eyes, nor did it ever cross my mind to be worried that he wasn't that. If you guys connect mentally/emotionally as you say, I think this is def overcome-able. Link to post Share on other sites
StarsOnFire Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Is there a way to talk about this without feeling like I'm pushing him away or putting pressure on him or should I just leave it alone till we meet? Leave it alone til you meet. Don't keep bringing up that you don't look like his type or it'll make him harp on it too. Try to go in with a clean slate and give yourself a chance to show him who you are, and explore your connection. For yourself too, hold back a bit. You don't really know this man, we can all say things other people want to hear, but protect your heart a bit longer, at least until you meet him in person & make sure the connection is real. Hope it all works out!! Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Yeah and I would NOT bring this up to him. It'll just make you look insecure. Just wait and see how things go when you meet. Thing is, discussing his preference isn't going to change anything, it's not going to make him attracted to you if he isn't, ya know? So just wait and see what happens, how long til you meet in person? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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