Princess.Peach. Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and we've talked about buying a house together but I am starting to feel that may be a mistake. My boyfriend, "Mike" makes a lot more money than I do, and I have been working a second job to help with the downpayment, to save my half; however, he keeps talking about how when we get the house, actually when "he" gets a house, I am not going to be able to pay my half of the 2500 monthly mortgage. Which is true, 1250 a month is just too much for me to pay right now. Unless I continue to work two jobs until I get a significant, significant raise which will take years. He also wants to get a house with a completely seperated and finished basement so we could rent it out to someone else, which I'm not even interested in. This would only make the mortgage more. I said maybe we should look for a house that would be more appropriate for the amount of money I earn but he simply says "i'm buying with or without you". I feel like he's planning his life as he said "with or without" me and I just so happen to be here. I feel like he's being selfish and putting himself before me for the things he wants without any real reason behind them. I also feel like does it make sense to get a ridiculously expensive house so I would spend more than half my monthly wage on it and am left with no money without working a second job and he'll still have like six times as much as I make left over? Should I not move in with him? Should I just figure things out for myself, what I can afford to pay a month and see what I can get on my own? I do want a life with him but does that seem like thats what he wants? Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 PLEASE PLEASE do NOT buy a house together unless you have a ring on your finger. HUGE mistake to do so without that commitment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Given the circumstances, and that he can easily qualify for a mortgage on his own apparently, I'd shoot for contributing an affordable amount and taking ownership as tenants in common, apportioning your ownership based on your contributions. This presumes you wish to cohabit after dealing with this issue. Welcome to LS Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I'd let him buy the house without you. You can always move in later. Link to post Share on other sites
tom22 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I'll give you my opinion, but I don't claim to be an expert on relationships or these kind of situations! but for what its worth... You've only been together a year. To me, that seems quite soon to be moving in together. However, you obviously know yourself how advanced your relationship with him is. You say that he will buy the house with or without you, so I'm assuming he has the income in order to buy it himself anyway? Perhaps you should suggest to him that he buy the house himself, and if you guys want to move in together, then you could move in and pay him what you can afford? this way, its more affordable for you, and if things between you don't work out, you aren't both financially committed to each other. Tom Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I think you should let him buy the house and don't move in with him. Just get your own place. He seems to want a roommate, not a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 As tenants in common, her ownership will reflect her contributions and she can sell that ownership at some future date for compensation. Otherwise, she'd be pouring her own money into someone else's home, ostensibly someone who is acting as her partner, but without any substantial partnership agreement other than that afforded by common law of her jurisdiction. PLEASE PLEASE do NOT buy a house together unless you have a ring on your finger. This has been my historical perspective but I understand that the younger generations think differently. OP, how old are you and this man? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 He also wants to get a house with a completely seperated and finished basement so we could rent it out to someone else, which I'm not even interested in. This would only make the mortgage more. I said maybe we should look for a house that would be more appropriate for the amount of money I earn but he simply says "i'm buying with or without you". I feel like he's planning his life as he said "with or without" me and I just so happen to be here. I feel like he's being selfish and putting himself before me for the things he wants without any real reason behind them. I also feel like does it make sense to get a ridiculously expensive house so I would spend more than half my monthly wage on it and am left with no money without working a second job and he'll still have like six times as much as I make left over? Should I not move in with him? Should I just figure things out for myself, what I can afford to pay a month and see what I can get on my own? I do want a life with him but does that seem like thats what he wants? Selfish? Really? Putting himself before you for no reason? The guy is smart - which is why I'm guessing he is earning so much more than you - he is buying an investment. You might not be 'interested' in investment but I can't belive you are calling him selfish when he is clearly prepared to pay much more than you can, especially as he will be receiving income from the basement. He is not asking you to spend half your wages, he wants to live in a decent house, he wants investment and he is prepared to pay for it. He doesn't want to slum it. Wouldn't it be selfish of you to hold him back?? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I have clothes in my closet I've had for 3 years and i don't even like.... You're thinking..... .... after just one year........?! Please.... Gurl!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 As tenants in common, her ownership will reflect her contributions and she can sell that ownership at some future date for compensation. Otherwise, she'd be pouring her own money into someone else's home, ostensibly someone who is acting as her partner, but without any substantial partnership agreement other than that afforded by common law of her jurisdiction. Quite. I'm puzzled why any of this is an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 In the case of an income property, as the 'apartment in the basement' home would be (excellent idea IMO BTW), the partners would be apportioned the costs and income relevant to their ownership interests. IOW, the OP would receive a portion of the income from the apartment, not an insubstantial amount if I'm imputing the aggregate property value from the mortgage payment correctly, and she would also share in the costs of operating the income producing space. IMO, if purchasing such a property together, it's even more important for both parties to have a legal arrangement, both for personal protection as well as for tax purposes. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I don't see how you 'talked' about getting a house 'together' when he clearly said that he's buying it with or without you? Whose idea was it to do it 'together' then? That being said, I don't think it's a great idea to be buying a house with someone whom you've only been with for a year. That ALSO being said, if you really wish to go ahead, you should take carhill's advice as well as look into the laws where you live, about how ownership and compensation is handled if there is any dispute later on, assuming a de facto relationship between the parties. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Don't you two divide contributions so they 'fit' with how much you earn? Link to post Share on other sites
CptObvious Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 what kind of a man can't buy his own house? F*ck that loser. He's not a provider. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Princess.Peach. Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 Hi Tom, That does sound like a good idea; However, they way I am looking at it is that if we do get married, and are together for say 15 years. That will be 15 years of my money going into that house paying off his home (as Carhill said) and then if something does happen I'd be out on my a** after spending years and a lot of money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Princess.Peach. Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 In the case of an income property, as the 'apartment in the basement' home would be (excellent idea IMO BTW), the partners would be apportioned the costs and income relevant to their ownership interests. IOW, the OP would receive a portion of the income from the apartment, not an insubstantial amount if I'm imputing the aggregate property value from the mortgage payment correctly, and she would also share in the costs of operating the income producing space. IMO, if purchasing such a property together, it's even more important for both parties to have a legal arrangement, both for personal protection as well as for tax purposes. Good luck. Thank you, I had never heard of something like this before. I am going to look into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Princess.Peach. Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 We are both 22, and I know we're young but we live together already, which is good, its just the housing market that is making us want to buy sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Princess.Peach. Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 No we actually did discuss buying together, and we do often. Im not forcing this on him. We discussed it. We plan on being together forever. I know it doesnt always work out that way but this isnt just me being pushy. We discussed it, we talk about where we want to buy, how many bedrooms, the garage (I live in Canada so we neeeeed a garage aha), etc. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 OP, I had occasion to own a property which served multiple functions (imagine for sake of discussion a farm) which was owned prior to getting married, and we faced an issue somewhat akin to what you're talking about, though in my case I owned the property for a good 15 years before marrying. You might find it interesting that, since I maintained it out of my business income, and my exW made no contributions of material value to its improvement or maintenance, it was adjudicated to be separate property upon our divorce. Had she contributed substantially, as you're envisioning in your scenario, for legal purposes, the property would have transmuted to 'mixed' or 'co-mingled' property and a claim upon either a portion of its ownership or equivalent compensation could have been successful, according to my lawyer. IMO, at the dollar level you're talking about, if you envision to be contributing materially to this venture, either proactively or through what you and your boyfriend negotiate as a consequence of this act, it would behoove you to get specific legal advice relevant to your jurisdiction. It's your life and, sure, you can always make more money, but once it's gone, it's gone. It takes only one lesson of losing all or a portion of one's life's work to provide clarity on that aspect. Lastly, be cautious about this 'my way or the highway' attitude I'm imputing from your boyfriend's comments. Such pursuits should be collaborative and respectful of the perspectives of both parties, especially in an ostensibly loving relationship. You're a team. The dollar amounts may be different for each of you, but you're still equal partners in the team. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Don't let him handle everything with a "trust me, I know better than you" attitude. Get a real estate attorney. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Uhm, why? Most people would agree that buying a house together is a huge step, can you blame him for not wanting to take it after a 1 year relationship? I don't blame him at all. Which is why my advice to her was to let him buy his own house and to not move in with him. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 OMG 22, dating a year, and buying a house together?! Worst idea ever. If you guys are committed enough to buy a house together why don't you get married? Please don't get yourself financially tied to something you can't afford!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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