I really just want to know his intentions.

[s-ss]

There is someone that has been my acquaintance for last the few years. I have had a crush on him in the past because a) he is gorgeous b) we always have awesome conversations and similar interests. Nothing ever happened - I was dating someone else over the years and we only ever hung out in big groups - yet I always felt some sort of connection with him.

 

Recently I had to email him regarding something to do with his job and industry. I hadn't seen him for a while either because that friendship group has somehow dissolved, so we decided to have lunch one day during my work break. Anyway since then (almost 3 months ago) we have been regularly emailing each other. Almost everyday. At least 2 times a week minimum. We have heaps of common interests so we have a lot to talk about. The emails aren't short either - they are thoroughly detailed and expressive. Not flirty though - I haven't been flirty either.

 

I'm wondering though do guys generally email girls they are not interested in so often? Are they really that polite and lovely? Or could there be interest from his part? Since he hasn't asked me out at all, I haven't been too fussed, and just to be clear I'm not sitting there waiting for him to do so - I am dating other people. I am just curious as to what his intentions are because I don't think any of my other guy friends would continue long email conversations with a girl they're not interested in. Offcourse I could ask him but that would be one awkward email - and that is our only form of communication.

[Apolodor]

Well, it seems that it was you who initiated contact with him. You also said that you used to have a crush on him, so it seems that you still harbour some residual romantic interest for this guy. When that is the case, your mind will always read a bit too much in any interaction you have with him. Maybe you're seeing a loaf of bread where there are just breadcrumbs, I don't know. However, 3 months is a long time to exchange emails without dropping any hints of a romantic nature if that's what he was after. Some guys like to keep their options open and cultivate friendships with women so that they have something to fall back on when they hit a dry spell. By staying in touch with you he is keeping you on his "active" list of female acquaintances. It is not such a good idea for you to ask this guy out, you'll look "desperate" and it is unlikley that whatever might happen between the two of you will be more than a temporary affair.

[iKING]

Well, it seems that it was you who initiated contact with him. You also said that you used to have a crush on him, so it seems that you still harbour some residual romantic interest for this guy. When that is the case, your mind will always read a bit too much in any interaction you have with him. Maybe you're seeing a loaf of bread where there are just breadcrumbs, I don't know. However, 3 months is a long time to exchange emails without dropping any hints of a romantic nature if that's what he was after. Some guys like to keep their options open and cultivate friendships with women so that they have something to fall back on when they hit a dry spell. By staying in touch with you he is keeping you on his "active" list of female acquaintances. It is not such a good idea for you to ask this guy out, you'll look "desperate" and it is unlikley that whatever might happen between the two of you will be more than a temporary affair.

 

Most of this is spot-on. You could try asking him out though. In this situation it wouldn't hurt to try. Something casual of course, don't go overboard. That way you have a plan B and can avoid rejection.

[Malia25]

I was in a similiar (kind of) situation, in which I was emailing the guy I had a crush on - and that was our only form of communication. Like you - the emails were targeted toward our industry/career. Except we did not carry on for 3 months in emails. I really wanted to go out to lunch with him and so I finally asked him (after weeks of contemplation). In the end, it was a bust and we never went out. But in a way, I felt better knowing I tried, had my answer and could officially move forward.

 

I agree with Apolodor that you could potentially making a loaf out of bread crumbs (cute analogy). I did the same thing! Any little contact is heightened because of how we feel. One thing I'd differ from his/her advice is that you SHOULD ask him out and NO it will not be desperate. After 3 months, I'd say it's expected! After 3 months of friendly emails, he doesn't want to even meet up for something simple as lunch...then there you have it. You'll have your answer and you can move on. It's quite refreshing. I say ask him out! Regardless of what happens, you made a bold move. He could be thinking the same thing of you and fears rejection. G'luck!

[crude]

I love how women always talk about wasting their time if a relationship doesn't lead to marriage. What about wasting your time by sitting around wondering if a man is interested in you? Can't a female just ask a man out/ask him if he feels that she has girlfriend potential or he just sees her as simply a friend? Instead, she'll wait and wonder for months or even years. Talk about a waste of time! I just assume a woman wouldn't act like this for fear that she'd have to pay for the date and destroy her perfect record of never having paid for anything in her life.

[Archgirl]

There is someone that has been my acquaintance for last the few years. I have had a crush on him in the past because a) he is gorgeous b) we always have awesome conversations and similar interests. Nothing ever happened - I was dating someone else over the years and we only ever hung out in big groups - yet I always felt some sort of connection with him.

 

Recently I had to email him regarding something to do with his job and industry. I hadn't seen him for a while either because that friendship group has somehow dissolved, so we decided to have lunch one day during my work break. Anyway since then (almost 3 months ago) we have been regularly emailing each other. Almost everyday. At least 2 times a week minimum. We have heaps of common interests so we have a lot to talk about. The emails aren't short either - they are thoroughly detailed and expressive. Not flirty though - I haven't been flirty either.

 

I'm wondering though do guys generally email girls they are not interested in so often? Are they really that polite and lovely? Or could there be interest from his part? Since he hasn't asked me out at all, I haven't been too fussed, and just to be clear I'm not sitting there waiting for him to do so - I am dating other people. I am just curious as to what his intentions are because I don't think any of my other guy friends would continue long email conversations with a girl they're not interested in. Offcourse I could ask him but that would be one awkward email - and that is our only form of communication.

 

I am a bit worried by the lack of flirty content TBH, it sort of suggests that even if he is interested in you he lacks the confidence and experience to express this. I mean it's been months.

This often means that he has trouble expressing this side of himself full stop. Not great in a relationship and will proabaly also mean that if you want things to progress with him to not- months-o- non-flirty-emails (honestlly I just don't get it?! how is that any fun at all?) you are going to have to do a lot of the heavy lifting.

[laaddict]

I am a bit worried by the lack of flirty content TBH, it sort of suggests that even if he is interested in you he lacks the confidence and experience to express this. I mean it's been months.

This often means that he has trouble expressing this side of himself full stop. Not great in a relationship and will proabaly also mean that if you want things to progress with him to not- months-o- non-flirty-emails (honestlly I just don't get it?! how is that any fun at all?) you are going to have to do a lot of the heavy lifting.

 

I completely disagree with him not being good in a relationship because he doesnt flirt. He could possibly be a modest, traditional person (not in the sense that he is a bush voter/fool) and wants a traditional relationship. If he is, I dont think flirting would be such a bad thing.

 

You make it sound like every guy needs to be a hardcore muscled out overly aggressive alpha male that fights to the death. But maybe thats just me...

 

Anyways, I think he could possible like you, but 2 days a week is not a lot of talking (maybe just my opinion though). You should try calling him, telling him to meet, if this makes him visibly happy, then you have your answer.

 

The best way to let him know that you are interested is ask him if he has a girlfriend. If he doesnt get the signal, maybe hes just over analyzing and is as confused as you. If he has intellect and confidence though, he will definitely get the fact that you like him.

 

Good luck

[s-ss]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I took your advice and asked 'when are we meeting up?' and he responded 'maybe we will catch up on a Friday night soon'. That response really annoyed me since it's not concrete at all:mad:

 

honestlly I just don't get it?! How is that any fun at all?

 

Hmm my friends wonder the same thing when I tell them about him. It's just that he writes really well, and his emails are always funny and make me laugh. So I reply back. Or else the emails consist of some passionate discussion about a social issue and I feel compelled to respond because I am pretty opinionated about certain things. Plus he is a friend first and foremost so I'd feel rude not replying especially when he has put in so much effort for an email. He is a genuinely lovely person.

 

 

I completely disagree with him not being good in a relationship because he doesnt flirt. He could possibly be a modest, traditional person (not in the sense that he is a bush voter/fool) and wants a traditional relationship. If he is, I dont think flirting would be such a bad thing.

 

Good luck

 

I sense that he is. Despite our conversations, this person was always very shy with me. I think he is just nervous around me for some strange reason. haha I love the Bush reference!

 

I was in a similiar (kind of) situation, in which I was emailing the guy I had a crush on - and that was our only form of communication. Like you - the emails were targeted toward our industry/career. Except we did not carry on for 3 months in emails. I really wanted to go out to lunch with him and so I finally asked him (after weeks of contemplation). In the end, it was a bust and we never went out. But in a way, I felt better knowing I tried, had my answer and could officially move forward.

 

Sorry to hear it didn't work out.

Edited February 24, 2013 by s-ss

[s-ss]

I love how women always talk about wasting their time if a relationship doesn't lead to marriage. What about wasting your time by sitting around wondering if a man is interested in you? Can't a female just ask a man out/ask him if he feels that she has girlfriend potential or he just sees her as simply a friend? Instead, she'll wait and wonder for months or even years. Talk about a waste of time! I just assume a woman wouldn't act like this for fear that she'd have to pay for the date and destroy her perfect record of never having paid for anything in her life.

 

Lol there are a few reasons why I've been hesitant. Mostly because I value him as a person a lot and I really don't want to jeopardize or ruin the friendship. We've known each other for a longggg time. Add to that his best friend liked me for several years! His best friend and I are also super close. It would make things awkward so I've been hesitant in doing anything rash. I have been extremely patient with him because I value him more than I would a random stranger who I found attractive.