Ugh...I may just have to move eventually

[kaylan]

Wow. Dating after college is haaaaaarrrrd. ESPECIALLY in the primarily white suburbs as a guy that isnt white.

 

In college it wasnt hard to meet a lot of different people. And it wasnt hard meeting girls who were open to dating out. I guess that was a function of a good portion of those girls being from the city, or living not too far from it.

 

But man, when you combine suburban life with post college dating, its all kinds of slow. Nevermind the fact that dating after college is a whole different animal. Theres things to do where I live, but not many. Most dating options will come from online, the bar, work, or maybe the gym or other hobbies. But in an area thats not super populated, and is pretty dang white...I definitely notice how things feel different.

 

Ive been in the burbs for 5 years, but 4 of those years were spent on a college campus...which is its own little world. And when I combine the lack of signals I receive in real life, with the lack of responses on get on OLD, and friends constantly telling me they dont know any single girls...Im thinking Ill have to move back to the city eventually if I dont want to waste my dating years.

 

And you all know Im not normally one to get all down on myself...but lately Ive been really wondering how attractive I am or am not to women. Honestly I can now say Ive got a better body than most guys, Im at the least average in the face, and Im super funny with a lot of good qualities...but Im starting to face the music...I gotta find a locale thats better suited to interracial dating, or that at least has plenty more minorities. But tbh, even then, I notice a lot of chicks have a white guy preference.

 

It is what it is though. Eurocentric beauty standards be damned, I gotta make due with what I got. Its just hard to feel attractive during times when you feel your options are low. Or when you deal with silly wishy washy women. And its funny, how some white dudes and indian dudes on this forum think women are just throwing themselves at black men. Or that women are throwing themselves at "hot" body guys.

 

lmao. nope. Those threads are funny though.

 

I had to vent.

 

My best friend said that instead of picking up and moving my life for dating, that I should give eharmony a shot. He met his chick on there and theyve been dating almost a year. Plus he says people are more serious about dating sites when they pay for it. If I lived in a big city, I wouldnt even need to rely on OLD. But in the suburbs aside from bars or maybe the gym, its hard to meet new friends and dates once you leave college.

[pbjbear]

Are you open to interracial dating?

 

I personally like the black dudes but I live in NYC and I grew up right outside of another city so it doesnt bother me...

 

Based on your other posts about your body you prob have a fiiiine body. Women like that

Seriously where do women not like that...

[kaylan]

Are you open to interracial dating?

 

I personally like the black dudes but I live in NYC and I grew up right outside of another city so it doesnt bother me...

 

Based on your other posts about your body you prob have a fiiiine body. Women like that

Im very open to IR dating. If I wasnt, Id hardly have dated my entire life. I grew up in a racially mixed area of NYC, went to two upstate colleges that were 8% black at most, and now live in a primarily white suburb.

 

And eh...girls cant see my body in my clothes lol. I personally think I look rather skinny with clothes on. Having a good body isnt gonna do me good if many girls have a preference I dont fit into.

 

Such is life.

[nessaaa]

Show me a picture in my inbox and ill tell u straight

[kaylan]

Ive already showed a few members my body. I know that my body isnt the problem at all lol

[Mrlonelyone]

I know just how you feel and at times feel the same way. Your race will keep some white women from dating you even if they are physically attracted. I don't care what anyone says, there is still a real price for interracial dating...especially if the couple is black male + white female (with white male + black female being a close second). Something about that black, white, contrast really gets to people.

 

It comes from both sides of that color line too. I would even say that Eharmony tries to match people up by race to an extent.

[TouchedByViolet]

Dating for me was very difficult after graduation as well. Just didn't meet that many new people, and finding a single female who we shared mutual attraction was very difficult.

[kaylan]

I know just how you feel and at times feel the same way. Your race will keep some white women from dating you even if they are physically attracted. I don't care what anyone says, there is still a real price for interracial dating...especially if the couple is black male + white female (with white male + black female being a close second). Something about that black, white, contrast really gets to people.

 

It comes from both sides of that color line too. I would even say that Eharmony tries to match people up by race to an extent.

The bold is the suckiest part. Ive suspected this of a couple of girls Ive dated. Hell, I have always felt thats part of why me and my ex failed. Her mom put SO much pressure on her about dating me (they were italian-american). Id like to think our own relationship issues were the only cause, but her mom did cause her a lot of stress.

 

But Im not new to the idea of people using certain races or cultures for sex, and then settling down with whats "socially acceptable". I really dont get why people give a damn who dates who. But it is fun to see how butt-hurt some people are when you snag a sexy gal outside your race. I remember this one guy who had a crush on my ex before her and I got together, got downright angry and jealous when he found out about me.

 

Lol what a loser.

[TouchedByViolet]

I'm Iranian-American... I never really think about ethnicity all that much to be honest.

[FitChick]

This would be a good time to put more time and energy into your career without the distraction of women. Then you will become more desirable to them later.

[kaylan]

Oh wow. Mesmerized is Iranian-Canadian. Two Iranians on this forum? Thats wild xD. And I always thought you folks were super rare in North America.

[kaylan]

This would be a good time to put more time and energy into your career without the distraction of women. Then you will become more desirable to them later.

Um no. I dont want to be desired based on my job or money. Thats something they wont be too privy too anyways. Id like to be desired because Im sexy or click emotionally or mentally with a girl. Not because she thinks she can benefit from my career goals or finances.

 

Im not gonna waste the entirety of my youth solely focused on my career. These are prime dating years. And women my age arent super concerned about how much a guys making, so long as he can provide for himself (at least the girls I go after are this way.)

[ascendotum]

But man, when you combine suburban life with post college dating, its all kinds of slow.

lol, yes it is. You still have single friends or new co-workers though that you can go into the city with on Fri + Sat nites though? Your friends (some couples + some single) still hang out and do group activities like go into town for dinner or have bbqs or see bands or throw parties or go to sporting events? (I realize they are not prospects but at least it gets you out & about in social situations to meet new prospects or possibly meet new female friends of the girls that show up..just have to be more patient if you rely on this)

[TouchedByViolet]

Um no. I dont want to be desired based on my job or money. Thats something they wont be too privy too anyways. Id like to be desired because Im sexy or click emotionally or mentally with a girl. Not because she thinks she can benefit from my career goals or finances.

 

Im not gonna waste the entirety of my youth solely focused on my career. These are prime dating years. And women my age arent super concerned about how much a guys making, so long as he can provide for himself (at least the girls I go after are this way.)

 

I wish someone had told me this when I was younger. So much truth in this entire post. The emotional connection trumps career.

[stillafool]

Kaylan have you ever dated a black girl?

[MrCastle]

Don't tell me dating is hard after college man because I'm in college and it's hard now.

 

I know what you mean about the racial stuff. NYC is great. Westchester and beyond, mmm, not so much

 

Ive already showed a few members my body. I know that my body isnt the problem at all lol

 

Maybe it's your face.

 

I had to

 

Buy an escort. Matter of fact, buy two and have a threesome. Make a thread titled "I had a 3 some with two escorts"; the forum will explode.

[kaylan]

Kaylan have you ever dated a black girl?

Casually yes.

 

Ive only had two serious gfs though. 1 was Colombian/Honduran, the other was Italian American.

 

Why do you ask?

Don't tell me dating is hard after college man because I'm in college and it's hard now.

 

I know what you mean about the racial stuff. NYC is great. Westchester and beyond, mmm, not so much

College is a CAKE WALK compared to what Ive been dealing with.

 

Maybe it's your face.

 

I had to

Possibly, but Ive been told Im cute enough times to know its not the face.

Buy an escort. Matter of fact, buy two and have a threesome. Make a thread titled "I had a 3 some with two escorts"; the forum will explode.

NEVER! lol

 

I dont need to pay a girl off to get sex, and I never will. I want women to sex me because I get them all tingly in in their britches.

Edited February 5, 2013 by kaylan

[Mrlonelyone]

The bold is the suckiest part. Ive suspected this of a couple of girls Ive dated. Hell, I have always felt thats part of why me and my ex failed. Her mom put SO much pressure on her about dating me (they were italian-american). Id like to think our own relationship issues were the only cause, but her mom did cause her a lot of stress.

 

I know what you mean about that. That's like the oldest relationship combination to have a hard time. Right back to Othello and Desdemona...the Tuskeegee Airmen in Italy... and of course this.

 

Jungle Fever part 5 out of 13 - YouTube

 

 

 

But Im not new to the idea of people using certain races or cultures for sex, and then settling down with whats "socially acceptable".

 

Same thing has happened to me. Women (and men) are willing to have sexual relationships with people they'd never be serious about. Which is fine when you are younger, but when you get older you want more.

 

I have decided to apply some radical acceptance to the situation. In my case being bisexual and quite androgynous (even when I do work out with heavy weights) there will always be someone who will sneer at me and whoever I'm with. I just need to find someone who can handle that.

 

I really dont get why people give a damn who dates who. But it is fun to see how butt-hurt some people are when you snag a sexy gal outside your race. I remember this one guy who had a crush on my ex before her and I got together, got downright angry and jealous when he found out about me.

 

Lol what a loser.

[stillafool]

.

 

Why do you ask?

 

Just curious.

[kaylan]

I know what you mean about that. That's like the oldest relationship combination to have a hard time. Right back to Othello and Desdemona...the Tuskeegee Airmen in Italy... and of course this.

 

Jungle Fever part 5 out of 13 - YouTube

 

Same thing has happened to me. Women (and men) are willing to have sexual relationships with people they'd never be serious about. Which is fine when you are younger, but when you get older you want more.

 

I have decided to apply some radical acceptance to the situation. In my case being bisexual and quite androgynous (even when I do work out with heavy weights) there will always be someone who will sneer at me and whoever I'm with. I just need to find someone who can handle that.

Thats the thing though. I never personally noticed any sneers when I was with women of different races. Ive generally been around people or hung out in areas where it at least seems accepted that people will date whomever they want.

 

Yet, despite seeing some IR couples walking around, and people being seemingly cool about it, there still seems to be a reluctance by some people to actually engage in these relationships.

[Mrlonelyone]

Kaylan, the sneers aren't like really obvious. People are subtle about it. Usually when I'm with someone I'm 100% paying attention to them. I noticed these things when people saw that we were in fact together.

 

i.e. going to buy lunch and having the checker assume you couldn't be with them or that your with the random black people behind you and not who you came with.

[ThaWholigan]

Thats the thing though. I never personally noticed any sneers when I was with women of different races. Ive generally been around people or hung out in areas where it at least seems accepted that people will date whomever they want.

 

Yet, despite seeing some IR couples walking around, and people being seemingly cool about it, there still seems to be a reluctance by some people to actually engage in these relationships.

Some level of indoctrination from parents I suspect. It's very loose in London, so there are LOTS of interracial relationships where I am from. My aunt recently married a white dude, and my uncle's last two relationships have both been with white women.

 

I have it easier in that regard, so it does not bother me so much. Perhaps slight disappointment from my pro-black parents but no more, I can deal with that comfortably. Besides, going by the recent trend, any prospective partner I end up with is likely to be mixed-black .

 

"Mum/Dad, I have a GF"

"Is she black?"

"Half-black"

"...............Close enough......"

":lmao:"

[Untouchable_Fire]

Thats the thing though. I never personally noticed any sneers when I was with women of different races. Ive generally been around people or hung out in areas where it at least seems accepted that people will date whomever they want.

Yet, despite seeing some IR couples walking around, and people being seemingly cool about it, there still seems to be a reluctance by some people to actually engage in these relationships.

 

Nobody cares in NYC. Sometimes smaller towns can be crappy about this stuff, but they get over it quick once they get to know you.

 

Out west it isn't a big deal either. IR marriages have been increasing since 1980. White/Hispanic couplings are blowing up.

[Bristolius]

Research eHarmony to learn about its connection to the Family Research Council.

[MrCastle]

Some level of indoctrination from parents I suspect. It's very loose in London, so there are LOTS of interracial relationships where I am from. My aunt recently married a white dude, and my uncle's last two relationships have both been with white women.

 

I have it easier in that regard, so it does not bother me so much. Perhaps slight disappointment from my pro-black parents but no more, I can deal with that comfortably. Besides, going by the recent trend, any prospective partner I end up with is likely to be mixed-black .

 

"Mum/Dad, I have a GF"

"Is she black?"

"Half-black"

"...............Close enough......"

":lmao:"

 

There is a lot of pseudo-liberalism here in this country.

 

"Yes! We'd love to have a shelter for the homeless! Just don't build it in our neighborhood"

 

"Yes! We love seeing interracial couples! Just make sure it's not our daughter that's participating"

 

Etc etc.

 

It's not outward, burning crosses on lawns racism. It's subdued, which is harder; because you don't know who you have a shot with until you actually put yourself out there and get burned and you're like "ahh...i know why"