When you ask a girl out does she know its a date?

[Necris]

I'm just wondering when you ask a woman out to a dinner, movie, coffee, etc. do you often get women being confused and thinking it wasn't a date afterwards?

 

Or if you are a woman being asked out by a man do you often assume its a date or do you assume its just him being friendly?

 

I'm just curious.

 

While I hardly ever get dates, I noticed strangely a quite few times women that I have asked out told me afterwards she never knew she was on a date even if its something like a one-on-one dining setting, that's probably another reason why I have never had a second date. So now I make sure to flat out tell her we are going on a date in the plainest language I possibly can, so there will be no confusion. Why is that, why is confusion so common?

[JuneJulySeptember]

I'm just wondering when you ask a woman out to a dinner, movie, coffee, etc. do you often get women being confused and thinking it wasn't a date afterwards?

 

Or if you are a woman being asked out by a man do you often assume its a date or do you assume its just him being friendly?

 

I'm just curious.

 

While I hardly ever get dates, I noticed strangely a quite few times women that I have asked out told me afterwards she never knew she was on a date even if its something like a one-on-one dining setting, that's probably another reason why I have never had a second date. So now I make sure to flat out tell her we are going on a date in the plainest language I possibly can, so there will be no confusion. Why is that, why is confusion so common?

 

Most times they do have a pretty good idea, but plead ignorant to the fact.

 

The last woman I dated who eventually became my GF told me later that if she knew our first date was a 'date' that she would have nixed me. I gave her every indication that it was a date. Picked her up, paid for her, and acted cocky all night, and I kissed her at the end of the date.

 

So. WTF!

 

And women here wonder why less successful guys are so confused and scared of women and think it's so hard. I have more and better stories too.

 

My impression is that women will not consider it a 'date' unless you are the ideal, suave, good looking dude they are looking for. Otherwise, you start in the friendzone and it's your job to work your way out. I did somehow in this particular situation, but it's a tough proposition for sure.

 

I mean, if a good looking or not woman were ever to ask me out for drinks or dinner (dare to dream) and my buddy asked me what I was doing, I'd say, "Yea, I have a date with this gal. She seems kinda cool. See where it goes."

 

Is that so hard?

Edited January 11, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember

[MrCastle]

She knows it's a date if she likes you.

[Necris]

She knows it's a date if she likes you.

 

So she really does know its a date, and pretending like she doesn't is her way of rejecting you?

[MrCastle]

So she really does know its a date, and pretending like she doesn't is her way of rejecting you?

 

You're learning

[Lani]

Maybe go with 'can I take you out' rather than 'lets go out'.

It shows that you want to take her, which I don't think can be misunderstood.

Don't be all like THIS IS A DATE, MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT LITTLE LADY! Cause that's creepy.

[Phoe]

I would assume that as long as you were clear with her, that she would know.

 

I've only been taken out on a date twice, but both times I knew it was a date!!

 

I think any girl who says "oh, I didn't think this was a date" is just being silly.

[Necris]

Well, if you're asking these gals out but going dutch each time, then you didn't really take them 'out,' did you? They basically joined you for dinner like they would any other friend.

 

Actually if I'm going to dinner I'm paying for both our meals myself. So I'm with Mr.Castle I suspect they know, they just don't like me, so pretend they don't know.

[sillyanswer]

I'm just wondering when you ask a woman out to a dinner, movie, coffee, etc. do you often get women being confused and thinking it wasn't a date afterwards?

 

I don't think I've had this confusion except with one woman... and actually she is just a friend and it wasn't supposed to be a date, even though it was just the two of us. But when that same friend tells me that some random guy has asked her out for drinks/dinner and asks me if I think it's a date I always tell her "of course it is!" so I can see why she gets confused about this!

[JuneJulySeptember]

Actually if I'm going to dinner I'm paying for both our meals myself. So I'm with Mr.Castle I suspect they know, they just don't like me, so pretend they don't know.

 

Right. Exactly.

 

So, unfortunately, if most women won't even be out with you alone, and the few you do get 'dates' with don't really think they are 'dates', well it's a frustrating proposition to be sure.

 

I've been in your position for years. Many years.

 

I have some awkward date stories of women basically ignoring me. The thing for you now is volume.

 

Basically, if a woman goes on a 'date' with you and you have the inclination that she has no interest, she brings a friend to spy on you, or she is ignoring you, walk out. 5 minutes. Get up and walk out.

[sillyanswer]

Basically, if a woman goes on a 'date' with you and you have the inclination that she has no interest, she brings a friend to spy on you, or she is ignoring you, walk out. 5 minutes. Get up and walk out.

 

Are you allowed to ask for the friend's number on your way out?

[Bristolius]

I think men could embrace the ambiguity. Don't make it a date in your mind either. Put her on probation until you know her better.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Are you allowed to ask for the friend's number on your way out?

 

You know, the last time it happened to me, I was so pissed, I started talking to the friend more. I didn't start blatantly hitting on her and asking for her phone #, but I should have.

 

Seriously. Next time I will.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think men could embrace the ambiguity. Don't make it a date in your mind either. Put her on probation until you know her better.

 

That'd be fine if she were the same with every guy.

 

But when it's a good looking, desirable guy, then she'll go into the office in the morning and tell EVERY single female co-worker she works with,

 

"I have a DATE with this guy!"

 

Trust me. I don't make these things up. I can't.

[Treasa]

That'd be fine if she were the same with every guy.

 

But when it's a good looking, desirable guy, then she'll go into the office in the morning and tell EVERY single female co-worker she works with,

 

"I have a DATE with this guy!"

 

Trust me. I don't make these things up. I can't.

 

I really wish I could understand this mindset. I guess I don't know what it's like to be a woman like that. If a guy I'm into (regardless of looks, but you know that) asks me out, I'm not talking about the date to other females. I'm walking into walls because I'm having sexual fantasies about him.

[LittlePrince]

By the time you use her up and leave her she will be calling it one.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I really wish I could understand this mindset. I guess I don't know what it's like to be a woman like that. If a guy I'm into (regardless of looks, but you know that) asks me out, I'm not talking about the date to other females. I'm walking into walls because I'm having sexual fantasies about him.

 

I think it's been established by now that you're not a typical woman.

 

You seem to think more like a man if anything.

 

It's good though. You give me hope.

[Treasa]

I think it's been established by now that you're not a typical woman.

 

You seem to think more like a man if anything.

 

It's good though. You give me hope.

 

There you go. Go for the women you're likely to find at events that are more dominated by men. Football games, professional wrestling events, video game/comic book cons, martial arts classes, etc.

 

Ok, I'm speaking of the places I tend to frequent, but you get the idea.

[Mrlonelyone]

Ahh I see that others have come to realize the simple truth about the whole "does she think it's a date". It all depends on how she feels about you.

 

Moreover if she thinks it's a date when she likes you, in retrospect women, genetic women anyway are capable of re writing history such that previous dates weren't really dates when they stop liking you.

 

These kinds of mind games are the reason that a man who was homosexual came to be called gay... for a word that meant carefree and happy. Men (really all biological males) just don't think quite that way.

 

Bottom line for you Necris, just don't worry about weather or not she thinks it's a date. Just worry about weather or not she likes you. If she does it's a date if not it's not a date.

[KraftDinner]

The whole thing can be very awkward for me as a woman.

 

Sometimes I get the sense a random stranger is gearing up to ask me to do something. Well, it doesn't matter if he's attractive or not -- I have a boyfriend so my answer would be the same regardless. But I try to mention my boyfriend if I can beforehand,"oh yeah, my boyfriend and I were talking about that the other day," which sounds obnoxious! So I have to decide beforehand if that's what he's trying to do.

 

But sometimes I'm oblivious. Like you go to someone's house and a friend of a friend chats with you and then says we should do something sometime.

 

Do I assume it's a date? If I do, even if he had intended it to be, when I say I can't because I have a boyfriend, he'd say he only meant as friends, so I'll feel ridiculous. But what if I said sure? Let's hang? I'd be giving the wrong message.

 

Sketchy.

[TheZebra]

I really wish I could understand this mindset. I guess I don't know what it's like to be a woman like that. If a guy I'm into (regardless of looks, but you know that) asks me out, I'm not talking about the date to other females. I'm walking into walls because I'm having sexual fantasies about him.

 

I walk into walls AND tell my female co-workers about it. Doing it at the same time means that they all think I'm having a stroke, but hey, we've only had to call an ambulance twice so far *thumbs up*

[Treasa]

I walk into walls AND tell my female co-workers about it. Doing it at the same time means that they all think I'm having a stroke, but hey, we've only had to call an ambulance twice so far *thumbs up*

 

ROFL You crack me up.

 

I can't do the talking to my coworkers bit, because I only have one coworker who's like me and wouldn't look at me in shock. The others are sort of older and a bit weird and closed off.

[Mrlonelyone]

The whole thing can be very awkward for me as a woman.

 

Sometimes I get the sense a random stranger is gearing up to ask me to do something. Well, it doesn't matter if he's attractive or not -- I have a boyfriend so my answer would be the same regardless. But I try to mention my boyfriend if I can beforehand,"oh yeah, my boyfriend and I were talking about that the other day," which sounds obnoxious! So I have to decide beforehand if that's what he's trying to do.

 

But sometimes I'm oblivious. Like you go to someone's house and a friend of a friend chats with you and then says we should do something sometime.

 

Do I assume it's a date? If I do, even if he had intended it to be, when I say I can't because I have a boyfriend, he'd say he only meant as friends, so I'll feel ridiculous. But what if I said sure? Let's hang? I'd be giving the wrong message.

 

Sketchy.

 

A problem arises with the way the words boyfriend and girlfriend are applied.

 

Many men have seen a woman go out on several dates with them, 6-9 or more and then if the man calls her his girlfriend she's like "Your not my boyfriend".

 

Many men have seen a woman go on one date with them and had her say "So your my boyfriend now".

 

Lastly many men have just hung out with a woman, as friends, only for her to dump her boyfriend soon after and start dating him. Then in retrospect she'll refer to this as her first date. (I've seen this one in real life and notably, in the "how we met" stories of some long married couples. "Oh when I first met Bill I was dating Dave. But I didn't like Dave that much and Bill was such a great guy....)

 

Tell me I'm lying about any of the above.

[TheZebra]

ROFL You crack me up.

 

I can't do the talking to my coworkers bit, because I only have one coworker who's like me and wouldn't look at me in shock. The others are sort of older and a bit weird and closed off.

 

Haha, the feeling's mutual

 

My co-workers vary. There's one woman who has a daughter my age, so she gives me the motherly type advise. The IT guys and I are always talking about sex and telling sex jokes, and you name it. Their advise is always more of the 'you should just sit on his face' kind, which is great for a good laugh. Then there are a couple of other co-workers I've known for years and they're very supportive. A couple of 'em offered to buy me front row Heat tickets if I just ask him out . Whenever I come back from a 'date', the group of 'em make a circle like story time while I spill the details. lol, never a dull day in the office.

[Els]

Explain those 'confused' dates to me, OP. Where did you go, what did you do? When you asked her out, did you refer to it as a 'date' or just 'hey, you wanna hang out or pick up lunch on our way home'? Did you pay, or pick her up? Did you flirt with her?

 

If you brought her to a nice dinner out where you picked her up, paid, flirted with her, etc, then she's just being obtuse. Hopefully on purpose, otherwise it doesn't bode well for her intelligence.

 

If it was more of a "hey there's a new cafe in college, wanna check it out between classes", there can certainly be confusion.