Hopelessly in love...

[Mrlonelyone]

... and in an unwise and impossible situation.

 

The good news is I shut down my online dating profiles for the fact that I realize , right now, I'm not emotionally into it. Here is a short version of the long story.

 

We met about a year ago now, briefly and in passing. It made a little bit of an impression. Then a few months ago, when school started we met again, and did not realize we'd met before. (Because at the time I had briefly went back to living as man and they were dressed like a cartoon character. Like I said long story.) We became at the very least really good friends really fast and shared some emotionally (not physically) intimate moments.

 

When I asked them if they were seeing anyone they gave a non-committal answer about it. Were more concerned that I understood that they weren't a lesbian, at which point I reminded them that I wasn't biologically a woman.

 

After about a week of strangeness things progressed. We'd hang out whenever we could at school. Yet we both kept our options open. Hence my online dating, and her seeing at least one other person I know of. Things were casual and we kept just how close we'd became under wraps.

 

Then winter break happened.

 

Over the break I went on a few dates off OKC while keeping communications open with her. No commitments had discussed, expected or wanted. Between Christmas and Thanksgiving we had a falling out. Then afterwards made up, long distance.

 

Today was the first day back. We did not get a chance to be alone, and are legitimately busy. I've got pressing family matters to attend to for my part..so meeting outside school in the next week at least ain't happening.

 

That said, as soon as I saw her and as uncomfortable as this felt I can only say it's love. Possibly unreturned love but enough to make me emotionally unable to honestly date anyone off OLD. In all the time I've been on LS I've honestly never felt this about anyone I've written of.

 

 

My question is what should I do if anything.

 

My heart says try to ask her out just to hang out one on one. Then have fun. Best case, this is the kind of relationship which could lead to a good long relationship.

 

My brain says I should not even try it anymore because, even if things work out one on one, we would distract everyone else around us. Or worse case one of us can make trouble for the other.

Edited January 8, 2013 by Mrlonelyone

[Mrlonelyone]

No one has an opinion?

[Brunettie]

Well since you love her I'd say ask her one more time. There's no harm in that.

[Mrlonelyone]

Well since you love her I'd say ask her one more time. There's no harm in that.

 

 

At worst she can say no. I can survive that.

[clia]

I'm confused about whether you were actually dating, or whether you were just friends.

 

When I asked them if they were seeing anyone they gave a non-committal answer about it. Were more concerned that I understood that they weren't a lesbian, at which point I reminded them that I wasn't biologically a woman.

 

This kind of worries me. Has she indicated at all that she is interested in you romantically?

[Mrlonelyone]

I'm confused about whether you were actually dating, or whether you were just friends.

Well like so many things in my life this relationship was and is in a grey area.

 

We were more than "just" friends but it was less than "dating". (If by that you mean steady BF GF sort of thing.)

 

This kind of worries me. Has she indicated at all that she is interested in you romantically?

 

Yes and no. She hasn't said "Hey I'm interested in you romantically". Yet she acts interested in me romantically.

[Nightsky]

My opinion is she doesn't like you. Telling you she is not a lesbian was her way of saying I'm not into guys who want to be girls. My advice to you would also be live your life as a man and you'll have a lot better options with women. I understand this isn't the PC advice but hey you asked.

[Mrlonelyone]

My opinion is she doesn't like you. Telling you she is not a lesbian was her way of saying I'm not into guys who want to be girls. My advice to you would also be live your life as a man and you'll have a lot better options with women. I understand this isn't the PC advice but hey you asked.

 

I discount your advice because your a homophobe.

[Nightsky]

I discount your advice because your a homophobe.

 

You're far more homophobic than I if such a thing exists. I know you discount my advice though and it's why you'll live the life you will. If you listened to my advice you'd have more of a grasp of your situation though.

[Mrlonelyone]

That's not just because your "telling it like it is" or whatever you think. You've pretty much said whever you can that LGBT people bother you. So I simply cannot trust your advice with respect to anyone I'd ever even consider dating. Had I no evidence they were more open minded than that I wouldn't even find them attractive.

 

Heck, they dress as a cartoon character for fun. How is that sooo different than what I do?

[Nightsky]

That's not just because your "telling it like it is" or whatever you think. You've pretty much said whever you can that LGBT people bother you. So I simply cannot trust your advice with respect to anyone I'd ever even consider dating. Had I no evidence they were more open minded than that I wouldn't even find them attractive.

 

Heck, they dress as a cartoon character for fun. How is that sooo different than what I do?

 

I think dressing as a cartoon character is kind of silly. What you do gender bending is very different. You really don't see the difference?

 

Also I don't think being attracted to a man who also likes trying to be like a woman has anything to do with an open mind. She tried to tell you nicely, almost in a strange way complimenting you by claiming she isn't a lesbian. I mean that would insult me to my core if a woman turned me down like that but for a man like you must be a great compliment haha.

 

Yeah no matter how "open" a persons mind they are going to be attracted to what they are attracted to.

[clia]

We were more than "just" friends but it was less than "dating". (If by that you mean steady BF GF sort of thing.)

 

Not necessarily steady BF GF, but did you kiss, hold hands, that kind of thing?

 

Yet she acts interested in me romantically.

 

How?

 

I'm not trying to pry -- I'm really just trying to get a gage on her interest level.

[Mrlonelyone]

I'm not trying to pry -- I'm really just trying to get a gage on her interest level.

 

For Christmas before leaving on break she agreed to buy me bullets for my pistol (After I checked the laws it's against the law for someone her age to buy pistol ammo) so I told her she need not buy them. She agreed to do it without hesitation. Then didn't even ask me for anything in return.

 

We were/are buy Christmas gifts for each other close.

 

So I'll gauge her interest in me for you. It's more than zero but is it enough to overcome the relevant roadblocks of age, race and the complexities of having to work together?

[Mrlonelyone]

So, no opinions from that point?

[clia]

Both things you mentioned could just be "friend" things. I exchange Christmas gifts with my friends. I exchange Christmas gifts with my coworkers. I do things for my friends and don't expect anything of them in return all the time. That's what makes us friends. It definitely sounds like the two of you are close, though.

 

But what makes you think there might be a romantic interest in you? Does she flirt with you, touch your arm, hug you, do anything that signifies romance and attraction as opposed to simply friendship? Have you taken her out on a date (as in, you paid or she paid for both of you?) As you mentioned, there are a lot of roadblocks here.

 

Certainly you can try to hang out with her one on one, but if you are in love and she is only feeling friendship, you are bound to get very hurt.

[Mrlonelyone]

But what makes you think there might be a romantic interest in you? Does she flirt with you, touch your arm, hug you, do anything that signifies romance and attraction as opposed to simply friendship? Have you taken her out on a date (as in, you paid or she paid for both of you?) As you mentioned, there are a lot of roadblocks here.

 

Yes, when I said she acts interested in me romantically I mean she flirts back. We flirt with each other. Flirty talk, flirty writing, flirty acting.

 

No I haven't taken her out on a "date". But then In my life experience I've had sex with women that I knew for a while, just hung out with real casual and never went on a "date" with.

 

The roadblocks are the issue. If one or two of them weren't an issue we would have gone on a "date" as such by now. As it stands it's more like. There is this mutual attraction, and were in a situation where without putting in much effort we will have to see each other no matter what. I mean, how much pressure and meaning can a lunch date have if we have it across the street VS in the study room over Quantum Mechanics?

 

Certainly you can try to hang out with her one on one, but if you are in love and she is only feeling friendship, you are bound to get very hurt.

 

We already have hung out one on one. It's just we are in a place where anyone could barge in at any minute and make a private situation not private anymore. Hence the discretion with which we act.

 

 

Both things you mentioned could just be "friend" things. I exchange Christmas gifts with my friends. I exchange Christmas gifts with my coworkers. I do things for my friends and don't expect anything of them in return all the time. That's what makes us friends. It definitely sounds like the two of you are close, though.

 

The gift I asked for would be quite expensive. A block of ammo for my pistol would cost at least $30 to $50. You buy gifts like that for coworkers and friends?

Edited January 8, 2013 by Mrlonelyone

[Mrlonelyone]

I know what I will ask and what I will ask her to do. I will ask her if she'd like to go to this particular museum which is having free admission all month.

[realisticbound]

I know what I will ask and what I will ask her to do. I will ask her if she'd like to go to this particular museum which is having free admission all month.

 

Good luck.