Dating an Inexperienced Younger Girl Who's a Family Friend

[cobb1887]

Hi all...so I basically signed up to ask the following because as I've asked my close friends about my situation and there is no consensus on what to do (Sorry, this is a little long):

 

 

 

 

About a year ago, I started dating a girl 5 years younger than me (25:20) that's really awesome. A few things to note: I never knew her prior to when we first hit it off but our parents are VERY close friends. Also, she is bad on the phone not in responding but in the time of responding (It's not a front to push me away; this is consistent with her fam and friends). Very annoying

 

We hit it off, went out a few times, made out every time but didn't really feel pressured to take it anywhere because she's in school. Also, she's inexperienced on both the dating and sex front from what I've learned. She gives all good signals like hugging tighter after I do, wanting to hold hands, pda, and she pretty much initiated the making-out dates 2 & 3.

 

So, she's in college and goes back to school last spring (~500 miles away) to start last year and we decide to keep up. We talk on the phone for 1-2 hours at a time, we're keeping it really chill never really acting like we're trying to start anything serious. We've never mentioned relationships or this going anywhere serious and neither of us have ever been in a serious long-term relationship.

 

She was in school during the summer and I never took the trip down but we still kept up. Fall arrives and she comes up for a visit. We decide to bring our friends together, have a tailgate and as the night went, she was still chill with casual pda in front of her parents and friends at the game we went to. More school for her, we keep up, nothing different.

 

Now she's back from break and we've chilled a decent amount. Still just making out and she gives all the signals she likes me and wants to still hang but is sooo damn slow with communicating and its just frustrating. Problem is I'm tired of initiating nearly 100% of everything minus ending the night right and I'm EXTREMELY wary of hurting her because of our family's relationship. Also, I'm not going for the sex given our family's relationship. Its just iffy grounds.

 

So basically, I know this girl likes me, she tells me she wants to still hang out and keep up, I don't want to do anything stupid, but its not really going anywhere. The deal is when I fall, I fall hard...and this girl simply rocks.

 

Problem is that I know a relationship simply can't happen because I'm not doing long distance so it just feels uneasy and if I crush her, our families situation will be very weird.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So what I'm wondering:

 

Is this something I should just phase out in the nicest way possible?

 

or...

 

Should I just kinda maintain this casual hook-up scenario every time we meet up (~10 times a year)

 

or...

 

anything you may think of

 

 

 

 

Thanks and it seems like a great forum y'all have here!

[FitChick]

You don't want a long distance relationship so just make contact less and less over time and fade away.

[cobb1887]

You don't want a long distance relationship so just make contact less and less over time and fade away.

 

Well the thing is, we haven't really defined this as a relationship yet even though we've been like this for about a year now. I still go about my business as if I'm single and we're being really casual about all of this because of our family's being close and all. I dunno.

 

Do you think having a situation like this is healthy? We're basically dating make-out buds and far apart. I do understand I shouldn't try to make this anything exclusive.

 

My current mode of thinking is that I should pursue some other ladies to date and fool around with in the more immediate area meanwhile still keep up with her.

[TaraMaiden]

That's cheating, and thereby dishonest.

 

You either commit - and I think you'd be doing it for all the wrong reasons - or do the better thing, and quit.

 

You can't stay together with someone simply because the parents (of you both) are close friends. That's placing an intolerable and unreasonable strain on the matter.

If things aren't working - then cut it loose.

 

Believe it or not, the parents will not only understand - but they will also sympathise - and perhaps it will take the pressure off them a little too... Who wants the love-lorn offspring's emotions interfering with a perfectly good friendship?

[coffeebean201]

Sounds like she is going to be in your life for a long time.

 

So worth handling this properly.

 

Ask her what she wants.

 

I'm going to take a guess she wants to get serious. ?? And you don't seem to want that with an LDR.

 

Question is - would she be a good relationship fit for you long term?

Edited January 6, 2013 by coffeebean201
more details

[cobb1887]

Sounds like she is going to be in your life for a long time.

 

So worth handling this properly.

 

Ask her what she wants.

 

I'm going to take a guess she wants to get serious. ?? And you don't seem to want that with an LDR.

 

Question is - would she be a good relationship fit for you long term?

 

That's the thing, I think she is just freaking awesome and can totally see something longterm. If we were closer distance wise, I would totally want to commit and start something. The LDR is making me not want to make it serious for both of our sakes so I'm playing it very slow and not trying to do anything stupid.

 

I'm not a cheating type so I didn't mean to give that impression. I think since this is undefined, it makes me want to see it play out slowly over a long period of time but I'm thinking I can't restrict myself since we haven't become exclusive.

 

I think you mentioned the best thing and that's to ask her what she wants. That should clear things up haha