Am I being brushed off?

[mousepie]

Okay so I'm confused. Was in relationship for a long time so unsure of how dating thing works.

 

Recently back on the "dating" scene and a guy I've known for 10 years wants to start hanging out. I let him know that I just wanted to have fun, would be dating others but it would be fun to hang out. We also talked about how we would love to keep the FWB thing happening for a long time and do lots of fun (sexual) stuff together.

 

We've hung out a few times, sexted, gone out to eat, etc and I have spent the night at his place a couple of times. He has made little comments here and there like "Ive been waiting to do this with you for years" and " I think you're really cool, so glad to be hanging out with you after all these years".

 

The other night we go out and, after a few drinks, he says " I know you're worried I'm going to fall in love with you". I didn't really know what to say but just told him I wasn't worried, that I told him where I stood and that I did not want a relationship for a long time. He seemed okay with it, we had a great rest of the night, had sex that night and next morning. I even hung with him for few hours that morning.

I sexted with him later that afternoon, then left to go out of town. Texted him New Years eve and we chatted with lots of "pet names and xoxoxs". Next day I text him something sexy and his response is "sounds great!!!!!!!". I then said, will be back in town in a couple of days, let me know when you're available. I got crickets, which it's really weird for him not to text back.

A day or two later, I text him saying I hope to see him in a few days and he responds "just being lazy today but definitely want to hang out soon!!!". He says he'll text in a couple of days.

I guess my question(s) are: am I being blown off? And, if so, why so suddenly?? Do not want relationship with him but like him as a friend and was hoping to keep a FWB going for awhile.

Next question is do I text him in a week or so if I don't hear back?? This **** is so confusing!!

[mousepie]

also, what does a response like "sounds great!!!!!!" mean???

[clia]

You sound confused about what you want. You seem to want him to be responsive as though you are in a relationship, even though you have told him point blank that you don't want a relationship. If you truly only want FWB, you shouldn't be expecting relationship-like behavior out of him.

 

Just trying to get the timeline straight here:

 

Texted him New Years eve and we chatted with lots of "pet names and xoxoxs".

 

December 31.

 

Next day I text him something sexy and his response is "sounds great!!!!!!!". I then said, will be back in town in a couple of days, let me know when you're available. I got crickets, which it's really weird for him not to text back.

 

January 1.

 

A day or two later, I text him saying I hope to see him in a few days and he responds "just being lazy today but definitely want to hang out soon!!!". He says he'll text in a couple of days.

 

January 2 or 3 (today) you texted him? You said you hoped to see him in a "few days," i.e. January 5 or 6. He's said he'll text you in a couple of days -- i.e. January 4 or 5. What is the concern here? It's only January 3.

 

After all...

 

The other night we go out and, after a few drinks, he says " I know you're worried I'm going to fall in love with you". I didn't really know what to say but just told him I wasn't worried, that I told him where I stood and that I did not want a relationship for a long time.

 

You've quite explicitly told him you don't want a relationship. So...why are you expecting him to text you immediately and with the same frequency as though you are in a relationship?

 

I guess my question(s) are: am I being blown off?

 

It is way too soon to tell. You've been texting him practically daily. If he doesn't contact you again (within a couple of days as he said he would or perhaps even longer the next time he wants sex) to get together, then you can surmise that you are being blown off. It's entirely possible that he wants more than FWB with you, and has decided to simply move on. It's also entirely possible that all he wants is FWB, but does not need the same frequency of communication or seeing each other as you seem to want.

[bobsmith76]

Okay so I'm confused. Was in relationship for a long time so unsure of how dating thing works.

 

Recently back on the "dating" scene and a guy I've known for 10 years wants to start hanging out. I let him know that I just wanted to have fun, would be dating others but it would be fun to hang out. We also talked about how we would love to keep the FWB thing happening for a long time and do lots of fun (sexual) stuff together.

 

We've hung out a few times, sexted, gone out to eat, etc and I have spent the night at his place a couple of times. He has made little comments here and there like "Ive been waiting to do this with you for years" and " I think you're really cool, so glad to be hanging out with you after all these years".

 

The other night we go out and, after a few drinks, he says " I know you're worried I'm going to fall in love with you". I didn't really know what to say but just told him I wasn't worried, that I told him where I stood and that I did not want a relationship for a long time. He seemed okay with it, we had a great rest of the night, had sex that night and next morning. I even hung with him for few hours that morning.

I sexted with him later that afternoon, then left to go out of town. Texted him New Years eve and we chatted with lots of "pet names and xoxoxs". Next day I text him something sexy and his response is "sounds great!!!!!!!". I then said, will be back in town in a couple of days, let me know when you're available. I got crickets, which it's really weird for him not to text back.

A day or two later, I text him saying I hope to see him in a few days and he responds "just being lazy today but definitely want to hang out soon!!!". He says he'll text in a couple of days.

I guess my question(s) are: am I being blown off? And, if so, why so suddenly?? Do not want relationship with him but like him as a friend and was hoping to keep a FWB going for awhile.

Next question is do I text him in a week or so if I don't hear back?? This **** is so confusing!!

 

It's not unusual for a guy to become bored with a woman after only having sex with them just one time. Promiscuous men who are not interested in a long term loving relationship want to have sex with NEW women, not women they've already slept with. After a guy has already scored he will soon grow bored, it just depends on how strong his lust is. I'm guessing with this guy his lust does not run very deep.

[DC4]

Recently back on the "dating" scene and a guy I've known for 10 years wants to start hanging out. I let him know that I just wanted to have fun, would be dating others but it would be fun to hang out. We also talked about how we would love to keep the FWB thing happening for a long time and do lots of fun (sexual) stuff together.

 

 

This would be a deal breaker for a lot of women on this board! Maybe he wants something more and it wouldn't be a good use of his time pursuing a woman that doesn't want something serious?

[Maneater]

to me it sounds like the guy was concerned about YOU turning him down relationship wise since you didn't REPLY to his - I know you're worried that you'll fall in love with me.

 

He feels rejected and is probably playing it cool now.

[SmileFace]

You only want a FWB... you really shouldn't care if he is blowing you off.

[Frogwife]

It's not unusual for a guy to become bored with a woman after only having sex with them just one time. Promiscuous men who are not interested in a long term loving relationship want to have sex with NEW women, not women they've already slept with. After a guy has already scored he will soon grow bored, it just depends on how strong his lust is. I'm guessing with this guy his lust does not run very deep.

 

I guess that depends on the man... I had a FWB in 2011/2012 who was certainly a promiscuous man and was not looking for a long term, loving relationship (at least that's what he said)... and we were like bunnies for months and months until I cut it off... this whole "once the vagina has been conquered, the man loses interest" is anecdotal at best - it may be true in some cases (of course, if that's the kind of man they are) but it's certainly not true in all cases... I've had many lovers in my life and I can probably count on one hand true "one night stands" where there was nothing after the first time.

[ChessPieceFace]

Okay so I'm confused. Was in relationship for a long time so unsure of how dating thing works.

 

Recently back on the "dating" scene and a guy I've known for 10 years wants to start hanging out. I let him know that I just wanted to have fun, would be dating others but it would be fun to hang out. We also talked about how we would love to keep the FWB thing happening for a long time and do lots of fun (sexual) stuff together.

 

As long as you're giving your body away like this and having casual sex, you will never have a normal healthy relationship, so any other advice you're looking for is moot.

[Frogwife]

Okay so I'm confused. Was in relationship for a long time so unsure of how dating thing works.

 

Recently back on the "dating" scene and a guy I've known for 10 years wants to start hanging out. I let him know that I just wanted to have fun, would be dating others but it would be fun to hang out. We also talked about how we would love to keep the FWB thing happening for a long time and do lots of fun (sexual) stuff together.

 

We've hung out a few times, sexted, gone out to eat, etc and I have spent the night at his place a couple of times. He has made little comments here and there like "Ive been waiting to do this with you for years" and " I think you're really cool, so glad to be hanging out with you after all these years".

 

The other night we go out and, after a few drinks, he says " I know you're worried I'm going to fall in love with you". I didn't really know what to say but just told him I wasn't worried, that I told him where I stood and that I did not want a relationship for a long time. He seemed okay with it, we had a great rest of the night, had sex that night and next morning. I even hung with him for few hours that morning.

I sexted with him later that afternoon, then left to go out of town. Texted him New Years eve and we chatted with lots of "pet names and xoxoxs". Next day I text him something sexy and his response is "sounds great!!!!!!!". I then said, will be back in town in a couple of days, let me know when you're available. I got crickets, which it's really weird for him not to text back.

A day or two later, I text him saying I hope to see him in a few days and he responds "just being lazy today but definitely want to hang out soon!!!". He says he'll text in a couple of days.

I guess my question(s) are: am I being blown off? And, if so, why so suddenly?? Do not want relationship with him but like him as a friend and was hoping to keep a FWB going for awhile.

Next question is do I text him in a week or so if I don't hear back?? This **** is so confusing!!

 

I agree with those above that if you're starting to worry about frequency and meaning of text messages, etc. that you are probably more emotionally involved that you think you are. When I started having those feelings with my long-term fwb (and it was clear he was, too), I had to say "thanks but no thanks" to that situation. Mine was maybe a little more complicated because I was separated from my husband at the time and dealing with the "torn between two men and needing to work on my marriage" feeling, but I really believe that long-term FWB situations where one (and usually both) parties don't develop feelings are *very* rare and the outcome is probably not going to be good. It can be a lot of potential hurt that outweighs the reward.