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How much would you guys bend preferred looks for personality?


ls32ssibm

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Going to make me seem a bit shallow, but oh well.

 

 

I'm 24, good looking, and not exactly desperate for a relationship.

 

 

I met this 23 year old girl who has a lot going for her, and we seem extremely compatible.

 

 

Anyway, aesthetically, she has a gorgeous face but her body is definitely not what I would prefer. She isn't fat, but is rather curvy with pretty wide hips. I'm not saying she isn't attractive, but I much prefer thinner body types.

 

 

It makes me feel like a shallow dick, but I am hesitant to begin a relationship with her based solely on this feature. What do you guys think?

 

 

Oh, and before any girl passes down judgement, I have personally seen many girls pass up guys, shoot them down or leave them because they weren't tall enough, dark enough, muscular enough, or they didn't conform to whatever ideal they had their dream man looking like.

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TheFinalWord
Going to make me seem a bit shallow, but oh well.

 

I'm 24, good looking, and not exactly desperate for a relationship.

 

I met this 23 year old girl who has a lot going for her, and we seem extremely compatible.

 

Anyway, aesthetically, she has a gorgeous face but her body is definitely not what I would prefer. She isn't fat, but is rather curvy with pretty wide hips. I'm not saying she isn't attractive, but I much prefer thinner body types.

 

It makes me feel like a shallow dick, but I am hesitant to begin a relationship with her based solely on this feature. What do you guys think?

 

Oh, and before any girl passes down judgement, I have personally seen many girls pass up guys, shoot them down or leave them because they weren't tall enough, dark enough, muscular enough, or they didn't conform to whatever ideal they had their dream man looking like.

 

My two cents, if you aren't attracted to a woman physically, don't waste your time and more importantly her time. To me, leading a girl on to see if you will grow to be physically attracted is more shallow than just being honest with yourself and not leading her on from the get go.

 

Men and women have a variety of taste of what they prefer physically as well as a spectrum for how important those traits are to them. Personally, I've never been able to "make myself" desire a woman physically that I am not naturally attracted too. It's nothing to feel sorry about IMHO. I think it is more shallow to play her when really you're not into her than to acknowledge your own personal preferences. There's a lot of women out there, just wait for the type you like IMHO :)

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Eternal Sunshine

Wait for a girl you are really attracted to. Trust me, no girl wants to be with a guy that doesn't consider her all that hot.

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Wait for a girl you are really attracted to. Trust me, no girl wants to be with a guy that doesn't consider her all that hot.

 

Yup. If her body type is going to bug you that much she IS eventually going to know about it if she doesn't pick that up straight away. If I was in her shoes...I'd rather you reject me outright. Nothing wrong with having physical preferences, we all do, just don't be half-honest about it and waste the girls time and yours.

Edited by Aedra
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You shouldn't feel bad about not being attracted to someone. If you don't fancy her there's nothing you can do about it - move on and find someone you're crazy about

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Let me mix it up a bit;

 

 

let's say I was attracted to her (because I am), but she doesn't exactly conform to what I would prefer.

 

 

I guess, say, you are crazy about huge breasts but meet a nice girl with small breasts who is still beautiful. Something like that.

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I guess it depends on how attracted you are? I've dated guys who didn't have my preferred (insert hair/eye/body type) but since I was still attracted to him, I didn't care.

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What do you guys think?

 

If you're a man who attracts a wide cross-section of women, at your age, then continue dating and looking for a compatible fit in all areas of importance. Be aware that such areas may change with age.

 

Toss this one back. That you're considering her tells me she'll have no problem securing a replacement. She'll be fine. Enjoy your 20's. Good luck :)

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Spend some time with her, knowing her as a person...not all the while trying to force yourself to like her.

 

Since she almost makes your mark, you should try to know her more..

 

I had turned down a guy because he was short ( when I was 23 yrs old ), 5ft 4 inch, but he was one of the best guys ever. most sincere most caring.

 

Now I am 27 years old and I wouldnt have done that costly mistake now...because with time I realised that guys whom I was attracted to were players because I was going by their looks and sub conscioudly hoping that they have lot of potential just because THEY LOOK like they have ( typical media, movie influence,)

 

But reality is different and all good looking, suiting my preferences of body type , are not suitable for me...

Edited by Axee
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Let me mix it up a bit;

 

 

let's say I was attracted to her (because I am), but she doesn't exactly conform to what I would prefer.

 

 

I guess, say, you are crazy about huge breasts but meet a nice girl with small breasts who is still beautiful. Something like that.

 

This is a good lesson to learn at your age young man lol!

 

You should be at an age where you know what want in a woman. I call them your must haves and nice to haves. In addition to the obvious honest, non cheating, I MUST have an affectionate woman who is a good communicator and beleives those two qualities are the foundation of a successful relationship. If this chick has your must haves I wouldn't deal break her because she's a little thicker than your ideal type. Afterall you did say you are attracted to her. However if you think you'll dump her if a chick just like her comes along but with a better body than don't date her.

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Oh, and before any girl passes down judgement, I have personally seen many girls pass up guys, shoot them down or leave them because they weren't tall enough, dark enough, muscular enough, or they didn't conform to whatever ideal they had their dream man looking like.

 

Yep, I've personally had that happen to me many times. I don't think any woman could be physically attracted to me at this point.

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Disenchantedly Yours
Spend some time with her, knowing her as a person...not all the while trying to force yourself to like her.

 

Since she almost makes your mark, you should try to know her more..

 

I really agree with Axee's advice. I think it's pretty stellar. Don't put pressure on yourself or on her. Simply get to know her. Don't force it. You will learn either way if you really want to be with her or not.

 

You're young now. But looks don't last. Life happens. People's bodies are ever changing. Too many young men are inundated with all these images of goregous women. It creats a dearth in how men learn to relate to real women and men's expectations of real women. Women aren't here to fulfill your ideal female physical fantasies. Unfortunetly, the world largely caters to men's ideal female physical fantasies. So when you are confronted with a real woman who isn't your ideal, you have all these preconceived judgements in your head about what you believe you *deserve*. Which is what you call your attraction. But it's really kind of tied to a type of entitlement and belief you hold about what woman should look like to please you.

 

However, you shouldn't force yourself to be with her if you aren't attracted. Just try to be aware of what is reasonable and what isn't and truly think about what you are attracted to and if it's narrow or not and if your idea of what is attractive has been influenced by the things you consume with your eyes.

Edited by Disenchantedly Yours
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Mme. Chaucer

The way you express yourself about this does make you sound quite shallow. Sorry.

 

If you aren't attracted to her, that is one thing and I'm perfectly in concert with you there.

 

But saying you ARE attracted to her, and she is compatible with you, and has qualities you value, but at the same time picking apart her physical attributes and coming to the conclusion that she's not exactly your preference, is, in my opinion, very sadly shallow.

 

I imagine that you will grow past this type of thinking, but in the meanwhile I definitely think you should let this girl go. It would break anyone's heart to learn that they were being considered in this way by someone they were growing to care about - including, I bet, you.

 

Hold out for a girl who has a beautiful face, great character, is super compatible with you, is fun to be with, has a good figure AND has the perfect body shape and hip size that you prefer.

 

Good luck!

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