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Question for the guys in their 30s and older who never had a girlfriend


Sun Devil

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I want to know if you guys ever tried improving yourself or tried expanding your social circle. If you did, then explain why you never had a girlfriend. Do any of you have a trait that reproach women and cannot be changed or overlooked? I ask because I want to avoid the same mistakes

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I ask because I want to avoid the same mistakes

 

If you already see the lonely way home, then you already have your first mistake.

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I want to know if you guys ever tried improving yourself or tried expanding your social circle. If you did, then explain why you never had a girlfriend. Do any of you have a trait that reproach women and cannot be changed or overlooked? I ask because I want to avoid the same mistakes

 

I had my first GF at age 22. Lasted 6 months before I ended it. She had become a basketcase loaded with baggage.

 

Had plenty of "almosts" and "possiblies", but ended up with my second GF years later. We lasted three years, but failed when the economy hit me hard and I had to move home to regroup. She was in a rush to marry and have kids while I still stood strong and called the shots on my life. I'll also add she believed in abstaining until marriage...ouch.

 

I may have not hit 30 and "never had a GF", but I always felt my long amounts of bad luck more or less put me somewhat where those other guys are. Here's what I found that finally made things better for me in my 30s:

 

  1. I got more sociable with areas I normally don't. I would go to art shows, interesting affairs, and even just get more sociable with the "regulars" I knew of in bars and clubs. Not the best people to know, but it helped me get rid of my shyness.
  2. I took an active interest in my personal appearance. I dropped the baggy jeans with sneakers and t-shirts and started dressing better. I'd look at magazines and look for inexpensive ways to mimic the looks I liked. I also got into working out more, lost weight, learned to style my hair better, etc. All of it helped boost my confidence.
  3. I'd take chances. I'd chat with attractive women I'd encounter and seemingly find an opening. We make eye contact in some spot (many times an elevator), and I'd make a comment and small talk. My goal wasn't to get a date, but to improve my social skills with women.
  4. I stopped making my life about "finding someone". I stopped worrying if I would grow old alone or not...and instead look to live a fulfilling life. I'd work harder to grow in my career, and I'd take on new hobbies that expanded my mind. I'd read more, travel, continue my love of art, learned to cook, and even took up Photography.
  5. I'd make more friends. Even people you think are not a direct "help" to you. I see too many guys only try to make friends with guys who never are open socially or women they hope to date. For me, I expanded my social capital to my colleagues, friends of friends, etc. Even other couples. Soon I had other guys' wives and girlfriends looking at their single female friends as potentials. I didn't even ask...they simply NOW saw me as a "catch" and wanted to hook me up with their single gal friends.

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I want to know if you guys ever tried improving yourself or tried expanding your social circle. If you did, then explain why you never had a girlfriend. Do any of you have a trait that reproach women and cannot be changed or overlooked? I ask because I want to avoid the same mistakes

 

Yep... you can see how many female versions of myself there are who enjoy things like amateur radio and making things out of wood and metal. (Hint: it's a number that looks like a letter O). :cool:

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