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Frustrated with the dating game!


Galatea

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Hello LSers!

 

I've been divorced for 3 years after a 10 year marriage (I'm 38) and I'm finding the dating world very frustrating. I've been on several first dates that never lead to a second meeting, I got the old silent treatment after dates that seemed to go well! Sunday i went on a second date with a guy and we spent several hours together ice skating and eating dinner. I texted him today to see if he wanted to go out for date #3 and so far...you guessed it...radio silence!! I guess I'm just getting used to the endless cycle of buildup, anticipation and ultimate rejection.

 

I've met all the guys I've dated so far online, through POF, OKC, Match, and now EH with the same results. I'm attractive, slender, well-educated with a good job, no kids or tattoos, and a full set of teeth, so I'm just getting down on myself when I go on these dates and the guys disappear. I'm dating guys my age and educational level who want the same things I do (or so they say in their profiles) so I'm wondering why I'm finding it so difficult to find a good match. Are people online just flakier than most or am I doing this wrong??

 

Any tips to improve my chances of getting that elusive second (and third) date would be greatly appreciated!!

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Hello LSers!

 

I've been divorced for 3 years after a 10 year marriage (I'm 38) and I'm finding the dating world very frustrating. I've been on several first dates that never lead to a second meeting, I got the old silent treatment after dates that seemed to go well! Sunday i went on a second date with a guy and we spent several hours together ice skating and eating dinner. I texted him today to see if he wanted to go out for date #3 and so far...you guessed it...radio silence!! I guess I'm just getting used to the endless cycle of buildup, anticipation and ultimate rejection.

 

I've met all the guys I've dated so far online, through POF, OKC, Match, and now EH with the same results. I'm attractive, slender, well-educated with a good job, no kids or tattoos, and a full set of teeth, so I'm just getting down on myself when I go on these dates and the guys disappear. I'm dating guys my age and educational level who want the same things I do (or so they say in their profiles) so I'm wondering why I'm finding it so difficult to find a good match. Are people online just flakier than most or am I doing this wrong??

 

Any tips to improve my chances of getting that elusive second (and third) date would be greatly appreciated!!

 

Hi there, where do you live? :). Seriously, had the same kind of experience with online dating. I'm going to do it the old fashioned way, just meet people on my own. Reality is people online on paper look perfectly compatible, but in reality are different. And yes many online are flaky, and main reason is they see all these people online that they can be with and look for something better....even though you may be just right. It's just so easy to just say "ok I think I can do better, let me look around." I was strung along for about 3 months by a woman who basically did that to me...of course I didn't know it was going on until end. It's just the way online dating is, it has its positives and negatives.

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Hello LSers!

 

I've been divorced for 3 years after a 10 year marriage (I'm 38) and I'm finding the dating world very frustrating. I've been on several first dates that never lead to a second meeting, I got the old silent treatment after dates that seemed to go well! Sunday i went on a second date with a guy and we spent several hours together ice skating and eating dinner. I texted him today to see if he wanted to go out for date #3 and so far...you guessed it...radio silence!! I guess I'm just getting used to the endless cycle of buildup, anticipation and ultimate rejection.

 

I've met all the guys I've dated so far online, through POF, OKC, Match, and now EH with the same results. I'm attractive, slender, well-educated with a good job, no kids or tattoos, and a full set of teeth, so I'm just getting down on myself when I go on these dates and the guys disappear. I'm dating guys my age and educational level who want the same things I do (or so they say in their profiles) so I'm wondering why I'm finding it so difficult to find a good match. Are people online just flakier than most or am I doing this wrong??

 

Any tips to improve my chances of getting that elusive second (and third) date would be greatly appreciated!!

I do not believe online profiles. If they sound too good to be true, they ARE too good to be true. One guy I was talking to online, and who set up a date with me (only to cancel a few days later, on the grounds that he had realized he had feelings for another chick he had been seeing "on and off (!!!)), had a whole essay that made him look like a sophisticated person. He may well be knowledgeable / smart, but that doesn't make him any less of a jerk or any less of a player..

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My feeling is that there is a small percentage ~20% of people online dating are on there because they are just very busy, and cannot find time to find people the conventional way. The rest are there to build up their ego, and date and screw around with people just because they can. As such, in OLD there is quantity, but low quality in general. It's the reason why people end up spending so much time and money trying to find someone online. There is just a lot of crap you gotta put up with to try finding that someone.

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Also, a lot of people use these sites as a pastime, to meet people and do ONS... they are not interested in actual dating / relationships... Sure, they might go on a date with you, as a way to "set up" the ONS (hoping you will have sex with them on the first date), but it doesn't mean they're interested in dating you. Maybe that is why they do not contact you anymore -- they only wanted sex, and when they didn't get it, they moved on to their next target... It is not far-fetched. I am guessing that the success rate of such people is probably not too bad -- some women will put out on a first date..

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Thanks for the responses Nice Guy and No More Jerks! I'm glad to know it's not just me who finds this whole process frustrating and soul-destroying. I was lucky to have been in a LTR for 10 years so getting out there and being constantly rejected is difficult. I guess people you meet online have a nasty case of the GIGS, they always think the next girl they meet is going to be Heidi Klum and Megan Fox all rolled into one. I agree that some are just looking for ONS, and those guys will never contact me (if they even get as far as date #1 in the first place!). I thought these guys were different though, we met on EH and I seem to have gotten a lot higher caliber of people matched with my profile (professionals who actually have college degrees and jobs...gasp!).

 

Second date guy actually texted me back this morning in response to my text from yesterday asking if he'd be interested in getting together again for a drink. He said sure, and he's just waiting to hear when he'll be back in my city (he lives 2 hours away). So that seems like an encouraging sign, if it ever pans out to anything. I haven't replied to his text yet, but I'll let him know I'm interested in seeing him when he's in town. In the meantime, I'm keeping my options open and messaging guys from EH. I'm just not a good multi-dater, when I meet a guy who strikes my fancy I tend to focus on him and let my browsing activity wane until he dumps me!

 

And Nice Guy....I'm in FL :)

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