top 5 major red flag signs early dating (for guys)

[rn0408]

Here are my top 5 major early red flag warning signs that will save you a waste of time and money and you need to RUN:

 

1 Pinterest.. Guys, if you are interested in a woman and ask her out on a date, look at her pinterest profile first. If you are dating, or are about to start dating, If she has pictures of her future wedding ring(s), and wedding dresses...RUN and never contact her again..maybe get an attourney on speed dial. She is desperate for anything.

 

2. Settling down: If on the first date or even few months before a committed relationship.. she says she wants to start a family and settle down...RUN

 

3. Wedding Ring: If she tells you what type of wedding ring she wants..ever in your relationship..even comitted..GET OUT

 

4. All she talks about is her ex's..shes a clinger

 

5. She doesn't want you to bring condoms anymore because she claims she is on the pill. Bring and use one and proceed with caution.

[Negative Nancy]

This is the stupidest list I've ever seen.

[pbjbear]

Here are my top 5 major early red flag warning signs that will save you a waste of time and money and you need to RUN:

 

1 Pinterest.. Guys, if you are interested in a woman and ask her out on a date, look at her pinterest profile first. If you are dating, or are about to start dating, If she has pictures of her future wedding ring(s), and wedding dresses...RUN and never contact her again..maybe get an attourney on speed dial. She is desperate for anything.

 

2. Settling down: If on the first date or even few months before a committed relationship.. she says she wants to start a family and settle down...RUN

 

3. Wedding Ring: If she tells you what type of wedding ring she wants..ever in your relationship..even comitted..GET OUT

 

4. All she talks about is her ex's..shes a clinger

 

5. She doesn't want you to bring condoms anymore because she claims she is on the pill. Bring and use one and proceed with caution.

 

Well I can see why these would be a turn off except no 5. I have found men to be the ones harassing about me going on the pill because a condom makes sex less pleasurable for them. When I first started dating and didnt want to be on the pill for reasons not related to sex (I dont react well to hormones put in my body...it took me 4 years to find a suitable birth control pill and it f***ed up my reproductive system and made me sick sometimes) they said I was selfish.

 

To be honest, as a woman if a guy did any of these I would prob be turned off too. I have stopped seeing many men who clung to their exes and one who said he wanted to get married and have kids as soon as possible on date no. 3. I felt he just wanted a hot wife to make babies with and nothing else mattered

[veggirl]

If a guy is looking to settle down / get married, I'm not sure how a woman telling him that she is looking for that would be something to run from. Now, if a month in she is saying "I wanna marry YOU" then you may be onto something.

[NoMoreJerks]

First off, not all women have pinterest. I don't even know the point of pinterest. Or twitter for that matter. And my facebook profile is private/protected. I don't like men who stalk me online before a date. Why not come and see for yourself what I am about? If someone is that crazy, it is bound to show through her conversation/reactions to things you talk about.

 

Second, what is wrong with wanting to get married (in general), and being honest about what you want? I for one don't want to waste my time with perpetual daters who do not want to proceed into a full relationship , let alone to take things even further into marriage.. if someone is not the type of person interested in marriage, I don't want to waste my time with him. Ditto for not wanting kids. Talking about one's desires (for marriage, kids, etc.) is not the same thing as talking about marrying the person you just met for a date.

[rn0408]

First off, not all women have pinterest. I don't even know the point of pinterest. Or twitter for that matter. And my facebook profile is private/protected. I don't like men who stalk me online before a date. Why not come and see for yourself what I am about? If someone is that crazy, it is bound to show through her conversation/reactions to things you talk about.

 

Second, what is wrong with wanting to get married (in general), and being honest about what you want? I for one don't want to waste my time with perpetual daters who do not want to proceed into a full relationship , let alone to take things even further into marriage.. if someone is not the type of person interested in marriage, I don't want to waste my time with him. Ditto for not wanting kids. Talking about one's desires (for marriage, kids, etc.) is not the same thing as talking about marrying the person you just met for a date.

 

Looking at somebody's Pinterest is not stalking. Why is it on websites now, they tell girls not to put up pinterest wedding photos when they are dating somebody? Why is it on male dating websites, checking somebodys pinterest is a early red flag indicator?

 

21 Signs That Pinterest Has Made Your Girlfriend Crazy And Unstable

Edited November 28, 2012 by rn0408

[rn0408]

Well I can see why these would be a turn off except no 5. I have found men to be the ones harassing about me going on the pill because a condom makes sex less pleasurable for them. When I first started dating and didnt want to be on the pill for reasons not related to sex (I dont react well to hormones put in my body...it took me 4 years to find a suitable birth control pill and it f***ed up my reproductive system and made me sick sometimes) they said I was selfish.

 

To be honest, as a woman if a guy did any of these I would prob be turned off too. I have stopped seeing many men who clung to their exes and one who said he wanted to get married and have kids as soon as possible on date no. 3. I felt he just wanted a hot wife to make babies with and nothing else mattered

 

I would hope so that any of these 5 would get you to run

[truth_seeker]

My List:

 

1) Has no goals; is not ambitious.

2) She's more interested in what you have (money) than who you are.

3) Has too much baggage (kids, in debt, a series of bad break ups).

4) Hangs with a bad crowd. Her friends are trash.

5) She's a diva: she expects the world at her door step and scowls at the idea of earning your respect.

[Treasa]

Based on this list, I'm the most perfect woman ever. I actually still don't understand the point of Pinterest, and I'm on computers all the time, either for work or to play video games. And I'm not particularly interested in marriage unless someone amazing came along and talked me into it.

 

I do talk about my ex sometimes, but he was so warped that it's only because I have such funny stories about him that are bound to make ANY man feel better about himself.

 

I like truth_seeker's list better.

[rn0408]

My List:

 

1) Has no goals; is not ambitious.

2) She's more interested in what you have (money) than who you are.

3) Has too much baggage (kids, in debt, a series of bad break ups).

4) Hangs with a bad crowd. Her friends are trash.

5) She's a diva: she expects the world at her door step and scowls at the idea of earning your respect.

 

I agree with those as well. My #1 with Pinterest would possibly follow your #2 on here and #5

[pbjbear]

First off, not all women have pinterest. I don't even know the point of pinterest. Or twitter for that matter. And my facebook profile is private/protected. I don't like men who stalk me online before a date. Why not come and see for yourself what I am about? If someone is that crazy, it is bound to show through her conversation/reactions to things you talk about.

 

Second, what is wrong with wanting to get married (in general), and being honest about what you want? I for one don't want to waste my time with perpetual daters who do not want to proceed into a full relationship , let alone to take things even further into marriage.. if someone is not the type of person interested in marriage, I don't want to waste my time with him. Ditto for not wanting kids. Talking about one's desires (for marriage, kids, etc.) is not the same thing as talking about marrying the person you just met for a date.

 

Out of curiosity- has this method worked for you? What have been the reactions you have gotten if you dont mind sharing.

[NoMoreJerks]

Out of curiosity- has this method worked for you? What have been the reactions you have gotten if you dont mind sharing.

Not that I have had a ton of dating experience , but here goes:

 

Men who have been uninterested in marriage and wanted perpetual dating (not even a proper relationship) have almost always had ambiguous initial reactions (though a bit more on the positive side) when I mentioned that I am interested in marriage and having kids. They didn't "run away" -- of course they wouldn't, they wanted to find a woman to have sex with, and I am quite good-looking and sexy, and maybe they thought I'd be willing to play their perpetual dating game. Over the course of a few weeks, it became obvious that their initial "neither completely on board nor totally opposed" reaction to marriage and having kids was fake and that they were really not interested in marriage and kids, but on the contrary, they did NOT WANT to get married and have kids. This happened, for example, when talking about his parents and how they had given up on the idea of having grandchildren because he wasn't interested in that (this was in the case of older men, in their early 40s).I don't think they realized they gave themselves away in saying that -- or if they did, they would go back and try to cover up on it by saying "of course, if I do have kids some day..." Kinda as a way of giving the woman some hope..

[pteromom]

No... this list would be "top major red flags for guys who don't want marriage".

 

Let's see... here is my list of top 5 major red flags in early dating.

 

1. Becomes fully invested right away. Wants every moment of your free time. is incredibly passionate and open and emotional. Goes from 0 to "in love" in days. Sure, she could just be THAT crazy about you. But odds are stacked in favor of BPD or major issues.

 

2. Isn't completely done with a past relationship. Still has an ex in love with her. Still talks about an ex constantly or admits she still is in love with him. Regularly makes you pay for sins an ex committed. Has a lot of emotional baggage from a past relationship.

 

3. You do all the initiating when it comes to contact, affection, sex. Could mean she isn't that into you. When someone LIKES you, they want to talk to you and see you.

 

4. There is an obvious incompatibility in sex drive, sex acts, giving and receiving affection, morality, or communication. Don't think that true love conquers all. Life will be MUCH harder than it needs to be if you stick with someone who is incompatible with you in fundamental ways.

 

5. Control. She tells you what to do, who to be friends with, what to wear, and gets mad when you fail to line up with her expectations. Nothing is wrong with having opinions, but if she is someone who forces her opinions on you no matter how you feel about it, RUN.

 

That's my list. And it's true for women of men as well.

[NoMoreJerks]

No... this list would be "top major red flags for guys who don't want marriage".

Exactly. And possibly commitment-phobic, if they are so obsessed with their fear of a woman's interest in marriage.

[pteromom]

Oh and my #6 red flag - A lot of her identity is tied up in partying, alcohol, or drugs. If you share that same lifestyle, fine, but if not, don't expect her to change.

[Cutiepie1976]

Out of curiosity- has this method worked for you? What have been the reactions you have gotten if you dont mind sharing.

 

Yes! Both when I was interested in "just dating" and the guys I was dating were looking to find a wife and settle down, and now when I'm looking for something that could lead to marriage and family.

 

As a casual dater, I dreaded these conversations! It meant he'd realize we were on completely different pages, and eventually put his feelings for me aside and move on. It meant things would come to a head within a few weeks of the conversation rather than percolating along for many more months, if not a year. That the status quo was all I wanted. Nothing more.

 

These days (last couple of years), early discussions help ME. You do have to listen carefully to what the person is saying, not what you want to hear. There are guys out there who will tell you pieces of what you want to hear (like a politician) and let you fill in the story because they really want to date you/bang you/whatever. No one outright lies in my experience, but some are good at parsing the English language. Guys (30's - 50's) looking for something long-term or a marriage partner are often pretty up front about that on a first date (sometimes even in phone calls preceding the date), will ask me point blank what I'm looking for out of dating, etc. Especially if we "met" online (dating site, chat room, etc.) The conversation is light and it's typically one of many topics that gets thrown out there over the course of the date. Nothing too heavy initially, but they'll broach the subject again in a more thorough way when they ask me to be exclusive. One guy didn't bring it up explicitly, but pretty much everything he did made it clear that he was dating with the intent to find someone who would be a great spouse for him. When I was dating in my teens/early twenties, guys looking to get married, took much longer to broach the subject. Part of it was I was very adept at redirecting the conversation elsewhere when I saw where it might head. I think they were also probably a little hesitant to bring up the topic "too early." You get more sure of yourself and what you want the longer you date it seems.

 

Guys looking to date and hook up obviously don't bring up "heavy" stuff and it just seems very apparent after a few dates that they don't share my dating goals. Would I bring up the topic? Absolutely! If I was excited about a guy and thought he had potential, I'd bring it up after three dates or so. But so far, the guy has raised it before I have had to.

 

I don't think it's ever too early to get a sense of where the person stands. If they're going to freak out and "misinterpret" it as you wanting to marry them specifically, they probably have different reasons for dating than you. It's certainly one way to muddy the waters and avoid addressing a problematic question that might hinder you from getting what you want out of that dating encounter.

Edited November 28, 2012 by Cutiepie1976

[dasein]

1. Recent history, even relatively recent, of impulsive life choices in spending, sex, substance, risk-taking, etc. Recent history of emotional issues or conditions rising to the level of being professionally diagnosed with symptoms still presenting. Being on antidepressants or other mood altering medications without a definite, articulable life plan to get off them.

 

2. Pressure or desire towards emotional intimacy too soon, revealing personal details such as past abuse, mistreatment by exes, etc. too soon. Having tempestuous, dramatic hot and cold relationships with friends, family or exes. Demonizing all exes as monsters.

 

3. Preoccupation with material things, expensive tastes in clothes, shoes, jewelry, wine, food, houses, decor, country and social clubs, etc., without the wherewithal or a plan to self-support such a lifestyle. Signs of "agenda fitting" into a unilaterally decreed inflexible relationship, family or lifestyle path.

 

4. Intolerant, outspoken or reactionary views on politics, religion, race, gender, etc. and making ultimatum type statements as "I could never date a X, or someone who believed in Y, or voted for Z." Without solid reasoning or significant experience in support of such.

 

5. Sexual hangups due to whatever that prevent physical intimacy over time.

Edited November 28, 2012 by dasein

[Treasa]

1. Recent history, even relatively recent, of impulsive life choices in spending, sex, substance, risk-taking, etc. Recent history of emotional issues or conditions rising to the level of being professionally diagnosed with symptoms still presenting. Being on antidepressants or other mood altering medications without a definite, articulable life plan to get off them.

 

2. Pressure or desire towards emotional intimacy too soon, revealing personal details such as past abuse, mistreatment by exes, etc. too soon. Having tempestuous, dramatic hot and cold relationships with friends, family or exes. Demonizing all exes as monsters.

 

3. Preoccupation with material things, expensive tastes in clothes, shoes, jewelry, wine, food, houses, decor, country and social clubs, etc., without the wherewithal or a plan to self-support such a lifestyle. Signs of "agenda fitting" into a unilaterally decreed inflexible relationship, family or lifestyle path.

 

4. Intolerant, outspoken or reactionary views on politics, religion, race, gender, etc. and making ultimatum type statements as "I could never date a X, or someone who believed in Y, or voted for Z." Without solid reasoning or significant experience in support of such.

 

5. Sexual hangups due to whatever that prevent physical intimacy over time.

 

On the other hand, it's a bit awkward to say on the first date, "All my boyfriends before you were GODS and put me on pedestals, so you better measure up."

 

It's a fine line. It's like answering why you don't currently have a job.

[dasein]

On the other hand, it's a bit awkward to say on the first date, "All my boyfriends before you were GODS and put me on pedestals, so you better measure up."

 

It's a fine line. It's like answering why you don't currently have a job.

 

Those topics never come up with me on early dates because I don't let them. First dates are for flirting and fun! All but "my baby daddy gets out of prison next week" level of materiality are things I don't want to discuss on early dates. Some people want to trot out the "lamentations of the exes" way too early. I imagine you feel similar, just saying.

[rn0408]

Not that I have had a ton of dating experience , but here goes:

 

Men who have been uninterested in marriage and wanted perpetual dating (not even a proper relationship) have almost always had ambiguous initial reactions (though a bit more on the positive side) when I mentioned that I am interested in marriage and having kids. They didn't "run away" -- of course they wouldn't, they wanted to find a woman to have sex with, and I am quite good-looking and sexy, and maybe they thought I'd be willing to play their perpetual dating game. Over the course of a few weeks, it became obvious that their initial "neither completely on board nor totally opposed" reaction to marriage and having kids was fake and that they were really not interested in marriage and kids, but on the contrary, they did NOT WANT to get married and have kids. This happened, for example, when talking about his parents and how they had given up on the idea of having grandchildren because he wasn't interested in that (this was in the case of older men, in their early 40s).I don't think they realized they gave themselves away in saying that -- or if they did, they would go back and try to cover up on it by saying "of course, if I do have kids some day..." Kinda as a way of giving the woman some hope..

 

#1) Sounds like you are desperate

#2) "next few weeks" are you kidding me? No wonder guys hit it and quit it from you.

#3) You are talking about yourself "being good-looking and sexy"..do you need a year of psychotherapy?

 

Maybe if you took things slow, you wouldn't have people cut you off. Marriage and kids should come a lot later in the relationship. People like you, I run right away when you mention marriage and kids in early dating. Quite frankly, I don't think about sex all the time I'm in a relationship and I'm a guy..more about making the other person happy.

[NoMoreJerks]

#1) Sounds like you are desperate

Does it? I have waited til I was 29 years old to lose my virginity, and I have not dated too many men because of my high standards -- doesn't seem desperate to me. So someone who is interested in marriage and kids, and makes that clear , so that neither of you waste any time, is "desperate"? Really? I don't want to get into a relationship even with a great guy whom I like very much, only to find out years later that he does not want to get married, or that he does not want kids. I want kids, that is one of my goals in the future -- I will not sacrifice that wish/goal just to settle for someone.

 

#2) "next few weeks" are you kidding me? No wonder guys hit it and quit it from you.

No guys have "hit it" and quit it -- I lost my virginity a few months ago, with a guy I wanted to lose my virginity with/to. I have not had sex with any men since then, and only because I did not want to. Men who "run away" at the mention of marriage in general, are immature and childish and it's a huge red flag when men can't cope with discussing something of that sort. I would understand it being a turnoff when the woman starts dropping hints that she wants to marry HIM after having dated him a few times, but I see nothing wrong with a general discussion of one's priorities / goals in life. It is no different than discussing one's career, where one wants to settle down/live, etc.

 

#3) You are talking about yourself "being good-looking and sexy"..do you need a year of psychotherapy?

Eh? I do not have low self-esteem, if that is what you mean. Maybe you are used to dating/seeing women with low self-esteem, but I am not one of them.

 

Maybe if you took things slow, you wouldn't have people cut you off. Marriage and kids should come a lot later in the relationship.

Um, no it shouldn't. I never discussed having kids WITH the guy I was dating -- the topic came up as a general discussion about marriage and kids, and what I wanted in life. It was not about me wanting to have HIS babies. Sheesh.

 

People like you, I run right away when you mention marriage and kids in early dating.

Your loss, and as I said, it indicates immaturity and emotional unavailability / commitment phobia.

[MrCastle]

I don't personally have a facebook anymore but you would be surprised (or not) at how much you can learn from someone's facebook. There's usually a reason why most people keep their pages private. They're hiding something from someone. If you do have them as your facebook friend, pay close attention. Do they have more guy friends than girls? How many friends does she have? Some bogus number? Refuses to put her relationship status on her page? What kind of statuses does she post? Does she reply to wall comments complimenting her or does she ignore them? Things like that are very telling. So for me, red flags:

 

1.) Her social media persona (it's a reflection of who she is despite what she tells you)

 

2.) Her feelings on sex (is she open to your advances, respond in kind, or is she one of those girls that teases you and dangles her vagina on a string and pull it away everytime you think you're close?)

 

3.) Her plans for her life. Is she driven? Is she focused on accomplishing her goals? Does she even have goals? Does she make it sound like she's waiting for someone to come along and handle that for her?

 

4.) This one is more personalized for me but, her stance on drugs. If she's one of those girls that says something like "Weed isn't really a drug" or any other soft stance that makes it seem she's open to the idea of drug use, I drop her on the spot.

 

5.) How often is she single? Most girls I know can't go more than 2 months of single living. Girls like that are emotionally unstable, enter relationships just to say they're in one, and live for drama. I remember those girls posting overly dramatic status updates and within a few days "So and so is single", a few weeks later "So and so is in a relationship with" and the cycle would continue. Girls like that are ****ed up.

[NoMoreJerks]

OK, MrCastle,

 

There's usually a reason why most people keep their pages private. They're hiding something from someone.

Hiding something from someone is not necessarily = hiding something "bad", though. Hiding something from someone = hiding something from potential stalkers/people who might use pictures you might post, etc.

 

Do they have more guy friends than girls?

OK, and what is this supposed to mean? I have more guy friends than girl friends, but they are just good friends, not people I have had any romantic or sexual involvement with. It just so happens that my field of study is fairly male-dominated.

 

I'm not saying that you're saying this, but just wanted to point that out. Agreed, though, that facebook does say a lot about a person.

[truth_seeker]

I don't personally have a facebook anymore but you would be surprised (or not) at how much you can learn from someone's facebook. There's usually a reason why most people keep their pages private. They're hiding something from someone. If you do have them as your facebook friend, pay close attention. Do they have more guy friends than girls? How many friends does she have? Some bogus number? Refuses to put her relationship status on her page? What kind of statuses does she post? Does she reply to wall comments complimenting her or does she ignore them? Things like that are very telling. So for me, red flags:

 

1.) Her social media persona (it's a reflection of who she is despite what she tells you)

 

I agree with this completely. I was interested in a girl and decided to check out her Facebook. Wow! almost 1,000 friends, all of these guys, she came off like an attention whore with mental issues. No relationship status. Many photos of partying with men and "professional" photography shots of herself.

 

Her profile was public, but once I got into contact with her she made it private. Then she started to delete things. I was lucky I saw the Facebook before wasting time in getting to know her personally.

[rn0408]

I don't personally have a facebook anymore but you would be surprised (or not) at how much you can learn from someone's facebook. There's usually a reason why most people keep their pages private. They're hiding something from someone. If you do have them as your facebook friend, pay close attention. Do they have more guy friends than girls? How many friends does she have? Some bogus number? Refuses to put her relationship status on her page? What kind of statuses does she post? Does she reply to wall comments complimenting her or does she ignore them? Things like that are very telling. So for me, red flags:

 

1.) Her social media persona (it's a reflection of who she is despite what she tells you)

 

2.) Her feelings on sex (is she open to your advances, respond in kind, or is she one of those girls that teases you and dangles her vagina on a string and pull it away everytime you think you're close?)

 

3.) Her plans for her life. Is she driven? Is she focused on accomplishing her goals? Does she even have goals? Does she make it sound like she's waiting for someone to come along and handle that for her?

 

4.) This one is more personalized for me but, her stance on drugs. If she's one of those girls that says something like "Weed isn't really a drug" or any other soft stance that makes it seem she's open to the idea of drug use, I drop her on the spot.

 

5.) How often is she single? Most girls I know can't go more than 2 months of single living. Girls like that are emotionally unstable, enter relationships just to say they're in one, and live for drama. I remember those girls posting overly dramatic status updates and within a few days "So and so is single", a few weeks later "So and so is in a relationship with" and the cycle would continue. Girls like that are ****ed up.

 

Numbers that you stated from 1-5 all have girls that I know that have high insecurity issues just like that...and all of them have future Pinterest wedding photos and rings Are we on to something that girls who have wedding photos on pinterest and wedding rings are all the ones you don't want to marry and are nuts?