Socialising in your early 30's to early 40's

[Ross MwcFan]

I hear a lot of people on here say that if you go out drinking when you're this age it makes you a loser.

 

I'm thinking there's a cultural difference as I'm pretty sure (don't know for definate as the last time I had friends was in my 20's) that in the UK, it's normal for people in their early 30's to early 40's with partners to go to the pub for a drink with friends and to socialise occasionally, and probably regulary if they don't have a partner.

 

Clubbing or bars? I'm not sure, I think maybe it's quite common for single people in their early 30's to early 40's to do this occasionally or on the rare occasion?

 

Over here it's never going out for a drink/socialising, which would make people think you're a loser and sad. If you're in your 30's or 40's and with a partner and kids, then it'd be more understandable. If you're single though, then even if you're in your 30's and 40's, I'm almost 100% positive that people would still see it as sad and loserish and it would make you look like some weirdo loner if you said you never or rarely went out for a drink.

 

So I'm wondering how right am I about all this as far as the UK is concerned?

 

I'm almost 37, but I still usually get asked when I first start speaking to someone 'What clubs do you go to?', since I don't go to them I can't think of any names, I feel embarrassed to say I never go out, makes me feel like I'd come across as some sad sack loner (which I guess I am), so I just say, 'Oh I just usually go to the pub'.

 

And as for the US, since I don't think there are pubs, which means if you go out for a drink and to socialising you'd probably have to choose from going to a bar or a club, and since 'supposedly' people over there see someone in their 30's or 40's going out for a drink at a bar or club to be loserish, then do people in the US who are in their 30's and 40's always just sit at home every night, even if they're single?

 

Just trying to understand.

 

Thanks.

Edited November 9, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[Negative Nancy]

Socializing in your 30s sucks. You will find that you feel out of place at most venues, but since you look younger you might get away with it.

 

Also, people's definition of going out changes as they get older. I would like to go out like I used to in my 20s, but the people that I know here around my age (or even younger), well their idea of fun is sitting in a cocktail bar. Not really my cup of tea (or whiskey ).

[mammasita]

I'm 37 and I've outgrown "clubs" - haven't been to one in about 7 years.....and even then I felt out of place.

 

I see nothing wrong hanging out in a pub, bar, lounge....or even a club geared towards an older crowd.

 

I have a child so I don't feel quite as loserish sitting at home as I would if it were just me.

 

That said, I routinely meet up with girlfriends on Thursdays and sometimes Fridays after work for Happy Hour.....and I'm normally home by 8 lol

[KathyM]

I can't speak for what happens in the UK, but in the US, I don't think people consider guys in their 30s and 40s who go out for a drink at a bar/restaurant/club by themselves are losers. I think it's kind of the norm to see a guy hanging around the bar with a drink, and going to ask women to dance, or talking to them at the bar. That's often how men in their 30s and 40s operate, and how they meet women. It's not really the best place to meet women, but a lot of people do that, and it's not perceived as loserish. My two sisters used to go out to clubs or restaurant/bars after their divorce and some single guys that were that age would approach them. They didn't consider those guys to be losers. After all, they were in the same place, and there for the same reason the guys were--to meet people and have a drink. It's just one option though, and not the best one. If you could learn to dance and take dancing lessons, that would usually impress a woman and make them want to dance with you.

 

Other possibilities to meet people: singles events, meet up groups, hobby/interest groups, OLD. You don't need a friend to go to those places. You can go alone and hopefully meet a nice woman while you're there.

[Ross MwcFan]

When I was in my 20's when I should've been out clubbing and stuff, it never appealed to me, because I never felt 'cool' enough for it, or confident enough to do it either.

 

Now (at almost 37) that I feel more confident within myself, I really like the idea of going out for a drink and to socialise with good people, especially because I feel like I've totally missed out since I've barely done this ever, and I still feel really young too.

 

I still don't really like the idea of going to a club, but something like a cocktail bar especially if the crowd there is mainly older people and not people in their early 20's, sounds really appealing.

 

I hate the thought of becoming really old and to have missed out on this sort of stuff completely.

[Spreeley713]

It's only loserish if you're that drunk dummy at the bar who's always causing a scene or can barely walk at the end of each night. If you find yourself sitting in a corner every night getting trashed, then that's an issue.

 

I'm 32, I go to the bar a lot because it's my social norm. I have friends there, we have a good time, maybe even meet some new people. If you have a hobby that you enjoy, great, you can find a group for that outside of the bar. I do better socializing at the bar than at a meet-up group. IMO, there's no expectations, everyone is relaxed, and more willing to socialize in a bar than in a forced setting. Different strokes for different folks though.

[Ross MwcFan]

It's only loserish if you're that drunk dummy at the bar who's always causing a scene or can barely walk at the end of each night. If you find yourself sitting in a corner every night getting trashed, then that's an issue.

 

I'm 32, I go to the bar a lot because it's my social norm. I have friends there, we have a good time, maybe even meet some new people. If you have a hobby that you enjoy, great, you can find a group for that outside of the bar. I do better socializing at the bar than at a meet-up group. IMO, there's no expectations, everyone is relaxed, and more willing to socialize in a bar than in a forced setting. Different strokes for different folks though.

 

I agree, unless it's a group of teens or 20 somethings who are trashed, or maybe even if the group is in their 30's or 40's.

[pteromom]

Where I live, the dance clubs are definitely geared toward the 20-somethings. I feel really out of place there. But there are lots of local bars where us 30/40s hang out. We play darts and pool and do karaoke and play 80s songs on the jukebox. LOL

 

I don't think going out makes you a loser, and I don't think staying home makes you a loser.

 

If someone asks you what clubs you go to, it is perfectly fine to say "I don't, really. Do you have any suggestions for a good place to go?"

 

It is up to you whether you want to describe yourself as a "sad sack loner" or "introverted". One has a negative connotation and the other doesn't. Just be who you are and don't attach negative labels to yourself. You aren't a "loser" because you may be different than some other people.

[Anela]

Try meet-up.com.

 

I go to bookstores, I've never been to a bar or club. (I feel like an alien, at times.) Since you're an artist (I used to be one, too), you might look into the "art scene" - online and off.

[pteromom]

Try meet-up.com.

 

I go to bookstores, I've never been to a bar or club. (I feel like an alien, at times.) Since you're an artist (I used to be one, too), you might look into the "art scene" - online and off.

 

That is an awesome idea!!! Gallery openings, the comic or anime scene. Ross, I am certain you can find a group of friends within the art arena that would be a perfect fit for you!

[NYC-BigKat]

It's only loserish if you're that drunk dummy at the bar who's always causing a scene or can barely walk at the end of each night. If you find yourself sitting in a corner every night getting trashed, then that's an issue.

 

I'm 32, I go to the bar a lot because it's my social norm. I have friends there, we have a good time, maybe even meet some new people. If you have a hobby that you enjoy, great, you can find a group for that outside of the bar. I do better socializing at the bar than at a meet-up group. IMO, there's no expectations, everyone is relaxed, and more willing to socialize in a bar than in a forced setting. Different strokes for different folks though.

 

I'm always feeling so weird at clubs so I never go . I did one time try this meetup & it sucked 'cause the people there were alot older than me. I'm not a big party guy u know so I dont got alot of choices in meeting people.

[Ross MwcFan]

Where I live, the dance clubs are definitely geared toward the 20-somethings. I feel really out of place there. But there are lots of local bars where us 30/40s hang out. We play darts and pool and do karaoke and play 80s songs on the jukebox. LOL

 

I don't think going out makes you a loser, and I don't think staying home makes you a loser.

 

If someone asks you what clubs you go to, it is perfectly fine to say "I don't, really. Do you have any suggestions for a good place to go?"

 

It is up to you whether you want to describe yourself as a "sad sack loner" or "introverted". One has a negative connotation and the other doesn't. Just be who you are and don't attach negative labels to yourself. You aren't a "loser" because you may be different than some other people.

 

Sounds like my kinda place, lol.

[Ross MwcFan]

Try meet-up.com.

 

I go to bookstores, I've never been to a bar or club. (I feel like an alien, at times.) Since you're an artist (I used to be one, too), you might look into the "art scene" - online and off.

 

Is it okay if I ask why you're not an artist anymore?

[iris219]

I'm going out to bars tonight with people ranging in age from early 30s to late 40s. Who says people over 30 are losers for going to bars?

 

Older people go out; it's just that the venues should change as you get older. A 40 year old who only hung out at clubs full of college students might be considered a loser.

[Ross MwcFan]

That is an awesome idea!!! Gallery openings, the comic or anime scene. Ross, I am certain you can find a group of friends within the art arena that would be a perfect fit for you!

 

Maybe, maybe.

[Ross MwcFan]

I'm going out to bars tonight with people ranging in age from early 30s to late 40s. Who says people over 30 are losers for going to bars?

 

Older people go out; it's just that the venues should change as you get older. A 40 year old who only hung out at clubs full of college students might be considered a loser.

 

A lot of Americans on LS do for some reason. I assumed either that's how it is in America, or those particular people on LS are just crazy.

[iris219]

A lot of Americans on LS do for some reason. I assumed either that's how it is in America, or those particular people on LS are just crazy.

 

Americans over 30 go to bars. We go early for happy hour and later to see bands or just hang out. Both single people and couples go out here.

 

I guess it might be looked down on if your only hobby was going to bars and getting wasted, but other than that it's completely normal and acceptable.

[Drseussgrrl]

I'm 33 and going to a bar tonight with a girlfriend.

 

Tomorrow night I'm going to see a DJ at a venue where it's 18 and up. I'm sure I'll feel a little old but whatever - the DJ is awesome and it'll be fun.

 

I don't usually do the club thing anymore. But yes all of my friends, in their 20's AND 30's still go to bars.