Girlfriend's sexual past crushes everything

[Easyguy14]

I'm done with her now. It was alreay annoying me with her facebook photos but to then learn about her one night stands has turned me off all the way. I found this out by some of the old photos on her facebook page with guys I aint never even heard of. When I asked her who these clowns were she finds it funny and says they were just one night stands she had from 3-4 years ago at clubs she used to go to. She says she was drinking and more carefree so it shouldnt matter but it does to me and I'm through with her for that. I knew this facebook picture stuff was trouble and now its destroyed anything we could've had together. I'm 31 and she's 28 and I cant deal with this like a hs kid or whatever. It just seems that too many women have shady pasts.

[MrCastle]

I've said this before and I'll say it again; people need to get rid of their Facebooks. It's almost 100% guaranteed that you will read something or see something that changes the dynamics of the relationship, and usually not for the better. I don't think I've ever heard someone say "Well our relatonship was on the rocks, but then we joined facebook and it really saved our relationship", or "facebook has made our relationship stronger, thank you facebook!"

 

Ignorance is bliss to me. I don't know anything about the girls I date. They can be singing my praises or bashing me on their walls. They can be posting pictures where they're blowing a stranger, they can be talking to 20 other guys; don't know, don't wanna know.

 

Facebook is not your friend.

[utterer of lies]

I'm done with her now. It was alreay annoying me with her facebook photos but to then learn about her one night stands has turned me off all the way. I found this out by some of the old photos on her facebook page with guys I aint never even heard of. When I asked her who these clowns were she finds it funny and says they were just one night stands she had from 3-4 years ago at clubs she used to go to. She says she was drinking and more carefree so it shouldnt matter but it does to me and I'm through with her for that. I knew this facebook picture stuff was trouble and now its destroyed anything we could've had together. I'm 31 and she's 28 and I cant deal with this like a hs kid or whatever. It just seems that too many women have shady pasts.

 

You are no teenager anymore, any women you date will have a past. You better learn to accept it.

 

I knew this facebook picture stuff was trouble and now its destroyed anything we could've had together

 

No, it didn't destroy anything. You did, you and your complexes and insecurities.

[KraftDinner]

I respectfully disagree with utterer of lies. Yes, everyone has a past. Well, I've never had random one night stands with strangers. Anyway, I can TOTALLY understand why that bothers you, OP. You did the right thing!

[mammasita]

I understand what you're saying and dont blame you for feeling like our do.......however- that said, everyone does have a past.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd be more bothered by the fact that she laughed about it and kept the pictures up. There is absolutely no need to flaunt her one night stands. Perception is everything.

[MrCastle]

If I were in your shoes, I'd be more bothered by the fact that she laughed about it and kept the pictures up. There is absolutely no need to flaunt her one night stands. Perception is everything.

 

Yeah. It's really a lose lose. How do you tackle this without coming across as insecure?

 

Back in my younger, not so smart days, I had a facebook. There was one girl who constantly bashed her ex of years past. Read that again; years past. I noticed, though; that she still had 2-3 pictures of him in her photo album. Not of them together, just him solo in these pictures.

 

I made a joke about it and played it light at first, hinting that I thought it was weird she would still have them up after all this time when they're so easy to take down.

 

She would say "haha I know! but one of my friends wanted to see him so I put it up"

 

Day after day would pass and his picture would be up there. I just kept simmering and simmering and finally said if you plan on keeping me around, those pictures have to come down; like, now. She said she understood and took them down within minutes. A few days later though I caught her telling a friend that I'm possessive. There were other reasons we ended up not working out but that was definitely part of it. Although it probably worked out in the end because a woman who trashes her ex of years past yet uploads his pictures "for a friend to see" and refuses to get rid of them after this friend has seen them, clearly has issues, in my opinion.

Edited October 28, 2012 by MrCastle

[utterer of lies]

Day after day would pass and his picture would be up there. I just kept simmering and simmering and finally said if you plan on keeping me around, those pictures have to come down; like, now. She said she understood and took them down within minutes. A few days later though I caught her telling a friend that I'm possessive. There were other reasons we ended up not working out but that was definitely part of it. Although it probably worked out in the end because a woman who trashes her ex of years past yet uploads his pictures "for a friend to see" and refuses to get rid of them after this friend has seen them, clearly has issues, in my opinion.

 

Why do you care about her past? She's with you now.

 

I hate that when girls get upset that I still have pictures of exes. They were a part of my life, why should I erase them and any memento? It didn't work out, I'm not with them anymore, but that doesn't mean it I want to pretend it didn't happen or wasn't important.

 

Same here. The problem are your insecurities, not her pictures.

[suladas]

If you are both open books, facebook shouldn't matter. I don't want to know every detail about their past but i'd like to know a bit. I mean I found out my ex once dated a girl and guy at the same time for a few months, who cares? If it's long enough ago and nothing crazy, I don't see the issue. I mean if she was on a new guys bed every week for a couple years I wouldn't accept that no matter how long ago it was but most things the worst part is trying to hide it.

[nessaaa]

Like she really cares..

As u can see she has no problem getting guys. This girl is easy, didnt even know her long before u labelled her your girlfriend. Get to know the girl before u jump into a relationship.

[silvermercy]

Don't let others make you feel guilty because you feel what you feel. I'd feel the same if I suddenly discovered my boyfriend was a man-whore in the past. I just wouldn't see him in the same light anymore. I also wouldn't be comfortable with any facebook photos in a situation like that. It's another thing storing them away in a drawer/closet where you will barely look and another thing for the whole world to see.

[MrCastle]

Why do you care about her past? She's with you now.

 

I hate that when girls get upset that I still have pictures of exes. They were a part of my life, why should I erase them and any memento? It didn't work out, I'm not with them anymore, but that doesn't mean it I want to pretend it didn't happen or wasn't important.

 

Same here. The problem are your insecurities, not her pictures.

 

Because like you mentioned, she's with me now. This was an ex of 7 years. One day she uploads pics of this dude. I asked who it was. She's like oh this terrible bf of mine from 7 years ago. He cheated, he treated me badly etc etc. These are recent pictures of him from his myspace. I wanted to show my friend what a loser he became. I said ok...

 

A few weeks go by and they're still up there...first off if you wanted to show one particular friend, you could have emailed them to her. Aside from that, after those first few days, she should have taken them down.

 

I wasn't jealous, or scared about losing to this guy, my problem was she 1.) kept the pictures up and 2.) after 7 years, she's still talking about him and spying on his myspace. Leave the past in the past; why does she care if he's a "loser" or not? He shouldn't even be on her mind 7 years after the breakup.

 

Some things I let fly, some things I don't. I'm not gonna court a girl who still has residual feelings (albeit negative) for an ex of 7 years. She can go find another chump.

[Easyguy14]

I've said this before and I'll say it again; people need to get rid of their Facebooks. It's almost 100% guaranteed that you will read something or see something that changes the dynamics of the relationship, and usually not for the better. I don't think I've ever heard someone say "Well our relatonship was on the rocks, but then we joined facebook and it really saved our relationship", or "facebook has made our relationship stronger, thank you facebook!"

 

Ignorance is bliss to me. I don't know anything about the girls I date. They can be singing my praises or bashing me on their walls. They can be posting pictures where they're blowing a stranger, they can be talking to 20 other guys; don't know, don't wanna know.

 

Facebook is not your friend.

 

100% agree and brought this up to her and she tells me I'm being a baby because I find this facebook a crock of ****. I'm jumping ship before I get in too deep with her. Its such a damn shame because everything was fine with us before this facebook bull**** came into our lives. It exposes damn too much! I hate to date someone that had one night stands and thinks its normal to tell people you date about. Now I gotta find a lady thats more low key.

[Pompom]

Honestly? I think you're being insecure and narrow-minded about the fact that this adult person was "dating about" when she was NOT in a committed relationship. Why conserve one's sexual "purity" (which is way overrated imo) just in case you come along? In our time and day, one night stands are very much normal and acceptable; did you come to her as a virgin?

[mammasita]

Honestly? I think you're being insecure and narrow-minded about the fact that this adult person was "dating about" when she was NOT in a committed relationship. Why conserve one's sexual "purity" (which is way overrated imo) just in case you come along? In our time and day, one night stands are very much normal and acceptable; did you come to her as a virgin?

 

Disagree. It has nothing to do with being insecure and narrow minded. Would you be with someone who blatantly bragged about their conquests. It's quite disrespectful.

Edited October 28, 2012 by mammasita

[mammasita]

I didn't read any bragging. What did you read? If she bragged then it would be bad. But she didn't.

 

Leaving pics up of one night stands on Facebook when you're in a relationship is a huge cry for attention = bragging.

[Shaun-Dro]

You are no teenager anymore, any women you date will have a past. You better learn to accept it.

 

 

 

No, it didn't destroy anything. You did, you and your complexes and insecurities.

 

I disagree. Facebook shouldn't be abused like it is and this woman has helped mess things up by opening her fat mouth about her sexual escapades. She isn't mature enough to handle an adult relationship. This is why I can never get close to any women. They're capable of anything heinous.

[xdahliax]

I suppose that if she's bragging about these one night stands, there were other signs that she wasn't exactly a perfect little virgin. So you've either been in denial or she's really good at hiding her true self.

 

Either way, I don't have Facebook and stories like this make me proud

[utterer of lies]

I wasn't jealous, or scared about losing to this guy, my problem was she 1.) kept the pictures up and 2.) after 7 years, she's still talking about him and spying on his myspace. Leave the past in the past; why does she care if he's a "loser" or not? He shouldn't even be on her mind 7 years after the breakup.

 

Some things I let fly, some things I don't. I'm not gonna court a girl who still has residual feelings (albeit negative) for an ex of 7 years. She can go find another chump.

 

Ok, it's a bit different if she uploads the pics during your relationship - I thought she just still had them up. On the other hand - sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice, so..

 

 

Also, most people paint their exes in a bad light, even if only to protect themselves. "Oh, that's my ex, he/she was pretty cool" - insecure people will freak out when hearing this, whereas "he/she was horrible" might be ok. If you make a big deal out of old pictures, what might you do on the admission that not all her exes were complete losers and tools?

 

 

And yeah, there's a point in time where you should probably delete some photos... not saying just an ex, but there's a time, i'm sure you'll agree. we used to have shoeboxes for this sort of thing, hidden away inaccessible... notsomuch anymore.

 

Haha, the good old times...

[Pompom]

Disagree. It has nothing to do with being insecure and narrow minded. Would you be with someone who blatantly bragged about their conquests. It's quite disrespectful.

 

Being open them is not the same as "blatantly bragging", and even if so, as long as they're in an exclusive relationship with me now, so what?

 

It's a disease thing, pompom. We in the states don't have free healthcare like in Israel where everybody can be treated and cured so diseases aren't so common. Ignorance of disease=common diseases of stds in the states.

If that were the case, the OP could just solve all problems by having her do an STD test with him rather than end it all.

 

Leaving pics up of one night stands on Facebook when you're in a relationship is a huge cry for attention = bragging.

Or not care enough to delete them. Me? I have almost 8000 pics up. I'm not gonna sift through them all just because some people can't take the fact that my life didn't start when I met them.

 

I disagree. Facebook shouldn't be abused like it is and this woman has helped mess things up by opening her fat mouth about her sexual escapades. She isn't mature enough to handle an adult relationship. This is why I can never get close to any women. They're capable of anything heinous.

So shamelessly admitting to past "escapades" is immature? I thought not being able to handle such natural human behavior, is.

And what are men? Same thing. I wouldn't mind my guy being honest about his PAST. Something tells me that women are once again being judged differently than men.

[xdahliax]

I wouldn't mind my guy being honest about his PAST. Something tells me that women are once again being judged differently than men.

 

It seems that the OP does not have the same past as the woman he's dating. If he hasn't had his head in the sand all this time (but I suspect he has), it would be perfectly normal for him to be turned off by it.

 

It's also fine to not be ashamed of what you've done in the past because regret does nothing for an individual, but maybe the way she's been behaving shows that she hasn't changed at all. Which is something to take into consideration when pursuing a relationship.

[kaylan]

OP, youre stupid for creeping on her fb.

 

And shes stupid for having pics up of guys she slept with. And even dumber for telling you she slept with them. Itd have been smarter to not have the pics up or simply tell you they are old friends she doesnt see anymore.

 

Meh, find a new girl. Good luck.

I've said this before and I'll say it again; people need to get rid of their Facebooks. It's almost 100% guaranteed that you will read something or see something that changes the dynamics of the relationship, and usually not for the better. I don't think I've ever heard someone say "Well our relatonship was on the rocks, but then we joined facebook and it really saved our relationship", or "facebook has made our relationship stronger, thank you facebook!"

 

Ignorance is bliss to me. I don't know anything about the girls I date. They can be singing my praises or bashing me on their walls. They can be posting pictures where they're blowing a stranger, they can be talking to 20 other guys; don't know, don't wanna know.

 

Facebook is not your friend.

I simply make sure I dont have anything on my facebook I would be ashamed of. Everything on my fb I could care less if the whole world sees. I have not been a boy scout in my single days, but I make sure I dont parade women in pics with me on my fb, unless they are strictly friends of mine.

Edited October 28, 2012 by kaylan

[Mrlonelyone]

I am comfortable with current lovers having their past lovers as part of their social circle in some limited fashion. So long as it was over a long enough time ago and the relationship was fully resolved.

 

Someone kvetching about a relationship from seven years ago has issues. (Unless their are outstanding issues such as children between them).

 

Someone posting party pics from years ago isn't really a red flag. UL said it right, everyone over a certain age has a past. For some people that past is that they don't have lots of experience, for others that is having lots of experience, for still others that's specific experiences.

 

The past is just that. It happened, one has to tap into their maturity and consider their own past and think, "how would I feel if someone held my past against me?"

 

One more thing, some people just keep pics on FB to keep em there. They don't ascribe emotional meaning to them.

[xdahliax]

 

One more thing, some people just keep pics on FB to keep em there. They don't ascribe emotional meaning to them.

 

There are things such as external hard drives and photo hosting services that would help minimize drama and save reputations. I have a problem with people who are so unaware of the implications of putting their lives on display...but I'm going off on a tangent.

[Mrlonelyone]

There are things such as external hard drives and photo hosting services that would help minimize drama and save reputations. I have a problem with people who are so unaware of the implications of putting their lives on display...but I'm going off on a tangent.

 

True. FB is just so freaking ubiquitous, it's on every phone computer even some cars now a days have an FB app in their console.

 

Thinking about this again. No matter how mature one is, seeing pictures of a current lover with an ex can be a little jarring. You look at them and see what they were like and how happy they may have looked together. It makes you wonder, why didnt that work out etc?

 

We didn't evolve for this. There were not photographs on the savannah. Once you walked on over the horizon the past was gone and even a bastard could start afresh. FB can prevent starting afresh.

[ScreamingTrees]

Facebook photos or not, you are immature and insecure. She didn't have to tell you about her sexual past, but she was honest. You are judging her based on what both genders do not just females. Both genders are capable of having shady pasts. Maybe she has grown out of her clubbing one nighter stage from 4 years ago, but it seems you seem to insecure to find out. Retroactive jealousy. Google it.

 

I know I'd be more compatible with a person who's had a few fairly long-term relationships rather than a load of one night stands.

 

I'm not jealous, but I don't want to comprise being in great health for a fleeting sexual satisfaction with someone who's been around the block, probably drinks and smokes or does drugs or HAS a history of doing so..

 

Basically someone who didn't care about their body at all. I don't trust ANYONE that I don't know for a lengthy period of time to tell me the truth, or to even truthfully know if they've got anything.. Especially not someone with a past like that. You're taking a gamble on every single stranger you're with.. Maybe those people frequently have one night stands with total strangers and so forth..