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He won't ask me out again, but won't stop texting me!?

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Old 20th October 2012, 7:16 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2011
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He won't ask me out again, but won't stop texting me!?

Aright, so long story short, I met this guy online. We're both 20, both found each other very attractive and interesting, and both had just gotten out of somewhat long term (2-3 year) relationships. We texted back and forth constantly, 24/7 for about two weeks, then decided to meet up in person. I wasn't sure if it was a date or not despite the flirty nature of our texts, but put it together when we were discussing plans for our first date, and he said something along the lines of "that'll be date number two." Before he even met me. Things have played out really strangely, and I figured SOMEONE else has to have gone through this.. basically, I'm just curious, what keeps a guy texting you constantly, when he doesn't even want a second date with you?!

Here's all the details..
We went on the date, I thought it went great, and he even kissed me goodnight.. told me he had fun and it was nice meeting me, and to text him when I got home so he knew I got home safe.. which I did. We sent a few texts back and forth after that, then he fell asleep. We resumed texting in the morning, and the constant texting continued on for a little under a week.. then he started giving me short, uninterested sounding responses. Then he didn't talk to me for a day. Then we talked, and I stopped replying because he didn't seem like he cared to continue talking, and then 2 days later I get a text from him. Then we texted again for about a straight week, then didn't talk for a week, then he texted me, talked for like 3 days, then no talking for another week, then he texted me a week ago and we've been talking every day since then. But today, he's been being short with me again, ignoring a lot of what I'm saying (which I want him to reply to to keep the conversation going!) Which is bothering me a lot, so I'm thinking I'm gonna stop answering him again.. I just don't get why he does it. Or why he hasn't asked me out yet! He also stopped liking my facebook pictures, or anything I put on there, and doesn't compliment me all the time anymore either, which made me think maybe he found me unattractive. But then, the other day, he was complimenting me like crazy all day! It makes no sense.

It is absolutely NOT that he thinks I'm uninterested either, because during all of this texting nonsense, when he never initiated a second date, I mentioned wanting to do this thing around halloween, and he said it sounded awesome, so I asked him if he wanted to go together, and he said he was totally down for it.. but then, he never brought it up again. We have yet to go. He even made a facebook status saying he wanted to do what I had mentioned soon, and asking which of his friends on there would wanna go. Like really??? After that, I kept hinting at the fact that I wanted to see him again, to see what he'd say. He never said anything about seeing me again. I got fed up at one point and said something about "if I ever see you again." Which he completely ignored.

The other day he asked me what I was doing that night, and I said I didn't have any plans, and asked why he was asking. He told me because he was just wondering, and that his mom was holding an event at this bar near a place that I frequent all the time. He didn't ask me to go, so I don't understand why he would ask what I'm doing and then mention that. So I asked what the event was for and etc, and then said something along the lines of how that's lame that he's gonna be by the spot I'm always at the one time I'm not over there.. and he ignored that comment.

I just DON'T understand this man. He's hot, he's cold. He's a sweetheart, then he's a jerk. He's so interested in everything I'm saying, then he's ignoring all of it... I really hope someone out there has some advice for me on this, or even just a similar story and how that played out, because I really can't handle this confusion anymore.
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Old 20th October 2012, 8:13 AM   #2
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I wish I had an answer for you. I had dated a guy like that, he would call me, pursue me and ask me out, then he would cancel the dates. It was nutty. Then we would reschedule, and days I was available, he wasn't, and then when we set up a date he would cancel. It never turned into a relationship. The only thing I can think of regarding my situation is that the guy maybe had a girlfriend, and wanted to go out with me, but felt guilty about cheating on his girlfriend, but I could be wrong. I'd much rather have a guy tell me flat out that he's not interested, then this "love me, love me not" nonsense.
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Old 20th October 2012, 8:35 AM   #3
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Yup, been there, done that. He's not interested, but he wants to keep you as an option. He is also likely still online dating/chatting with other women. I called these guys Timewasters. Once I figured this out, I changed my game plan and my life became a lot easier. With the next guys I connected with, if we hadn't made plans to meet after four email exchanges, I would stop investing time and energy. Same with the second date. No plans to meet again within a week or so? Then the interest isn't mutual.

If you're okay with being just an option, then by all means keep texting and waiting and wondering. If you're looking for something more serious, he ain't it. When a potential connection is right, it is nice and easy right from the get-go. There's none of the silliness that you're describing. In fact, it's downright fun. When I first met my boyfriend last year, we started making plans for our next date that very night. Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

Good luck to you, and spend your energy wisely. Life's too short to accept being jerked around.
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Old 20th October 2012, 9:24 AM   #4
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Forgive me as I didnt read your whole statement but run and run far away. One thing that I had to learn recently was anytime you have to question a mans intentions he is not the one for you.

Just imagine, if he is like this now. Who is to say he wont be like this months from now. Right now he may very well be emotionally unavailable. And that is the type of man you NEVER want to entertain.

Dont wait around hoping he will change, move on with your life. You are worth not having to be treated like this.
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Old 20th October 2012, 1:06 PM   #5
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He is definitely dating other girls / playing the field and you should cease all contact with him! You are not going to get anything out of this but frustration. Honestly don't confront him or say anything about it, just disappear and ignore him. He'll try a couple times, then probably leave you alone for a month or something and then try again. Ignore him.
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Old 20th October 2012, 2:11 PM   #6
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Why don't you just ask him? I had a guy doing exactly the same thing recently. Finally it was driving me so crazy that I just had to ask him about it. I got a pretty honest answer (I think), and it's easier than trying to guess intentions!
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Old 20th October 2012, 2:15 PM   #7
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Sound like he might be juggling girls. Forget him for now unless you are okay with this.
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Old 22nd October 2012, 9:28 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Just_A_Poster View Post
I know this probably sounds absolutely insane, but instead of 'communicating' through lame freakin' texting and "liking" nonsense on Facebook, how about you two act like human beings and actually interact face to face or voice to voice?

That's what we did back in ancient times - 20 years ago. We didn't conduct silly, meaningless so-called 'relationships' via a keypad on a cell phone and we didn't log onto some lame networking website to see if someone 'liked' what we said or added us as a friend. And we CERTAINLY didn't guage our entire futures on whether some lamer chose to make his status "in a realtionship with..." and had OUR names attached to it.

God, how pitiful.

TALK to the guy. No more lame Facebook. No more lame texting. No more lame chat boxes. Act like adult human beings and INTERACT.
I'd just like to say.. I'd appreciate you not commenting if you don't even understand what you're replying to. I clearly agree, I think it's pitiful and ridiculous to have to communicate like this. Obviously I made this post because I'm frustrated by this.. that absolutely does not sound ridiculous to me, as that is what I WANT. Which I thought I made pretty clear but..

I'd love to be an "adult human being" and see and communicate in person, but that's impossible if he doesn't want the same. When all you have is the internet and texting to trying and figure out what's going on with someone, then it's what you're gonna use.. like it or not. The people those comments should be directed towards are the guys that continuously do this, not to anyone like myself, who are obviously asking for help and trying to figure out why they're doing it.
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Old 22nd October 2012, 9:29 PM   #9
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To everyone else, thanks so much for all the answers.. I definitely considered him playing the field to be a possibility/the answer.. and that's all fine and well for a single person to do, BUT there's absolutely no reason to lead someone on or make it sound like he really wants to see me when he doesn't. That just boggles my mind completely! Even if he wanted to keep me as an option.. that's just wrong. Talking is one thing, making "plans" and never following through and being a jerk about it, is another. I guess I just needed to hear it from enough people for it to finally get through to me. He's really not worth the time.. I don't wanna be the kind of person who sits around and lets myself be an option who he can come back to and settle for once he hasn't found better.. or worse, be one of his many options who get dropped and cut off once he finds someone he thinks is better!! So glad to hear I'm not alone with this nonsense though! Thank you all again
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